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5/72 - Bloody Moon (1981)

Directed by Jess Franco

Jess Franco’s Bloody Moon is a film that has been on my radar for quite some time, so I was more than happy to check this one off my list. But where do I begin with a movie that delivers as much lunacy as it promises, and that the director himself has all but completely disowned?

I’m not super fond of writing film summaries, so let’s go to imdb for the synopsis:

“Girls are killed at a language-school in Spain.”

Wow, that’s... that’s it? Okay. Looks like I have to get out the ole summary scissors and cut off a slice. (I have no idea what I’m talking about either.)

It all starts when Mickey Mouse rapes and murders a girl he meets at a disco party. Seriously. I mean, it’s a guy in a Mickey Mouse mask, but still. Well, cut to 5 years later, Mickey is being released to the care of his sister Manuela. They are the offspring of the owner of said “language-school”, A lady who happens to be wheelchair-bound and is getting up there in years, enough so that she mentions her will. Well from there we are given a new character to follow, and that’s our protagonist, Angela. And Angela is the audience for the grisly murders that start happening on campus.

This has been called Jess Franco’s slasher film, and it is, despite the studio lying to him and controlling much of the project. It’s packed with false scares because Jess thought that would make it more interesting. It didn’t. But can you blame the guy for not doing his best work? They conned him into doing the movie by saying Pink Floyd had agreed to do the soundtrack!

Bloody Moon doesn’t make a lot of sense. There are so many problems with the logic of this film that it would be hard labor just to mention them all. If someone gets murdered through the titty, everyone assumes you’re a liar and calls you crazy. That’s just science.

And I’m not sure what “The Bloody Moon” actually is, unless it refers to the saw of death that decapitates poor, horny Inga in a single scene. I should mention here that the film’s original title is “The Saw of Death”, which again, refers to a single, peripheral kill in this thing.

The deranged and disfigured Mickey Mouse man is stalking Angela, but is he just a red herring? Yes. Yes he is. He is a killer, but he is not THE killer. Hell, even the studmuffin Antonio murders a live snake, in a move that was obviously only done for shock value.

Well, Bloody Moon is a lot like “Pieces”, with it’s odd dubbing, weird quotes, and overall vibe. I just happen to think that Pieces is a much more satisfying 80’s murder romp. But I’m doing this review a disservice, as there’s so much more that needs to be mentioned! Suffice it to say that the amazing wardrobe, horrendous soundtrack, perpetual zooming, and incest plotlines should be more than enough to satisfy any of my readers out there who are into watching movies that make them say “WTF?”

“WTF?”

5/10

Be rad at all times

-Rat

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3/72 - Killer Nun (1979)

Directed by Giulio Berruti

No, not that killer nun. Sorry, Val.

“From the secret files of the Vatican!” Exclaims the tagline of Deadly Habits aka Killer Nun. That tagline is likely the number one reason Killer Nun made it onto this list. And can we pause fuor a second to recognize just how shameful it is that Deadly Habits isn’t the default name for this thing? That’s a 5-star pun and it’s receiving 2-star treatment! Simply shameful...

In the most cinematic video nasty on my list so far, vintage cinema bombshell Anita Ekberg plays sister Gertrude, the head nun in a mental hospital who became addicted to morphine after a brain surgery to remove a tumor (or so omething like that). Her morphine addiction leads to what I can only think to refer to as a mild psychopathy. Erratic behavior, momentary blackouts, and lesbianism. Okay that last one actually seems pretty rad. Lesbian nuns. Nice.

Sister Gertrude before, during, and after taking up the habit.

She spirals but her lesbian nun friend consoles and helps her. Just until she gives the new doctor a blowjob and we discover she was the killer all along. Oops, I mean SPOILERS!

While Killer Nun is undoubtedly a trademark nunsploitation, it gave me much of the same feeling a good folk-horror flick would. Something like The Wicker Man or The Blood on Satan’s Claw. Though, those are masterpieces and this is a bit silly, I feel that they share some tonal similarities.

You should probably get that looked at...

6/10

Dammit, Val! I said not you! Be gone!

Be rad at all times!

-Rat

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2/72 - Contamination (1980)

aka Alien Contamination aka Toxic Spawn aka Aliendrome

Directed by Luigi Cozzi (as Lewis Coates)

The imdb synopsis is actually really helpful here: A former astronaut helps a government agent and a police detective track the source of mysterious alien pod spores, filled with lethal flesh-dissolving acid, to a South American coffee plantation controlled by alien pod clones.

What the synopsis fails to mention is how delightfully Italian this production is. Well, that and the multitudinous bursting chests.

Whoa, did you feel that?

This is a fun and easy film to watch. Goblin serenades you while the largest visible squibs known to man explode in bloody viscera cocktails. The overdubbing is hilarious and makes for even more enjoyable group watches. There is a moment when SPOILER the alien is revealed, which isn’t something I expected to see! It’s a SPOILER cycloptic martian that’s creating these eggs and it is one of the coolest creature reveals in sci-fi history. I think because it added an extra level of weirdness to the whole affair.

You know, I thought he looked familiar...

I should also note that I see virtually no reason for Contamination’s placement on the video nasties list. I suspect that will be a trend here.

Also, I swear these reviews will get better once we hit film 4 or 5.

7/10

Be rad at all times!

-Rat

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1/72 - Nightmares in a Damaged Brain (1981)

Directed by Romano Scavolini

What does everybody want? Head!

A choppy little ditty with a bloody little druthers. Nightmares in a Damaged Brain (aka Nightmare) is a piece of scuzz that actually saw a man get jailed upon its release. But I’m not much of a historian.

And full disclosure, I decided to review these nasties a month after my journey began, and I watched this particular film on YouTube, so you know, grain of salt and all that.

A screaming mental patient with bloody nightmares is declared cured and set free (for some reason) to do as he pleases, and what he pleases is strolling down sleazy 42nd Street and then terrorizing a family.

“Hello operator? connect me to a better review.”

The said family he chooses to terrorize is worthy of receiving terror. There’s a a shitty 9 year old boy who is a pranking little shit, an over-the-top shitty mom, and some other shits in there too. Oh and there’s the dude with the shitty boat that the mother’s bangin. I really didn’t mind their demise.

Throughout the film we get these repeated flashbacks of mr killer as a child in a bowtie chopping the fuck out of his fucking parents while they are literally fucking (S&M style). Hence his proclivity to go psycho in sexual situations. Although, that whole idea kinda goes out the window halfway through when he’s attacking this family just because.

The acting was whatever. Baird Stafford really committed to Tatum, the film’s said killer, but the real star here is the gore fx. Tom Savini can deny his involvement all he wants, we have photographic evdence of him on set handling things and the effects all scream Savini to me.

It’s dingy, it’s odd, it’s bleak. It is reminiscent of both Maniac and Pieces, to reference other video nasties, but it’s Nightmare, and it was a nice inaugural film!

6/10

Be rad at all times!

-Rat

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Preface

Sadly, gone are the days of my Schlock & Gore column on the Basement on a Hill. 2017 saw me reviewing a new nutzoid film each week, and interviewing some real DIY champions, including Tim Ritter, Donald Farmer, Drew Marvick, Joseph A. Ziemba, Zac Amico, John Miller, Christopher Bouchie, and many more. Well, that blog was tied in with a podcast that the host decided to abandon because he felt there were just too many horror podcasts out there. There were other things going on too, but I won’t get into it. What’s important is that we are here now at ground zero, so what happens next?

What happens after the platform for the most creative success you’ve ever felt has been pulled out from under you? Well, you wallow for a few months, and then you move on! And if you’re anything like me, you decide to finally get around to filling in all of your video nasty blind spots. Before beginning this journey I have seen only 17/72 of the notorious section 1 & 2 nasties, which, for a horror and exploitation fan, feels pretty shameful. SO! Armed with a scottish friend and a digital die (for the random factor) I am choosing one to review each week until all 72 have been reviewed. After that I may tackle the section 3 list, or embark on another similar film journey!

Oh, and I don’t expect an audience, but if you are reading, let me know!

Stay Slime, and be Rad at all Times!

-Rat