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Player: DM, what are you googling?

DM: how big are bear dicks!

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Perfume descriptions are so weird. What the hell is "an ironic blast of popcorn"?

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Here’s SWEETROCK, the 24 hour comic I drew this year!

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Wildflower meadows are beautiful; so beautiful in fact that a village in Britain has found they act as natural speed traps from motorists slowing down to look at them.

The village of Long Newnton in Gloucestershire has a problem with fast moving through-traffic between nearby towns. Almost all drivers moving through areas they frequent will break posted speed limits, and neither a 30 mile per hour limit, nor warning signs made any difference.

Officials first planted flowers along the roadside during the pandemic to help improve biodiversity.

But they noticed that as well as attracting more wildlife, motorists also slowed down when they passed the flowers.

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It’s not MY fault they’re so easy to whack with a comically large angst hammer

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Not your typical coat color in a cat

I think it's probably actually an orange kitten with a very 'sooty' cast to it.

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airline customer service: hello this is SAS how can i help me: ok so i booked a flight with you just now and i’d like to reserve a space for my pet in the cargo hold, i’m bringing a cockatiel SAS: (audibly worried) uh… uhm… i’m not sure we can… transport that kind of um… pet? me: oh, huh? i did ring to check before i booked and the guy on the phone said it’d be fine? SAS: (”dealing with unhinged customers” voice) uh. ok. well, i guess i can try to check… just give me some cage dimensions. how big is its cage me: well i got him a teeny tiny travel cage, so… 50x30x30, at most SAS: centimeters?? me: yeah? is there a problem? SAS: can you tell me exactly how big is this crocodile??? me: COCKATIEL SAS: …OH

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I hate it when I talk wistfully about the ancient world and then people are like “you wouldn’t survive back then” yeah obviously I would die immediately but do you think achilles would be able to survive in the modern world if he had to send one polite email? no

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Bard: “I whisper to Merle [the giant goat] to go into stealth mode”

Dm: *slams table*

Bard: shit, that’s a 1 isn’t it

Dm: wrong. It’s a nat 20. The goat turns invisible

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WHY IS THERE A LEGO AXE ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR

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