rawexistance

[rawexistance]

I appreciate people that are patient with me while I’m distant and trying to figure myself out

[rawexistance]

I hate minds and how they fuck with you and how mine works I still don't know but it keeps fucking me over massively and setting me up for failure and disappointment and this should make me mad and I'm mad in spirit but not mad in my soul where I really should feel something but I don't it's just still nothing just nothing which means I'll go through with so much I don't want to with nothing in me except my mind being like haha this is fine and also like hahaha you fuck I g stupid waste of human life look at what you've fucking done who the fuck do you think you are and who do I think I am I can't live with any of this I can't live PERIOD somebody seriously just fucking kill me or put me in a hospital I want to be out into a hospital and I wish I was upset right now but I'm not really I'm like """fine""" why the fuck where is Judy I'm ready to kill myself I can't fucking believe what j do

[rawexistance]

I am so alone !!! nobody wants me !!!! shocker big news hot off the press nobody wants the fat girl who's unstable and out of control !!! ha ha!

[rawexistance]

my therapist is on vacation and I'm actually very mad about this because this has happened with my other therapists and it was basically the reason I got new therapists because I wanted to have more consistency because everything is so inconsistent but also I like this therapist a lot and don't want a new one and she's free and I trust her the most but it also very inconveniently makes me hide more from her in fear that she'll call me out someday and tell me I'm a big whiny baby and drop me as a patient but unless I feel my feelings and let myself be a fucking human for once in my fucking life and actually get better and I feel so bad for being mad at her because at our last session I could see in her face that she was unsure after the things I'd told her and showed her that she should leave me for three weeks on my own with no outlet and it's true I have no outlet I am so alone !!!!

[rawexistance]

[rawexistance]

I've been through such an intense range of emotions today just because of fucking grey's anatomy and I swear to god this show is ruining my life and I keep watching it but I KNOW what it's doing to me and it's really bad for me in the end because I of course enjoy over analyzing and giving more meaning to things than there's really meant to be but now my whole body is just very exhausted and I am very lost because watching this show makes me examine each character and their actions and what kind of person they are and the dynamics that exist in each goddamn relationship that is showcased and honestly these shows make me feel like God because I, the viewer, am all-knowing and yet I am powerless because again this is a show and not how real life can be and please can I just fucking die already

[rawexistance]

[rawexistance]

The ‘I notice everything. I just act like I dont’ squad

Pisces, GEMINI, Scorpio, Capricorn, Virgo, Cancer, Libra

[rawexistance]

yesterday was a fairly good day so it makes sense that today is already fucking me up so fucking bad

[rawexistance]

Silence is the most powerful scream.

Anonymous (via wordsnquotes)

[rawexistance]

I want to do shots just all the shots in the world and I don't want to work tomorrow and I just want to be dead and I don't want to have to go get the oil change on my car and I don't want to have to go get my blood drawn and I don't want to be responsible for myself and I don't want to be alive anymore and I just want things to be easier and I don't want to be such a shady bitch who lies about everything and I don't want to be such a mess all the time and I don't want to have to struggle to get up and I want it all to be over !!!! I want it to fuckjng end !!!!!!

[rawexistance]

I'm just so mad I don't want to work through things I just want to fast forward to being somewhere good and feeling good and not so burdened by the shit people think they can throw on me and by myself as a human being. I want to live a regular life and do things like brush my teeth and floss and not think too much of them and to shower daily and to just fucking take care of myself like a normal human being and do normal things like eat my meals at the right time and say hey maybe I'll eat out today and go have a hamburger or something and not feel so bothered and mad at myself for eating it because it'll only be a few times in a month not when I get lazy and feel like spending money. I just want this time to be over and to be able to consider myself a regular functioning human being because I hate being wide awake so early in the day when I'm supposed to go into work and I fucking hate having to work myself up to doing regular things like brushing my hair or taking my makeup off and I hate that I've never known routine and that my life has been a mess since I came into existence and this is all too new. no ones ever said "go do this and that because they're regular parts of living" and when such things were said, they were said in harsh tones and I just found my way around it to get back at my parents who weren't invested in really raising me to be a human and now I have to do this for myself, I have to put my seat belt on when I get in the car and I have to shower hopefully once a day and I have to brush my teeth and I don't just have to remember but I have to push myself into doing these things that at this point I've deemed worthless aspects of a life I didn't want and dont want and I am so mad about that I am just so mad because I can't do this. the thought of it all is so overwhelming and I always wished I could do it and I dreamed of being able to handle this when I was little but let's face it I couldn't back then and I can't now

[rawexistance]

[rawexistance]

This is money cat. He only appears every 1,383,986,917,198,001 posts. If you repost this in 30 seconds he will bring u good wealth and fortune.

[rawexistance]

I'm dying I can't actually deal with any of this wow I'm so fucking done with everything I just want it to be over I mean I have good tunes and I just don't hope this album gets tainted with this time frame because it's horrible and im so horribly utterly alone truly alone I can't deal with this anymore

[rawexistance]

????????

[rawexistance]

one day I'll be gone and everyone will wonder what the fuck happened and im still not sure if I want to give them the satisfaction of knowing the full truth. do they deserve that part of me? will I be too much for them to handle even when I'm no longer there?