renxtxs

[renxtxs]

“sure feels like there is a lot of fucking tension.” matty retorted without really thinking about it, he knew that snapping at her wasn’t a good idea right now, but he couldn’t but feel judge. making this decision was already hard enough as it was without her acting up on it as if he were betraying her or anything close to it. “who said anything about a normal life, ren?” he sighed loudly, pulling back and leaning against the sink as soon as she put distance between, suddenly aware of how far away she already felt to him. “i know too much shit about the family to ever leave you all high and dry. i gotta talk to naomi first, figure shit out with her and vivian. i’m still me, it won’t change nothing aside from fucking feeling like i belong somewhere for fucking once in my life, you know?”

at one point in their lives had there been something easily accessible to her hands renata would surely be throwing it in matty’s direction with the retort that was returned at her. luckily being less dramatic nowadays, all she did was narrow her eyes at him in response. with his adding of distance between them, renata took a few steps back herself, moving her arms to cross against her chest. “how is ’full-time cop’ not your idea of a normal life?” the question came out almost weak, the opposite of her usual strong speech. it came with the realization of how draining fighting with matty truly was. up until recently, their infamous fights had become a rare occurrence, until now when they were here all over again along with the usual feeling of anger building up inside her every time he mentioned that he didn’t belong somewhere. as if she made no difference in the equation. in her own feelings, her sense of belonging came with being with matty, though clearly it wasn’t a reciprocated feeling. “right.” as per usual, rather than expressing how she felt– that she wasn't enough, or hadn't done enough to comfort matty– renata hid behind a wall of bitterness. “i’m glad you finally found somewhere to belong after all these years.” 

[renxtxs]

that was the thing everyone kept telling her. what if this was the one thing naomi couldn’t figure out, though? the one case she couldn’t crack? naomi fell silent after renata’s question, only being able to think of one thing. “i love how he looks at me. chris,” naomi began slowly, taking her time with the words. “if i go through with this why would he ever look at me the same after that? i couldn’t expect him to look at me the same. to think of me the same way.”

the response from naomi had renata raising her brow in near confusion though her full attention and patience remained on the blonde. it made sense now–why naomi was so hesistant–and there wasn’t a way to blame her whatsoever. anyone in her position would be thinking the same way. for once, renata had no words. no response. nothing to say. her lips parted as if to begin to speak but quickly shut once again as her fingers went to pinch the bridge of her nose. “is there any other options you can think of?”

[renxtxs]

naomi shook her head a little at renata’s words. it was ren, practically her sister. if she could talk to anyone about this, it was her. not telling her wasn’t even a thought that came into naomi’s mind. truly. “i um, i don’t think so. i’m just… i’m hoping i’ll figure it all out sooner than later, you know?”

there was no way renata could fully comprehend losing a father, let alone in the malicious way naomi had. therefore, for once, she was truly at a loss for words. “well, if anyone can figure that out, it’s you.” a small hint of a smile was offered to naomi before her expression turned back to seriousness. “what have you got so far?”

[renxtxs]

up to this point, matty wasn’t sure of what he expected renata’s reaction to be, but he quickly realized that it probably wasn’t going to be a good one. the mob was everything for her, it was her family as much as her biological family was. her best friends were both in it and for the most part, it resembled their lifestyle way more than matty’s being a cop. he didn’t let go of her upon her questions though, instead, blinked several times. “yeah, it is.” he said slowly, not really wanting to snap at her right away, but not really enjoying the accusing tone in her voice. “why do i sense some sort of tension around here all of a sudden? you knew this was always a possibility, ren.”

the last thing matty needed was renata’s rejection of his choice, she knew that, and yet for some reason that was her first reaction. it was just a few months ago that renata was promising she would back him up with whatever decision he made and when the time came along where she usually would be behind him no questions asked, her mind wasn’t wrapping around the fact that this really always had been a possibility. “there’s no tension.” despite the words and his arms staying around her, renata’s dropped from his body. "what happens now? you just leave the family and what- you live a normal life? where does that leave me?” 

[renxtxs]

“um,” naomi stammered when it was clear that renata wanted her to elaborate. was naomi strong enough to talk about this? she could handle anything. she could deal with anything. absolutely anything that her life threw at her and yet, this? no. not when it came to her father. “it’s um,” she sighed softly, “it’s about my dad and the… the guys who,” she couldn’t get it out. it was like the words were stuck in her throat.

‘dad’ was the only word that naomi needed to utter for renata to immediately comprehend what this was all about. after all, the first common factor that brought renata and naomi together was their fathers. “you don’t need to–” was the first thing out of her mouth, and though renata was the last person to be any kind of near affectionate, her hand instinctively went out to take naomi’s own. “can i help you with anything?” 

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[renxtxs]

“i’m sorry,” she couldn’t help but apologize once again, shaking her head slightly as she did so. she hadn’t meant it. she also knew that because it was ren, though, she wasn’t going to drop it as quickly as naomi had hoped. naomi moved towards the office, pushing manicured hands through her hair. “yeah, yeah. i’m okay. it was just… a long weekend.”

the last person naomi needed to apologize to was renata, there was always the undeniable understanding between their friend group. however, it also meant she was one of few people that really knew naomi and that answer wasn’t at all about to satisfy renata. a brow raised in response, as if waiting for the full story, as she moved to shut the door behind them. “long weekend?” 

[renxtxs]

matty grinned widely as she mentioned how proud she was of him. he didn’t need to make a lot of people proud, as long as he had renata in his life, that was all he needed, really. it seemed surreal to him that he was a cop, still. that out of all the things that he had wanted to do over the years, one of the few constants had ended up being something that he’d never wanted in the first place, but now? he couldn’t imagine his life without being chris’ partner in the precinct, without that uniform. “i think i have, yeah…i think my place is…being a cop, you know? like, for real, obviously, i still give no fucks about the mob, like, there are different type of criminals, i kind of like punishing people that really deserve it.” he admitted with a small shrug, his eyes scanning her face so that he could read her reaction.

for a few minutes renata was silent while taking in everything he was saying. of course she understood where matty was coming from, and it had been just a few weeks ago that renata vowed she would be at his side with whichever decision that he chose–but why was this one specifically difficult for her to grasp? the job that he had hated, the one he complained about, was ultimately what he wanted for life. the good outweighed the bad and still there were no words to begin to explain how she felt about him leaving her in the family or that he was choosing the good life and she couldn’t let go. “so that’s it then? that’s your final decision?”

[renxtxs]

“me? a ladies man? i can’t help but be good looking and have people instantly interested in me, babe. that doesn’t make me a ladies man.” matty teased lightly as he smirked over at her and then leaned into his touch. he’d never thought about settling down, ever, but now when he got home and found renata there or he had to wait for her to get home after a long day, he couldn’t imagine why he’d decided to take so long to do this with her when she’d always been there. he tilted his head to the side and grinned. “i like to think i’m indispensable, yeah.” he chuckled and then sighed a little. “it’s actually…going really well. honestly…i’ve been two different people for years, you know? blake breathing down my neck, the commander breathing down my neck. for once, i’ve felt…like i’m doing good, you know?”

a laugh escaped from her lips but renata was quick to roll her eyes as she usually did when it came to matty’s responses. “get over yourself,” she murmured through a lazy smile. if there was any way possible to pull him closer to her renata would have done it by now with the way they were holding one another as if was just the two of them in the world. or at least it was in her world. “i’m glad you’re feeling good, baby, i’m proud of you.” there was no denying the fact that matty’s happiness brought renata her own happiness in turn, and knowing him well enough she knew exactly what conclusion he had come to with the absence taken from the family. “so you’ve made a decision?”

[renxtxs]

“we got it though. no matter what it is.” matty told her easily. one of the last blows had led to her getting seriously hurt, and matty didn’t want to see a repeat of that. it was after that night at trx that had him thinking about all the possibilities he had in the mob. renata loved it and honestly, matty did too. but lately, he felt even better about being a cop. about having a partner and not playing alone anymore. “i don’t know, nor do i wanna know.” he joked, keeping her close as he nodded and after their soft kiss. matty’s hands rested on her lower back. “hm, good. to be fair, you all have been doing really well since i started my break. don’t you think?”

all renata could do was give him a nod of her head in agreement to his words. she knew full well no matter what came up matty was more than prepared for it, though as always, her worries weren’t anywhere near coming to an end. for a moment after the kiss, renata rested her head against his head, a minute that brought all her worries to dissolve as she let out a soft laugh. “maybe it’s better he’s not so much a ladies man like you,” she joked, looking up at him before her hands moved to rest on each of his arms. “y’think that place relies solely on you?” the teasing didn’t last long and now renata was biting down on her lip as she turned more serious. “how’s that break been going?”

[renxtxs]

“god! don’t you know you’re not supposed to sneak up on someone like that?” naomi regretted the words as soon as they’d escaped her lips. she hated when she got like this. dealing with the affairs and minuscule details that came along with deciding what to do with the men who had murdered her father, well, it left her shaken – jumpy. naomi squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head quickly. “i’m sorry. i’m just – on edge. i didn’t mean that.” she was tired. 

“woah, hey, nomes, it’s just me,” renata was quick to clarify with a tinge of laughter in her voice though it wouldn’t last. the look on naomi’s face was enough to have her entire demeanour shifting into a more serious stance as a hand went to the blonde’s shoulder, nudging her towards the closest office space for more privacy. “are you doing alright?”

[renxtxs]

“yeah, it’s been weirdly slow lately. i am patiently waiting for the next blow.” matty said as he pulled away to let her finish her night routine. they’d only been official for a few months, but having been on and off for most of their lives just made them know each other than any other couple out there probably. “that’s great news. tommy will be ecstatic to see you. he always had a crush on you.” matty said teasingly, grinning at her and leaning in for a quick kiss when she turned to look at him finally. “you don’t have anything going on with the family these days?”

renata turned her head back to press a soft kiss to his cheek before he pulled away and she continued with what she was previously doing. the next blow was bound to happen, the both of them would be playing blind if they were to assume there was never another one to come, but at least renata could hope it would be prolonged for as much as possible. her eyes flickered up to meet his to give him a smile as she nodded her head. “let’s just hope it’s not anytime soon,” was all she could murmur in the moment before she brushed the thought away from her mind to focus on their upcoming trip. “seriously? i always assumed tommy was more into blondes," she mentioned with a laugh as her hands went to hold onto the sides of his face carefully when he leaned in to kiss her. “there’s always something going on with the family, but they can live without me for a weekend.”

[renxtxs]

it was a long day at work between paperwork and the daily things in the life of a police officer in treeville. small towns weren’t particularly known as the type to have a lot of criminals, therefore what matty and his coworkers usually did was patrol, put scare shoplifters away and make sure everything was as peaceful as it could be. getting home was still a relief, one more day of normalcy, of coming back to renata and they were both safe and sound. as soon as he stepped inside the house, matty took off his boots and his police shirt, leaving him in the black t-shirt he usually wore under and sweatpants. he already knew that renata was home because he car was parked in front of the house and when he heard the water run, he immediately knew where she was at. he poked his head in first, grinning at the sight of her. “hey,” he stepped inside and kissed the back of her head. “normal day, actually. what about you? busy day?”

from the twists of the mob and the ups and downs in their own relationship, somehow their lives had become normalized. the way they previously were when they shielded their emotions from one another was long gone and now left with a serenity that renata could only compare to pure bliss. her gaze locked on his as he walked closer and soon enough she was leaning into his body when he placed a kiss on the back of her head. “really?” she murmured easily, shutting the water off as she smiled at him brightly. “only a couple surgeries today. the usual, it wasn’t anything too chaotic. i rescheduled a few surgeries so i’ll be able to come with you to vegas to see your brother.”

[renxtxs]

ANDY: weeeell I’m not the one getting married so ANDY: also I’m never home :( it wouldn’t seem fair to the little guy 

REN: well there’s always jacob who could help with that, couldn’t he? REN: not the married thing, i mean the dog. unless i’m mistaken.

( ✉ → sms )

[renxtxs]

@officermattypayne  

between wedding planning and balancing a double life, it was safe to say renata barely had time alone with her soon to be husband, and as if matters weren’t already stressful enough, it seemed his decision that teetered between leaving the family or his job at the station wasn’t quite coming along. or at least, renata hadn’t even begun to explore what he was thinking of doing or where he was going with the process of making said decision. that was, she wasn’t aware yet. cold water ran in the sink and renata was so immersed in her thoughts, she hadn’t heard the sound of the footsteps in the bedroom or the door of the bathroom opening. she didn’t need to hear it, or even look up to sense he was right behind her in the doorway. “hey, you’re home,” she let out after a moment of silence, finally looking up to meet his eye in the reflection of the mirror with a small smile. “long day?”

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