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[reddyhassomethoughts]

exactly 😒

Does Crowley actually love Aziraphale?

The more I think about season 2, the more I write about it here on Tumblr and in fic, the more I'm starting to believe that he... doesn't.

Not yet anyway.

I think there is something deeply unhealthy about what Crowley feels for Aziraphale, as evidenced by how completely miserable he is this season. He's so afraid of losing Aziraphale, losing their "precious, peaceful, fragile existence", that he's worked himself into a constant state of anxiety. He's angry this season. He's upset. He's scared. He's trying so hard to hold something so tightly because he thinks if he loses it, he won't be able to survive.

He's always two minutes away from Aziraphale's door. He's sleeping in his car. Could he get another flat? I'm sure he could. Anthony J. Crowley could figure out a way to get another flat. He doesn't want to. He wants to be ready to go to Aziraphale at a moment's notice. He desperately does not want Aziraphale to go to Edinburgh, because he's afraid something will happen to him there. He doesn't give a shit about Aziraphale driving his car, he just doesn't want Aziraphale to leave. And then even when he does give in, he checks up on him, he puts some creepy "I can feel what you do to the Bentley" charm on his poor car, to keep checking up on him. The closer he feels to losing Aziraphale, the tighter he clings to him, until he's literally following him around everywhere (like when Aziraphale is trying to convince all the shopkeepers to come to his meeting).

I could go on. And on and on.

The point is, as we see from the Job episode, that Crowley is lonely. He didn't fit in at Heaven, he doesn't fit in with Hell, and from the first rainstorm in the Garden of Eden "our hero" has coped by clinging to the one person who has showed him any sort of relief from that loneliness.

He's not in love. He's obsessed.

He's been obsessed since the Garden. Popping up wherever Aziraphale is, following him around the Earth. Saving his skin, if need be, even though Aziraphale is perfectly capable of taking care of himself. And it gets stronger and stronger as the years pass, as they get closer to each other, as they get closer to Armageddon, and then as they deal with the aftermath.

Crowley never used the word "love" in his confession. I think that's a deliberate writing choice, not necessarily because Crowley didn't want to use the word. I think Crowley thinks it's love, but the fact that he didn't use that word shows the audience that it's not. He's desperate for the idea of an "us", even in season 1 he's obsessed with it, "we're on our side", "us against them." A group of the two of them. Crowley is obsessed with the idea that they are part of something together, something bigger than themselves, because Crowley is not part of anything else, not Heaven, not Hell, and he just wants to belong.

And with all that said... I think it's good that they broke up.

I think it's a good thing for Crowley. I think he needs to take a break. I think he needs to work on himself, work through some of his trauma. I think he can love Aziraphale, but he's got to do some work to get there.

Will we get this in season 3? We'll have to see...

[reddyhassomethoughts]

Hell (or Heaven?) yeah!

I think it would be better for everyone if I were to be left alone in the future. Don't you?

[reddyhassomethoughts]

The one Good Omens interpretation/headcanon, which restored my sanity

Disclaimer: English is not my native language, but it's the only one I can think and write in right now. Biggest apologies to all the grammar aesthetes out there (I see you, I'm one of you when it comes to my mother tongue).

Big words of gratitude to FelisProlixus user from GO subreddit. You helped me to arrange my thoughts and go into the final interactions even deeper. Literally saved me, pal. 

My previous two posts, the deleted ones, were telling in details why and how much GO 2 finale turned my world inside out (yep, not upside down). Maybe because of my text being to personal or a bit too late (GO s2 aired over a month ago), I decided on keeping my musings just for myself. I'll just summarise my thoughts and feels into one term: life-changing. You don't expect this from a simple, fun and quirky ”filler” season, and that's why it knocks you senseless right on spot.

Perhaps, if season 3 would have had the greenlit already, I wouldn't have bothered to invest myself into the topic around s2 ending that much. But life is unfair, so here we are.

GO s2 finale leaves us with a dramatic cliffhanger. On the first watch we see our beloved mischievous, but kind-hearted demon, who finally found the courage to confess his feelings to his companion, and a st naive piece of an angel, who clings to the “greater good” instead of running away with the love of his life (we know that you love him, Aziraphale! We have been observing your heart-shaped puppy emotions around Crowley long enough!).

We learn moments later that there is nowhere to run as the Second Coming is just around the corner, but we still experience high frustration at how things ended between the two. Yes, both want to be together, but they envision “together” differently, and both fail to hear and understand the other side. Simple and heartbreaking, let's move on. 

Oh wait, how come this is it?! End of the season? And no one knows when or even if the final season will happen?! 

And so with this hurtful uncertainty in the air, I've been left with no choice but to look into finale much deeper, analyse every detail out there and search for follower thinkers on the internet (many of us experienced the same, no wonder there are several theories interpreting the ending already).

And then one day (yesterday, actually) I run into one particular post on subreddit. And then everything clicked.

So, let me dive into last 10 or so minutes of the show. You are welcome to follow along.

Aziraphale

The one thing I'm sure of Aziraphale is that he is intelligent. Yes, he likes to label things in white and black, but it doesn't mean he thinks the same way. He is not clueless, not the Aziraphale I learned to know and love. Why else show runners would have shown us his character development in the way they did? Aziraphale discovering his gray area (even it's being very light shade) is one of the main things two seasons gave us.

It's easy for us viewers to see and hang on into his top layer of religious trauma and occasional regression to the black and white way of thinking. Perhaps it's how things really are. But let me hope that there is more.

Aziraphale is not ambitious when it comes to ruling the Up, the promotion only means that much that he will be granted with a possibility to affect things in turn to save Earth. To “make a difference”. But what if there is more to it? What if agreeing on Metatron's proposal is the only right option at this moment? What if his safety and Crowley's safety depends on it? We have shown only the part of dialogue at “give me coffee or give me death” cafe, but why not the whole sitting and only Aziraphale as a narrator?

Note one more thing. Aziraphale isn't shown much excited about Metatron's proposal at ANY point except the pitch talk in front of Crowley. And even during the talk he also looks... alerted? Why this overwhelming joy and looking out the window at the same time. Maybe someone is observing them right now, so he has no choice but to act in a way he is acting?

Crowley

His case is more simple. Our beloved demon has a strong sense of “self”, he has been on “his” side for centuries and is more that comfortable with it (although lonely at times). The only thing he apparently needed is to realise how earthy his feelings for Aziraphale are. He knew that A is his person for ages, but kept missing the last dimension of them (feelings). Sadly, with earthy feelings of affection, earthy downsides follow. Coming back to Aziraphale for a moment: note how he behaves during the confession (and it's something many of us missed the first time!). He is shaking his head, glances at the window and is clearly in distress. But Crowley just keeps failing to listen to Aziraphale at this crucial moment, dwelling on his emotions instead.��

The kiss

Or the last nail in the coffin. This gesture was anything but romantic. It's full of desperation, anger, disbelief and misunderstanding. The dramatic timing and loud angelic choir music makes your heart explode (thanks, Neil Gaiman and co., I will never be the same person I was before this event). And then again, let's look at this moment closer. Aziraphale is fighting himself so badly here. He wants to return the gesture, he even does so at brief moment, but then stops himself because the timing is so wrong. 

I forgive you

Heavy breathing, agony and, once more, a quick look out the window. Aziraphale wanted to say something else first, but quickly collected himself and said “I forgive you” instead with so much pain in his eyes that it's unbearable to watch (Michael Sheen, bravo! If I ever become a performer, I will always refer to you as the biggest influence).

This sentence contains a big load of emotions and can be interpreted many ways. I forgive you for kissing me is the obvious one, but it can also mean: I forgive you because you didn't follow me to Heaven when I asked. I forgive you because you failed to understand the situation we are in. I forgive you because you didn't trust me.

And what about Crowley? His kiss was the last attempt to keep his best friend on Earth. But the real life is not like in Richard Curtis films. When love magic didn't happen, Crowley sighs, says "Don't bother" and walks away. Shown simple enough to agree on what he is feeling at that moment without a further need to dig deeper.

We usually understand Crowley much better than we understand Aziraphale, don't we?

But what's that, our heartbroken demon goes not too far and seen waiting by his Bentley. Why? One can assume that he got Aziraphale's hint and plays along. It is a healing interpretation, but if turns out to be true, we will be brutally striped of the heavy emotional impact we experienced just now. I think we should expect horses, not zebras with this one.

Split screen

First, I want to praise composer David Arnold for the music during this scene. I didn't know my heart is able to shatter on atomic level, but it did. 

So, what do we see here: Crowley is obviously heartbroken and the next thing he'll probably come up with is ingestion of alcohol in astronomical doses. Or maybe he will flee straight to Hell and take over the position of Grand Duke. Wait and see, right?

And then there is Aziraphale, more interesting once more. So, he stands in the elevator with the spectra of micro expressions I probably haven't seen on his face before. What is all that? He is hurt, stressed, but uplifted at the same time? His final manic smile before everything goes blurry is going to haunt my dreams for sure.

Finally, Metatron

Oh, this entity is up to something, I swear. How he executes his small and big manipulations is something very intriguing. “Give me coffee or give death”, all right.

Without more thoughts written down let's just agree that his agenda was to separate Aziraphale and Crowley. But why? Because they are so powerful together? There is probably more and I can't wait to find out. I trust that whatever it is, it's going to be E P I C.

P.S. I'm out to distract myself with other stuff. It's have been over a week of naked feels and it's... it's... not on! Peace.

[reddyhassomethoughts]

First post

Hi there. I actually lied, this is not my first post here, but after dropping two emotional and a bit chaotic thoughts on Good Omens s2 finale some further thinking processes happened and then some post deleting processes happened.