real-liya

[real-liya]

im back!

im still alive and struggling like always....

[real-liya]

Someone Spent $371.85 yesterday on me and it felt hella good. Can’t wait to return the favor I love my new stuff can’t wait to wear it! That is how you treat someone who means the world to you!

[real-liya]

The truth pt.1

The truth is something horrible happened to me a year ago and I know I shouldn’t let it define me but I do I let it break me down till I was nothing but dirt. I no longer loved myself I no longer cared about myself or anything . And I started do reckless things that if I would have continued to do them could have got me killed all bc of one poor decision I made. I let that day break me down so low to where I wouldn’t look myself in face in the mirror bc all I saw was pure disgust. I’m getting the help I need but it’s not working bc i only ever told two people the full story and who was actually there and i felt like i was breaking new ground in my life. But still on nights like today when all I can think about is that night I sit here and wonder why did I even allow it to happened but then i remember i was so blinded the i never would have seen it coming from a mile away even if I tried. My mom know something is wrong with me but I refuse to tell her I figured I would tell her when I leaving for college so I wouldn’t have to tell my dad it’s a messed up thing to do but I just don’t wanna have to deal with the looks my mom would give me bc I know it would honestly break my heart to pieces. I can’t imagine how hurt she would be when I tell her because it will explain everything in my life. But I guess I’m just scared to make that step in my life. I guess I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it ...

(4-2-18 @12:51am yes I am sober)

[real-liya]

Losing everyone around me now like wtf is going on literally got no one in my corner like I’m literally alone asf now . Just great!

[real-liya]

Bc I was under the weather last weekend so I went to the salon and told them to cut my hair and she asked my why and I said bc I wanna cut not just my damaged hair but my damaged heart and mind and people out of my life and when she was done cutting I felt a huge relief and now I can finally look a see what I was too blind to see all those things that weren’t me I’m happy and full of life I’m a changed person and everyone likes the new me and so do i!

“I remember crying over you and I don’t mean a couple of tears and I’m blue. I’m talking about collapsing and screaming at the moon.”

— The Avett Brothers, Tear Down the House (via hplyrikz)

[real-liya]

This kid here

I’ll spend weekends with him anytime we cut up clown Jose and vide we got to cloud nine together and we chill. Couldn’t ask for anything better can’t wait till Monday when I get to see him again. I hate having to leave him bc being around him I just feel so alive and when we are apart it’s like ... boring asf. He is definitely the best I can just look at him and get happy see him smile and instantly brightens my day hear his voice and I’ll instantly smile he’s too cute I swear been rocking with him since the fifth grade most be ment to be if we keep ending up together no matter what . I can’t wait till I see him again.

[real-liya]

JME if u can see this block me on everything and I mean everything

This might be my last post for a while I haven’t quite decided if I’m gonna delete this app yet or not but yeah I honestly don’t even know what to do anymore I’m feeling so inspired to write but the words don’t want to be put on paper everything is sort of falling into place ig except the day of my birthday my life will be completely different and I’m telling important people in my life things that really matter now and I feel a lot safer still trying to learn to forgive myself but that will definitely take sometime to heal bc those emotional scares run DEEP. I’m glad to see he’s happy ya life if going well for himself and I’m proud. My is going well too and we are taking baby step to make my life the way it was 6 years ago. We are slowing getting there but at least we are on the right track which is more than I could have said just about two months ago. I’m becoming truly happy with myself now and I feel like i will be okay. I’m proud of myself I’m making big changes in my life and i feel good about it and I’m happy. My self confidence is building up more and more everyday and for that I’m grateful I have been blessed with a wonderful person in my life who makes me happy and helps when life gets tough or when maybe I’m thinking too much and I need a healthy distraction. We never fight we get along great I get to see him all the time I love it. Like when you see us together it’s like we best friends because we clown we laugh and we play fight all the time and we vide together. I can really tell he down for me fr like I trust him more than I have ever trusted somebody before like he is just someone who understands me more than what I’m used to. He always makes me smile and I’m just speechless around him. I love him to death and would do anything for him and his mom really likes me like that’s a plus and my mom loves him which is also a plus. He helped me realize that just because a horrible thing happened to me not to let it define me as a person which I no longer do. He loves me to death and would most definitely do anything for me. after my performance one morning he came to see me and I was so happy to see him . I couldn’t ask for a better boyfriend . This is the first time I have ever been happy and stress free all at the same time because of one person. Like I thought this year was going to shut because of the hard break up but now this year is looking like it’s finna be my year everything is going right for me and I most definitely couldn’t be happier. I can’t wait to see what the future has for me and him but i got a hint that’s it’s looking bright! (3-10-18 @11:49pm)

[real-liya]

“...Unofficially gone”

Part 3

[real-liya]

I know his is a stretch but j can u be my shoulder to cry on or am I asking for too much?!

[real-liya]

“Me enamoré de ti ... pero juega con fuego y te quemarás ... no quiero estar vivo”

https://translate.google.com/m/translate#en/es/im%20in%20love%20with%20you%20...%20but%20play%20with%20fire%20and%20youll%20get%20burned%20...%20i%20dont%20wanna%20be%20alive

[real-liya]

Nataka kukukumbatia na kumbusu na kamwe usiache

https://translate.google.com/m/translate

[real-liya]

i wish the noise in my head would turn to dust for complete silence and peaceful nights i wish all my tears would dry out make me feel whole inside

t.m. (via tmpoem)

[real-liya]

This is killing me like I wanna cent to you but I don’t wanna confuse u and then I want you to know how I feel but then I don’t man idk let me go to bed (2-19-18 @10:17)

[real-liya]

The hug messed me up

We talked and I tired so hard not to look at you because I know if I did would have to fight back to erge to ...

Kiss you even though I can’t and you can’t kiss me back

But when we were talking I started to cry bc the sound of your voice made me relax and feel safe and sound in a way that only one other person can

I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that I don’t miss you bc I would be lying to you

I’m not gonna sit here and tell you i don’t love you bc I’m in love with you

But it’s just ....

Complicated

And now I’m sitting here stuck like chuck hoping you text me wanting to be friends

Isn’t that crazy

[real-liya]

[real-liya]

Being yourself no matter what

Trying to be someone else make me feel like less of a person

Makes me feel plastic in a way

By the i mean it makes me feel like no one notices me

You can’t hide in someone’s shadow forever

You have to create your own shadow

Stop doing things everyone else is doing just because they are doing it

Do it because it makes you feel alive or more like your self

Love yourself unconditionally no matter

I don’t care if someone calls you ugly the year that you lost your world

Love yourself

Even if you made one mistake one time and you are forever getting judged on it

Love your self

Even if people are constantly putting you down,

Your dad went to the store and never came back,

Or even your boyfriend dumps you

Love yourself

Don’t let anything stop you from being your own biggest supporter

Even if your ugly be yourself

Pretty be your self

No one can tell you not to be your self

You are your own person

You have your own thoughts

Your own life

No one can live it for you be your self till the day you die

Because when ur old and you have kids you’ll wish you would have been yourself when you had the chance

By then you would have dug a hole so big that you can’t get out of it

People will think you’d like Beyoncé when your really like Tina from sister sisters

Be your self !

[real-liya]

... in archive

Part 2