reyahellyow

[reyahellyow]

After all these years, may amats pa pala ako.

It’s been a while since we last talked, and life has certainly taken us in different directions. I wanted to share a little life update: I resigned from C**den and have moved on to MS. Akala ko magaling na ako, but it turns out there’s still so much I need to learn.

I found myself scrolling through our old messages, especially those times when you believed so strongly in what I could achieve. Somehow, reading them again brought me a sense of calm. Sometimes, I catch myself wondering, “What would Yel do?” and wishing I could talk to you for advice—like a lifeline I can tug whenever I need a friendly face to help me climb this corporate mountain.

Climbing the corporate ladder isn’t just difficult—it’s exhausting. I used to be so focused on trying to be “great,” but these days, I’d be content just knowing I can hold my own and keep moving forward. Even so, I carry your faith in me everywhere I go, because it makes all the difference.

I hope you’re doing well.

[reyahellyow]

You gotta make peace with being on bad terms with people you still care about, and also make peace with situations where you knew you did no wrong but was painted as the bad guy anyway. Shit hurts, but it’s life

[reyahellyow]

[reyahellyow]

Natalie Díaz, from “Isn't the Air Also a Body, Moving?”, Postcolonial Love Poem

[reyahellyow]

Though I may seem at times somewhat distant from you, through the gray mist of my own moods, I am never far; my thoughts always circle around you.

– Friedrich Nietzsche, Selected Letters

[reyahellyow]

“You were unsure which pain is worse - the shock of what happened or the ache for what never will.”

— Simon Van Booy, Everything Beautiful Began After

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— Susan Sontag, from “Reborn: Journals and Notebooks, 1947-1963”

[reyahellyow]

@ spiritdaughter

[reyahellyow]

I have found so much of my worthiness in growth, in healing. 

[reyahellyow]

Dreams, they’re for those who sleep; Life is for us to keep

Gusto ko lang ikwento na magdadalawang taon na pala ang lumipas pero hanggang ngayon naaalala ko pa rin si Barbs every time na maririnig ko yang lintik na If at Make It With You ng Bread na yan. Hindi ko tuloy maplay play yung Best of Bread record ko sa turntable.

Noong mga unang tatlong buwan after naming maghiwalay umiiyak pa ako kasi makalipas ang ilang buwan, naghahanap pa rin ako ng sagot sa tanong na “bakit ang bilis mong makalimot?”

Pumunta pa akong Pangasinan mag-isa para makalimot pero nung nandoon na ako sa harap ng dagat—sa kuwarto kung saan mag-isa ako—mas lalo lang ako nakaalala. Mas lalo ko siyang naalala.

Hindi ko alam kung sino ang nakaimbento na dapat magtravel para makalimot dahil isa itong malaking SCAM. Mas madaling makaalala ang puso kesa utak lalo na kapag mag-isa ka lang. Hindi mo pwedeng libangin ang utak at puso mo nang sabay dahil may kanya kanya silang buhay na gustong maramdaman at maalala.

Kung tutuusin, pwede naman akong hindi magtravel pero mas pinili ko lang maging malungkot sa mas magandang lugar. At least sa dagat ako umiyak at hindi sa CR lang.

July 14 ngayon. Nakaupo lang ako at kumakain nang biglang nakaalala. May mga tanong pa rin pero hindi ko na hinahanap ang sagot katulad nang dati. Pagkalipas ng isang taon at ilang buwan, normal na ulit ang takbo ng buhay ko.

Kaso nga lang, hindi ko pa rin kayang pakinggan ang lintik na If at Make It With You ng Bread nang hindi nakakaalala. Pero sabi nga ni Ricky Lee, lahat naman ng bagay, maski mahirap, natatanggap. Pinoproseso lang.

[reyahellyow]

National Artist na si Sir Ricky Lee…

Grabe. I am such a huge fan of him…of Philippine Cinema and Philippine Literature.

After reading Para Kay B at Si Amapola, watching lots of Filipino Indie Films, gusto kong mag-aral ng Pagsusulat or anything related to film. Hanggang ngayon hindi ko alam kung ano, paano at saan. Ang alam ko lang, mahal ko sila pareho.

Sabi ko sa sarili ko pagkatapos kong pagurin ang 20s self ko, dapat pagdating ko ng 30s ay ginagawa ko na lang ang mga bagay na totoong gusto ko. Matagal pa pero TAON—apat na letra lang—mano bang maghintay?

Isang malaking SANA.

Sabi nga ni Sir Ricky, we all deal with a wound that never heals. Or as he refers to it, “bubog”. At eto, etong mga pangarap ko ang bubog ko—ang pagsusulat at pelikula ang bubog ko.

[reyahellyow]

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.”

— Alfred Tennyson (via amargedom)

[reyahellyow]

Dear Anne,

I feel I must unburden my heart. You are the fond object of my affection and my desire. You, and you alone, are the keeper of the key to my heart. Please don’t be alarmed–I don’t expect your favor–but I can’t, in good conscience, not reveal myself. I’m not taken–nor will I be–unless, it’s to you, Anne, My Anne with an E. It always has been and always will be you.

With love,

[reyahellyow]

Is this really the boldest stroke you can make?

[reyahellyow]

Parts of me were made by you

And planets keep their distance too

[reyahellyow]

““You attract the right things when you have a sense of who you are.””

—

[reyahellyow]