restlessinrichmond-blog-blog

[restlessinrichmond-blog-blog]

This semester in a nutshell...(well actually in a Tumblr post)

This semester flown by so so fast. I actually learned a lot from it though. not education wise. 

Things I learned about God:

God is constantly testing my faith and others around me. He has definitely put me through some obstacles that almost seem impossible to over come. I won't lie, sometimes I do question him. But one thing I have learned in life is NEVER question your parents. Even now I am working on things that I know only God can get me through. 

With that being said, there are many things I want to thank God for: 

Bringing Malcom home safe.

Keeping my niece in good health.

Being with Cris and Ebany.

Keeping my Mom sane.

My Step-Dad.

Helping Michael hopefully getting through his struggles.

Blessing me with such amazing friends like Sinclair, Tori, Isiah, and Brandon.

Helping me be humble.

God is truly amazing. I hope that everyone can feel his grace someday.

Things I learned from family:

My family is far from simple. They are crazy, full of secrets. hard to understand, but in the end I love them. 

My Mom has always taught me to be generous. This I am thankful for. This semester she has taught me to always count my blessings and that I can do anything I wanted too. I am so glad that I was always able to talk to her between my classes. She is definitely my de-stresser. She has also helped me realize that I am not wonder woman and I can't do everything, but like her I will always try.

My brothers have taught me that in life you will face many struggles. It could be war. sins, making ends meet, or just school. But with that they have also taught me that you have to constantly work through them. I am thankful that I am able to learn through them and hopefully it will help me in the future.

Things I learned from Friends:

Friends, especially best friends. are basically an extended family. I pretty much feel like my name could be Mariah Sue-Ann FarAbbManCow. 

Isiah:

He has taught me a lot. Especially about not being afraid to be myself and not to worry about what others think. I loved all of the moments I get to spend with this guy. Especially when we skipped class to watch Grey's Anatomy. I don't think he will ever realize how much he means to me. 

Brandon:

He has taught me that I never want to be involved as much as he is. He is just ridiculous. I don't think anyone can do as much as he does and still do it with a smile. I will definitely just live/work vicariously through him. 

Tori:

Tori is Tori. She is the best sister anyone can ask for. Things I learned from her:

I am not use to a roommate but I am glad I got a roommate who excepts my messiness. 

Snoring isn't so bad. You get use to it.

I can always count on her to make me laugh and annoy me (she is my sister after all.)

We have attachment issues, well she does. Don't worry she is getting help.

She has taught me that I underestimate myself. She has definitely helped me find confidence that I never knew existed. 

To be patient. 

My personality type. (Thank you Sinclair for taking it for me.)

To be kind-er sort of.

To laugh at others...and ourselves.

One thing she has taught me the most is that life would be dull without her and God sends you blessings within friendships.

Sinclair:

This man is God's gift to women. He is just perfect. :P (If he saw this he would just say it is sarcasm.) But really he has taught me many things. Such as:

He has shown me that it is possible for a guy to be a great man of God.

That I am the funniest person in the world. (That's impossible, he couldn't have possibly met everyone.)

Movie lines and fake cuss words.

I really do suck at video games.

How AMAZING I am. (He would deny this.) Beauty included. (He wouldn't deny this.)

To put peanut butter on a disk when it is scratched. :P

That I can be emasculating, especially when it comes to nicknames. (Destroying lives, one nickname at a time.)

That I tend to repeat myself, a lot.

He as well has shown me how much of a blessing he is in my life and how these past 4 years will always remain irreplaceable.

To my friends, thank you. I love you oh so very much.

What I learned from TV shows:

Community:

I wish EKU was more like this college. Also, I am lucky to find my sense of Community within my own friendships at EKU.

Walking Dead:

I need to find my partner for when the Zombie Apocalypse happens.

Firefly: 

There is no greater love than Vera and Jayne. And family is what you make it.

Battlestar Galctica:

People may not always be what they may seem, but with that said don't judge them because they are different.

Greek:

Cappie taught me that I will graduate, accidentally.

Rusty and Casey taught me not to compare myself to my siblings.

Family Guy:

I am prettier than Meg.

Sherlock:

Pay attention to details.

Supernatural:

Still learning....I AM THE PROPHET CHUCK! 

Monk:

Don't be afraid to live and that you are your worst enemy. 

What I learned about love:

Love is complicated. It can be found in many places. It doesn't always have to be romantic. 

Love can be simple if you let it be. Like the way a mother loves their child. 

Love is attainable. I need to quit doubting this and actually work towards it. 

Love isn't found at a bottom of a bottle, at a crowded party, or in your room alone. You have to look for it. In the right places. 

I can say that this semester has taught me to love again. For that, I am thankful.

This semester was the best. I wouldn't trade it for anything. 

[restlessinrichmond-blog-blog]

Astronomy Love.

I was watching you from afar. Gazing at you like you were a shooting star. Here I am making a wish on you. Wanting you to love me too. Why is it you feel so close, yet you are so far away? Will I ever find those words that I really want to say? I want to tell you that I rather you be the Sun. I might not always be able to see you, but I will always feel you. I might not be able to stare at you but I will appreciate the glances. I might be in darkness at times, but I know that you will always bring me some light. Don’t you know you can always make my day? Oh baby, why can’t you just be my Sun?

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Thinking of you.

Sometimes it is hard for me to sleep at night. I imagine what I want in life, who I want, and is it truly obtainable? Sometimes I relive the moments that we spent together. I read old messages and hope for new ones. I wonder if you have ever felt the same way too. Sometimes I fall asleep to quickly. I hate not having time to think about you. And me. Us. But on these nights I sometimes dream about you. Even my subconscious wants to make up for those lost times. It is so complicated for me right now. Even though I appreciate these moments, whether they are real, fake, or just a dream. I would like to know what would my night would be like without thinking of you. Would I sleep well? Would I think of someone else? These questions may never be answered. But until then I shall think of you. Whether you be in just my thoughts or in my prayers, know you are always on my mind.

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Moments like these.

Let’s go back to the moment where it all began. That moment where we started off as friends. In this very same moment I didn’t see you for you. And You didn’t see me for me. Let’s go back to that moment where it all began. That moment when I thought we could be more than just friends. In this very same moment I finally saw you and all the things that you have been through. You conquered the world. You became a real Man. You have challenge fear and you learned to accept defeat. Yet even through all this you didn’t notice me. Let’s go back to the moment when I learned we could only be friends. In this same moment I saw a faded you. A you who has fallen and truly needed me. I could pick you up when you were down and be the one you always wanted around. You finally saw all the things we could be. Yet here is me getting over you, steadily. Let’s go back to the moment when you said “I love you”. That same moment when I just shrugged my shoulders at you. I pretended the words were empty and in that moment you did too. Now let’s go to the moment we are living in now. The moment where I tell you how that I need you more then I ever did before. The same moment I realize I could never truly be over you. Also in this moment I finally said “I love you, too.” This is the moment when you fall for me. This the moment I fall for you. And together we both finally see everything we could ever be. Don’t you love perfect moments?

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Love and Books.

I was sitting on this old park bench, reading a book about love hoping you would take the hint. I began to read those words out loud, hoping you knew that they were meant for you. You act like you didn’t notice. Not me, the words, or even the meaning behind them. You just sat there and stared, without any sense of care. So I went to back to reading them silently. I picture you were my Darcy. And then I noticed this whisper in my ear. It was you following along with me, saying those words I thought you didn’t even hear. I then began to listen to you. All the way, until the book was through. As I went to close the book, I realize it wasn’t the one we started to read. There was no Elizabeth or Darcy. It was just you and me. That’s when I knew that we wrote our story. From the beginning to the end. We decide how love can begin. We decide if it can truly end. I also began to realize our story was unique. And that God had co-wrote it for you and me. A story of trials and triumphs. But it didn’t matter because you were finally my husband. I then began to ponder about this book, wanting to take a second look. As we began to read it again, I had hoped that this time it wouldn't end.

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You.

I want to know your heart. I want to see your love for God and your family. I want to know what makes it beat. Does it beat faster when you are with me? I want to look through your eyes. I want to see your darkest moments. I want to see your greatest memories. Do your eyes only see me? I want listen with your ears. I want to know all of your secrets. I want to listen to your favorite music. Do your ears enjoy the sound of me? I want to feel life through your fingertips. I want to know if my smooth is your smooth. I want to if we feel things in a similar way. Does it feel good to touch my hand? I want to taste with your mouth. I want to know what you find bitter. I want to know what you find sweet. Do my kisses taste sweet to you? I want to smell with your nose. I want to know the smells that make you happy. I want to know what you find repulsive. What do I smell like to you? I want to be able to know your mind. I want to see how knowledgeable you are. I want to know what you are thinking. Do I ever cross it? In simpler words, I want to know you. I want to know what makes you, you. I want to know you on a deeper level. I don’t want us to be superficial. Do you want to get to know me too?

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How could I tell you that you were my hopes and my dreams?

There we were, sitting with no one around. Near a solid oak tree, a place where we couldn’t be found. We started to talk about our favorite things, Our biggest fears, our hopes and our dreams. When I say we were talking, it was more like you were and I was listening. But I didn’t care, you could go on for hours and I would still stay there. You finally realized that you knew nothing about me. So then you took that moment to get to know me. Of course I was coy and avoided the deeper questions. I hid from you, and this included my painful memories. Then you asked what I wanted in life. And all I could think was “you” but I said something generic hoping you had no clue. We then went back to talking about you. We even talked about nonsense such as your favorite foods. This moment lasted for what seem liked days, but in this moment I had no care in the world because for once in my life I felt like I was yours. That night eventually became a morning. So we decided to leave. As we walk away from that solid oak tree, I knew you were also taking a part of me. You might not know this but you will always have my heart. And I hope you keep with you even if we are far apart.

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Why must I dream?

We were in a new place unlike any before. A crowded room of people that I never knew. And in this crowd my eyes locked on you. We were dancing to an unfamiliar tune. Yet this tune was made for me and you. You pulled me in close, so I laid my head on your chest. I listened to your heart as it beated with mine. Waiting for the courage to say those words I didn’t say the first time. Then I looked up when I touched your finger tips in hopes that we would also be interlocking lips. But before we could kiss I knew something must be said. Those three words that I would have taken to my grave. “I love you.” “I love you.” “I love you.” I said it three times in hope that you finally heard me. But with my luck you had silent ears and blind eyes that could not read my lips. I pretended not care as everyone stared. I just hated the fact that they all knew before you. So I looked back down and placed my head on your chest. I then proceeded to listen to your heart and pretended it was mine. #AboutNoOneInParticular

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I do.

To my future love... Understand that those words "I do" also mean I will. I will love you unconditionally. I will pray for you and with you. I will give you my heart without hesitation. I will understand that your love for God is greater than ours could ever hope to be. I will understand that no marriage is perfect. But also know that I will fight for us, even if seems like there is nothing left. I will be your best friend and listen to all of your troubles. I will make you laugh until you cry. I will create all my best and sometimes worst memories with you. I will take risk when you ask. I will watch your favorite tv shows/movies I will listen to your crappy music. I will be there until God welcomes you home. I will love you unconditionally. To my future love, I hope that "I do" will mean the same to you.

[restlessinrichmond-blog-blog]

The Dream Continued

It was like we didn’t even leave that spot. You still had your arms around me and our faces couldn’t be any closer. The only difference was I was less hesitant and I let you kiss me. It was beautiful and felt like it could last forever. Then you did the unexpected. You pulled me in closer. You whispered the words that every woman wants to hear. You said I love you. But I pretended not to hear them. I wanted you to keep saying it. I wanted it to be real. But then the harsh sound of my alarm clock woke me up. And I knew there was no use to attempt to fall back asleep. It was time to face reality of false words and butterflies in my stomach that I wish didn’t exist. The only thing I regret is that I didn’t say I love you back. #RestlessNights

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Man of my dreams, literally.

So I dreamed of you again last night. That makes two nights in a row. The first night was a simple dream. I woke up gasping for air at the thought of you touching my hand. I love how in both my dreams and reality you have the ability to take my breath away. Last night was a different dream though. We weren’t in our usual spot gazing at the stars. It was much darker. Yet in all this darkness you brought light. You had your arms around me and our faces were so close I could feel your breath. I can remember looking intensely into your eyes as you leaned into kiss me. But of course once again you took my breath away and I woke up gasping for air again. I tried falling back to sleep in hopes of continuance of this dream. But of course I couldn’t. Can we continue this tonight, possibly? #dreams #love #you #happiness #restless

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Windows.

There is a lot of strange things about windows, yet they all serve a purpose. Some are big. Yet some are small. Some are clear. Yet some are stained. Some are brand new. Yet some are broken. Some you can just see right through. Yet some are just to blurry. Some are placed high. Yet some are placed low. Some of them cost more. Yet some you can buy really cheap. Some have a great view. Yet some only show a parking lot. Some windows show light. Yet some only contain darkness. The strangest thing about the window is you can put it into many different categories, but just don’t forget it serves a purpose.

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Logic at it's finest.

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Dalek jokes, dalek jokes everywhere.

Drunk Dalek: Intoxicate!

Dying Dalek: Accept my fate!

Business Dalek: Running late!

Bathing Dalek: Exfoliate!

Dalek to water: Evaporate!

Teenage Dalek: Procrastinate!

Dalek on Phone: Communicate!

Dalek with groceries: Refrigerate!

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How I feel when aunt flow visits.

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I look into your eyes and all that I can see is everything we should be.

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Sink or Swim?

I am drowning in the memories of you. But I gasp for every last breath, so I won’t forget about me and you. As I come up for my last bit of air, I finally realize you weren’t always there. So now I must I decide, what deserves to die. Do I choose life over love? Or are they same? So this brings me to the final question: Sink or Swim?