reanfreaksyouout

[reanfreaksyouout]

If I die, peace!

[reanfreaksyouout]

I want the year to be ok. I want to want to take care of my mental health. I want to do it. I don't need material things, i just need help. I need my confidence back. I'm happy with my marriage, I'm not happy with myself. I need help. I'm depressed all the time, my wife don't even know that she constantly disrespect me because I gave up on me. I gave up on myself. I don't wanna live my life, i hope I die to end this misery. I just can't do it. I need help.

[reanfreaksyouout]

I can't kill myself today, just not today.

[reanfreaksyouout]

Nobody will understand the trauma, nobody would care to understand what this trauma is. I should just die.

[reanfreaksyouout]

I always intend to kill myself, but unfortunately i never had the courage and will to do it. I just want to die. I never get respect, i always get blamed. I am good for nothing. I am constantly being disrespected and I can't stand up for myself because if I do, I again will be blamed and will be wrong. Bu i really want to die now, just to end this trauma, just to end my life. I want to end my life. It is how I made to be, to feel useless and to be disrespected. But unfortunately killing myself stops my pain and the world needs me to be tortured with this trauma.

[reanfreaksyouout]

I am begging for death, please God. Fast death, quick! I don't care if it's painful, just kill me please.

[reanfreaksyouout]

I'm afraid to gain the strength to kill myself, end myself and just be free. I'm afraid to gain the strength. I'm so miserable please help me not feel this way. Help me get the respect for myself. I don't wanna end myself but it is the only way out. I want to end myself. End my life. Kill myself, just kill myself.

[reanfreaksyouout]

At this point, I should just really kill myself. Or I hope, I wish..I beg that God kills me in my sleep. Please!

[reanfreaksyouout]

i'm hanging by a thread

[reanfreaksyouout]

I'll say yes to anything that keeps the fire burning

[reanfreaksyouout]

Instead of begging for respect, why don't I just kill myself..

[reanfreaksyouout]

It's just a feeling, what's shame anyway, right?

[reanfreaksyouout]

I'd rather die, now.

[reanfreaksyouout]

My head can only contain a finite number of trauma and self disappointment it is asking for it to KMS immediately. Please just let it be fast and painless

[reanfreaksyouout]

See, I don't get any fucking respect, i told the world about it and it told me that yeah, i will not get any respect and I might as well turn into dust

[reanfreaksyouout]

About 21 or so years ago, as I was applying to colleges I would ultimately never go to, Fall Out Boy began as a little pop punk side project of what we assumed was Pete’s more serious band Arma Angelus. We were sloppy and we couldn’t solidify a lineup, but the three of us (Pete, Joe, and I) were having way too much fun to give up on it.

We were really rough around the edges. As an example of how rough, one of my favorite teachers pulled me aside after hearing the recording that would become “Evening Out With Your Girlfriend,” and tactfully said “What do you think your best instrument is Patrick? Drums. It’s drums. Probably not singing Patrick.” 

We went into Smart Studios with the Sean O’Keefe…. So there we were, 3/5 of a band with a singer who’d only been singing a year, no drummer, and one out of two guitarists. But we had the opportunity to record with Sean and record at Butch Vig’s legendary studio.

8 or so months later, Fueled By Ramen would give us a contract to record the remaining songs. We’d sleep on floors, eat nothing but peanut butter and jelly, live in a van for the next 3 years, and somehow in spite of that eventually play with Elton John and Taylor Swift and Jay-Z and for President Obama and for the NFC championship, and all these other wildly unpredictable and unlikely things. But none of that would ever come close to happening if Andy hadn’t made it to the session and Joe hadn’t dragged us kicking and screaming into being a band. 

Happy 20th birthday Take This To Your Grave, you weird brilliant lightning strike accident of a record that absolutely changed my life. 

———

p.s. just dropped some TTTYG anniversary merch in our webstore to celebrate. also working on something special for a vinyl reissue but you’ll have to wait a sec on that one 🤐

[reanfreaksyouout]

 I have all this thing in my head but I am willing to let this go, I wanna live, I wanna stay alive.