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recoveringdigitaljunkie · 6 years ago

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BOIINNGGGG!

I love your lips when (ping!) they’re wet with wine

And red with a wild desire;

I love (woo hoo!) your eyes when the lovelight lies

Lit with a passionate (beep!) fire.

I love your arms when the warm white flesh

Touches (ping!) in a fond embrace;

I love your hair when the strands enmesh (knock knock)

Your kisses against my face.

Not for me the cold, calm (ping!) kiss

Of a virgin’s bloodless love;

Not for me the (tweet!) saint’s white bliss,

Nor the heart of a spotless dove.

But give me (ring ring, ring ring, ring ring) freely gives

And laughs at the whole world’s blame,

(BEEEEEEP) your body so young and (ping!) warm in my arms,

It sets my poor heart aflame.

So kiss me sweet with your warm wet mouth,

(Beep beep, beep beep) fragrant with ruby wine,

And say with a fervor born of the South

That your body (ping!) and soul are mine.

Clasp me close in your warm young arms,

(tweet!) the pale stars shine (Hello this is Siri),

And we’ll live our (ping!) whole young lives away

In the joys of a living (ring ring, ring ring, ring ring) love.

This week I’ve turned off notifications for 47 out of 50 apps on my phone and life has improved.

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recoveringdigitaljunkie · 6 years ago

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And breathe!! …The coach pulls out of London Victoria and (thankfully) I’m on board - surviving the rush-hour race across town, just in time to catch an escape to Devon. I slide the phone to power off and log in to my own operating system. It’s a conscious decision to practise ‘being’ rather than ‘doing’. This trip to the coast is infused with my intention to choose connecting with myself, nature, my friends and family above my emails and projects. But if I have learned anything about changing habits over the years, I know that a change of surroundings and good motivation - whilst both helpful and important - is just the beginning.

Addiction is a dirty word. Usually, when people hear it, their minds turn to alcoholics and thieving junkies. It’s easy to find the differences rather than the similarities between us - and we do. But taking an honest look at all our behaviours - around things like TV, Netflix, emails, news feeds, shopping, gaming, gambling, online dating, chocolate, sex or work - we might take another view. Gabor Maté defines addiction as “any behaviour that creates temporary relief, that creates negative consequences and cannot be given up”. Some of the more extreme unhealthy digital habits carry real and ‘felt’ impact, whether it’s the anxity of loosing time to binge-watching an entire series, the irritability from staying in the office late, the diminishing bank balance from over-shopping, weight gain from being sedentary and zoning out on social media. But we can still do it again because we want the short term, temporary relief. In a sense, we are sometimes ‘bound’ by these behaviours; perhaps we’re not as in control of them as we might like to think. Interestingly, the Latin word ‘Addictus’ was used to describe a debt slave - a person who has been bound as a slave to his creditor.

Tech, like any of these activities has the potential for both pleasure and pain. On the plus side, digital connectivity has really propelled my life. It’s enabled me to connect with more people, to provide a more responsive service to clients, to increase my capacity and productivity and it’s given me flexibility to travel and take up other meaningful personal projects. That’s not to say tech is completely neutral, however. After all, we live in an attention economy: often and easily, we are unknowingly manipulated to spend as much time as possible online and using apps and media. I know that at some point for me, my relationship with my mobile devices became a problem, my productivity and sleep quality reduced, my anxiety increased and it definitely contributed to - and possibly accelerated - a burn out.

So when does tech stop becoming useful and start becoming problematic? When does it cross a line into addiction? The question isn’t about utility, it’s about autonomy. To what extent can we manage it? In asking different people about what good and healthy digital habits looks like for them, I realise just how many people identify with the challenge of keeping a balance. The problems can manifest in different ways but role modelling healthy behaviours is often talked about as a result of experiencing a problem in themselves or with others. We might not be aware of how much time we’re spending staring at our screens, but the people around us probably do.

Much of what we are dealing with is unconscious. Slowing down has enabled me to develop more awareness of my unconscious behaviours and better understanding of what’s going on underneath. One question that really helped my analysis: ‘what is it doing for me?’ Addiction is very rarely the primary issue, instead it’s an attempt to solve a deeper problem. I’ve discovered that I’m highly motivated by a sense of purpose, and I want a feeling of vitality, attention, praise and excitement. I have always been driven to work very hard and valued my ability to be ‘always on’. Some of these might sound like quite positive attributes, but ask my my partner or look at my medical report: I hadn’t quite appreciated the impact I was having on the people close to me, or indeed my wellbeing, until my immune system malfunctioned. It may not have been palatable but I’ve discovered there’s plenty of work to do on appreciating and accepting myself as I am.

So in order to have agency in our lives, as well as having clear boundaries, good intentions and understanding, we need to be fully conscious and develop our facility of awareness. This week, I’m prioritising being present to my senses. I’ve come away to smell the sea breeze, be in nature, walk with sand in between my toes and leave my phone switched off as much as possible. My close friends, family and colleagues know my plan and I’ve packed a towel. When I’m standing there in the sea, away from my phone and possibly freezing, I will know that I am free and alive.

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recoveringdigitaljunkie · 6 years ago

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As soon as I’d found a seat on the southbound Bakerloo line today, I looked up at the nearly full tube carriage and noticed I was alone. First I felt dismay, then a little wave of smugness appeared, swiftly followed by defiance: “aha, these poor zombies, lost in their phones” I thought. “Not me! I’ll stay awake in the present moment and prove I’m not addicted to my iPhone after all”.

Hmmm. Well, in the rolling rumpus of the London Underground, it turns out 3 minutes is a very long time to stay mindful.

The forecast for WiFi in the tubes was strong and my phone started buzzing as soon as we lurched into the next station. Even without looking, I guessed that most of these alerts were notifications from an Extinction Rebellion group: I’m learning to work with a choice between waiting until the end of the day to scroll through hundreds of messages or scanning regularly and replying in real time. I decide to wait, for now.

Then, I remembered I’d promised my housemate I would forward her new website to a friend about possible decorating work. I catch myself again but this time the pull is just a bit stronger to reach for the familiar companion that’s just buzzed a few more times as we move through Charing Cross.

Stuck on my phone is a little yellow post-it note with the words “what is your intention?” It’s there to buy me just enough time to pay attention before I find myself already in my emails or Facebook feed. It helps. At least it’s helping me become aware of the problem.

Because getting rid of the technology isn’t the solution either. As a globally distributed family member and a type 1 diabetic (with a smartphone scan to monitor my blood sugars), my phone can be an incredible enabler to connection and wellbeing for me. At the same time, just like managing life with diabetes, I want to be in control, not be controlled by it.

A guy sits down next to me, earplugs attached and engrossed in a Lord of the Rings movie. The lady in front of me seems troubled by what she’s reading. Is she reading the news or just received a difficult text? I wonder, how is life working out for my friend in Thailand. I could look at Instagram, but no, not now.

In just under 4 stops, I’ve brought my mind back from several internal conversations and the urge to reach for my phone makes me feel a bit jittery. “You could have sent that email with the website by now - it would be one less thing to think about” says my devils advocate.

Hi my name is Sophie and I’m a technoholic.

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