revenge-is-coming - Tumblr blog

[revenge-is-coming]

forget all these other people Magnus, lemme be your main bitch 😝

honestly, i don’t think anyone’s my bitch. i think i’m just going on dates for the sake of going on them.

but uh … alright, i guess? i apparently have a bitch now?

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Don't worry Maggy, at least I think you're cool. 🖤🖤🖤

Can i braid your beard? 🖤🖤🖤

yeah, thanks. it’s hard to get some decency around here, with these faggots wanting to cut my hair and shit.

and uhh. okay, why not. just don’t push it and start doing those fancy double braids, cause those things hurt.

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Yes feed me those fuckin chedder bay biscuits Yay :3 so when should the date be I need to bring gifts..

uh. i’m not busy at all this week so … i don’t know, like, twenty minutes or something?

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Do u think you are the coolest person on the planet?

Cus it is not true..

well, no, actually. i don’t think i’m the coolest person. i just think i’m a relative amount of cool.

you don’t have to be such a little dickweed about it, though. who knows, i might actually be cooler than you, huh?

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May I give you a smooch? 👉🏼👈🏼

sorry, i’m actually a little preoccupied with a couple dates right now. it’ll take at least three business days.

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I don't like lobster but I'll suffer for you (I've never been to a red lobster)

well, the dedication is flattering. i’ll feed you some fuckin’ cheddar bay biscuits or some shit like that. god, those things are good.

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2 here, it's been a while(ish), I know :( anywayyss happy pride I guess, what's your favorite flower, for our date and stuff.

yeah, happy pride and all that.

it’s kind of a bummer, cause i don’t really have a favorite flower. i don’t really remember any specific kinds besides from roses or … sunflowers … tulips …

but they’re all kind of boring, you know?

oh, shit. i know one - angel’s trumpet! i read about those suckers in an article once. they’re fucking awesome. bring some of those to our little date.

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Let's go start forest fires baby then idk get something to eat..

wow. yeah, i’ll, uh … we can do that. get some red lobster or something.

i fucking love red lobster. and forest fires too, i guess.

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Could I apply for a position in your harem? 👉👈 No rush for marriage or anything but if you're willing... We can go on cute dates and be silly.....

harem is … definitely not one of the words i was thinking of in this scenario, but sure. you’re nice enough.

// save me guys i don’t know how to do romanticism

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Magnus Hammersmithing is anything you want it to be babycakes wink wink nudge nudge

can ‘magnus hammersmithing’ be getting a break from it all?

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H.. What do u wanna do on our date.. We can do anything u want <3

uhhhhh.

i don’t know man. maybe we could go start a forest fire or something. invest in a crypto-currency scam. sit in a starbucks.

you’ll have to pick something.

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Happy pride magnus hammersmith go out and go magnus hammersmithing u little queer man

what? you think i’m a gay guy? how the hell am i supposed to ‘go magnus hammersmithing’? you want me to … like … kidnap gay people? ?? what????

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May I tug on your beard? 🤗

uh. no, sorry.

// it’s his exposed nerve ending :(

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Who are your Five Guys?

jesus christ, why did i search up ‘five guys burger’?

i can’t tell if this is a gay joke or not, but i haven’t heard anyone else say this before, so i’m assuming it isn’t.

i guess they’d be nathan, pickles, skwisgaar, murderface and charles, if you’re uh … asking about the five guys that i … worked with?

this question is confusing.

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H :3 Sighh i wanna go on a date w u too magnus pleaaasseee I'm on my knees 🙏

i- sure, man, why not. it’ll be like a convention or something. maybe i should start jotting down who i’m supposedly going on dates on.

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How old are you Magnus?

i’d be about fifty at this point. i don’t know, i stopped celebrating birthdays a while ago. just didn’t have the time for it.

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Shake it down, now.

Shake your balls.

i’m not gonna do that for you, bloom. i’m not gonna shake it down, now.

you know what? why don’t you shake it down. you’re so confident coming to my blog and asking me what texture my balls are and asking me to shake it. let’s go balls to the walls (quite literally) and see you do it. come on, fatty. i know you can do it. you’ve got the energy to waddle your tubby ass over here, so you do it. you shake it down.