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Did the English come up with any system of standardized measurement that was not patently ridiculous

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via @b.sharise

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on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport the first person on the moon went there by accident and promptly died. The next dozen or so people also went by accident, and also died. Number 14 figured out that people who go to the moon die and very cleverly brought a sword and six weeks of travel rations. This did not help.

No one on Planet Where Everyone Can Teleport ever figured out why people die in space because they don’t need airplanes and never found it particularly interesting to climb tall mountains. Astronomers use telescopes to take pictures of the ever-growing pile of corpses on the moon.

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My wife wants to rewatch Buffy the Vampire Slayer so I'm watching it for the first time and every time that Angel guy shows up I can only think of this:

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If you want to lament, click on the "Lament" tab. Customize your wailing, writhing, and babbling, to make each lamentation a unique experience.

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who else up hurkleing their durkleing

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my foreskin is cold

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being anti-divorce is so fucking bonkers to me like yeah i think you're morally obligated to stay with some shithead who you hate forever. this is a normal and healthy thing to believe. let's have kids together and force them to grow up being raised by two people who hate each other. yeah this might fuck them up mentally during the most formative years of their life but it's the morally righteous thing to do. if there's one thing god loves it's traumatized children. i'm getting into heaven for sure

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Jan Frans De Boever (1872–1949) - Le pacte (The Pact), c. 1900

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look! the moonlight shows us for what we really are. we are not among the living, and so we cannot die — but neither are we dead.

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I hate when there's no toilet paper coming out the bottom of these gentlemen and you have to tickle its nutsack to de-piss yourself

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Making a shitty one-page RPG called Oh Shit It’s the Killer. The premise is simple: you’re a high schooler spending the weekend in the woods with your besties. The Killer is there also. He is trying to the Kill you

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