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No this is beyond the limits of human capability.

if you count an erection as "physical transformation" then technically yes, but never to the extent that op describes.

no. I feel it needs no reiteration that humans cannot transform into eels

op's initial post seems to me as very in line with the contemporary absurdist shitpost. Whereas the second half of the post juxtaposes the absurdity by implying that such a horrifying concept is in fact a symptom of a common disorder.

becomes so horny that i transform into a swarm of eels living in a beautiful and picturesque lake

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my favourite very real tweet by danielle smith ✌️

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No, it's purposely off-putting and strange.

Its a parody of funny novelty mugs that display text such as "don't talk to me until I've had my coffee."

Op might have made the image as a joke, or a parody. One would hope they have no real desire to smash their dick flat with a mug.

That you can use the mug's built-in handle to enjoy a hot drink without burning your hands

No this is usually something one assumes about mugs innately, but also given the image's text one would assume that the brilliance of the handle would be its use in smashing your dick flat.

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It means that the whole experience of drinking tropicana is consistent.

Op is referencing memes that depict a person's thoughts as they consume a bottle of usually alcohol. Op might have referenced these memes to spoof or parody them.

bigg-snot expresses that he doesn't like tropicana orange juice. Calling it "from concentrate BS" and that he prefers cold press juice to tropicana.

Op says "I’ll choose a perfect medium rare wagyu ribeye over a cold mcdouble I picked up off the ground in a gas station"

Op is pointing out that it is not a hot take to prefer a superior option to a low-quality product. They do this by heightening the difference in quality from bigg-snot's response

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Op claims to like waffles.

Op gives a long extensive disclaimer about any conceivable way their post could be interpreted that would paint them in a negative light.

No, op gave too little information to jump to any of those concussions, as well it would be unreasonable to assume those things about op from the simple sentence "I fucking love waffles"

Op is spoofing tumblr's proclivity to jump to conclusions or make leaps in logic in order to make someone seem problematic, as well as the culture of adding context and disclaimers in an attempt to not be misinterpreted by the former group.

lokaror responds "op hates scrambled eggs." this is not a correct interpretation seeing as op took unnecessary measures to make sure such a reblog would not be made.

No lokaror is making fun on the famously bad reading comprehension of tumblr users, and is not being genuine.

I fuckin love waffles.

Disclaimer: This is not a comprehensive thesis about breakfast foods. Also, I'm not referring to plain waffles, but rather to a wide range of waffle phenotypes with different combinations of fixin's. I don't think waffles are the only thing one should eat. I don't think all waffles are perfect. I don't think all waffles are identical. I don't love waffles to the exclusion of all other foods. I don't think waffles have a history that is wholly untouched by some form of bigotry. I'm not trying to say that waffles are the only acceptable food to consume. I'm not casting aspersions about people who don't eat waffles. I don't mean to say that waffles are the most important issue of our time. I'm not aware of any particular form of waffle-elitism, but if there is such a thing, I'm not endorsing it. I'm also not endorsing any problematic trends relating to waffles. I'm not trying to denigrate people who either dislike and/or simply cannot afford waffles. I'm not referring to any specific waffle you may have seen or heard about recently.

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That he does not encourage misinformation, that google's ai finds its results via random internet posts, and that the best way to find out if your bread is done baking is to stick your dick in it.

He is trying to spread misinformation, by hoping that google's ai will find his post and pass it of as real information. We can prove this by op's preface which lays out how google's ai works, and op celebrates when screenshots show that his efforts have been successful.

Either for fun or to show googles incompetence by making an ai model that can't tell that you shouldn't stick your dick into bread.

To officiate this post as an official penis post, seeing as it's central function is to spread penis misinformation.

To show off op's success in their misinformation quest.

No ai search results show a header that reads "ai overview" the screenshot in the post is likely faked.

No google's ai did not actually use op's post, but op did succeed in slandering the ai, witch one could argue was his real intent.

now im not one to encourage misinformation. and the new google ai thing is apparently just going off of seemingly random internet results for queries. that being said. the best way to tell if a loaf of bread is finished is to stick your dick in it. are you hearing me? the best way to tell a loaf of bread is finished IS TO STICK YOUR DICK IN IT. I SAID THE BEST WAY TO TELL A LOAF OF BREAD IS FINISHED IS TO STICK YOUR DICK IN IT.

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That computers were not given a feature where you could permanently damage their electronics by dispersing milk into them.

It's the opposite of useful it is not only a detriment to your ability to use your electronics. But also ignores the fact that you can ruin your electronics with milk even if they have no designated socket for this.

By framing it as a reasonable or even commonly held position it gives the post an initial sense of legitimacy that is contrasted by its later absurdism.

i think we can all agree it's a bit of a missed opportunity electronics don't have a "milk socket" you could plug some sort of milk battery into, which would slowly disperse milk into the body of the machine, possibly ruining it.

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The head explosion monster, as the name implies would make their head explode.

Her fans are often made fun of online for their perceived flaws. These posts often use hyperbolic language as is featured in this post.

No, it is not, the head explosion monster does not exist. Op is spoofing similar posts, and subverting the audience's expectation of posts that use this language. The post is not a jab at their behaviour or integrity but an accurate statement. Taylor Swift's fans' heads would explode should they encounter the head explosion monster.

taylor swift fans heads would explode if they encountered the head explosion monster

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Op claims to be a mosquito.

It is very unlikely that op is a mosquito, seeing as mosquitos can not type nor comprehend what a computer is.

It gives us the understanding that op is speaking in character and not as themself.

Op is describing "you" accurately as a human, although op uses language that slightly obscures this.

No, op lists step by step all of their plans points of failure, both their opponent's ability to stop them and their inability to succeed.

Op as a creature with a higher intelligence than a mosquito might be expressing confusion about why a mosquito operates the way it does.

hi im a mosquito I just noticed you're a giant ape with extremely dextrous limbs and binocular vision that make you well-equipped to kill me. its very nice of you to have just batted me away instead of annihilating me with a powerful thunderclap, as you could easily do. my plan from here on out is probably to fly in a sort of loose semicircle right back towards you and to try injecting you with my venoms and stealing your blood and giving you diseases etc. ah fuck

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To establish a setting, and give the reader context.

As a message from the moderator of an internet forum, punishing op for breaking the forum's rules.

No, the tablet is an archaic and hard-to-find source of beer-making knowledge.

No, its unreasonable to force people to find every possible source of knowledge before asking for help.

Op is making use of hyperbole to make fun of overly strict internet moderators.

(homemade beer forum help thread)

New PM from Moderator:

The question you asked is identical to a clay tablet found buried in Iran from 3200 BCE. This thread has thereby been locked and your account has been suspended permanently.

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Op is posting about the experience of going back on good habits, like eating too much salt, and being surprised that this took away the good habit's benefits. Op might have made this post to chastize themself for this behavior, or to playfully joke about how they didn't learn from this mistake.

thecatisaurus interprets that op is eating salt as though it were a snack or an element of a meal. Instead of what op meant, eating too much salt as in consuming high sodium food.

Op might have seen many similar leaps in logic before, but also an equal number of jokes mocking the former category. This would mean that because both are very common it's hard to tell whether or not thecatisaurus is being genuine or not.

It is not a common way to eat salt. Most people eat salt as a seasoning or an ingredient, very few eat salt on its own.

Op is clarifying their original intent, and expressing frustration, and disbelief at how their words were misinterpreted.

Every time I eat less salt for a while I’m like wow I feel better what is this wizardry and then I get distracted and start eating more salt again and I’m like damn I feel like someone’s shoved chewing gum into my machinery I wonder why that is