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Parrot Toadstool (Gliophorus psittacinus)

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Let me know if you need another man for this....

Just to help out .......

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what if Damian wasn’t sent to Bruce by Talia and instead decided to do a bit of early child-rebellion by running away to him himself. Talia, pissed off but too busy dealing with uprisings in the league to go track him down herself, calls up the person Damian is most likely to listen to other than her; his brother, who she trusts to keep him safe.

the thing is, Jason is 1: busy with his own missions atm 2: was also once a rebellious little asshole who liked to run away from home. he was Damian’s tutor once, he knows the kid can handle himself and he also knows if he CAN’T handle something he’ll contact Jason for help. he knows this because about a week before Talia called him, Damian called him.

Jason, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder: what do you want, i’m undercover

Damian: i require money for a fake passport.

Jason:

Jason, letting go of the guy he was beating up: alright you have my attention.

Damian: i am running away from home. i wish to do something ‘for the lore’ like the stories you used to tell me as a child.

Jason:

Jason ‘i’m going to ethiopia’ Todd: there’s some stuff in the fake panel under my bed. don’t tell me where you’re going, i don’t want to be complicit when Talia calls. also don’t die, because if you do i’m gonna make you eat dirt once you get out of the pit.

Damian: understood. if i am about to die, i shall call again.

Jason: have fun kiddo.

so Jason tells Talia he’ll ‘keep an eye out for any leads’ and then goes back to his normal business. league missions, his own missions, some outlaw shit, and eventually he ends up crime lording it up in Gotham. he’s a little confused when Tim Drake is seen swinging around as Red Robin rather than just Robin, but he got over his obsession with the Robin shit a while ago, so he ignores it.

until he runs into Batman and Robin. and there isn’t a mask in the fucking world that could hide his kid brother’s face from him.

Red Hood:

Robin:

Red Hood:

Robin:

Batman: why are you two staring at each other like that. what’s happening.

Robin:

Red Hood: *deep sigh*

Robin: are you going to tell mother-

Red Hood: -when you said ‘like the stories i used to tell you’.

Robin: *looks at the floor*

Red Hood: i did NOT think you meant running to a different country to find your birth parent. you fucking COPIER.

Robin:

Robin: …but you made being Robin sound so cool…

Batman: what the fuck are you two talking about?

Red Hood, pointing: you stay out of this, this is family business.

Batman: ????

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Bruce showing Jason around after he first brings him home

Bruce: ...and don't worry all the chandeliers are reinforced so they won't break while you swing on them

Jason: Why would I do that?

Bruce: ...you don't want to swing on the chandeliers and parkour around the furniture?

Jason: No???

Bruce, tearing up: thank you

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Jason should have come back to the manor post-lazarus pit and revealed himself as Jason Todd but not told the rest of the family that he’s also Red Hood. can you imagine how fucking funny that would be.

Nightwing: honestly! my family is fucking INSANE! i swear the only good one is my little brother, he died and came back and decided to ditch the vigilante life.

Red Hood: oh shit really?

Nightwing: honestly probably the smartest one out of all of us, he’s reading in bed while we’re all out here on stakeouts!

Red Hood: interesting. tell me more about how this brother is the best of all of you.

~

Red Hood: so what are you guys getting the smart handsome not-vigilante brother for Christmas?

Nightwing, Red Robin, and Robin:

~

Batman: now i need all of you to have an equal share in the clean up-

Red Hood: yeah sorry, you aren’t MY dad, so i’m gonna dip. have fun cleaning!

the funniest part is when Dick and Tim decide that since Red Hood and Jason are so similar and Red Hood CLEARLY seems to like what he hears about Jason, that they should try to set the two up.

Jason, calling Roy at 4am: i need you in Gotham within the next hour so you can dress up as Red Hood and we can pretend that I’m sleeping with myself.

Roy:

Roy: i’m gonna get caught sneaking out of your bedroom with lipstick on your helmet

Jason: this is gonna be the funniest thing we’ve ever done.

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people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?

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Skibidi die.

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So here is an idea cause we don’t fool with Grayson’s name enough (idk if this has been done before):

Random person: so your name is Richard but you are called Dick?

Dick: yep 😀

Person: why not Rich?

Jason: cause he is not rich, he is a dick

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oh boy, i hope nothing bad happens to him

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Have y'all seen those posts like-

Fanon Dick: "Little Wing!! Oh, oh my God you're home!! My baby brother!!"

Canon Dick: "God, I wanna punch him just once"

It kinda makes me think... since Jason and Dick are the two oldest, they're automatically the duo that can push each other's buttons the most. (I would know, I have the same dynamic with my older brother).

But ofc Jaybin wouldn't be able to do that. Yeah, they prolly joke but still having certain boundaries they won't cross.

But imagine Jason after coming back, all 6ft something double fridge sized build, just thought one day "Oh hey, I'm big as shit now I could prolly tank most of his hits" and decided from that day onwards to be the biggest little shit to Dick.

It's like a switch changed. now you could be chilling somewhere and outta nowhere two big ass dudes roll past you on the floor arguing and shit talking each other like teenagers. They punt each other with enough force to knock the lights outta somebody, yet they both weirdly enjoy the fuck out of it.

Posts of Nightwing and Red Hood going from verbally assaulting each other to straight up beating the shit outta each other has gone viral one too many times. And Bruce can't really do anything about it cuz well, at least they're getting along some way.

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Casual bat family?

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Being a woman in the olden days must’ve been so cool!!

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Just realized I posted this instead of drafting it🙃

I love the idea that in the grand scheme of things humans are more like the cockroaches of the universe like no matter how hot or cold or utterly unforgiving a place is for life if there is the slightest possibility that life can survive in a place you will still find humans like imagine

Quib's log #46(today markes the fourth week of galactic cycle that I have been stranded I'm space with nothing pushing me forward but my auxiliary boosters and even they have started to give out. Though luckily for me this ship was packed for a much longer trip so I have ample food stocks,but unfortunately for me the power is barely hanging on and is just able to sustain life support so I will be forced to land on the closest planet "able" to support life. I say that but it isn't much more than a glorified blob of water with out a stable anything. The temperatures range from anywhere between cold enough to easly prevent water form boiling in direct heat to hot enough boil me in my shell with out the help of tools.)

Quib's log#47(due to me not having the proper gear to survive in the colder climate I have decided to land on a island separate from the majority of the land to avoid any predators that may exist and that stays almost permanently hot. I have yet to step foot outside of my ship as I still do not know of the air is breathable due to its high levels of co2 and the fact that some how LIFE EXISTS ON THIS PLANET and the fact the one life forming scanned held enough toxins to kill an entire warships crew at once and it DID NOT HAVE LEGS so I have made the decision to stay inside for the time being until I get a reading of the air and that abomination leaves)

Quib's log#48(WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK)

Quib's log#49(my sincerest apologies about the last log. I HAD THOUGHT that this ship was air tight but during the landing a hole was put in the lining into the vents witch means 2 things the air is Not deadly and horrible things could get in, so yesterday as I opened the console to record my log Something skitterd across my window ON THE INSIDE it was tiny but moved so much faster that anything it's size should with its 8 legs and after scanning it as well it turns out IT WAS MORE TOXIC THAN THAT LONG THING so I ran and hid in the air tight food storage where I now- wait what was that *incomprehensible screeching*)

Quib's log 50(i did not expect that twice In a row I would end a memo yelling but the last time I heard something more terrifying than the little thing being in the ship. There was a calm knocking on my ship door. At first I thought I was going insane with the isolation but then I listened closer and heard something quiet it was some sort of vocalization so I used the ships outside cameras to look and saw 2 weird fleshey things they were about a head shorter than me and had these things on them that seemed to take the place of what they lacked in terms of hair scales or shells but what scared me most about them was the fact they weren't running to hide form all the other monsters out there. After a while of poking about the left but I fear they will come back)

Quibs log #51(it appears my fears were true about those things have returned but I think my fears were some what unfounded as when I had my computer scan them it appears that there is nothing quite so terrifying about them besides there above average endurance and there use of primitive tools like cloth to substitute armor but so far they seem to be much less threatening than anything else I've seen so far)

Quibs log #52( I was wrong! I was so so so wrong!! After the fleshey things left I thought I was safe but they once again came back but they came again turns out that the ones who came last time were just the young of that species and they had returned with their parental unit and they proved my previous assumption about there technology wrong as they pulled up in a motorized vehicle and after they got out they used a interment that used PLASMA to cut to enter my ship luckily due to the airlock doors I had time to hide my self in the vents to escape but now they left full access to the out side meaning all the other horrifying things can now get in)

Quibs log #53(I managed to put together what broke my ship. It turns out on further investigation that this planet is basically screaming into the void with all the raido signals being sent out and those managed to interfere with my wireless signals to my thrusters preventing them to fire but this is a good thing for 2 reasons as I was able to decode those signals to create a rudimentary translator and found out thoes fleshy things are caled Humans and if I find a way to block toes signals I can get off this world)

Quibs log #54(thoes humans came back and I managed to try to communicate with them but as it turns out they have multiple languages and I had tried to talk to them in a mix luckily I know this as it still properly translated what they said and luckily for me it appears that other things have visited this planet before as they were unsurprised by my existence)

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I love the idea that in the grand scheme of things humans are more like the cockroaches of the universe like no matter how hot or cold or utterly unforgiving a place is for life if there is the slightest possibility that life can survive in a place you will still find humans like imagine

Quib's log #46(today markes the fourth week of galactic cycle that I have been stranded I'm space with nothing pushing me forward but my auxiliary boosters and even they have started to give out. Though luckily for me this ship was packed for a much longer trip so I have ample food stocks,but unfortunately for me the power is barely hanging on and is just able to sustain life support so I will be forced to land on the closest planet "able" to support life. I say that but it isn't much more than a glorified blob of water with out a stable anything. The temperatures range from anywhere between cold enough to easly prevent water form boiling in direct heat to hot enough boil me in my shell with out the help of tools.)

Quib's log#47(due to me not having the proper gear to survive in the colder climate I have decided to land on a island separate from the majority of the land to avoid any predators that may exist and that stays almost permanently hot. I have yet to step foot outside of my ship as I still do not know of the air is breathable due to its high levels of co2 and the fact that some how LIFE EXISTS ON THIS PLANET and the fact the one life forming scanned held enough toxins to kill an entire warships crew at once and it DID NOT HAVE LEGS so I have made the decision to stay inside for the time being until I get a reading of the air and that abomination leaves)

Quib's log#48(WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK)

Quib's log#49(my sincerest apologies about the last log. I HAD THOUGHT that this ship was air tight but during the landing a hole was put in the lining into the vents witch means 2 things the air is Not deadly and horrible things could get in, so yesterday as I opened the console to record my log Something skitterd across my window ON THE INSIDE it was tiny but moved so much faster that anything it's size should with its 8 legs and after scanning it as well it turns out IT WAS MORE TOXIC THAN THAT LONG THING so I ran and hid in the air tight food storage where I now- wait what was that *incomprehensible screeching*)

Quib's log 50(i did not expect that twice In a row I would end a memo yelling but the last time I heard something more terrifying than the little thing being in the ship. There was a calm knocking on my ship door. At first I thought I was going insane with the isolation but then I listened closer and heard something quiet it was some sort of vocalization so I used the ships outside cameras to look and saw 2 weird fleshey things they were about a head shorter than me and had these things on them that seemed to take the place of what they lacked in terms of hair scales or shells but what scared me most about them was the fact they weren't running to hide form all the other monsters out there. After a while of poking about the left but I fear they will come back)

Quibs log #51(it appears my fears were true about those things have returned but I think my fears were some what unfounded as when I had my computer scan them it appears that there is nothing quite so terrifying about them besides there above average endurance and there use of primitive tools like cloth to substitute armor but so far they seem to be much less threatening than anything else I've seen so far)

Quibs log #52( I was wrong! I was so so so wrong!! After the fleshey things left I thought I was safe but they once again came back but they came again turns out that the ones who came last time were just the young of that species and they had returned with their parental unit and they proved my previous assumption about there technology wrong as they pulled up in a motorized vehicle and after they got out they used a interment that used PLASMA to cut to enter my ship luckily due to the airlock doors I had time to hide my self in the vents to escape but now they left full access to the out side meaning all the other horrifying things can now get in)

Quibs log #53(I managed to put together what broke my ship. It turns out on further investigation that this planet is basically screaming into the void with all the raido signals being sent out and those managed to interfere with my wireless signals to my thrusters preventing them to fire but this is a good thing for 2 reasons as I was able to decode those signals to create a rudimentary translator and found out thoes fleshy things are caled Humans and if I find a way to block toes signals I can get off this world)

Quibs log #54(thoes humans came back and I managed to try to communicate with them but as it turns out they have multiple languages and I had tried to talk to them in a mix luckily I know this as it still properly translated what they said and luckily for me it appears that other things have visited this planet before as they were unsurprised by my existence)

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Imagine aliens finding out about addiction like blarg the alien finds out that humans enjoy drinking alcohol and decides to bring some to his human ship mate barry and just

Blarg: I got you this *presents big ass bottle of replacted gray goose*

Barry: ...

Blarg: I thought your species liked this kind of thing ? Is there any thing I did wrong?

Barry: no.no.nothing like that it's just that I can't consume alcohol.

Blarg: that's weird when you joined the ship you didn't have any thing like that listed is your files about an allergy like that . I shall up date the files right away to make sure your safe!

Barry: thanks for the thought but it's not something like that... it's just for the longest time I drank heavily to the point I couldn't function with out it so I had to quit but it was always hard to stay sober in the beginning and I failed often as you couldn't just quit cold turkey when you got to the point I was as the withdrawals could be so bad that It could kill me and it was so hard to stop when you had to slowly lower the amount day by day when that required me to keep alcohol with in arms reach and it always felt so easy to just drink more. But in the end I managed and have been sober for years now

Blarg:wait you mean to tell me that if a human consumes certain poisons often enough they can die if the stop consuming the poison they can die! What can you do to stop this?!

Barry: while there is much people can do to stop the effects or prevent it except to never interact with it witch can be extremely hard considering the pressure put on people by society to consume the socially acceptable substances.

Blarg: what. The only is the only way to not have this happen to you is to not consume it but other people pressure you to consume it!!?!?

Barry: yah it's a bit fucked isn't it. The worst part is is that for the non socially acceptable things is instead of sending them to get help they get sent to prison and even the ones who consume the socially acceptable ones get ostracized for it.

Blarg: I don't say this often but what the actual fuck?!!??!!!

Thank fully I have never experienced addiction but If I have portrayed it in any misleading way let me know as I don't intend to do harm with this post

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It's a very welcome vibe

erm… you’re still on twitter??

Yeah I mostly use it nowadays to tell AI-bros and Nazis to kill themselves.