rexmod

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2025 full steam ahead

life has been quite interesting lately. i got a job at a mcdonalds as ive been jobless for basically the whole month! but i hope 2025 will be my year as i plan on sticking to my job for about a year or two and in 2-3 months im going back to college! im not 100% decided on what i wanna do but i think im gonna do HR management :P ok thats all i wanted to say, bai :3

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lif update babey !!

my psychiatrist says i have dissociative identity disorder and im on upped meds!! im going back to college once my tax return comes in. i love my car. im selling my fursuit as well. woohoo

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small ramble

recently ive dropped out of college, its not right for me. i quit my old job and i work on cars all day, however im taking a leave due to my worsening mental health symptoms. im going to the ER tomorrow to hopefully get a referral for an assessment. ultimately im hoping to go on disability because, honestly, i really cant work. i force myself to. while i did think that things were getting better, they're not. i thought i could just work but ultimately, i cant.

ive been having some raised concerns on whether or not im the only conscious state within my body. its quite confusing. i just hope that the trail im walking will have less logs and weeds for me to continuously cut down and step over

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im finally getting the chance to move out (with my aunt!!) and im so excited :3 im saving up a good amount of money first before we do, and i need to pay off my car first as well

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im gonna start working on my book again however i 1. dont know where to publish it 2. am worried my writing style wont be good enough 3. need to rework the plot and my main character

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going to megacon and im so excited :3

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i enjoy college more than i enjoyed highschool. i like how personalized it is and less forced upon me. nothing feels mandatory so when i do work it feels like im actually enjoying it. im lucky i get to enjoy the college experience unlike some people who are forced into it. but im studying psychology and aaaaahhh its so nice to have a class thats just all about my special interest ^_^

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feeling sad because my best friend has turned into my online best friend and i only wish we could hang out one last time

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realized that im probably nonbinary instead of a full binary male and my internalized transphobia is kicking my ass so like (._.''')

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links

tumblr - here! twitter - https://twitter.com/rexmod_ rentry - https://rentry.co/rexmod

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been hallucinating all day (auditory) and its like .-. i dont really feel like debating whether or not i exist! anyways i keep forgetting tumblr exists and i want to do silly little rambles on here so heres a new ramble it is december and im finally a psychology student. i got my dream-ish car (2006 ford mustang convertible) and i recently got a promotion at work. ive gained some weight and i plan on keeping it this time. ive recently been debating on whether or not im real but it doesnt matter as much to me anymore. ive been thinking about all the friends ive lost and how happy i am at with where im at in life. ive also had extreme writers block as of late

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made another ref for my boy rex

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its days like these that make me the most depressed i think. where i literally just have nothing to do. well, i have quite a few things i need to do. i need to do my fafsa, finish college apps, and i think thats about it, really. am i motivated to do anything? no, im not. i dont even feel like doing the things i enjoy (which isn't much to be honest). im hungry but i dont have an appetite, im not sure how to get myself out of this rut. :'(

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it is tuesday and im back on my antipsychotics and im gonna be seeing a psychiatrist soon ✌️

but seriously though im extremely scared about seeing someone who will tell me what they think is fucking up my brain. im also just generally worried about how my life will change after i get my mental illness written on paper. i think getting accommodations at college or a future job will help but what if i legally cannot drive myself anywhere? or when i get carded they'll know im crazy? i dont want to be reduced down to what im experiencing but i just want existing to be easier

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i dislike being this mentally ill but im gonna be seeking a diagnosis tuesday at my 50th doctors appointment for my mental health i had a complete depersonalization(? idk i was just Not here) episode in my hubby's car and even hours later i dont feel real. its hard to move and do anything. i can barely even think. im just scared about what i'll get diagnosed with because at this point i dont even know

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mental illness cw //

i think im going to stop denying the possibility that i could be a schizophrenic, or have some type of hallucination disorder. i keep hearing my coworkers talk when their lips are sealed and i keep seeing things seep into this world from another dimension and its starting to make me want to stay rotted in bed. i dont feel real anymore and gawd i need professional help :P