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[readytothrive]

Drowning

Have you ever felt like someone was drowning you with their love? 

I have never experienced someone who had so much time and attention to devote to “loving” me. I was the independent woman unwilling to enter into relationships for a couple of years and to give someone a chance was a big step. It was something I had avoided at all costs and this person knew that about me. It put me in a very vulnerable position emotionally and now I realize that is exactly how I end up being a victim to the bullshit that I tend to fall into. Its like men prey on your insecurities..in this case, he knew that I had been hurt in a previous relationship so he played the Knight in Shining Armor role in courting me. He was so much “like me”...having the same interests...liking the same things. It all started to feel very convenient when his actions started to be inconsistent with what we discussed as being like in relationships. 

After months of being very persistently pursued by him, it was like As SOON as I verbally expressed interest in this guy, he completely changed his approach to something that is so unattractive to me. It has all been too much, too soon. The feelings I had started to feel never had a proper chance to grow, like a plant that is watered every hour of the day, its not going to survive even tho water is essential to life - I mean, there is definitely something called “too much of a good thing”. The things he does to express his “love” for me has the opposite effect than what he intends. Every day I feel “bribed” with gifts or money, inundated with overly affectionate messages, and almost “stalked” on social media. If I don’t feel like talking on the phone or texting with him... and instead make a post on a social media account, he will interact with me there or call or text b/c he knows I’m actively on my phone. To me, this is like an invasion of my space or private time. I’ve expressed my feelings before that I needed some space b/c this became so serious so fast. He says he will try to give me the space I need to focus on myself but then at the same time, he constantly contacts me. He literally cannot leave me the fuck alone for a single day. It is the most annoying thing in the world to feel like someone is hovering over you wanting to be a part of your every breath. 

There are so many things I can continue to write about this but I’ll definitely have future posts on this matter b/c it’s made me look pretty deep within myself and learning some things about myself in the process. I just have to do the very hard thing of breaking it to this guy that he has totally ruined his chances with me and has completely scared me off.