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Why?
Why do people think it’s ok to just ghost someone? Are they not aware of what it can do to someone? My heart aches…mainly due to the fact that everything we said to each other. How happy we made each other. All the reassurance gave each other. How we told each other we would make it work. Sure the distance wasn’t in our favor but it’s only a 4 hour drive. I kept asking “when would be a good time for me to drive up there?” “I’ll let you know.” you replied. Did I do something wrong? So many questions are going to be left unanswered with no closure…I long for something I never had before…which I found with you. Why did you go?
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Pescoluse, Province of Lecce, Italy by Riccardo Orlando
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10-Mar-21
I know it’s been a minute since I’ve posted. So I’ll give a quick update. Girl I was seeing said she couldn’t give me what I wanted (a relationship) cause she felt like she wasn’t good enough but still constantly tries to hit me up to have sex and gets upset when I tell her no. I told her what I want, but she keeps pressing.
Had my job interview yesterday for the job I’m gunning for. Physical portion I blew out of the water and the questions they asked were pretty difficult. Mostly situation questions but I think I did alright. Hopefully I land it.
Started seeing a new girl for a few weeks and everything was going great until this morning. I got hit with the “I’m pregnant” text...we’ve never had sex...I just brushed it off and said it’s whatever, we can still be friends and nothing more. No sense in blowing up on her when she already feels bad enough.
It took me a few hours to figure out what to say to her so I chose to work out during that time. At least I was productive...
Do I just have shitty taste in women?
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How do you politely but firmly tell someone to fuck off for the rest of your life?
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24-Feb-21
You ever pour yourself out a little bit to someone and they get short and change the topic to something else? Then act if it was nothing. That happened to me today. I’ve been seeing and talking with this woman for a couple weeks. Things are great don’t get me wrong. We laugh a lot, talk almost everyday, share the same humor in things. She’s great.
But today...I told her how I felt about her. I told her I was starting to become quite fond of her and I thought about her a lot. Of course I told her why when she asked and she kept it very short after that. “That’s sweet. That’s cute.” To be humorous and joke she even said “that’s kind of gay lol.” I didn’t find it funny. It’s like she wasn’t even taking what I said to her seriously at all, then switched subjects.
Call me soft, or maybe I’m just over thinking it. But I was a little hurt by it. Opening up to express how I was feeling about her just to have it all pushed aside. What was I thinking? It’s the same story over and over, like a broken record that keeps skipping and repeating.
It’s moments and times like these where I’m throroughly convinced there’s no one for me and I’m gonna be left to die alone. Often throughout my years of living, I’ve always seen my friends find someone whom they spend months or years with. Sure some end but some are still going strong and I’m the guy who’s still currently single who watches people find happiness in others. Coming home to an empty house, an empty living room with no one to watch tv with or just talk, an empty bed with no one to lay next to through out the night and wake up to the next morning, an empty kitchen with no one to make breakfast with or together...sure I’ve had girlfriends...but nothing that ever really lasted too long. But I digress.
I’ve made it abundantly clear I was excited to see her this weekend for my birthday. Now I just feel different about it. Like the feeling of still wanting her to come but apart of me wants to tell her nevermind. A friend of mine said I shouldn’t read too much into it and have her still come. I guess we’ll see what happens. I just hope the feelings of what I told her are mutual. If they aren’t I guess it wouldn’t really be any surprise to me.
Maybe I’ll just spend my birthday alone, in the dark of my own house, drinking.
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2021 february — monochrome snapshots from my second cross country move
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The Great Wood, Ramscombe
Photographed by Freddie Ardley - Prints
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17-Feb-21
I’m in a really bad way right now. I’m angry, sad, worried. I was late to work this morning and to find out my boss told me my dad was rushed to the Hosptial last night....why did I have to find out through my work instead of my own family...? Why? I worry about my dad a lot. He has some medical issues that can’t be recovered from.
Even though it was something minor, it still worries me.
I need to sleep.
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