rayumber

[rayumber]

Real

Assure me, Death, am I real? Did I suffer enough to prove my soul? Did I make you content with these salted wounds?

Assure me, Arbiter, that I plucked all strings from the corpse of the pawn, that the fall will splash trails of blood.

Assure me, so that I may pass, soothed that it is I who feels the Earth envelop.

[rayumber]

Amnesia

The colors continue to dance

I know they’re there.

But the luster in these eyes don’t glance.

Not anymore.

Lately I lose my place in time.

Was I here?

Was I there?

I don’t seem to be anywhere.

A castaway in an ocean of echoes.

All those little moments

Sunken in the deepest blues

What am I clinging to?

Or maybe the better question is why?

But poetry continues to follows me

In quiet nights of the singing city

In banquet halls of exhumed mediocrity

Even in this sea of memories.

These words,

They remind me of who I am.

They remind me of what I wish,

And what I lost.

Without them I’d be adrift,

Awash in hollow laughter.

Sailing past blurred neon,

Dredging through underbellies,

Scurrying for freedom.

Without them I would forget,

That life is worth remembering.

It is beautiful.

[rayumber]

The Eyes of Ibad

Do you remember Paul? He who has seen it all,

the Beginning, the Word, the God the End, the Calm, the Lost?

Once endowed with eyes of the deepest hue of blue

They have become blind; Gouged by righteous radiance

these are the eyes of God undyed and unloved

If you bear them you will die Then you shall taste true love.

[rayumber]

Dark Fantasies

Struggle, Struggle, Struggle,

Who am I, who lives in desolation, isolation, his only consolation? Parasitical victim.

Am I a joke? Chaos breeds in a natural order, randomness. I must be weak.

Monotone charcoal scars my sight. I’m dirty, dirty, dirty, Disgusting.

I haven’t seen the sun in years. I’m blinded by the warmth, rays of sunshine itching my skin Leave me be.

Haunted by a shadow, only stricken by those I love; I hate that I am alone.

My mind confined, the carcass conquers, Instinct unravels, the shadow consumes,

Reality came too late.

art by: @gkk.art on instagram, Sui Ishida

[rayumber]

Defilement

she creeps into my bed, gently caresses this soul, soothes my head, clawing away all troubles.

then she molests me, enjoys my unwanted pleasure, teases tantalizing taunts, whispering,

“it’s your fault”

she enjoys wanton torture. I don’t want to be abused. I don’t like it. it doesn’t feel good.

but she goes lower, Bullying me, she goes lower, Humiliating me,

Beginning the cycle, Of hollow ecstasy.

she motions away, up down up down It hurts, but it doesn’t Updownupdownupdownupdown It numbs, but it burdens

Processed passions blaze, Addicted lust bides, These innocent eyes glaze, My thoughts racing, run blind.

Until I feel something, a millisecond of ataraxy, a dose of serenity… gone once i see the spoils of depravity.

I look to push away that vixen whore who lay, only to find no one there.

only nostalgia of lost lovers.

Loneliness, the only harlot I cannot escape Has raped me again.

[rayumber]

Ashoka’s Sin

Do you ever wonder what songs they sang on the fields of Orissa How the men bled at the sight of Ashoka?

What did the Mauryan see when he invaded Kalinga? Crimson currents coursing through the Daya?

What did the kinslayer see?

His friends massacred to a pulp? Children butchered at his expense?

Was he alone on those fields when the suns set?

Was he alone when his sins ate him?

Was he alone when he realized Samsara?

What did the conqueror see on the blood-stained moon's eclipse?

What did he see?

He did not see.

His eyes were filled with tears.

[rayumber]

Real

Assure me, Death, am I real? Did I suffer enough to prove my soul? Did I make you content with these salted wounds?

Assure me, Arbiter, that I plucked all strings from the corpse of the pawn, that the fall will splash trails of blood.

Assure me, so that I may pass, soothed that it is I who feels the Earth envelop.

[rayumber]

The Coward's Soliloquy

Once more into the fray, I have fallen prey

To abandonment.

I am a cause of endless contusion, I am my own mind’s foolish destruction.

How can I face her humiliation, When i cannot process this lamentation?

Once more a coward, Sole upon the hour.

I should’ve swept you off your feet like that night before we

Confessed Our Love.

Would you really feel guilt If I leave this hilt

Of honor and duty? Of shame and misery?

Yet here I remain, More hollow by the day,

Drifting deserted dunes of elegies, Sifting through iridescent memories,

Crying over the past. I wish I built it to last.

Each dullard day draws dumb, The Nothing nails us numb.

I have lost you.