recklessabandon2019

[recklessabandon2019]

FOREWARD

Allow me to set the scene … in 2019, almost a year after the release of WARMTH, I got the urge to craft another project. I was working retail at my first job on the insistence of my parents, who had all but disowned me for deciding not to go to college. My decision to opt out of higher education added more tension to my already-strained relationship with my mother, who had lost all trust in me after I got caught drinking at a party my senior year. Still living with my parents and having no real living expenses, I allocated the bulk of my earnings to herb and wax. I used tree to cope with the isolation of my home life and the loneliness of being the only one of my friends in pursuit of something other than a degree. When I wasn’t alone, I was with my friends having a college experience by proxy, having all kinds of troublesome fun.

Once upon a bloody nose, I took a photo that looked like the perfect cover for a project that could speak to the highs and lows of my latter teen years. I started with the cover and conceptualized the album from there. Sonically, I was inspired by IDLSIDGO (“Grief” in particular), [sLUms], and a plethora of indie rock artists. In stark contrast to the bar-heavy writing on WARMTH, I took a more minimalist approach and rapped in a slow, monotone cadence representative of the hazy state I found myself in most of those days. I experimented with new production and mixing approaches, but I was still largely unstudied in engineering and just a fresher, less-seasoned artist. I have nothing to say about the quality of this project other than, welp, it’s old. It is what it is, and I’m not going to take the time to remix it at this point. There’s too much new shit to focus on. It’s bad enough that I held onto this for so long. I don’t remember exactly why I didn’t drop this, but I think I was either too much of a perfectionist or, more likely, too scared of how it would be received. That being said, I’m still proud of this project, and it still holds a special place in my heart. I love the production on this project. If nothing else, the beats have aged well. I was reminded of this project now as I find myself at the end of a 7 year sobriety cycle that (I hope) I’ve gone through enough times to commit to breaking. It’s kind of scary looking back in my mid-20s realizing I was pretty much just a kid having the experience documented on this album. If I could interact with that younger version of myself now, I’d give him a big hug and some words of affirmation. I think that’s all he really needed. Now, as I Humpty Dumpty myself back together again, I present to you RECKLESS ABANDON.

Your friend, confidant, co-conspirator,

Clyde

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

My path uncertain 'cept for death so Lately I just let go Injest smoke in breaths Pour liquor with the sess Know I been neglectful I recollect whole weekends getting bent broke My lungs been spent Throat mostly used to vent smoke Cough and choke It's been a while since I talked or spoke to clergy I heard G's been looking for me, though At least it's not the po I got cock for cops and foes And both them hoes can swallow loads If that's uncalled for, so be it We hit the block in droves Vodka plus a lot of dro Momma say I lost my soul Maybe it's missing Religion been difficult to fit in Stuck in that house Not living, fuck I'm barely existing Need a home that I actually miss When I depart and I go out Starting to doubt there's somewhere I fit in Bouts of optimism wither out and rot and fizz In spite of all I've got to give It's Clyde against the populous No accomplices These niggas weak, I'm opposite Shit, I could never stop and quit Long as time persists Until I drop, I'm dropping hits My future bright, I caught a glimpse

Take all of them punches, all them blows Know that every thorn running up a rose That's just how it goes Middle finger up and full exposed You can't tell me none nigga not a soul tell me how to roll

Take all of them punches, all them blows Know that every thorn running up a rose That's just how it goes Middle finger up and full exposed What the future holds, something I suppose I'mma have to mold

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

Body rotting into yesterday And nothing stopping me from dropping or from not decaying But all I've gotten means a lot, and I cannot explain That I wouldn't swap a thing Fuck it, I'mma die anyway And get forgotten Body rotting into yesterday And nothing stopping me from dropping or from not decaying So I'mma pop and I'mma chop and I'mma rot away 'Til all I got is pain

I wish I had more than I needed I been lacking, broke and bored and sore and sick and defeated I ain't slacking, life a chore and I been born to complete it So don't go asking when I'm pouring up or smoking some tree, and And I fucking mean it

I ain't smoke week in a week I mean weed in a week Sorry, when I'm geeked I just tweak, I can't speak My team want basketball, like fuck that Buy drinks like alcohol and suck wax And packs of pods up my lungs 'Cause fuck it, I'm young And I'll die anyway Can't take a few hits, I'm a heavyweight Just pray God waiting at Heaven's gates

'Cause I don't want this Not anymore Shit was hella fun, now it's not and I'm sore And I'm not just bored 'Cause a lot done changed, And I dropped that sword So it's not my fight And I closed that door Of that I'm for sure Y'all can keep the weekend war I'll be steady tweaking chords Y'all already peaked for sure

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

Got a text from my momma that said "I miss you" I didn't believe it I read it back and it's cap I should delete it Sneaking around trying to keep my head down and remain unseen When the news dropped that I wasn't going to school My folks withdrew, stopped fucking with me Couldn't ask for nothing all I needed was support but they were short on that I bit the hand feeding I felt alone and was sure in fact that I ain't felt this feeling before My heart obscured to black All my thoughts deepened to my lost peeps And I ain't even leave 'em they just wished that I did House I grew up in turned from home to just this crib that I lived in All 'cause I refused to be stuck and a fuckin' college kid At least that's how it's felt, that's how it's been I'm adjusting to this lonely nigga shit Been hard to function Fuck

I know the love's still there, though They just scared to see their heir grow

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

'Cause I can only pray for a nigga, pray for a nigga Fuck up out the way for a nigga, way for a nigga Better make a way for a nigga, way for a nigga I am not your slave, nor your nigga

I cannot just wait for a nigga, wait for a nigga Better make a way toward a nigga, way toward a nigga Riding on the wave, I'm a swimmer, wave I'm a swimmer Y'all riding on the wave, I'm a swimmer, wave I'm a swimmer I cannot behave, I'm a sinner, 'have I'm a sinner My soul is depraved, I'm a sinner, 'praved I'm a sinner 'Til I hit the grave, I'm a sinner, grave I'm a sinner

And when I do, I'm fucking each demonic chick That sucking nuts and sucking dick She succubus, I suck her tits I'm fucking nuts, I cut my wrists But such a clutz I fucking missed And slashed a couple of fucking kids And plus a group of fucking six Right in the guts, just cut to bits Fuck!

That's just a fantasy Andy be sweet as candy The sickest soul slipping Plan-Bs To bitches demanding families And he fuck up a randy Who stand 'tween he and what can be The champion, chief, queen, and king He never be caught meandering, like Y'all niggas too slow I'm with the groove, I'm Cuzco

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

They like, "Hey, wassup?" I'm like, wait back up You too nosy They keep changing up They be fake as fuck You can't clone me They just make shit up They just fake shit up You don't know me They just fake the funk They just snakes and punks You don't own me

We be high as fuck Like we sitting up In them nosebleeds Act a fool get jumped You get beaten up You get nosebleeds Off the weed I'm slump Off the tree I'm slump Mind corroding Going high as fuck If I fucking jump I'd be

It's called alcohol poisoning when you yak off the shit Like, maybe you should back off a bit All of these niggas hoisting their gats, blasting clips Some ain't have the choice to just quit Either herb or the wax, get smacked, then I split Consider the party over when I wake up sober Mom'd cry if she know, So I keep that shit closer to my chest than Steadman to Oprah and my best friends Know that we roll in sets of sevens Blow heavy smoke at sesh sessions Know that this life is full of lessons Watch where we going, where we stepping Opps at our throats and our necks and Hope that our dopeness offend them Only want smoke if it's breaths in and out Of the green in amounts for the team, then we bounce And we taking it all 'Cause we need like an ounce

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

Lately it's been late nights sinning We don't pick fights, we just win 'em She take dick like, "hope it fit in" I'm a mess, I lost religion I confess I tried to fit in as a youth Now I know my truth Proud, I know my roots Out, I grow my roots Shouting off the roof, "Wow!" I'm just proof how disillusion leak into the booth Amidst confusion I just speak my truth

Lately it's been late nights sinning We don't pick fights, we just win 'em Lately it's been late nights sinning I'm a mess, I lost religion

And I'm confused often Amused not when small talking My hooves stalking, I'm loose! Chronic or juice gin, tell me what mood you in I'll just follow suit, uh, uh We take all the loot, yeah, yeah We don't have to shoot, nah, nah Leave that to the pigs and we Leave it to the troops, uh, uh We them boss niggas All these opps in kahoots, uh huh This is how we rock, nigga Can't fuck with the move Fuck with the groove Stop sniffing glue sticks Niggas tripping off the shrooms, must be Fuck me I been stuck up in a rut, But I just snuck free, luckily

[recklessabandon2019]

LYRICS:

Baby pictures looking back at me 'Fore my face had that whack acne Or I got baked off the wax dabbing Remember niggas used to laugh at me And white pricks used their hands like hair picks On strands of my noggin Could not afford Flog Gnaw and Could not record, voice wasn't ready for it Steady with the chords Write a chorus, get Leggesse on it Took breaded blessings Now it's Devil's Lettuce seshing Bonnet in them photographs Remind me of an innocence I can't believe I ever had All jokes and laughs Now I'm growing up too fast Hope that I don't fucking crash

Tell my momma I'll be fine I ain't tryna waste no time I'm just dying to smoke Tell my momma I'll be fine I'mma fucking take my time Got my eyes on the goal Tell my momma I'll be fine I've been steady with this grind And I'm mining for gold Tell my momma I'll be fine Someone tell me I'll be fine 'Cause sometimes I don't know

I been doing shit I'm not supposed to New drugs, but I do 'em with the old crew Group hugs for my niggas Boy, who told you group not snug as the stitches off a crew cut Bitches on a dude's nuts Swallow, but they don't chew Yeah Fuck with a nigga, boy why don't you Fuck with a nigga, boy why don't you Said it's group hugs for my niggas Group hugs for my niggas