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hey man. nice regional dialect. mind if i apply some baseless assumptions about your personhood to it? i was also gonna prescribe morality to it as well. if that’s cool with you

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Swiss Cheese Mono Font by Heirloom

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reddit white is like the typical racist guy living in a multicultural city with whom every time a nonwhite person enters their FOV they'll whip out the most predictable derisive racist quip like a pokemon shouting its own name. they'll consume nonwhite cultures as theatre but refuse to engage with it on the same level as white culture. tumblr white is like a gated community guy who is so unbelievably insulated from any nonwhite people or culture they'll straight up say wild shit like "well no one told me that dark skinned people didn't have thicker veins! how was i supposed to know that? you can't blame me for that!"

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always blows my mind as a european when people talk about states like “yeah theres nothing in ohio/montana/wyoming/etc” because i look at a map like but. but theyre so big. every state could qualify as its own country what do you mean theres nothing there. and then i ask people from those states and theyre like “yeah theres nothing here” what do you mean theres nothing there!!!

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Dreams of flying….

Just had to add that cat. He absolutely wanted to be on that roof, so here he is…

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Apparently there’s a “kids shouldn’t be allowed in grocery stores” thing being spread on TikTok because they might scream or run around and look yeah that’s annoying but at a certain point you’ve gotta just put up with kids being a little annoying in public. Sure the kid pouring milk in the isles is the fault of a shitty parent and should be asked to leave, but a single mom with an otherwise controlled by crying toddler isn’t doing anything wrong. I think you’ll live if someone’s two year old starts screaming in their arms in isle 3. It might be annoying but that mom is probably having a worse day than you

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You can teleport one (1) single individual live seagull into any time or place in history. Where would you choose to put it to best fuck with peoples' heads and cause as much confusion as possible?

I'd pick Tutankhamun's tomb, just behind the sealed door, 30 seconds before the seal is broken and the tomb is opened. Imagine throwing that into the curse myth - just as these people are about to crack open the greatest cold one in history, knowing that this is what they'll be known for from hereon, they open the door that must not be opened, and out scatters a frantic, deeply baffled bird, entirely healthy and intact, fluttering away never to be seen again, with no apparent way of how it got in.

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Was talking to a coworker today who explained that her grandfather was like Snow White “but Californian. And an old man.” in that the creatures of the forest would follow him around and presumably duet with him.

“When he died the ravens sat in the trees outside for a week, watching. Taking turns. A horde of raccoons tried to break into the house every night, tearing at the siding. Eventually they gave up, but it was unsettling.”

“Aww. They were checking on him!” I said, like a normal person. Internally, I thought “Maybe you could do the thing you do with dead pets, where you show them to the living pets so the living pet understands they’re gone. But I guess if you did that to a bunch of scavenging species, they’d be like “Well, that’s very sad but he IS food now.” So what you’d need, for human sensibilities, is some sort of transparent corpse barrier. Like a see-through coffin oh that’s what the dwarves were doing! You’ve stopped paying attention to this conversation about the loss of a beloved family member you gotta phase back in.”

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the thing that bugs me the most about the censoring of the internet to please advertisers is like… tv shows aren’t having less sex and violence in them. movies aren’t having less sex and violence in them. HBO can do eight seasons of graphic murder and nudity and it’s the cultural phenomenon of the decade, but I can’t show a nipple on tumblr or talk about death on tiktok. it’s not that the internet is becoming “safer,” it’s just making these topics a privilege only for very rich people, and putting it behind a paywall for everyone else.

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the procrastinator’s mind will invent distractions you’ve never conceived of in order to avoid tasks even a dog could do.

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Reddittors continue to be

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Do you ever write a sentence and then realize “Nah, that’s too self aware for you” and backspace a bunch of times.

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more fluffy creatures

part 4 here

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