rgefft - Tumblr blog

[rgefft]

i don’t really do tumblr anymore, maybe i’ll use it later because you can actually write so much withought a word limit compared to twitter, but personnally i like twitter more so i’m more active on there, my twitter is reagetro1

[rgefft]

I hate how people say how “oh I have depression and my hygiene is great” “y’all rlly don’t be taking showers” and expecting people with such low self esteem to all take care of themselves like a average thing like no all I want to do is lay in my bed and imagine my life in a better place because I can’t have that and the reason I’m venting is because I have nobody else to talk to besides myself, I’m 16 I’m getting older and I have no life my teenage years are passing and I’m doing nothing like I wanted to do so much more and nothing is happening besides sadness and if that’s gonna happen then I would rather just die young but then years later nothings gonna happen besides grief from my parents and then getting older till they pass and all that, like even if I didn’t have anybody that I needed to survive for I would at least have to post something of me in the internet like YouTube so people can look back and be like oh look a old video of somebody and see me and see me before I was dead and who I was and my funeral page as a link, and I’ll post it on multiple accounts because YouTube takes stuff down after years witch SUCKS

[rgefft]

I hate the fact u have to fill out how your hygiene is when your at a mental test type of thing, the worst part is having to lie because the situation is so awkward like I don’t wanna get advice from certainty grown ups, they are just like “no no no your pretty your a pretty girl” and it’s embarrassing and I don’t want them to realize they aren’t doing anything to I just fake my way out of me not needing any help anymore. If I was to get some sort of therapy it wouldn’t be good because soon I’ll run out of stuff to say and still be self scared but not know what I’m scared of because there is so many reasons to choose from and I can’t even think of one because I’m just lost in thought.

[rgefft]

I wish I could be pretty so I could actually have a life because I’m too self conscious and so hurt from my body and it effects my whole life, people are so cruel and judgmental and they don’t even have to say anything to show it like I can’t even take care of myself anymore and ofc I can’t diet or anything because of my mom like if I’m this low how do you expect me to go and exercise starving myself was a reasonable way to loose weight because I don’t have energy to do a lot of other things, it also made me feel better emotionally and seeing my weight drop everyday was really nice but I never got to the weight I wanted to be so bad I was so close but always something has to happen. How come online school is still as annoying as irl school to like I’m so sick of it, especially my chemistry teacher talking ab how students turn in late work, I be the student to turn in ALL my work for all classes and she has no fucking clue how it takes all of my day to do that work light my free time is 7-8 or 9 in the PM YALL and it’s after school that I be starting with the work, not only that but does she forget high schoolers CAN work out of school? People light have to work after school till 7 - 9 pm and have to do there homework, but kn top of that my friend hasn’t been having her calls answered after school because she wants to talk all ab her life and I haven’t been answering and I’ve told her it’s because of school because I’ve FR been working hard in school and she is like “oh it’s always that same excuse” and how I never listen to her and I do but she never listens to me whenever I put my input she is like “yeah anyways” or talks ab something else happening in her life. I’m so tired of ppl always wanting to put themselves as a victim why can’t somebody try to make me happy, like I just wanna be pretty so I can have good friends withought them judging me from how I look like and I get so frustrated looking back at older Photos because the kid version of me would be so upset of this future because I’m literally doing nothing besides benefiting a career in my future to keep my dad and mom stable and wealthy before they die and give them a beautiful funeral. Like I can’t even talk to a therapist because it’s too embarrassing I won’t even say the right things to show my emotions and If I was to open up to them then they will tell my parents, what sucks is they cost money and some are just there and don’t know what to do and it’s so hurtful like why would I want to talk ab my feelings to somebody and possibly hurt them or make them annoyed or something, I also don’t want my mom to have to take me to a therapist and wondering how her child is mentally doing and all that. I’m so done with the world like I don’t want to die and somebody acts like they was my biggest person or I was there most favorite person and ppl comforting them for what is mostly just them wanting attention, I hate having to give attention to ppl who don’t need it because other people don’t see them faking and then I look stupid, I just want to go to a hospital where they don’t question me and I can just be in a room alone with some water and apples and my laptop, phone, I won’t mind if I didn’t have my electronics anyway since I wouldn’t be on them that much. I always wanted to just leave and go on a vacation pretty and having a small house to myself with some juices and cold foods and able to walk out and see people having fun, or living with friends that are genuine, mostly the reason I would probably kill my self is that maybe on the other side there is a better place where I don’t have to be so alone all the time like the afterlife. J would hate if I was just dead and all I saw was the sky or roof till I’m buried and then I just lay there for the rest of eternity regretting and stuff I probably would have imaginary ppl I make up like day dreams and stuff idk. If I ever get tested for mental conditions I’m going to be upset because I know I’m gonna see some ppl there that r annoying bec they came for attention or I’ll just end up having mild mental conditions

[rgefft]

I’m so upset with myself like I’m getting uglier while I’m already extremely ugly and everybody irl is so judgmental with-ought even saying anything, I hate it here and I hate having to stay here because I have to make my parents happy and give them a great funeral and life bfr they die because I love them

[rgefft]

TW ED

Oct 23 Saturday 8:43pm 2021

I'm back!!! I didn't leave because my phone broke (since my phone broke and now I'm stuck with a android for a while)

but because I was tired as starving myself was getting hard, BUT NOW I HAVE A SOLUTION since I have diet pills!! I sneaked them online but my mom found them and never threw them away?? (She's not using them tho btw she prob forgot ab it) and it is (sealed) in a package since I found it and took half the pill amount and stored it in my bag. right now I'm realizing she's probably going to return them but I hope she doesn't because she's gonna look bad and yell at me for it (witch is my fault btw), but I don't think she is returning them, I just think she forgot about them. So, the diet pills litterally immediately after I take them I'm not hungry and I get energy, I take like 2 a day idk what happens if I only take one but I'm scared to take one pill a day because I feel like I'll get hungry and eat but yeah idk, I'm just happy that I have such a opportunity since before I was drinking 2 cups of water before I ate something and felt a bit dizzy but now I just have to take 2 or a pill a day lol.

[rgefft]

Tuesday sept 21st

11:38am

i ate two butter cookies - 46 cals

3 Doritos - 45

i made a shake consisting of milk-26, 2 oranges-174, brown sugar-35, = 235

i believe i wint drink the shake since it has so many calories but mostly because of the taste so ill count what ive drunk of it 50 calories and replace it with a grape drink.

so i ended up making a blue berry and strawberry drink instead which was only less than half a cup of blueberries-21.5 and five strawberries-30 it looks more pretty than the banana for me I really like it better I also put brown sugar-30 so I’ll add up all the calories.

{i recommend using ice if you have it) and ill add up all the calories i ate today later since my next class starts soon. this smoothie was 81.5 cals.

i ate 3 doritos- 45, 2 cookies- 69 and 2 seaweeds- 20 and half a apple -47

total 487

sushsjsjsfj ate a lot more calories than i expected lol

[rgefft]

monday sept 20th 2021

1:29pm

214 calories so far since im drinking my recipie i made

my mom wants me to eat duck witch is 472 calories and thats litterally so over limit so im just eating a cup of chinese greens witch is 100 calories making me eat 314 cals today, i also added water to my drink and it taste SOO MUCH BETTER. at least to me lol it taste like milk now. and no I’m not eating those Doritos

[rgefft]

i cant believe i didnt know this sooner but the smoothie ive been drinking has only gotten to 214 calories IN IT??? i expected 1k or 2k calories but i calculated the calories and im in shock ill list the ingredients below and if im wrong you can correct me and ill reply if you mis calculated or something im just surpised because this smoothie litterally lasts me a full day

24 for 4 large strawberrys. 64 for a cup of grapes, 30 for almond milk, 17 for brown sugar, 79 for half a cup of oatmeal. ill put a picture of it below and its literally LEFTOVER SMOOTHIE from yesterday like wow smoothies really do a lot omg

also today is the day i can take a break since its the weekend so imma eat this witch I’m very exited for

[rgefft]

i really hate how i look and its so hard to eat as less as i want but starting the new week i’m going to try to eat under 500 calories mostly trying to stay under 200

[rgefft]

im taking a break from tumblr posting 4 now idk if it will be a long or short break but i just need a break i’m still trying with my diets tho.

[rgefft]

sept 13 2021 2:26pm

on the weekends i wont do my diet. i didnt even count my calories and i dont think i will right now i ate 1 and 1/2 of chicken and i dint ppan on eating anything else with calories later today besides in my drink, im really upset with my looks as i can look in the mirror snd see something pretty but when im taken a picture of myself i look ugly and my friend was making fun of my looks today and i just hate my face idk what to do besides loose weight rn

[rgefft]

9/11/21

*silence for those efffected by 9/11*

12:10pm

idk how many cals ill eat today but i ate a 45 cal orange, now salty-fish witch is 34.5 calories because of the mass of the salty-fish. With 39.5 cals for half of a bread piece, so in totao 119 cals. Y’all, i just realized that the oranges ive been eating have 87 calories and small oranges are the ones with 45 cals SMH so wow today i ate 167 cals im starting over now i’m trying to eat 200 cals today i’m too upset to even follow a diet plan so i’m trying to make my diet under 200 cals for the next days especially from all that binging i did yesterday i’m so upset. I guess now i cant eat anything so im going to put a lime in my water so that will be 10 cals for half of a lime meaning 177 cals.

4:11

i’m going to eat seaweed now and thats 10 cals so 187 cals I’ve eaten so far today.

[rgefft]

TW ED‼️‼️‼️‼️

Friday, sept the 30th 2021

12:30pm

lunch break finnally, im going to eat some food right now my calculate likeeee how many cals it is lol im supposed to eat 200 cals today, 30 cals for the cucumbers since its soaked in vinegar and pepper and 45 for the orange. for the noodles ill just say 30 cals for that so so far i ate 60 + 40 = 100 +5 = 105 wit ch is an okay amount for now since i need to eat big for breakfast I’m surprised i get to eat so mu h these past days lol i foegot to mention i also have lemon water but its half a lemon so that will be 8.5 cals meaning i ate 113.5 cals so far today, I’m making it 1.20 now since i took a small bite of meat.

#TWED

I flopped big time and ate duck and a cup of pecan nuts with more spahghetti like not half the spaghetti tho butvthat doesbt even change anything i probably ate over 1k calories and thats terrivle and i wasnt even hungry i was just stressed from school im probabbly fastibg tmr idk what ill do really ill fast exercise everything ill just update later isk

[rgefft]

TW ED‼️‼️‼️‼️

just a reminder post because i really like these diets just not the fasting options but i can prob try maybe if i only eat that amount of calories for such a period of time then ill prob fast normal lol, i feel so happy when I’m dieting

[rgefft]

TW ED‼️‼️‼️‼️

Thursday sept 9th 11:00am

My class starts soon so imma try to write this up quick, i wanna make my food for the day now but i had no time because of these classes smhh, im starting my new diet as i said yesterday replacing the “fast” with “500 cals” because its a better starting number especially since i had fasted the day before yesterday and im trying something new, ill post the diet below and probabbly edit this paragraph later

7:52pm Wednesday Sept the 8th

Tomorrow i’m going to do the fix it fast diet but if i cant end up doing that then im doing the more trustful diet aka the purple skinny diet lol ill post them down below. for the fix it fast diet i’m going to replace the fast for day 1 with 400 calories tho.

1:30pm

just ate my first meal i feel kinda lightheaded but its not bad i have more options to eat stuff now than i would usually eat when i want to count my calories lol i ate a orange and it had 45 calories ill post a pic of it below

its 5:23pm i just finished my meat that you can see on the top right ofbthis text it was good but idk if it was the best decision, the meat was just like a burger patty counting as like 204 cals and the cucumber was maybe 10 calories according ti what i read but there was vinnager and peppers mixed with the meal so ill ad 30 cals, so my add what i ate so far up, in total i ate 279 calories so far but imma just say its 320 calories to keep it safe.

7:36pm

now i’m eating seasoned seaweed thats 10 cals and half a lemon with water thats 8.5 cals ill post down below, so my add everything up. 320 + 18.5 = 338.5 calories meaning i ate 338.5 calories today, but i feel like i ate more meaning i feel like the burger patty and cucumbers had more cals than i saw it was on the internet so ill just say i ate 500 cals to be safe idk i feel full like a average person it feels wrong thats why I’m so confused lol. i change my mind i want a cutie so imma eat 2, 2 cuties= 80cals, 80 + 338.5 = 488.5 + 10= 498.5 *because i’m eating another seaweed pack lol, now im eating a manderine orange cup andbthats 70 cals meaning i officially ate 498.5 cals today lol

BAD NEWS

I binged so i have to workout for a 200 or 100 calorie workout tmr just to be safe

[rgefft]

TW ED‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️

2nd day of water fasting!!

Wednesday sept 8th 2021 at 6:08am

I don’t even feel hungry rn its the 2nd day water really helps guys, last time i barely drank any and i felt so bad, i didn’t drink any water-yet but i don’t wanna get up yet lol I’m really happy i actually completed the first day of my water fast and woke up in such good condition.

7:40am

class starts in 5 min j feel terrible not good at all there is a good chance ill quit today ebacsue of school work im so sick ohenr

8:33am

i was suffering so bad that i had to eat especially since i was in class so imma workout for the next days idk if i can ever fast for a week but i really want to.

8:40am

im probably going to be doing what i didn’t think i would do, im going to do since it involves eating but im going to do the ED diets as i wont feel as sick and it can help a lot, if not that then ill just fast for a day or 2 and then eat normal other days, but for now after today aka the next day, ill be doing the ED diets. i also forgot to mention that ill also if i cant do either of those choices ill just burn 500 calories a day to loose a pound a week, i think eating 500 cals a day leads to a pound a week so i might just do the ed diets, ill find one and post it later probably tomorrow since i’m starting tmr lol.

3:57

im thinking of doing calorie deficit but idk because im not sure if ill end up just like i did when i fasted and woke up today, but maybe not idkz