rdpercocets

[rdpercocets]

8/8/2019

people in my life do not know how easy they have it with me around. you get all the benefits without having to do anything. everybody gets to live the life they want while im stuck paying for things i should not have to.

do you know how annoying it is when friends say ‘looking for a new job” and i give them all the info and they never apply then complain about they job they are still at when they could have had something better.

I have friends that owe me money for months but they are out here living their best life.

for once it would be nice to get some thought out gift for my birthday, christmas, or just because but thats not going to happen.

in the end i cant change what people do and how they are but i can change the people around me. im not happy and i havent been for a long time. i would just keep buying things and playing video games to distract myself from reality but im slowly making these changes for my mental health.

i guarantee myself by my birthday i will be in a better spot than i am in now.

the goal is to be happy and live the life i want to live for myself. 

[rdpercocets]

8/3/2019

It’s crazy when you finally accept things that you can’t control and it happens to work itself out. I put my focus on things that I’m able to control and I feel so much better mentally. 

I’ve pretty much gotten rid of most of my subscriptions. Two major ones I will close before the week ends and then I should have money for things that matter more. 

The path to starting over is working out great so far.

[rdpercocets]

7/30/19

things will not get better until I make it happen. the life I want to live when I begin to self care for myself. I’ve always understood and thought that is what I was doing but only physically. Mentally I am drained and stressing all the time I don’t know what to do.

start over.

the only way to go is up.

[rdpercocets]

9/12/18

things gon’ be alright

[rdpercocets]

I thought ‘S’ was difficult but you’re on another level. So fuck you MK (name dropped). You used to be so cool. But idk ever since ‘C’ or I forgot your birthday you have just been a jackass. I need to tie your ass down to a chair and let you read all your replies to me. But wait, you’ll say it’s my fault LOL...maybe sometimes it is, but you control what you say. I love you, but you a bitch. BITCH.

Well, thinking about it I’m kinda laughing at myself for taking everything to heart, THIS IS HOW YOU ARE. TAKE MK AS SHE IS OR LEAVE. That’s basically the simple rule to it. I’m glad we are friends.

Honestly, we are going to be in each others lives forever unless someone dies...or we die togehter.... oh gawd.

[rdpercocets]

[rdpercocets]

Noname - Diddy Bop (ft. Raury & Cam O'bi)

[rdpercocets]

[rdpercocets]

Tyler, The Creator - OKRA

[rdpercocets]

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

Just reposting my answers.

The person I would want as a dinner guest is Mr. Kanye West. My favorite rapper/producer. He is just really a genius. With music and fashion and at being an asshole LOL. It would be cool to pick his brain for an hour, if that’s even possible but yeah pretty much a dream come true. Nothing to thought provoking or crazy.

[rdpercocets]

3/31/2018

To be honest, you do piss me off with the way you go about things. They are very insensitive, which you have to understand that not all of us are built like you. ESPECIALLY me...sensitive. You & I are as opposite as they come and that is why we disagree a lot. You tend to go with the “IT DOESN’T MATTERRRRRRRR” route and I tend to go with the “Can we talk about it?” route. You like to talk when you’re ready and I like to fix it ASAP. The stupid thing, we’ve known each other for a couple years now and we still have a hard time understanding each other. But that’s just how we are. At the end of the day, we will still be best friends. I shouldn’t have to talk to you everyday to know where we stand, so I need to fix that. Luckily, I’ve realized that texting you is not very fun. You don’t think a lot of things are funny and you make things seem so serious that it bothers the fuck out of me that I start to feel some type of way. Of course only through text so we compensate that with Phone calls and facetiming. Thank the lord that in person is where we shine and that’s all that matters.

So I’m not salty about your last message before you went to LA and my Giants won both games so far. That’s the karma for being a jerk to me lately. Good thing you don’t check on my stuff anymore so I don’t have to worry about you reading this.

P.S. I gave away your GAP sweater.... OHHH WELLLL

[rdpercocets]

apple, androids and thangs.

I’m an android/PC guy at heart until the day I die. For the first time ever, I actually broke my phone to the point where it was unusable. I’m real careful with all my electronics and I like to use them with no cases so I guess it was bound to happen but it’s better to show off what you bought instead of hide it in a case...but hey that’s just me.

Anyways, my best friend been on that apple gang since forever and I decided to try using an iPhone while I wait for the S9+ to drop. I see why her and everybody else likes it. The imessage alone just makes texting easier and fun. Even thought Google has Allo, it’s not the same. Everything just runs better on there...my snaps look legit compared to my android snaps. It’s just so much that works better and the females love you more if you have an apple *wink wink* lol.

But I’m glad I got to try it out...only because of HER..smh lol. I’m still sticking with my Android but I do appreciate apple and what it has to offer. 

I’m keeping two phones like Kevin Gates. Only because I can haha.

[rdpercocets]

smh

I’m just gonna have to get used to the fact that you’ll always see me as annoying. 

[rdpercocets]

Honestly, you ruin things. You become comfortable with these ideas and people that you begin to neglect it and treat it without respect. You begin to act a fool when you know better. You know you need to back off sometimes but you still keep at it. When your mind is telling you no you just keep on satisfying the feeling. You’re wise enough to know better of right and wrong and you still keep doing the same things. This is why things don’t get better because “if you keep doing what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.”

Wise words right? You should heed them before you start feeling sorry for yourself again. Going back to the spiral of emotions and and asking the questions of ‘why does this always happen to me?’ Just because you keep following a certain path doesn’t mean you can break the mold and escape it. You can be a better person, only if you’re willing to put your heart and effort into it. Because the worse that can happen? You’ll lose the person close to you again. I don’t think you want to go through that mess again because this time, it will be forever.

It is now or never Roney, the choice is yours.

[rdpercocets]

The in’s-n-outs of RDP & MKZ

You know, I've had tons of friends in my 26 years, but as cool as they are I was never really appreciated for me as a whole. Once people learned I was FILIPINO & Black, they would tend to focus on my Filipino side. To tell you the truth, I never really noticed it until I got older. Growing up, I always wished I was light skinned. I would say to myself, "If I wasn't black and ugly, then maybe people would pay attention to me and the girls would love me. But I'm just another black kid living in the Stockton." Haha man was my self esteem at an all-time low. So believing all these negatives thoughts, I lived with it. Over time this shy kid made a lot of friends and they ALWAYS thought I was cool because I was black and filipino. They always ignored my black side and you know what I ignored it too and I hated it. Even though my older brother would always tell me to be comfortable in my skin and embrace who I am. It never really stuck with me. But it wasn't until she came along with her beautiful luscious brown eyes and her wavy curls and extensive hip-hop knowledge. Forgot to mention that she had that natural Latina beauty. We clicked instantly, maybe because I was BLACK and then she learned about me lol. But she appreciated my black side so much I thought she was playing. You were definitely special. I would look for you everyday and we would talk about music, my people, life stories and vent to each other. But it was only at work. Once we got home we hardly ever talked which was fun because once it hit 6:45pm, you knew I'd be on my way haha...okay I took my time but I did make an effort to see you everyday. We became best friends. You appreciated both of my cultures so much, more the black side lol But I never understood why. And you would just go on rants why and it was YOU who made me feel comfortable being black. Like wow, Roney can be liked. This girl who has the same initials as a Lincoln MKZ made me feel special lol. But it was always hard for me to believe. I hate how I never took you seriously and would be on my way. Especially, when I got with my EX. These were the times when we started becoming closer and actually hanging outside of work. Because we spoke the same music language, we planned to go to tons of concerts. But I flaked on DFD and truthfully I was scared. I was scared of liking you way more than I already did. But then Oddisee happened and then Ab-Soul and that incident and I held you for like 30min. I will tell you that was the best 30mins of my life! lol. But we had this big ass fight and we didn't talk for 5 months and me not working at Amazon anymore signaled the end. But eventually you reached out and you don't know how much I wanted to call back but I never did. And I appreciate you calling the last time and me finally answering. It was like old times. I'm glad we had that fight because it brought us closer. We've only really had 2 major arguments and it brought us closer. You've always been a REAL nigga. And a true friend, you were always there when I needed you and I was for you but I tried to drop you like trash. All because you were content with your life and I should be happy for you. But I was going off on this thing where we should strive to be better and all that and I hate myself for the way I treated you. This was also the time you almost went back with your EX and I hated it so much. I was going to lose you again and that time I figured forever...FOREVER!! You cried. Not once but twice, for me forgetting your birthday and all I could say is "I dont know what you want me to do" and all you said was just to put in effort to make up for it. But I was too busy with some church girl who didn't care about my culture at all and it bothered me a lot. SMH. That day I cried because you were right. I'm over here wasting my time with someone who doesn't care and I'm over here being selfish and ignoring our bond and friendship and you. After that I realized how much of a real friend you are. I gave you all this bullshit and you still stick around. It pains me every time I think about it. I really messed things up and honestly I don't know if we could ever go back to that. Sometimes it feels like we do but I know your walls are staying put. There is no guarantee that I could hurt you again. I know this time you could just walk away and let it be. But I know not everything is perfect, there will always be bickering and what not. I'm truly sorry for everything, I never want to make you cry unless they are tears of joy or when we laugh so much that tears come out lol. And the only arguments we have are the ones where we both know that all my sports teams are better than yours or my musical knowledge is over 9000. I honestly, don't think I could live without you this time around. I just want you to know that 2018 is going to be your year and I'm going to support you as much as I can. Whether you want to be a cam girl or at amazon for life, as long as you're happy that's all that matters to me. "I'm just here to add a little color to the canvas." ...youre the canvas!! lol. You know I love you and appreciate you and I hope the rest of this year is filled with memories and laughter and new experiences and nothing but good vibes for us. Truth be told, this was supposed to be an MKZ appreciation post it I kept getting lost in the nostalgia...also I didn't re-read this over it's just from the top of my head so I know this sounds like a jumbled mess.... OOO this is the first post I finally wrote about you but I don't really like it. I wish it was poetic with dr. seuss rhymes and what not.

I left out so many things dude!!! Thank you for being you. You really changed my life. Even if I don't express it or show it. Now you know.

https://youtu.be/s0SUEMGZU04

Okay its not even a goodbye but perfect moment for this lol Sorry for the lengthy post :( 

[rdpercocets]

I wish I didn’t forget your birthday.

[rdpercocets]

I get butterflies thinking about Sunday lol. I need to RELAXXXXX. Haha.