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Damian: Father

Bruce, working on a case: I'm busy go ask Dick

Damian: Richard I-

Dick trying to pull Tim out of a cupboard: Sorry, can't right now, go ask your Father

Damian: But he's the one that told me to ask you!

Dick now trying to pry a jar of cookies out of Tim's grubby little hands: Go ask Jason then

Damian: *angry grumbling*

Dick and Bruce standing in front of a burning building: why.

Damian: Todd said it was okay

Jason: Hehe yeah i did

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Love the idea Tim Drake is drawn to people who are deeply traumatized because he has that "but I can fix him" urge

Tim Drake *watches Dick Grayson's parents die*

Janet Drake: tim is so young thank god he won't even remember and there will be no long lasting psychological consequences

Tim, ten years later: hello Dick Grayson I am your biggest fan I know everything about you and I'm here to fix everything

Dick: uh, you sure about that?

Tim, looking at Batman self-destruct with grief over his last son, actively beating the shit out of petty criminals: yeah too late I'm locked in

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get this dormouse a teapot she's overdue for a nap

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the whole fanon idea of Jason as Red Hood being the one to deliver Damian to Wayne manor while still being. the Red Hood of Crime Alley. is so fucking funny to me. like can you imagine that from Bruce’s perspective? you’ve been fighting this crime lord for a few months and he is absolutely destroying you. you have no idea what to do because he knows all your patented bat tricks and it’s gotten to the point where you’ve had to let him have Crime Alley because at least then the fucker’s CONTAINED.

and then he disappears for a weekend and there’s a knock at your door. your civilian identity door.

“this is your kid, Talia made me drive him here. anyway see you on the rooftops, batsy.”

like, Bruce must have had an aneurysm before even clocking that he apparently had a biological fucking son. Red Hood fucking leaves this kid just staring up at him. eyes wide with what Bruce swears is a katana peeking out his duffle bag.

“Hood tells me you are a bad mentor.” He claims. “I request you up those skills while I am under your tutelage.”

and it takes Bruce like a solid two weeks before he finally allows himself to be convinced that Damian isn’t a sleeper agent that the Red Hood has planted in his household as a new way to start shit.

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in my heart of hearts i do think that as a kid tim had bad luck in that every time his parents took him to the opera he would be like "please let this be the day the penguin decides to hold the entire audience of la traviata hostage and i get to be saved by batman and robin" to himself and it would not happen but inevitably the very next day on the 10 o'clock news it's breaking "no tragic ending for these operagoers! batman and robin save the day when mr. freeze tries to encase the entire gotham opera house in ice" and he's just there trying not to scream in frustration while his dad crosses his legs in his recliner chair and turns a page in his newspaper and chortles, saying "jeez we picked a perfect day to go, didn't we janet? one day later and we might've become the gotham city ice mummies" and tim gets upset because he should have become an ice mummy and janet has to be like "oh, darling, there's nothing to be scared of, mom and dad won't let anything like that ever happen to you" but he wants it to happen so bad. please, mad hatter. kidnap him. just once. that's all he asks for. just once.

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This user supports AO3

This user is anti-censorship

This user believes in “don’t like, don’t read”

This user believes in “ship and let ship”

This user believes that fiction tastes and preferences do not dictate moral character

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i think that Damian should be the only person in the family who can make Jason laugh. Jason thinks Damian is the funniest motherfucker in the family and absolutely nobody understands this until they accidentally listen in on the two casually chatting during patrol through the coms and realise that Damian is literally a supremely sarcastic thirteen year old with no chill whatsoever who has insane opinions on EVERYTHING, and the only reason they haven’t noticed before is because since coming to Gotham Damian’s been trying to establish himself as a Serious and Mature heir and so has been shutting his fucking mouth. Jason on the other hand? who was there in the league when there was a standoff between Ra’s and Damian about how Damian was slacking during training that ended when Ra’s said ‘if you cannot prove yourself as worthy of dedication to our cause then maybe other routes should be considered’ and the next day they couldn’t find Damian until Ra’s got a video call from him outside the Wayne Manor and he just said ‘dedication truly is an art form, grandfather’ and then he hung up and turned off his phone and they couldn’t contact him for months until Jason finally stopped laughing about it and went to Gotham to go check up on him? that Jason? Jason’s been fully aware that Damian’s one amusing tragedy from becoming a stand up comedian as a day job for years.

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It was cocky and overconfident to call the Titanic "unsinkable" but one thing that's overlooked is that she was genuinely really, unusually solid. She could float even with 4 compartments fully flooded, which even a lot of modern day ships can't do.

And it's not like they were wrong about her being solid! Olympic, her identical sister ship, survived being torpedoed and then running over the U-Boat that fired that torpedo. Those ships were solid.

It's very clear that absolutely no other ship in 1912 would have been able to survive that collision, and it's a testament to the quality of the ship that she didn't sink in a few minutes Empress of Ireland style. Part of what makes the Titanic such a tragic story is that it isn't a group of rich idiots locking themselves in a shoddy iron barrel to go 4km underwater. It was 2200 people, most of whom were poor immigrants, on a reliable ship on a commonly-made journey, and then something went horribly, unpredictably wrong.

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the problem with buying food is after you eat it you have to go buy more food

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Clark Kent has interviewed a lot of people. Politicians. CEOs. Ex-cons. His husband is the only one who’s ever started an interview by looking directly into the lens and asking, “Wait, is this live?”

It’s not an act, Clark keeps insisting. People assume Bruce is pretending to be dumb. But no. Bruce is committed to the bit. The bit is now part of federal tax records. The bit once made Anderson Cooper laugh so hard he dropped his mic on CNN.

Clark: “So what’s your stance on WayneTech’s international regulation protocols?”

Brucie: “I think dolphins should have more rights. Did you know they can vote in Sweden? Wait—can they? I made that up. But they should.”

Clark cuts the feed, facepalms. Later, at home, he finds Bruce reading Foreign Policy Quarterly like it’s bedtime fiction and making margin notes with a red pen.

Bruce looks up, blinks innocently. “Did I do good?”

“You drove me to invent a new eye twitch. And Perry is going to kill me.”

“And…?”

“….They won’t suspect a thing, Sweetheart.”

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Jean being incredibly unsubtle when he's attracted to someone or checking someone out being such a consistent character trait from his very first appearance in trk all the way through his own books is so funny and sweet to me, but it's also like... Devastating. Like yeah this guy has no poker face, if he finds someone hot everyone knows it. All the way from him losing his train of thought the first time he saw Renee to him looking at Kevin with unsubtle devotion to him casually but clearly checking out Laila and Annalise and obviously him just blatantly oogling Jeremy in front of everyone. Like that's so funny and cute of him. But at the same time, it also makes my heart hurt, because it's that same lack of subtlety that clued Riko in on Jean being queer. And then how he thinks to himself that he knew better than to look at another man too long and it's like oh my baby my heart is breaking that you had to learn that because of how it was used against you. But I'm holding your hand when I say this but you have still not learned to be subtle ❤️

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One of my favorite things about the fanfiction community on here is you can always tell when Ao3’s gone out.