reddawnmultimuse

[reddawnmultimuse]

(here is the toyger :)))

Itachi loves the toyger, and it shall live happily upon his bed.

[reddawnmultimuse]

"Uncle I don't mean to pry, but how exactly did you get into the farming busi?

"I would not call it business, per se. It is a self-sufficiency venture. Economically speaking, it is vastly more efficient to grow one’s own produce--especially if one has the space, the soil, and a functional watering system. And the price of organic carrots is criminal. Besides, the taste. Supermarket tomatoes are bland, watery atrocities. But the ones you grow yourself--sun-warmed, plucked straight from the vine--they sing with flavour. It is like night and day. And of course, I know exactly what goes into my soil. No pesticides. No chemical fertilisers. Just compost and love. That is more than I can say for most supply chains. Frankly, it is a disgrace what people put into their bodies without knowing the origin." Itachi finally pauses to take a taste of his tea. Was that all too much?

[reddawnmultimuse]

Ino hands Deidara some vanilla cupcakes and a stress squeezing toy that was in the shape of Sasori. "Here. Now whenever you get mad, just remember to use this. Consider this a birthday gift from your awesome therapist."

"O-Oh..." Deidara wasn't expecting a birthday gift. And after he skipped therapy today. He didn't do it on purpose! He just slept in--very, very late. But it was his birthday, and he could do what he wanted! Still, he wasn't used to being given gifts, especially not on his birthday. Where did she get a Sasori stress toy anyway? "T-Thanks..."

[reddawnmultimuse]

Throws a toyger plushie at Itachi

"Watch yourself." Itachi warns. Then, while no one is looking (or he thinks no one is looking), he grabs the plushie and stuffs it safely inside his cloak.

[reddawnmultimuse]

"H-Hey!" Deidara yelped as Sasori basically kicked open his bedroom door. Rude! He didn't see him barging into Sasori's room or workshop whenever he damn well pleased--ok, maybe that wasn't a good example. But still! As Sasori finally dumped the Itachi puppet into his hands, Deidara cringed. Ugh, just touching it was giving him the heebie-jeebies! However, before he could put it somewhere out of sight and out of mind for now, he noticed Sasori staring at him. Deidara sighed. "Thank you, Sasori-no-Danna." He droned.

Unfortunately he didn't take into consideration that when he gave him an inch, Sasori would take a mile. The puppeteer promptly shoved his foot through the opening and barged his way inside, puppet held away by crossed arms. "So ungrateful. Tsk." Sasori chided him, his anger only abating partially. Deidara would still need to watch out or try to appease him in the coming days if he didn't want to feel the aftereffects of his earlier rejection. Sasori knew how to hold a grudge. Reluctantly, he dropped the now lifeless little Uchiha into Deidara's waiting hands, washing his hands of it... For now. Heavily lidded amber bore into him expectantly.

[reddawnmultimuse]

Deidara groaned. Was Sasori seriously getting upset because Deidara didn't want a possibly possessed Itachi puppet? Even if it was a birthday gift? And to blow up. Knowing Sasori: yes. So, with an exasperated sigh, Deidara slowly nudged open his door enough to push an arm through as he made a grabbing motion towards Sasori. "Just give it to me, hn."

There was the sound of Sasori's tail rattling. He was starting to get angry, now, at all this questioning. "Are you refusing your gift." He hissed-- If he was of flesh and blood right now, he would have been scowling more than this face allowed, blood rushed to the surface of his skin... Deidara did always get under Sasori's nerves like nobody else. It- He - was infuriating. "I take the time to create for you a sumptuous gift for you to, tch, destroy, and you refuse?" If he had veins, they would be popping by now. Answer carefully, Deidara, or you and your door would really be in danger now.

[reddawnmultimuse]

"I feel like if I blew it up, I'm going to get seven years of bad luck, hn!" Seriously, it was so... accurate. Like Sasori took Itachi and squished him down into a doll. It was very uncanny valley. Then again, when wasn't Sasori's puppets like that? "And when have you ever let me blow up one of your puppets? Are you feeling ok, Sasori-no-Danna?"

Sasori's expression grew a sliver of visible displeasure. "You..... Brat, you are into that crude expression of destruction, you would be into displaying your antipathy for Itachi, would you not? That is what I have brought." He made the doll wiggle in the air, a blank expression guilelessly smiling. It really did look like Itachi. "Don't you wish to use your clay on him?"

[reddawnmultimuse]

"Why would you think I wanted a creepy, little Uchiha doll?!" Deidara barks back through the door. He's seriously considering barricading it so his partner and the Itachi puppet couldn't get inside. What had he done to make Sasori so angry at him? And on his birthday, too!

"Why are you running?" Sasori's voice drifts under the door with long, creepy shadows. A low, smooth tone, the kind he uses for luring in prey, and killing. Deidara would know. The puppet dances on his strings, subtle twitches directing mini-Itachi to place its little hands on the door. "Do not waste my time hiding from my gift, brat. You should be grateful I have chosen to reward you for your survival into this new year."

[reddawnmultimuse]

Guess who has a little Chibi-tachi puppet ripe for destruction, Deidara. Sasori looms outside his room ominously and unblinking, his mini Uchiha blinking big doll eyes that switch between sharingan and deactivated black where it dangles from one hand. It's cute. Which was the mark of Sasori's disacknowledgment of this as one of his work; he is not one for style. It's crude in his eyes, but a simplified beauty to outsiders like the toy that it is.

Deidara has been having a good day. He slept until noon, finished a sculpture he'd been stuck on all week, and found his favourite hair tie! He was going to take a shower before getting lunch. But, as he opened his bedroom, he noticed Sasori standing there--menacingly. And then, he noticed the Itachi puppet.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT!?"

He has never run so fast in his life, sprinting back into his bedroom and slamming the door shut.

[reddawnmultimuse]

[ unfortunately, i cannot celebrate deidara's birthday tomorrow since my grandma is having surgery. so, let's celebrate today! feel free to send asks and things. if ya want. i don't care. i'm not your dad. ]

[reddawnmultimuse]

"Yeah. Okay. I'll see you on Monday."

"Nooo. Therapy is so expensive, hn. And Monday is my birthday! Who goes to therapy on their birthday!?"

[reddawnmultimuse]

"I've been thinking, the weather has been good lately, why don't we go for a picnic Itachi-san?"

"Oh, that sounds delightful! The news said we're due for rain next week, so it may be our only chance. I'll bring tea." Itachi trusted Hinata would bring the desserts, and he'd have no other way.

[reddawnmultimuse]

"Do we need to have another therapy session Deidara?"

"No. I'll have you know, I am a perfectly functioning adult, hn! I haven't cried since I was a baby. Because only pussies cry. And I totally didn't get upset when Sasori-no-Danna said I have 'violent coping mechanisms' because I got mad and blew a random dude up. Or kicked Hiruko until I broke my big toe. But I didn't cry! Because crying is pussies~."

[reddawnmultimuse]

@repetiita: 👁👄👁

"What--not you again! Go away, hn! And quit staring at me like that, you freak!"

[reddawnmultimuse]

than what is kakuzu's, kisame's, and sasori's body counts? the sexy kind

Kakuzu is the only one. While in Taki, he had a fiancée. They were set to get married after the war. However, he was sentenced to life for failing to assassinate the First Hokage, and he never saw her again. After he escaped, he kept to himself. Secretly, he believes lying with anyone else would be cheating, as there is a small, lost part of him that is still in love.

Kisame is none. He was more invested in becoming a swordsman while in Kiri and dedicated all his time to training. However, there was a ningyo girl he fancied. In ningyo culture, it's customary that if you want to have sex with someone, you have to beat them in a fight. He thought because he was larger and stronger, he'd win. Nope. She trashed him, and he was so embarrassed that he never tried again. After leaving Kiri, he had little to no luck with the ladies due to his blue skin and other ningyo being rare outside Kiri.

Sasori is... unknown. Seriously, this man is the definition of a sex pest. He lives off the whim of his penis. And he's got a surprisingly high charisma, too. He had pumped and dumped all over the Five Nations. He doesn't even know how many people he's banged. Worse is that there is a non-zero chance he's got children out there, too.

[reddawnmultimuse]

gib headcannon we want to eat what's something embarrassing itachi did due to poor vision has kisame ever accidentally bit a fork before does any of the akatsuki like dogs what kind of tea does kakuzu like which akatsuki member has the least body count?

Itachi once followed the wrong tall, broad-shouldered man in a black trench coat around a market for five whole minutes before realizing it wasn’t Kisame.

Kisame hates forks due to his teeth. Even chopsticks make him cringe if his teeth hit them. So, most of the time, he likes foods he can eat with his fingers, and if he can't eat them with his fingers...yes, he can.

Hidan loves dogs. He treats Kakuzu's masks like dogs, too. Kakuzu also treats his masks like dogs and has taught them commands through whistling. Samahada is dog-coded, so Kisame technically likes dogs, too. Meanwhile, Itachi and Deidara hate dogs. Deidara is allergic to fur, while Itachi prefers cats. Sasori has no opinion. He thinks all animals are dumb.

Kakuzu likes black tea because of its intense flavour, the same reason he likes black coffee.

Least body count is Itachi. He tries his best to avoid killing people and leaves the murdering up to Kisame. Even with the Uchiha Massacre, his body count is nothing compared to the other Akatsuki. Highest body count? Sasori. Man has wiped out entire nations and murdered whole armies during the war. Not to mention, most of the casualties Suna suffered were because Sasori killed his own men out of boredom or because they got in his way. Man is a murder hobo.

[reddawnmultimuse]

hey how does itachi feel about eating chickem

"Eating... chicken? Why I never! They are marvellous creatures! Have you ever watched chickens sunbathe? Or dust-bathe? It’s like they are basking in the joy of existence. And the way they talk to each other--it is not just noise. It is a language! They have over twenty distinct vocalizations. The idea of carving one up and...and battering it in breadcrumbs--barbaric!" Somewhere, Hidan sneezes.

"I stopped eating meat years ago," Itachi then says, spiralling into one of his "info dumps" as Kisame colourfully puts it. "Too many of the animals people eat are precious twee things. And intelligent. Did you know cows have best friends? Or pigs are smarter than dogs? Even geese, as dreadful as they are, mourn their dead. None deserving of slaughter,"

"I attempted to go vegan. However, the desserts just are not the same. I want to support the movement. I do. But cheesecake--there is just no substitute! Oat milk is fine. Almond better. Soy milk tastes of sweetened water. Coconut milk? Delicious. Oh, but how I miss cheese."

There’s finally a pause, and he blinks once. "Pardon me. What was the question again?"