rayofstories-blog

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Duck In Hell

So a friend of mine was ranting to me to let some steam off. Well, auto correct had fucked them over and instead of "fuckin hell" it put "duck in hell." I laughed about it and told my fiance. He then decided to draw it. I asked for permission to post it, he gave me the go ahead. Dear reader, I give you his creation Sir Duckington.

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Six year olds world crashing

You ever seen someone's world crash around them because of one reason or another? Ever seen it crash because you wont let them count their pennies? I have. And let me say, "Boy is it interesting." I have seen a 4 year old cry because I wouldnt let her take her nail polish off so her mom can see it. I have seen a small child cry because they had to be forced to learn gymnastics in one of my classes I taught. I have seen a baby cry over dropping her blanket.

But, let me explain something. This isnt a small cry. No, this is a full blown yelling, red in the face, sobbing of not being able to count her pennies. My step kid is interesting. Theres no dull moment.

I mean, hell. There was a spider that my fiance saw and him and his kid both panicked saying to kill it. The closest thing to me was my step kids coloring book. I didnt slam the book on it. No. I decided to Rip half the page out that it was open to and squash the spider that way. I moved on impulse, didnt even think about what I was doing. Man was she pissed. I mean burst out crying on the spot and when it was done the sass train had pulled in.

Arms crossed, huffing and puffing, pushing and throwing the book. I get it, at 6 all you care about is snacks, movies, toys and coloring. I apologized and explained that I wasnt thinking and that all I could do in that moment was apologize. She was still angry at me.

It really is interesting to see what breaks a child. I don't mean that in a sadistic way. What I mean is how different children think and what pisses them off. I mean, the other day I watch my step kid punch a chair because she tripped over it. Did I laugh? Kind of. I hid my smile and kept my snort down. I wish I was 6 again. Then I would have no worries. Well, just small insignificant things that wont do anything for me in the long run.

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Living with a Emetophobic

I know I usually talk about my fiance, but this time it's about me. I have this phobia and it sucks. I mostly feel bad for him. But, I am thankful to have him. He keeps me calm and levelheaded. I over ate and got so full I had gas. But, because of me having that phobia, it threw me into an anxiety attack. Just a slight one.

Everyone's attacks are different. My mild ones are different from my full blown ones. My mild ones make my nausea, stomach pains, hunger, gas all collide into confusing me in which one it really is and my anxiety makes me assume its nausea. I have always had this problem since a young age (2). Because of this attack, I had a hard time laying down and going to sleep. I kept sitting up and holding my stomach trying to hold back tears.

Finally the tears came flowing and my fiance had me lay down. I immediately got up and went to the bathroom cause I felt like I was losing. After a few seconds, he came in after. He talked to me and calmed me down and I was better. We went back to bed. However, I couldnt lay down cause of my emotions all out of whack and paranoia.

Hes laying beside me as I write this. I look over and smile. Without him i would still be in the bathroom crying and panicking over this. I'm fine. Everything is fine. I will be okay. Pfft, update, he looked over to check on me. He told me hes glad I dont want to give birth. My entire life, being born a biological female I have been told I would want to give birth and have babies when I'm older. Jokes on them, I dont want to. Not only because I know I will crave anything and everything, but also of morning sickness. I wouldnt be able to handle it.

Anyways, I'm going to lay down now that I'm calm. And to you, dear reader, who has this phobia. It's okay. You're not weird and its completely okay. Dont let people talk you down and be little you because of this. There will be someone who is there for you and will comfort you during your panick.

To you, dear reader, who knows people who has this phobia. Dont make fun of them. They have their reasons of why they are scared. Even if they dont have a reason, they are still valid and deserve comfort.

And, lastly. To you, dear fiance. Thank you.

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Lovely Power Naps

So, its currently 4:30 in the morning as I'm writing this. And if i still talked to my parents, I would apologize to them. Why? Because I probably did the same thing my soon to be step daughter did. She would come into the room and ask for her parent. We didnt go to bed til late as it is. I think maybe 2? Close to 3. All I know, it was a time.

She got grumpy at him because he wouldnt stay in bed with her. Why wouldn't he stay? Because he wanted to sleep in his own bed. I was fully aware of when he left. I closed my eyes and ended up taking a power nap in his absence. I opened my eyes and he was grabbing his phone saying that his daughter wont be going back to sleep.

He has told me before that I dont have to stay up, that I can sleep if I want to. I deny the offer. Why? Because, we are now a unit. We are in this together. Plus, being an insomniac and the type of person that once I'm up, I'm up.. unless my body decides to crash and make me pass out. Anyways..

I have learned during all of this that sleep is a luxury. All I know now is power naps/parent sleeping, kindergarten homework and eggs. So much eggs.

But at the end of the day? I'm glad I have these two. I now feel like I have a purpose and excited to see where the future takes us.

I still cant wait to be able to take her to her grandparents so I can fully sleep. Or, at least try to.

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Junk Food Romance

Have you ever connected with someone? I dont mean romantically. I mean someone you can connect with through junk food and sweets. Well, I have. And, might I say, shes wonderful. She wanted something sweet. This is pretty much a cup of sweet, sweet heaven.

Let me explain what a junk food romance is. There is no sex that is involved. However, this is a romance where you come to eachother with junk food and sweets. You sit and eat. You can cuddle and watch movies, sure. But there is no need when you are stuffing your face with delicious food.

With that being said, reader. Go out there and find your junk food romance. Keep them close in your life. You wont regret it.

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So I learned something when it comes to myself and kids. I do have the patience. It just depends on the kid.

For instance, the other day I played Candy Land with my step kid (more like soon to be, but I think you understand) and her cousin. My step kid was calm and collective and her cousin was not. Now, these kids are young, they are still learning how to act when it comes to playing board games. The cousin had decided to tell me that she didnt want to go on a spot because it meant she would lose her next turn. I explained that it's part of the game and that she has to go on that spot. When I put her peice there, she started screaming and crying saying that I wasnt playing correctly, that I was cheating. Let me explain to you guys, if I was to cheat in candy land I would have found a smarter way of doing it. Anyways, the kids dad and my fiance got involved. In the end, the kid won and was still crying and very angry. My step kid and I were still confused while picking the game up.

Today, me, my fiance and step kid were sitting in the room and my step kid asks if my fiance wanted to play Candy Land. My fiance said no, I hesitantly said yes. When she came back with the game I asked "Are you going to get upset if you lose?" She shook her head setting the game up. While we were playing, she did try taking cards from the bottom and snatching the deck out of my hand. I was holding the stack so it was easy access for the both of us. I explained that she needed to pull from the top and my fiance got onto her for snatching the stack. She understood and stayed calm. The first round, I won. I was expecting a break down. I am happy to say that I was wrong. We played two more rounds and she won one and I won the second. She had asked me if I was upset that I lost. I told her no. Because it is a boardgame and I dont exactly take them seriously.

While putting the game up, she had asked if I could play two more rounds and I said no. That I had told her, before the last round we played if that it would be the last one. She said she was mad. My fiance asked why and she said because I wont play any more rounds with her. She did explain that she had fun and that she enjoyed playing with me. I told her that I had fun to.

I learned that with certain kids I have patience. When it comes to others, they are thin. I've learned through these past few days with my fiance and step kid that if I breath and stay calm that I have more patience. But, that's only with her. I guess because I will be with these two for the rest of my life. And I know for a fact that it wont be easy as the years come. I dont even want to think about her rebellious teen phase..

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My fiance had to go to the bathroom earlier today but because he was comfortable, he didnt go. He said it was going to be a long journey across the desert. He explained he would make a log of his journey. So, here it is:

My Fiances Journy to the Desert

Diary entry #1

As I travel across the savanna I cant help but subcome to the blazing heat, I don't know how long its been since I started this journey days, weeks, months maybe? It all meshes together..

Diary entry #2

I've finally made it to my end goal location, the watering hole. Here I see only the finest animals grazing and enjoying water, I partake in this enjoyment as its been weeks since I last had water, I'll write soon again.

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Living with an arachnophobic.

Let me make something clear. I, myself, am not afraid of spiders. My fiance, however, is deathly afraid. So, let me paint this picture for you. We are sitting on our bed, enjoying each others company. I feel something on me. Without thinking I just swipe it away. It was then when I saw the type of legs and body and realized "That was a spider." I calmly tell my fiance to leave the room. I was still scanning the area not seeing him and he immediately screams. Not a soft normal scream. No, this is a petrified scream. He is doing this as he grabs it and chucks it across the room. At this point, he jumps up and leaves the room into the kitchen (the kitchen is just outside the room so it wasnt far) squirming and still flipping out. I stay in the room trying to find it. I feel really bad about all of this, I still do even though it's been a bit since it happened.

He calms down some and we sit back on the bed. We are both still scanning the room. Even though I'm not deathly afraid of them like he is, I still get paranoid about it. I still think it's on me and I got bit. I didnt, however the thought is still there. I'm looking down on my phone and I look over and see him flailing his limbs and scream again. This time louder. Because limbs are flying all around, I quickly leave the room. I knew in that moment that if I was going to get hit, i would get hurt really bad. I look in there and he stands in the doorframe looking at spiders on his phone. I'm trying to push blankets and pillows back to try and find it. We couldnt believe the spider had come back for round 2.

I lose this battle. However, my afraid loving fiance grabs poison spray stuff and sprays the room and leaves. We are now at the table. I now know how deathly afraid he is of spiders, I have witnessed it. Hopefully this spider will die. We aren't allowed back in the room til after a few hours.

This concludes the adventure of the spider who lives.

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My poop adventure

Written by my fiance

I sit here on the toilet pooping what feels like my soul out. Its truly a shocking experience, dear reader have you ever pooped like this?

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Welcome to my life. I guess an introduction is in order. I am a 21 year old trans man. This will be entries in story form, quote form and poem form of things I find interesting and fun. Most things will be about me and my fiance. So look out for that I guess.