Hot damn. Master in Crisis. 27, she/her. English B.S., English M.A., published. Resting bitch face.
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Happy 10 years anniversary to gay marriage becoming a fundamental right across the U.S.!!! we love you supreme court ruling Obergefell v. Hodges, and we will fight for you!
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apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office
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>Be me
>Make bowl of panda express leftovers
>Chow down on 2/3rds of it before father calls you over to show you memes
>Leave bowl unattended
>Laugh about memes for a good ten minutes
>Return to room
>??Bat? In bowl? ?
>Don't have anything to grab bat with that are bite proof
>Offer bat the head of the Winston Churchill marble bust to climb onto
>Bat does so
>Slowly carry Churchill and the bat to the window
>Bat won't let go of Churchill
>Pry bat off of him with nearby plastic skeleton hand
>Bat sits on windowsill for a second before flying off into the night
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“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
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i can't wait to be 60 so i can tell my life story in the youtube comments section of my favorite songs
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tips on what to say when someone says they have a seafood allergy:
if you care for them, you can say, "thank you for informing me--i won't have seafood near you"
if you hate them, you can say, "my shrimpathies"
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Blood test results are back. 0’s across the board, dry as a bone under the hood, they’re not sure what they’ve got in those vials but it recoils from light and lunges towards living tissue, which is all normal for girls these days.
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Scott Wade paints on dusty cars and he did a stunning job with painting Hylas and the Nymphs by John William Waterhouse.
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without a doubt this is the strongest indicator that we are swiftly heading to a recession
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every woman thinks she's evil and irredeemable for making a few avoidable mistakes while every man goes about his day thinking he's normal after having emotionally tortured at least 5 different women
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A new study finds that Apple has some of the highest employee turnover rates of any tech company. Google "apple turnover" for more information.
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people will do/say the kindest thing you’ve ever witnessed then be like Sorry if that’s weird :(
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