re-d-amo

[re-d-amo]

— 122521 | yours, for a lifetime.

there are so many ways and in so many languages of the world that we may speak of the matters of the heart. sometimes, I'm laden with the arduous task of boiling such feelings down to a single word. an emotion, surely so easily described when stripped down to the singular thought? it's those times that I'm reminded I couldn't write my feelings for you with one word alone — I couldn't do it with ten thousand.

last night, you asked me a single question. four words, it contained, and it was with those four words that you'd secured our future, and cemented the certainty I'd found in you since the day we allowed ourselves to fall in love.

I won't say that I knew I wanted to marry you the moment we met. I won't say that I even knew you'd still be in my life twelve years down the road.

I didn't know anything.

maybe I knew only that your presence was one of familiarity, or that the clasp of your hugs brought me a warmth I recognized because when I'm in them — I'm home. I knew that your hand was, and would continue to be, the one I seek even on the darkest nights. I knew where solace could be sought no matter how gray the storms.

there are things that I am certain of when it comes to loving you. there are things I know: how much I want green meadows and pattering feet in our future, how fervently I want to know every sensation of being consumed the way only you know how. then there are the things I may never know — how to pen sonnets and stanzas with the kind of elegance that would make even a monolith swoon, or how to paint such imagery with colour that rivals the twilight sky.

there are words I may never deem worthy of you; not one that can encompass all the promises I want to make to our twenty lifetimes.

but I think, perhaps, that sometimes there's a particular word that sounds better than all the rest —

                         𝑦𝑒𝑠.

“𝐼 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑟𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒𝑡𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢.. 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑎𝑔𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒."              — 𝐚𝐫𝐰𝐞𝐧, 𝐥𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬

[re-d-amo]

— 121821; finding joy

maybe there isn't a right way to describe the kind of joy one's love brings; the kind that overwhelms just the same as it calms, the gentle ache of a lover's heart as if every pulse was a plunging hand reaching out for its sheath.

instead, I'll put a name in its place — a single word that allows me excitement, reprieve, with the delicacy of falling snowflakes simultaneously as the stirring furor of a hundred storms.

you.

comfort, not only in your existence but in your intricacies, the pieces of you I'm privileged with in every form.

it's in the way you say my name. it's in the way you smile, when i know it's reserved just for me. it's in the way your eyes find mine over the table, or across the room. in every good morning and every goodnight, i find the same kind of warmth as a single hello.

jinyoung ah, stay warm today. jinyoung ah, come home to me soon.

in the thrum of your voice i find only warmth when you sing to me; or in the way i see only you even when my vision is flushed dark.

it's in the way your gaze grows tender when i'm near — the puff of your breath and the slight lilt of your lips when you look me in the eye and tell me

i love only you.

it's not always joy that i feel in the form of elation. not dancing hearts or widening grins or distant shouts of your name.

joy is tranquility. solace. the way a wave settles after a storm, and the kiss of sun's warmth on a forest floor perfumed with rain.

it's perhaps the subtlety of its presence that we must learn to embrace it from the corners it hides. sometimes joy is just that. enough. but then again, home isn't always just a place.

— "i'll be here if you need me." — "i will. i will always need you."

[re-d-amo]

i just want to feel chosen by you. even just once... i want to feel needed.

[re-d-amo]

i wonder if you ever miss me the way i miss you.

[re-d-amo]

“I put my heart into your hands

here’s my soul to keep.”

- jjp by: each other.

[re-d-amo]

vi. like this, you are; like this, i’ll be. [02.14.22]

"they talk of something called love etched in the ruins of broken hearts strewn amongst debris like glass; like stone, once gold; where once was greatness, now dust - used to barest threads so that i may be allowed a glimpse between the fractures it sowed

this thing, i ask, with its bodily form might it allow me a touch? to cradle it in my palms and soothe the fires which haunts, which bleeds, which blazes and shreds

then those who stand between its folds stand fearless; foolishly

might it be a taste for my tongue? does love taste of lavender honey and sunday night brew or dance wildly; gentle as bubbles on jade plains

if this being has no soul no blade to cut me, nor stone to crush me then why, i ask, does it pain me so? ache in its presence, yet without it forlorn

my heart wound in possession pliantly torn.

like light, you wield; you command, you gleam; like bread, you satiate a desire so deep like shadow, you consume - not darkness, but shade a world forged like wings from ashes aflame

and like this, I'll be yours. like this, i'll succumb drawn only by sweet syllables calling my name; like this, you'll bewitch the soul i no longer control.

like this, i'll relinquish what was yours since the becoming of time as one, combined."

[re-d-amo]

— for you, on your 30th. 

for the single person I love more than life itself.

happy birthday, im jaebeom.

[re-d-amo]

— 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒎𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒂𝒚.

show me the bruises. show me the scars. where purples and blues glow brightest where i’ll plant my lips and trace the roads to look not where they’ve been but where they’ll lead;

to sow seeds that bloom, and petals that sing; do not be ashamed of your scars, i implore— show me where it hurts most; show me where they burn.

and with time's gentle hands they grow dim, so simply the memories of battles you’ve fought of wars you’ve won.

i love all parts of you.

i seek not unblemished skin but the weariness of its planes; the tears, the wears as spent as the threads unspooling of an old sweater unspun. 

[re-d-amo]

Audio: Click this link

《 𝙎𝙬𝙚𝙚𝙩 𝙇𝙪𝙡𝙡𝙖𝙗𝙞𝙚𝙨 | ♪ : 𝙈𝙖𝙮𝙖 𝘿𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙡𝙖𝙝 — 𝙈𝙤𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙡𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧 》

                                                 ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

POV: the latest hours at night are the ones I most treasure with you. our bed, our place of sanctuary to set aside the day’s woes. your arms, my reprieve. no matter how long the hours, how difficult the work — coming home to each other, cloaked by darkness and tenderness, will be the rest stop for tremulous thoughts until sunlight greets us once again.

“beom ah, come to bed.” it’s the first thing on my lips when I watch you enter the bedroom, steps light on wool carpet. you cross the room in large, confident strides — you’d always carried yourself that way. beneath the duvet, it’s pleasantly warm, like a personal pocket of heat when I wiggle my toes in its confines. the desire to reach out for a tug is curbed only by the knowledge that you’ll first shut the window, then close the blinds, then set the corner fan by our bed the way we always do. like a silent promise of the second setting breeze to lull us into restful slumber. 

𝑂ℎ 𝑚𝑜𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝐼 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑤𝑎𝑡𝑐ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 ℎ𝑜𝑢𝑟𝑠 𝑀𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑜𝑢𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑠𝑝𝑎𝑐𝑒 

that song on your playlist is on its last, and it’s another one you’ve made me love. my smile in recognition grows the spreading affection as my gaze catches yours in the light. 

"hey, you.” I love the way you say it like it’s the most natural thing in the world. you climb into bed and my limbs curl around yours; they seek you out like a tether in the dark. hand in hand, ankles weaved so easily it’s having to pull away that makes my heart yearn. knowing that you’re allowed that brief moment of peace when you’re enveloped by sleep is, for me, a form of happiness in itself. 

𝐼 𝑙𝑒𝑓𝑡 𝑎 𝑚𝑒𝑠𝑠𝑎𝑔𝑒 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢  𝑃𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑖𝑛 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑑𝑜𝑤, 𝑤𝑎𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢

I know your everything, I used to whisper. because I do. it’s something I selfishly allowed myself to take pride in, a grasp of my privilege as your best friend. life partners, we’d said, even before we fell in love, because you were my everything. so let me in, jaebeom ah. let me be the sole owner of your heart; the one who hears the thoughts in the very deepest corners of your mind. I’m in love with all that I see — let me learn as if I’ll never have enough. with these hands I’ll hold you, with these lips I’ll trace the curves and contours laid bare. just for me.

𝑂ℎ 𝑚𝑜𝑜𝑛𝑓𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝐼 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚 𝑜𝑓 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑛𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑊ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑤𝑒 𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑒 𝑡𝑜 𝑓𝑎𝑐𝑒

[re-d-amo]

《 𝘽𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙊𝙪𝙩 𝙔𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝘿𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙢𝙨 | ♪ : 𝙉𝙚𝙡𝙡 — 𝙊𝙘𝙚𝙖𝙣 𝙤𝙛 𝙇𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 》 

                                                  ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

POV: Do you remember the greatest night of our lives? Finding ourselves in the midst of a crowd, tickets in hand for a music-filled evening and surprises at every bend. Twelve years with you and every day there’s something new to look forward to; however small, however mundane. But nothing quite compares to the exhilaration of standing in a sea of strangers, your shoulder pressed to mine, jumping until we use our last heaving breaths.

𝐹𝑜𝑟𝑔𝑒𝑡 𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑜𝑤  𝑄𝑢𝑖𝑒𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑐𝑙𝑜𝑠𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠 𝐵𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑘 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑠 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑝 𝑦𝑜𝑢

footsteps resound across the stage as chatter crescendos to an impatient buzz. this was it, the evening’s closing act — between the drawn velvet curtains and clattering set up, no one had a clue at the grandeur we were certain to witness. who could it be? I remember anticipation, nerves drumming ceaselessly at ribcages and your fingers tight in mine. with the progression of acts, we were undoubtedly at the forefront of greatness, bound to the promise of a memorable conclusion as fantastical as its fill.

𝐽𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑢𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑚𝑒

how telling it is that the single tap of a mic and the strum of steel strings has the crowd bustling alive as the curtains finally part. I watch the glimmer in your eyes — I see unadulterated happiness. It’s a beautiful sight, I think, recognition that turns into awe matched by the screams for Nell. Nell, my focus honed on rose-lined ceilings, blinded by dancing beams and flashing neons. is this what it feels to be left breathless by a presence so divine?

𝐼’𝑚 𝑖𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑐𝑒𝑎𝑛 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑀𝑦 𝑑𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑚𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑏𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐼𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑑𝑎𝑧𝑧𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑤𝑎𝑣𝑒𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑙𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡

I understand now why this connected our hearts so strong. that despite the thundering drumset beats or the rhythmic ringing of electric guitars, it’s the throaty resonance of his words I feel in every thread of my being. you, my light, and you, my abyss deeper than any ocean. 

floating on your tide, I’ll forget the world. 

𝐼 𝑎𝑚 𝑏𝑒𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑏𝑜𝑟𝑛 𝑎𝑔𝑎𝑖𝑛

[re-d-amo]

《 𝙈𝙖𝙮𝙗𝙚 𝙄'𝙢 𝘿𝙧𝙪𝙣𝙠 𝙤𝙣 𝙔𝙤𝙪 | ♪ : 𝙅𝘼𝙔𝘽 — 𝙄𝙣 𝙏𝙤 𝙔𝙤𝙪 》 

                                                   ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

POV: it’s friday night and we’re out of the house for a breather, surrounded by close friends and a bottle of wine. the lounge down the street boasts quiet evenings, and we’re tucked in a corner by the billiards table, watching friendly rivalries bounce between the rounds. wine glass in hand, and whiskey in yours, we make conversation about everything and nothing as we bask in the easy atmosphere of candlelit tables and gentle tunes. 

𝐼 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑛𝑎 𝑡𝑎𝑙𝑘 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢  𝐵𝑎𝑏𝑦, 𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑜 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢  𝑂𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡𝑠 𝑎𝑟𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑘𝑒 𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑤𝑖𝑛𝑒

the scattered clattering of cue balls echoes from our side. the lounge's next selection starts off with a slow instrumental and I watch a timid smile cross your features in realization. even here, I think — you're getting the recognition you deserve. the pride in these moments are immense, knowing the importance and representation of your rawest form in the work. I remember when you'd asked me to carefully listen to the words you penned. this one's for you, you had said — and I feel nothing but privileged every time I do. the words so close to your heart, the easy melodies enough for any romantic to swoon.

𝐶𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑛𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑛𝑠𝑤𝑒𝑟 𝑚𝑒  𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑚𝑒 𝑤𝑒𝑙𝑙  𝐴 𝑝𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑠𝑎𝑛𝑡 𝑠𝑐𝑒𝑛𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎 𝑠𝑢𝑚𝑚𝑒𝑟 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡'𝑠 𝑠𝑖𝑝 𝐼 𝑠𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑙𝑒 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛, 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑏𝑦 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑠𝑖𝑑𝑒

when asked about the inspiration I remember you had said, two people having wine together. I could see it so clearly. I look at us now, and I chuckle. the amber whiskey in your glass, the clinks of the ice cubes that swirl in its crystal base. everything about you — your intricacies, your quiet elegance. your style. I wanna fall in love with you too, g1nger’s voice rings out. I’m so in love with you, Im Jaebeom. 

𝐼'𝑚 𝑑𝑎𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑠𝑙𝑦 𝑙𝑒𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛, 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑖𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑒𝑦𝑒𝑠 𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑒𝑙𝑓𝑖𝑠ℎ 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼'𝑚 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑑

alcohol warm in our blood, it courses me the way these thoughts of you turn my head so prettily, so exquisitely. the sound of your voice, your taste of your kisses, a memory I want to relive over and again. if given the choice i’d go back in time every day just to rediscover you like it’s the first. 

nothing feels better than loving you. 

[re-d-amo]

Audio: Click this link

《 𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙎𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙨 | ♪ : 𝙆𝙞𝙣𝙖 𝙂𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙞𝙨 — 𝘾𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙁𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 》 

                                                    ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

POV: Underneath the largest movie screen in the world, crickets and whippoorwills melody our silence. We’ve escaped from the city for a weekend and set our sights camping, nothing but the presence of each other, crackling fires, and celestial glitter dusting the sky in hues. It feels like we’d run to the edge of the universe, just you and I. Won’t you kiss me beneath the waning moonlight and tell me I’m yours? 

𝑊𝑖𝑠𝑒 𝑚𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑎𝑦 𝑂𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑜𝑙𝑠 𝑟𝑢𝑠ℎ 𝑖𝑛  𝐵𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢

The breeze rustles at long grass, the cricket chirps steady as you strike the second match. Once, then twice, sharp scratches against the panel before the it ignites with a flicker, orange and blue glow dancing on a pointe. It’s beautiful, I think — that something so small as a match’s flame could so wildly consume what crosses its path, but when contained gives us such elegant warmth. I’ll pitch the tent and you’ll stoke the fire, we’ll watch the sun’s final rays kiss the horizon in crimson and golds. 

𝑆ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝐼 𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑦?  𝑊𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑖𝑡 𝑏𝑒 𝑎 𝑠𝑖𝑛  𝐼𝑓 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢? 

It’s an easy kind of night we settle in. When it’s just the two of us, everything seems... quieter. Calmer. Like the world settled into a lull around us, treated us with a break to the noise that encumbers our minds. Conversation is to be had everywhere when it’s you. Decluttering our souls, entranced by the allure of blazing, white-hot licks and the white wisps of smoke so easily swept by the night sky.

𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑  𝑇𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑤ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑒 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒 𝑡𝑜𝑜

“Dance with me, jaebeom ah,” there’s something more on my mind when the first plucks of acoustic guitar startle us from the speakers. It’s our song. A voice that makes me forget about dancing when you’re swaying me in your arms. There’s moonlight in your eyes, and for a second, I’m lost. I want to capture this moment; I want to freeze time and hold it captive forever. But no, I think. Why waste the moment when I know otherwise: I’m never going to forget the way you love me.

 𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝐼 𝑐𝑎𝑛'𝑡 ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑝 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑦𝑜𝑢

[re-d-amo]

《 𝙔𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙈𝙮 𝘼𝙙𝙫𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 | ♪ : 𝙅𝙐𝙎2 — 𝙏𝙖𝙠𝙚 》

                                               ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

POV: With you at the wheel, and my hand in yours, we leave the city behind for a day, driving across the freeway as fast as we can to the countryside. Just for once it’s you and I, wind in our hair and not a worry in the world. Road trips with you will always be my favourite. 

𝐼’𝑙𝑙 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑡𝑒𝑐𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢, ℎ𝑜𝑙𝑑 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑟𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝐼 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑒𝑙𝑠𝑒

Trunk packed, and keys in hand, there’s always an air of excitement for when the days are free and possibility sits at our fingertips, bringing with it sunshine and cloudless skies. You take the wheel today, and I admire it from the side: I love to drive but I love it more when I get to watch you. Moving boldly forward, safety in sights and uncertainty in the rearview mirror. It’s those moments that I’m reminded — you make me feel safe. 

𝐼’𝑙𝑙 𝑡𝑒𝑙𝑙 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝐼’𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑜𝑤

From behind the windows, the trees that rush by colour our visions with blurs of green. The wind taps at windshields like a child dire for attention; swirls us in with animated fury when your windows roll open, speeding down the freeway. My eyes find yours and I know we’ve never felt better, singing loudly to familiar words in the noise-swallowing gust. Freedom comes in many forms. This one is mine.

I love you.

You’re my adventure. 

𝐼 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑀𝑜𝑟𝑒 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑦𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑒𝑙𝑠𝑒

[re-d-amo]

Audio:  Click this link

《 𝙈𝙤𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙔𝙤𝙪 | ♪ : 𝙅𝙪𝙣𝙣𝙮 — 𝙏𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙔𝙤𝙪 》

                                                ⇆ㅤ ||◁ㅤ❚❚ㅤ▷||ㅤ ↻

POV: It’s the laziest of sundays, woken only by the morning chorus of birdsong as the bed beckons us back into inviting warmth, tempted by the radiance of sleepy smiles and the first brush of early kisses. even so, the desire for sweet jam and bitter coffee will always conquer all. 

𝑁𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝐼 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑤𝑎𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑜 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝐹𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝐼 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑚𝑦 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑢𝑑𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑠𝑜 𝑚𝑢𝑐ℎ 𝑚𝑜𝑟𝑒

the shrill rattle of the alarm’s ring stirs me awake. i realize, belatedly, that we’d forgotten to shut it off again, the otherwise silence of a perfectly tranquil weekend shattering indelicately. the birds are still by the window, i find; the ruffle of brown-tipped feathers by the ivory frame a picturesque view. without realizing, you’ve shuffled out of bed and settled behind me, your presence existing in only lethargic mumbles as you take me in your hold. 

𝑊𝑒 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑘𝑒𝑒𝑝 𝑚𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑎𝑙𝑜𝑛𝑔 𝐼 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 ℎ𝑎𝑑 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑎 𝑠𝑜𝑛𝑔

“morning, you.” they’re our first words to each other, still hazy from the late night’s affairs. despite the schedule-free day, our bodies have yet to adjust to a full night’s length of sleep. and so, sights set on the kitchen with breakfast on the mind, the tune selected to accompany our morning is one of the very first that found meaning in our love. the mechanical whir of the coffee machine is pleasant even in the early hours of light. we couldn’t go without, could we? beans. water. drip. sugar. stir. 

𝑃𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑡 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑦 𝑓𝑎𝑖𝑡ℎ; 𝐼 𝑗𝑢𝑠𝑡 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑎𝑚𝑎𝑧𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐸𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑦 𝑑𝑎𝑦 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑛𝑖𝑔ℎ𝑡 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝑚𝑎𝑘𝑒 𝑚𝑒 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙 𝑎𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑒

before we know it, we’re greeted with fruity aromas, the patter of paws, and the beginnings of a cheese omelette you swirl so effortlessly in the pan. I’m chopping away beside you, as I do, growing piles of mushroom and pepper scraped neatly onto plates. the toaster dings sweetly, and breakfast is ready. you reach for plates while mine find the cutlery, and you flash me that knowing smile. we’re a team. 

there’s no one else I want to greet my mornings with. 

𝑇ℎ𝑎𝑛𝑘 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑦𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒

[re-d-amo]

— chapter iv.

to think that just short of a year ago we were still laughing about our gravemate status, securing the promises of retirement plans with my platonic friend jaebeom hyung is nearly unthinkable. that the uncertainty of when we’d ever see each other again had dawned on our beings, let alone being able to imagine that we’d ever be a couple. 

six months ago, we fell in love. we, because we didn’t know, until we did. it’s the moment of realization when there’s blood on your palms and your knees are raw that you see that you’ve tripped, without knowing how, or from what, or where you’re meant to go next. and in the road ahead, we fell a few more times. I learned that uphill battles don’t really take you up hill, you’re simply pushed off the path until you find it again. I didn’t know how much I loved you — I simply knew I did. that even without a horse to get back on, I’d return to that gravel road, feet bare, knowing you were waiting on the other side.

learning how much I loved came in many forms. yes, it was the days where I missed you after you’d just said goodbye. it was the excitement of seeing you at my doorstep early the next morning, with the promise of hot coffee and fresh croissants and the only smile that brightened up any day. it was the moments of melancholy; where I yearned only to hear your voice. to be encased in your arms when the rest of the world just couldn’t get it right. but it was also the worst of them — the gut wrenching, the soul shattering. the tears, the sleepless nights, the times spent feeling so forlorn. when it felt cold, it was my best friend I couldn’t reach out to. 

I could say I never want to feel that way again. anyone would. a rose without thorns wouldn’t be called a rose. yet in the same vein, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. were it not for the bumps, they wouldn’t call it love. but I accept it. that such is inevitable and it’s okay to feel it again. you will always be worth coming home to. 

four months ago, I asked you to be mine. I suppose in many ways, you always have been. my partner in crime. my best friend. my hyung and leader. 

two months ago, you asked me to stay forever. how could I refuse when the home I built wasn’t the home I had, rather the person who gave me all the warmth of the world, and who gave me his heart. 

once upon a time I said it’d be okay to be your friend. I said you’d have me in any, and every capacity. now, I can’t fathom a life where I’m not loving you with everything I have. I don’t want a future where you’re not in every day of it. I can’t imagine not being... yours. 

I didn’t know it was possible to love another so fervently — only the privilege of which I had to love you granted me such invaluable knowledge.

it had to be you.

happy four months, im jaebeom.

✘  ✘  ✘

something a little different this month.

snippets, as we like to say. capturing moments in time like photographs representative of not only the best, but also what’s to come.

so here are some of our favourite tracks, mixed with our favourite memories. all of them remind me of you, and make me hope for continued adventure no matter where we go.

⯮ headphones, both sides.

⯮ open https://re-d-amo.tumblr.com/soundtracks 

⯮ click on each photo for the corresponding track

⯮ click play on each post, listen and read (one at a time only) 

⯮ share your thoughts with me?

enjoy, my love. 

✘ pjy.

[re-d-amo]

— 𝒅𝒓𝒖𝒏𝒌 𝒐𝒏 𝒖.

𝐼 𝑑𝑜𝑛'𝑡 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑖𝑓 𝐼'𝑚 𝑑𝑟𝑢𝑛𝑘 𝑜𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢

𝐵𝑎𝑏𝑦, 𝐼'𝑚 𝑠𝑜 𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜𝑢

𝑁𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑓𝑒𝑒𝑙𝑠 𝑏𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑒𝑟 𝑡ℎ𝑎𝑛 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛' 𝑦𝑜𝑢

                                              ・・・・✖・・・・

coursing through my veins, I drink you in. thick in my blood it moves; you're intoxication, exhilaration,

so nice it is when you dizzy me with the way you move on my body; each inch you claim so drunk on your ecstasy, high off your love; 

hypnotic.

in your euphoria I’ve found addiction your poison I inhale to leave me gasping, quivering in its wake the aftertaste, your name; the tender kiss of your lips.

I’m so tipsy, can’t you see — how your words sweeten me like nectar lips stained like wine. each titillating against my throat

you taste my pulse, beating

only you, only you, only you.

[re-d-amo]

— 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒘𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒚𝒐𝒖’𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒂𝒎𝒆𝒅.

"𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑏𝑒𝑐𝑜𝑚𝑒 𝑟𝑒𝑠𝑝𝑜𝑛𝑠𝑖𝑏𝑙𝑒, 𝑓𝑜𝑟𝑒𝑣𝑒𝑟, 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑤ℎ𝑎𝑡 𝑦𝑜𝑢 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑡𝑎𝑚𝑒𝑑."

                                                         ・・・・☆・・・・

“𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝑖𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑡𝑎𝑚𝑒 𝑚𝑒, 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑤𝑒 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑑 𝑒𝑎𝑐ℎ 𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟. 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑒, 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑤𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑. 𝑡𝑜 𝑦𝑜����, 𝐼 𝑠ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑖𝑞𝑢𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑙𝑑.”

                                                         ・・・・☆・・・・

she said, 'you are responsible for your rose.'

a rose that will have my utmost care. a rose that will receive my nourishment every day; a rose that will drink gracefully from my hands.

I grew my rose with time, with patience. I spoke to it of my love; caressed velvet petals between my fingers;  I watered it with words tumbled off gentle tongues pillowed by plump couplets nurtured by the lullabies I croon.

sometimes, I want to shield my rose in glass. not to hide its thorns, nor for wilted leaves;  for the shed of petals I gather, I keep every last bloom. you’re mine, I say.  let me be your protector.

I want to offer it sunlight, but fear only its wither in its brilliance. I want to give shade in sleep, but fear the frost of night. 

dainty it may be, but frail it is not; it withstands storms and showers and sacrifices beauty for new breath;  with thorns it pricks when danger draws near.

my rose is unique. it is the world that does not understand.

my rose is beautiful. and I’ll never let it forget its importance

to the me who sees the universe in its smile.