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i will lick yuour Poosay for €4.

Whaddaye say?

Sloppy Astyle??

(quite an alluring ofer if i do sayso myzelf……..

line 1: german pervert

line 2: scottish pervert

line 3: italian pervert

line 4: average frenchman

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no animal was harmed during the making of this video. not one. for the few minutes that we were shooting film, the guns of each hunter fell silent. the industrial bolt throwers observed a moment's peace and the jaws of every predator hung softly open. no fish bit any hook and the bait worms held off on drowning only until the cameras stopped. the tails of ruminants ceased to flick just as their attendant flies, in unison, landed on their flanks to catch their tiny breaths. a spider instantly stopped winding silk around a wasp, patiently waiting for the caesura to end. a young veterinarian paused with the syringe in their hand. somewhere, a colicky baby stopped biting its mother's nipple and nursed happily for the very first time. we're sorry. we're sorry it couldn't have been longer. we didn't know this would happen.

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so I got into grad school today with my shitty 2.8 gpa and the moral of the story is reblog those good luck posts for the love of god

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my coworker accidentally doordashed 8 baja blasts #bounteousblasts

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dashboard simulator

mutual 1: IM GOING TO KILL MYSELF

mutual 2, 5, 9 and 7: [unrelated disco elysium fanart reblogs]

mutual 3: buying two-ply toilet paper makes you part of the bourgeoisie. stop fucking sending me anons about it i literally doooont care

mutual 4: i want a robot gf so i can spray her with the garden hose and then fill her with rice as a sex thing

mutual 1: JUST MASTURJACKED MY MEATUMS #NEVERKILLYOURSELF

mutual 5: guess who just got diagnosed with another personality disorder

mutual 6: [my little pony fancomic reblog where one of them is smoking weed]

mutual 7: i NEED him to skin me alive and wear me as a coat sooooooooo bad its not even funny dude

mutual 8: [spotify link with 1 note]

mutual 9: [20 informal posts in a row about various birds]

mutual 10: does anybody know how to do anything at all

mutual 1: CAUSE WHEN WE JUMPING AND POPPING WE JOPPING

mutual 11: [filtered post]

mutual 12: [filtered post]

mutual 13: [filtered post]

mutual 6: i am placin blocks & shit cuz im in fuckin minecraft. flint and steel. flint and steel. chicken jockey. flint and steel. chicken jockey

mutual 14: [filtered post]

mutual 1: [blurry flash picture of them running through the woods]

mutual 15: [filtered post]

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which 3 US presidents do you think would be the best omegas and which 3 bisexual pop stars would be their best matched alphas

1) John Adams

John Adams was a tireless advocate for the revolution (i.e. topping from the bottom) and he once described himself as "obnoxious, suspected, and unpopular" - "he was known for his bluntness, impatience, and tendency to be easily frustrated with those who disagreed with him." As a brat in Congress, his personality was repulsive, but everyone listened to him and they all still wanted him. They wanted him so bad they made him president. Kind of makes you think.

His match:

Adams needs someone with a strong personality to challenge his - someone who's not afraid to repel the mainstream in order to realize their vision. Gaga has it, and he needs it. "Bad Romance" in many way encompasses Adams' struggles through the 1776 Continental Congress. They could teach each other much.

2) Theodore Roosevelt

A man dedicated to the preservation of natural parks and ecological wonders - and for what? To run through the trees under the full moon as his pheromones wafted through the air? We know.

His match:

Grimes once described herself as becoming "way less gay" after she became pregnant, which is 1) weird, and 2) the reason I'm sticking her with Teddy. I don't think that he could fix her completely, but she seems the type to maintain no moral compass of her own, simply adopting the political ideology of whomever she's with, so maybe there's hope. Maybe Grimes could introduce Teddy to shrooms, and Teddy could take her out on trips in the forest. And then we can find out if Grimes getting a man pregnant makes her more or less gay.

3) Richard Nixon

Best known for his one legendary debate with the handsome JFK, wherein he became a stuttering, sweating mess, unable to focus or say what he meant. Interesting!

His match:

Bisexual icon Taylor Swift is also struggling to appease both sides of the political aisle. They could share their woes and their love of good ol' fashioned Americana, and then Taylor could tie him to the wall and make him bark like a dog. The pregnancy would be difficult on both of them with Taylor's extremely busy schedule, and Nixon would regrettably terminate it in the second trimester, causing a rift in the relationship that would never be mended. The resulting laments that Taylor composed about Nixon's abortion would of course be dissected and attributed to a secret relationship with a woman - Nixon's wife.

I welcome critical analysis.

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nothing makes me cry like the embankment tube station voiceover story !!! nothing !!!!!!!

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mutuals can always dm me but be warned i talk like your coworker who is trying too hard to get to know you and my response times are akin to the response times you might get if we were communicating by letter

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Thanks man

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next season on the pitt when someone comes in with a firework stuck up their ass and dr robby hits em with this stare

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Fake laughed at a customer's joke today and dropped the smile within milliseconds of them turning around. when I tell you that I felt like Patrick fucking Bateman

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Extremely entry-level no-fun-allowed hater moment incoming but. You, tumblr user, does that post actually "go harder that it has any right to" or are you just easily impressed by flowery prose with vaguely religious tone?

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how busy are you guys that you can't spend a few days sorting beetles?

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