regressioncurriculum

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Oh, Dear!

Oh, dear! What can the matter be?

Mistress says she wants to take care of me.

Doesn’t she know I am forty-three?

But I’ll do hypno — for her.

Oh, dear! What can the matter be?

Mistress says she’s making new rules for me.

Doesn’t she know I am thirty-three?

But I'll obey them — for her.

Oh, dear! What can the matter be?

Mistress says she’s got some homework for me.

Doesn’t she know I am twenty-three?

But I’ll do worksheets  — for her.

Oh, dear! What can the matter be?

Mummy says this is what she’s feeding me.

Doesn’t she know I am ten-and-three?

But I’ll drink bottles — for her.

Oh, dear! What can the matter be?

Mama’s the one who dresses and tickles me.

Only she can see that I’m only three!

This time, I grow up for her.

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Adult Grade-School Essay Prompts: On Caging

Write five things that are nice about being in a cage.

Do you think you feel better in a little, cozy cage, or a big, roomy cage?

Draw a little chart comparing the good and bad things about being in each of these: a birdcage, a wire crate, and a clear plastic tank.

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Which things are punishments? 

Highlight each sentence that is true.

Then, have your teacher or caregiver check your work. If you missed any highlights, write the missed sentences in your notebook 10 times each.

Singing silly songs is a punishment.

Using the potty is a punishment.

Eating mushy food is a punishment.

Eating a popsicle is a punishment.

Being spanked is a punishment.

Having a cummycome is a punishment.

Standing in the corner is a punishment.

Dancing on a stage is a punishment.

Wearing a gag is a punishment.

Wearing wrist cuffs is a punishment.

Wearing lace panties is a punishment.

Wearing a bottom plug is a punishment.

Wearing a dirty diaper is a punishment.

Wearing a corset is a punishment.

Wearing high heels is a punishment.

Wearing a tutu is a punishment.

Being naked is a punishment.

Pretending you’re a kitty is a punishment.

Writing lines is a punishment.

Mouth soaping is a punishment.

Sleeping in a cage is a punishment.

Having clothespins on your nipples is a punishment.

Humping a stuffie is a punishment.

Going to the park is a punishment.

Being tied up is a punishment.

Being washed is a punishment.

Doing laundry is a punishment.

Being on the furniture is a punishment.

Holding in weewees is a punishment.

Going to bed early is a punishment.

Being read a story is a punishment.

Making a video is a punishment.

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Here’s what babies see in summer:

Swimsuits and sprinklers and bubbles for fun,

Concrete in the rain, grass in the sun,

Run-around games that don’t need any thought,

Black rubber swings — oh, be careful, they’re hot!

Lemonade, water, ice, fans to keep cool,

Big hats, sweat, sunscreen, people splashing in pools.

That’s what a baby will see in the summer.

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Awww, baby, we know you're working on it!

So you know how big brain science people decided that there are 3 more senses?

Balance, temperature sense, and body position sense

What if we taught adult babies the new senses?

Ah, THIS is clever!

"What a silly baby to get the answer that there are 5 senses. Where on earth did you come up with that guess?"

Lesson thoughts for these:

blindfolded bouncy time on an exercise ball with a dildo (balance, position)

hot-and-cold tummy time mats (temperature, position)

ABCs yoga (balance)

ice-cube sorting activity with blindfold (temperature, position)

I'm thinking rotate-through stations around the walls of the classroom? I'm also thinking I should really do more of the sensory play table directions. Thoughts welcome!

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So you know how big brain science people decided that there are 3 more senses?

Balance, temperature sense, and body position sense

What if we taught adult babies the new senses?

Ah, THIS is clever!

"What a silly baby to get the answer that there are 5 senses. Where on earth did you come up with that guess?"

Lesson thoughts for these:

blindfolded bouncy time on an exercise ball with a dildo (balance, position)

hot-and-cold tummy time mats (temperature, position)

ABCs yoga (balance)

ice-cube sorting activity with blindfold (temperature, position)

I'm thinking rotate-through stations around the walls of the classroom? I'm also thinking I should really do more of the sensory play table directions. Thoughts welcome!

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Little's Reflection Journal Prompt

Jump up and down with your hands clasped. Which parts of your clothing fly with you? Which parts of your body go bouncy?

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Pretending homework: Pretend you’re a diaper designer!

Use your crayons to create exciting new designs to be printed on training pants.

Do market research! Interview your caregiver and your little friends about what they like best in a diaper. Be sure to take notes!

Decide what steps have to happen on the assembly line in your diaper factory. Assign one of your plushies to each step and supervise them on the job.

Put on a diaper (or place one on a doll, stuffie, or sibling) and put it through testing by rubbing things against it to see if it will tear.

Experiment with how much of different liquids and solids can go in a diaper before it leaks.

Watch a video about how a factory works, and draw a picture of a machine from the video that you could use in your diaper factory.

Use stickers, markers, or other craft supplies to decorate a diaper. Ask your caregiver to record a video of you modeling your diaper design for commercials!

Arrange your toys around a table to be your fellow diaper executives. Have a business meeting about your brand.

Use what you find around the house to create packaging to sell your diapers in.

Look through a magazine for advertisements. Make a collage of the ones you like to give you ideas for marketing your diaper designs.

Owner or Guardian: Check off the activities your student has completed and return this signed form on Friday.

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An Educational Play Idea for Littles

Show and Tell Opposites is a tough and clever activity that uses word associations to create a challenge. It’s difficult for little ones and for un-regressed adults — but among the babies, of course, it creates more opportunities for giggles and penalties!

To play a game of Show and Tell Opposites, groups of littles are briefly coached in opposites they can show with their bodies and faces: e.g., big/little, up/down, warm/cold, you/me. 

Then, they are split into smaller groups of 2-4 if necessary, where they take turns telling a word while showing its opposite — a harder-than-it-sounds feat! The other babies mirror the word and gesture. If any little fails to show the opposite of what they tell, the others should point and cry, “Telling!”

The supervising caregiver(s) may deliver small penalties to babies caught “telling,” and/or may circulate among the groups and note any novel pairs of opposites the babies use on a chalkboard or poster for later review.

This activity trains cooperative play, rapid obedience, and flexible attention to physical cues.

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Little's Reflection Journal Prompt

Make a list of the things you have eaten today, then write down next to each thing what shape it was. If it was too soft to have a shape, write “mooshy!”

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Transcript after the jump.

A LITTLE SCHOOL-GIRL

By Francis Bent Dillingham

I've just begun to go to school;

I'm tired as can be.

I can't remember every rule --

How each one turns and sits and stands,

And how each one must fold her hands --

Each little girl like me.

But that is not the worst to tell:

I'd like to have you see

The lots of words we have to spell.

There's hundreds we must learn by heart.

Grown folks forget they're much more smart

Than little girls like me.

The world is spread out big and wide,

With rivers, land, and sea,

And hard long names on every side.

(The maps are pink and blue and brown.)

We just supposed there was our town --

The little girls like me.

There's books and books and books to read!

We study history.

You wouldn't think there's any need

To have so many lessons more

'Bout things we never heard before --

The little girls like me.

My teacher says she thinks I may

Learn even more than she

If I will study every day.

Of course there's many things to know

But she says all wise ladies grow

From little girls like me.

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Another Diaper Rhyme

If Mr. Sky is sending rain

To splash on window-wipers

Don’t hold back your wanna-pee:

Just put it in your diaper!

If a snake is in the yard

And you’re afraid of vipers,

Don’t clamp your bladder on the wee:

Just put it in your diaper!

If Baby Doll made weewees

And you used a cloth to wipe her

Don’t look around for trashy-cans.

Just put it in your diaper!

If Tummy is a fusspot,

A grumbler and a griper,

Don’t be a gassy backed-up thing:

Just put it in your diaper!

If you watched a hot cartoon

And watching made you hyper

Don’t deny the tingle-wets:

Just put it in your diaper! 

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A Little Worksheet

Each of these things comes out of a hole. 

First, identify what kind of hole each thing comes from. 

Second, write “yes” next to the ones that go back into the hole they came from. 

Poop

Sounds

Mice 

Tongue

Bathwater 

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If you aren't training your little to color with their non-dominant hand, what are you doing??

You're missing out on countless "Look how well you did!! You only went outside the lines a couple times!!"

And also "Oh honey, you missed a spot." And then you get to watch as they struggle to move the crayon precisely with soooo much cute effort.

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It’s for grownups, sweetie. It’s like the commercials during cartoons for things people can buy — you know how sometimes there are words to help people make decisions that babies like you, who can’t make a lot of choices, don’t need to know?

Just like a TV commercial , though, you can point it out to Mommy or Daddy or your favorite grownup if you like the words you do understand!

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