renavents-blog - Tumblr blog

[renavents-blog]

me: *talks about something enthusiastically*

fp: Okay.

my mind: yep now you’ve done it they don’t like you anymore

[renavents-blog]

Let’s play a game called “am I really okay with this situation or am I disassociating from it to protect myself?”.

[renavents-blog]

if you dont love me loudly and constantly then clearly you dont love me at all

[renavents-blog]

are you ignoring me, busy, or am i too obsessed with you to care about the difference? a love story

[renavents-blog]

I’m not clingy I just need your love and attention 24/7

[renavents-blog]

I am already hurt. I need someone to protect me Not to hurt me even more.

(via fraeuleinrabenschwarz)

[renavents-blog]

[renavents-blog]

gooooood my heart hurts it feels like its breaking legit

[renavents-blog]

i’m very much on the verge of losing somebody i care about so much and it hurts like fuck i;m trying to deal with this but i just. fuck. this is painful as fuck. how do people do this

[renavents-blog]

god i feel so physically sick this is horrible

[renavents-blog]

i am giving my comfort person the option to leave me

it hurts like hell

but i want them to be happy

[renavents-blog]

so you split on your fp... now what?

I made this simple help sheet for what steps to take when splitting! I hope it helps at least someone out there.

[renavents-blog]

im so sorry im so terrible

[renavents-blog]

i haven’t been on here in a long time but i’m really upset and need to vent a bit

so i’ve been doing rlly well lately bc i’ve started being a lot more open with my family and friends and i got back into cosplay and cospllay dancing and youtube which is rlly important to me and a rlly important stress relief and stuff and gives me smth to hold onto and makes me happy and also my me and my friend are booking a holiiday to disney paris tomorrow which will be my first time going abroad and i’ve been looking into unis and stuff that i want to apply to.

but like i can feel myself rapidly going to shit again. idek what’s up half the time, i guess the ‘buzz’ of doing new things and being in a new environment kinda??? is wearing off but also since going to my DWP assessment i’ve kinda felt like shit. for obvious reasons bc it was sensitive question after sensitive question and i have a strong feeling that i won’t even end up getting my money in the end. we’ve also been watching tapes from my childhood which has kind of messed my head up bc we’ve kind of been able to pinpoint where stuff started going to shit and it /was/ around my mum’s operation. which was also a bit late to develop a dissociative disorder (i was around 8-9?) but still possible which would also explain why it’s osdd if i do have one, bc it was late. also since watching the tapes i keep feeling a small child around and i’ve no idea whether it’s my inner child or something else but they seem to have a lot of bad feelings and they keep affecting me too

plus side, the doctors are going to refer me to a psychologist who will assess me again (particularly for adhd bc i mentioned that was a concern to me) and i’ve grown a lot more mature abt my mental health in general esp since leaving tumblr. i still struggle with the same things like none of it stopped once i left which proves its legit ig but i’ve stopped trying to diagnose myself and i’ve started calling it ‘bad mental health’ instead which is good for me personally, but i do think i need to be reassessed again esp if i want the correct support.

rn i’m really upset bc i had nightmares abt the bullying last night that i don’t really have nightmares about, i’m lucky bc i don’t get like. clear trauma nightmares that frequently but when i do they’re usually about my abuser or sexual assault, but it’s not as much abt the bullying, last night was super centric on that tho and now it’s all kind of come flooding back to me and just. ugh. bluh.

also i had a breakdown last night bc i’m not r’s comfort person  and somebody else is, even tho i try so so so so so hard to make them happy and i’ve never upset them or made them angry and i just do everythingn but i can’t mean as much to them as this person that has upset them on multiple occasions and it hurts so much bc i can’t understand wy even tho im sure that bc this person has a kin that is important to r that is why they can be that and i can’t.

anyay that’s where i am atm, just in a big slump after a high ig. thinking of coming back to tumblr after i’ve applied to university cuz i miss the good things but it honestly kind of makes me feel sick? like i don’t get good vibes from it, feels super stuffy and toxic. twitter even thoit has some of the same problems feels much much cleaner to me but it also doesn’t have some of the communities i like on here eg kid//core communities, so i probably will come back after i’ve applied to uni but i won’t be on as often and i won’t be following anyone that posts any discourse or anything bc it really gets into my head and i get super paranoid abt what i might do wrong and stuff. so yeah i’ll probably move blogs again but only follow mostly blogs that don’t post mental health stuff or discourse abt stuff in general bc i tend to start really overthinking stuff bc of tumblr and its not healthy 

so yeah idk this is this ig. like if you read pls

[renavents-blog]

i feel like most of my mutuals hate me tbh why would anyone even want a new skype if i made one or my peach

[renavents-blog]

It's time to remember all the dumb shit we've ever done collectively as a system and to also wish that all of my old sky//pes could just be Gone bc I don't feel comfortable with all the information that I gave to people and all the other shit I gave to people for validation and attention to just be. There

[renavents-blog]

Tfw u feel terrible for cutting off ur abuser bc they were mentally ill