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On Public Feelings III: Youth

I wanted a very simple cover for the book since the very beginning, as an effort to keep the insides a surprise. But aside from that, I also didn’t think there is a single photograph that could represent the whole book since the content is quite erratic in compilation. When the readers change from one act to another, it doesn’t let them get comfortable for too long. To have picked an image from the book to be put as the cover felt like an injustice.

As I was doing the book, I came across my photographs of a head-statue I took. I understood that my book was a testament to my youth, in some sense. In my mind, it was a sort of attempt to make a self-iconography, for the self — for myself. I had a strong response when I saw the bust, just a face from a neck up that doesn’t even have its eyes and head-top. I decided to play around with the image.

(Photo via @MarkBSchlemmer on Twitter)

I used my photograph and recolored it to have a stencil feel. I wanted the cover to be just the head, almost white, in a hardcover — and the titles and author’s name would just be on the spine. But then again it didn’t happen, so I had to redesign the visuals for the soft-cover.

(The cover in soft coloring)

My good friend Shuli from KPG was heavily involved with the publishing of the book. She had read my manuscript, complete with the layout and told me that the pink color would not only be too ‘trendy’ but also too ‘soft’ for the book. It doesn’t really resonate with what’s inside. I saw it immediately after she pointed it out so I decided to recolor it again with several options.

(The initial red design of the book cover)

From the three colors, the red one feels right. But still, it felt a little too flat and tedious. It ended up being a little too formal for me, so I inverted the colors making the statue red. My brother and I went through different ranges of red for it’s texture and depth. I also experimented with some of a more alternative colors, that gave out more of a neon outlook.

(Several alternatives)

It feel that this makes more of a statement and contrast. Of course it’s the head is the one that should be red! At this point, I was really happy with the outlook of the cover. After I found the ‘perfect red’ I worked again with my brother for the layout. I wanted to have more of an art-book feel so I set the title and author’s name in a light grey color that would be printed with UV spot. It would give out a nice effect once it’s printed and seen against the light. KPG, the publisher, was also nice enough to let me put their logo in the back and spine only, and they also gave me cover flaps. I decided to credit them once again in one of the flaps. I also used the original red to highlight the blurb at the back of the book, the spine and a little bit more at the flap just to give out a color scheme to the book’s visual identity.

(Final cover layout)

By the end of the day, I was so happy to see the final cover. Not only that, I loved that doing it feels so organic. Unconsciously, I was creating it step-by-step until it’s final form. It hits everything that I wanted. The funniest thing was when I was making the colophon for the book. I looked back to my photos of the statue’s art label, as well as the MET Museum’s website, to find the title of the artwork. It was called Fragmentary colossal head of a youth. The marble sculpture came from the 2nd century B.C. of the Greek era, and it resonated to me at this day age. Head of a youth. It felt like everything came into full circle, as the title thematically carries out to the spirit of my book.

Not only that the bust underlines the approach to what I wanted my coming-of-age story to be, the color was also a warning sign to me personally. I was turning into this quarter-life chapter in my life, and the sculpture is high in contrast, reminding me that I was in a tumultuous period of my life and I should take a quick stop. It’s a red-light on a crossroad, before I proceed with caution — and hopefully with grace. I need to keep a lookout before crossing over to the inevitable deed of growing up.

We all need to step on the break from time to time, don’t we?

Get your copy of Public Feelings & Other Acts, here.

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via @MarkBSchlemmer on Twitter.

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The covers in soft filter, before eventually landing on red as a final scheme.

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Different shades of red.

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Final layout of the book cover.

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On Public Feelings II: Goodnight Gotham

For the longest time I felt like I didn’t belong here in Jakarta. I chose to go to school that was two-three hours away from the capital city. I didn’t even remember thinking about it. I just went for it, only with the notion of getting out of Jakarta. As I grow older, I became obsessed in my own individuality and identities in general. When I was away, slowly I learn who I am as a person, just like any twenty-something year olds do. It’s not that I disliked Jakarta, it’s just that I wasn’t comfortable enough in my own skin to take it on, that leads to the fact that I haven’t been meeting the right people to discover it with. 

The last time I was in New York, I was feeling so lost. I felt lonelier than I’ve ever been. I miss my friends. I was haunted by my own pain. Having to travel in one of the most populated cities in the world, I was trying to find my own voice in the midst of the crowd. But as it turns out, in the end I had discovered not the sound that I was looking for, but an emancipated silence. And to me, that was enough. When you’re exposed to that much energy, you kind of lose your footing a little bit and fall, before picking yourself up and protecting what you have. You kind of revert back to yourself because among the crowds and the noise, being yourself is all you have. There’s a sense of theatricality within the city itself. Every corner is a movie scene. Every day was a new surprise where all the stars are not up there in the sky but sprawled down here on the pavements. 

You get to be more appreciative of things when you travel. I was privileged enough to go and I had to learn it the hard and expensive way that when you’re unhappy, you’re going to be unhappy anywhere. When I was feeling lost, it was so important to me that I wasn’t at my own home, taking the discomfort to another level to somehow fasten the process, in my mind. Back home in our cars with air conditioning, the world gets smaller. New York, is so otherworldly to me. It’s this prismatic take on life that turns the sharp white light to rainbows. A completely colorful and chaotic place to be in. I was a light being refracted, and in all the pieces I was reminded of my younger self, the one that was still looking for a place in the world. That’s why Public Feelings ended up being the way it is, as it was my own attempt to honor my refraction before I move on. 

Almost everyday, there’s so much going on because big cities changes up their pace a lot of times. You can see some renovations, or constructions being done. There’s a new restaurant, or an bar that re-opened. New developments are always on the run. What I love about Jakarta, New York or any big cities in the world is that everything is a work in progress. And I’m just a city, looking for the right crowd to live in my apartments and travel down my avenues.

Get your copy of Public Feelings & Other Acts, here.

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On Public Feelings I: Storytelling

The first piece that was written for the book was Private War – the foreword to the book. I was in such a head-space where everything was cluttered. It took quite a while for me to fish that one out from my head before I would write it down, because I was conscious of the fact that it will set the tone for the book. I would see feelings, or certain moods and memories – playing over and over again in my head like little movies. Even in my most relaxed state, I would project images in my head as I was writing. And the somewhere along the line, it’s just clicked. I decided to embrace the visuals instead of treating it as a distraction. I decided the kind of storyteller that I wanted to be, especially for this book – which was my first one.

Whenever we read stories, or hear music, we would project imageries on how it would relate to our lives, before making it our own. We have probably seen ourselves as the main character of our own little movies, or strutting down the street with headsets on to make us feel like we’re in our own music video. Ever since we were young, we have grown to be more and more sensitised to visual experiences and visual communications. The internet has inflamed it even more with the hundreds of images we probably could see in a day. Right now, people experience storytelling differently.

I wanted to create a book that fully reflects the time, not only personally but in terms of how we communicate as well. I wanted to read the stories exactly how it visually played out in my head, and that’s how I wanted people to experience it for the first time. We live in an age where visuals play a giant role in story-telling. I had the stories, and the series of emotions or a memory that I wanted to capture for each pieces of the book. The photographs are not an extension for the stories but is a direct part of it all. It was important to me how every piece has a different treatment to how the fonts or photographs were going to be, and how the layout would be played out, in order to set the tone for each of its purposes.

When I wrote the manuscript, I knew that the book was going to be visual. I made sure that the writings, and how visual the written language could be, would complement each other with the photographs in the book. I realized that some written pieces, especially towards the end of the book doesn’t need as much photographs as the earlier chapters of the book. Looking back at it now, I realized that the entire journey has been somewhat reflected in the book, even if I didn’t write it chronologically. I came in feeling a bit distraught in the beginning of the book, as how I would feel before I wrote them, and I came out in a more reflective, calm state. Evidently, it corroborates on how I ended up putting them in order, and how I would design each chapters.

I was very specific about that when my brother helped me shape the visual identity for not only the book, but for each individual pieces. I was also very lucky enough to find that the artists I worked with for the book was willing enough to embrace and connect with the book, before collaborating with me. That was really cool and it was a lot of fun! It’s like I found myself running a little studio with all the different things I was doing with the photo shoots, illustrations, art directing, designing the layout and overseeing everything. I hope people will have fun experiencing it as well for the first time. That was how I ended up finishing the entire book, because evidently that’s what will make the stories mine.

Get your copy of Public Feelings & Other Acts, here.

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Inside Public Feelings & Other Acts

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Public Feelings & Other Acts

In his debut, Ray Shabir shines a spotlight to the realm of his adolescence, before facing the inevitable truth of growing up. In Public Feelings & Other Acts, a collection of theatrical range of works, Ray raises his glass in his own tribute of youth.

Public Feelings & Other Acts matures into a kaleidoscopic memoir. It opens up to the reader through a series of essays, poetries, proses, and other forms of writings. Completed with striking visuals that aids his storytelling, the author takes on his own personal accounts on growing up, from creativity to partying to loneliness to heartache. The book is a vivid documentation of the author’s personal period of time, in order to reflect and acknowledge his own coming-of-age before moving forward. Written in a voice that is unapologetically personal yet critically distant at the same time, he makes his odyssey towards adulthood – unquestionably his own.

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PRIVATE WAR FILM (Book Teaser)

Director: Ray Shabir | Assistant Director: Nitya Putrini | Cast: Ray Shabir, Hendar Prihatin, Tania Zahrina, David Hagler, Luthesha Sadhewa, Reza Prizal, Dhyani Paramita | Producer: Ray Shabir | Cinematographer: Denisa Rahma | Film Editor: Ray Shabir | Production Design: Ray Shabir & Lutesha Sadhewa | Make-Up: Rahardianti Maulida | Music Composer: Halbert Gumulya Special thanks to kopimanyar, Ilona Inezita, Baskara Mahendra and Krisna Pradipta

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Public Feelings & Other Acts

2018