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[reignthedress]

107: Left Behind

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. This episode, the women of Reign learn to wield a fork and a frying pan. You go, ladies. 

8. Ailey (-1)

Beige and braids, beige braids, braids of beige.

7. Kenna (-3)

Kenna tries an unsuccessful “do you know who I am” this episode and even her beautiful gowns can’t distract from her very annoying personality. 

6. Lola (+2)

Lola actually stands up to Catherine this episode. Her sass is fighhhhting to break free of all those ruffles and tulle. We see your potential Lola.

5. Olivia (-3)

Look who’s in Mistress Purple this week! Her version is kind of a softgurl rejected Mistress Purple. She then retreats into this enormous cloak of cowardice which frankly does look like it would be nice to hide in. Gown of Pathetic Evil goes to Olivia this week.

4. Helen (-1)

Helen is giving some great Evil Mistress energy this episode. Lots of sleek reds tell us she is out for some blood.

3. Grier (+6)

Turns out Grier’s power dress is that of a scullery maid. She actually looks pretty great in it. Way to frying pan that jerk, Grier.

2. Mary (+4)

Mary is back in black and we are happy to see it. And in her red gown she’s out for blood too. The jugular blood of a man that she forks. 

1. Catherine (-)

“The first lesson I ever learned was never to wait for a man’s rescue.” Long may she reign

[reignthedress]

106: Chosen

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. In this episode we are reminded how much the CW loves loves loves a love triangle.

9. Grier (-2)

Grier did an excellent impression of some upholstery in this episode.

8. Lola (-2)

Somewhere inside that enormous ruffle there is a sassy queen who deserves more. 

7. Ailey (-2)

She looks pretty good in white and she didn’t fall prey to any blackmail schemes this week. But that is one unsightly braid crown. Bird Hairdressers: 6 Ailey: 0

6. Mary (-4)

How the mighty have fallen. She spent most of the episode in that drab blue dress whining on about how some stupid prank with a deer head is a threat to her kingdom and making sad eyes at Francis. She’s got to get back to her power black outfits. 

5. Crazy Eye Maid (unranked last episode)

Turns out she was hiding a dagger under that flouncy maid outfit. Gown of Great Evil goes to her this week. 

4. Kenna (-)

"Shut up Kenna” - Lola. Kenna goes for a soft mistress-y purple frock to greet her returning lover, only to be totally outdone in mistress-y purple-y-ness by...

3. Helen (unranked last week)

Gotta give it to her, she looks powerful in mistress-y purple. Her long gazes indicate that she seems to be scheming something and we can’t wait to find out what. 

2. Olivia (+1)

The costumer designers seem to have made a  “French tartlet” mood board and are dressing Olivia accordingly, including adorably mussed bedroom hair and an awful lot of corsets. She’s certainly out-tarting Mary in both dress and attitude.

1. Catherine de Medici

Catherine is rocking some massive pearls and some big red dress energy this episode. The steel in her eyes when the promised to start burning random villages was frankly pretty hot. Especially in contract to Mary in her powdery blue sack dress, Catherine is our power queen this episode for sure. Long may she reign.

[reignthedress]

105: A Chill In The Air

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. In this episode Ailey gains a personality trait and we meet some new villains. Can’t wait too see who has the most evil-some gowns.

8. Dead girl (unranked last week)

Last place is what you get for dying before the opening credits finish rolling and splashing blood all over your frock. Olivia also seems concerningly unconcerned about this woman’s death.

7. Grier (-1)

Grier still has a critter on her bosom! Later she trades it for an enormous gem that probably symbolizes her gold digging attempt with the pepper guy.

6. Lola (-4)

Was hoping for some love... pentagon this week with Lola/Bash/Mary/Francis/Olivia but alas Lola stayed out of the game this week except to kindly “warn” Mary about Bash’s intentions. Sneaky sneaky.

5. Ailey (+2)

They finally found a personality trait for Ailey other than that cartoon birds sloppily braid her hair each morning! She has a little petty theft problem. Between finally entering the plot and wearing a black dress that is actually both pretty and interesting she gets a solid middle score. Her hair’s still completely nuts though. Bird hairdressers: 5 Ailey: 0

4. Kenna (+1)

Is Kenna’s all white episode some kind of reference to her loss of innocence? Its kind of fun seeing her give all kinds of attitude especially when it seems likely she will soon crash and burn.

3. Olivia (unranked last week)

Why is she the only person on this show attempting a French accent? Is it because she was the best at it? Because its really pretty terrible. Then again, many of the characters are struggling with a simple British accent so it could be true. This girl is the ultimate CW “other woman” and I wonder if it will come with a surprise twin sister on this show too. She ranks this high for successfully seducing Francis even while wearing that horrible blue dress Mary was clearly trying to use to sabotage her. This episode the blue dress wins Gown of Great Evil.

2. Mary (-1)

The Queen of Scotland has fallen. Insecurity looks as lackluster on her as these mediocre gowns. She now has 2 opponents at court and we can’t wait to see how this will impact her gown power.

1. Catherine de Medici (+2)

I tell you this woman gains power from a batwing and a stiff lapel. It’s nice to see her back at her schemes this week. Long may she reign.

Unranked this week:

Evil Mistress (allegedly she is being dumped)

Bag Head Ghost

[reignthedress]

104: Heart and Minds

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. In this episode we finally learn that the other blonde one is called “Ailey” and a villainous plot is uncovered through a suspiciously nice cloak.

7. Ailey (-3)

Oh dear. I guess the episode we learn her name is not the episode she wins her eternal struggle against those birds that braid her hair every morning. Looks like she’s the court jester for now. Bird Hairdressers: 4 Ailey: 0

6. Grier (-1)

She still hasn’t removed the critter from her cleavage.

5. Kenna (-3)

Kenna solidly demonstrates her lack of good judgement by seducing the king while dressed as a distressed woodland fairy. 

4. Shady Prossie (unranked last week)

All she wanted was a nicer cloak. Winner of this episode’s Gown of Great Evil goes to this lady who, to be fair, had a pretty awful cloak before. Hey you have to admire someone who knows what they want and is willing to go get it. 

3. Catherine de Medici (-)

The power lapels are back

2. Lola (+5)

Sweet nurse Lola earns this high spot in the rankings for looking genuinely very good in this hat. She seems too sweet to be a good match for Bash but it should be a fun drama all the same.

1. Mary

This was certainly not Mary’s strongest gown episode. The neutrals really flatten her out but then again so does an abusive fiance. That white dress at the end is literally stellar and it was nice to see her grab her power back. Long may she Reign.

Unranked this week:

Evil Mistress (apparently shopping in Paris but I hope she’ll be back soon to fight Kenna)

Bag Head Ghost Under The Bed

[reignthedress]

Episode 103: Kissed

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. In this episode we learn that blonde two was Grier all along so who the heck is that other girl?

7. Lola (-1)

They seem to only be capable of running a B plot for 2 ladies in wait each episode and this was not her week

6. Crazy Eyes Servant (unranked last episode)

For a servant she’s got quite a lot of pearls on her head. 

5. Grier (+2)

Ok so I guess this is Grier. Grier is having an intense personal journey this episode involving her décolletage. At first she is full of hope and bare of chest but as her crisis unfolds she covers up with first a napkin and then a critter. 

4. Blonde....One? (+1)

Who the heck is this? Since they told her she was never going back to Scotland perhaps they’ll kill her off soon and we won’t have to learn. I guess instead of plot they just give her braids. They keep just popping up in parts of her head you would never expect. She really is working the bridal showroom of Anthropologie again this episode and her dresses are quite pretty. Bird Hairdressers: 3 This Girl: 0

3. Catherine de Medici (-1)

This was her face when Mary was doing her sexy Portugal dance and frankly its delightful. She didn’t get up to much villainy this week though she did lurk in enough shadows that we couldn’t really see her dresses. 

2. Kenna (+2)

Kenna had some great dresses this episode that were a little hard to see because the King was smooshed on top of her. Perhaps her improved clothing choices represent her growing ambition. She’s certainly the fastest riser in the power rankings

1. Mary (-)

Mary takes all the top prizes this episode including “#1 Dress of Evil” for her sexy Portugal dance dress that somehow was perfectly coordinated with the outfits of both her male suitors. She’s breaking hearts and taking names y’all. Long may she reign. 

Unranked this week:

Evil Mistress

Bag Head Ghost

[reignthedress]

Episode 102: Snakes In The Garden

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. This episode, dresses were very much central to the plot as one dress in particular staged a fake attempted murder. It still doesn’t take the prize for “Best Evildoing Dress” though.

8. Poison Dress (unranked last time, hopefully unranked next time)

This dress doesn’t fit great and this plot point is silly

7. Blonde Two (+1)

Is this even a speaking role?

6. Lola (-1)

Didn’t see much of her this episode, she didn’t seem happy to be there. That white dress is pretty though.

5. Grier (+2)

She found some cute dresses in the Bridesmaid section of Anthropologie this week. Though her style has slightly improved, the birds that braid her hair every morning went a bit wild this episode. Perhaps they give her these insane braids so we can tell her apart from the other blonde one. Bird Hairdresser: 2 Grier: 0

4. Kenna (+2)

Top of the ladies in wait pack this week is Kenna. I like her seductive mermaid dress but she loses points for that orange flower thing. I think we are supposed to glean from her erratic style of dress that she is not afraid to make daring life choices.

3. Queen of Sass (unranked last time)

Or Princess of Giraffes or whatever. This girl gives great side eye and has a fiery ensemble to match.

2. Catherine de Medici (+1)

If I were scheming villainous schemes I too would want to do it in with satin batwings. Catherine wins “Best Evildoing Dress” this week by default since The Mistress didn’t make an appearance and the poison dress is too silly to count. 

1. Mary (-)

I like Mary in a black power gown. Long may she reign.

Unranked this week:

Evil Mistress

Bag Head Ghost

[reignthedress]

Episode 101: Pilot

Hello and welcome to Reign The Dress where we power rank the women of Reign based on the power in their dresses. Here in the pilot episode we meet our young hero and learn that someone is plotting her downfall. Who is it? We can only guess based on the evilness of their gowns.

9. This girl

In last place we have this person who I guess is sleeping with the prince but I’m pretty sure we never meet again. Her dress seems like it was designed to not stay on her body and that’s how we know that she’s a floozy and we don’t like her.

8. Blonde Two

I can’t remember this girl’s name and these dresses are pretty dull

7. Grier

This girl looks like she’s role playing Disney princess and the birds braided her hair. That’s the only way to explain these terrible terrible braids. Bird Hairdresser: 1 Grier: 0 

6. Kenna

The historical inaccuracies of these costumes frankly cannot possibly be addressed in this power ranking as a whole, BUT this girl’s vibe appears to be Frontierswoman of the New World. It is kind of working for her. 

5. Lola

Topping off the ladies in wait is poor Lola who achieves this honor by looking good in pink. 

4. Sister

Did they even give this girl a name? Dare I say she is the only young person who comes close to dressing appropriately for this century. It’s decent enough but she gets bonus points for getting married and then apparently teaching all the other ladies what consummation means. 

3. Catherine de Medici

Catherine gets outfitted in this show’s equivalent of a Power Suit. Those stiff lapels show us she means business but the heart motif in her second outfit shows us that perhaps there’s a softer side. 

2. Evil Mistress

This gown is very Evil Disney Queen and I have to say it is effective. She and Catherine are both getting the villain edit so I imagine they will also be battling it out in power gowns. This week I give Helen the win. 

1. Mary

Mary really gets some beautiful gowns befitting a protagonist. I particularly liked her black swan look and her power headbands are invoking the Queen Bee spirit of Blair Waldorf. Long may she reign.

Honorable mentions:

Bag head ghost: unclear if this is a fashion choice or a life choice

Nun outfits: very sensible, provided Mary with a strong glow up