rickmoya

[rickmoya]

Generative AI is a blender chewing up other people’s hard work, outputting a sad mush that kind of resembles what you’re looking for, but without any of the credibility or soul.

-Sophie Koonin (via)

[rickmoya]

Shrinkflation in action: note how high and tight the sleeve of this 2xl shirt from Target rides on my non-bicep.

I actually haven’t been able to buy clothes from Target for several years. Menswear there only comes in three sizes: “small,” “medium,” and “haha fat.”

[rickmoya]

Watching Hamilton for our Independence Day gathering and I realized Miranda is clearly the weakest performer on stage. Undoubtedly great composition, but who decided he actually gets to sing next to Soo and Goldsberry?

... is this an isekai? That Time I Was Reincarnated as a Founding Father Who Was a Brilliant Writer Beloved by Women?

[rickmoya]

Thanks, Charles.

[rickmoya]

Got it, thanks man

Good advice, easily scannable

Didn’t take three attempts to get the picture before it scrolled off the screen

[rickmoya]

~ The I Hate to Housekeep Book, Peg Bracken 1962

[rickmoya]

Please participate in my research (also, if you say other, please put it in the tags/comments !)

[rickmoya]

Didn’t think much of it when I subbed for a Mr. Ulibarri who went by Mr. U. Lots of teachers keep it easy for kids, particularly those who (I am noticing) do not prioritize learning their names and often stop at the honorific.

I did not expect, in a region with a high Hispanic population, that the kids would pronounce his name “Yule-berry.”

[rickmoya]

You are offered $1000 if you can perfectly sing a random, popular karaoke song - it doesn't matter if you sound good, you just have to get all the words right, but no cheating! lyrics are not provided. spin the wheel and determine your fate...

[rickmoya]

Jim Gaffigan, Food: A Love Story, pp. 109-110

[rickmoya]

My approach to the car went from annoyed (inconvenient) to hopeful to annoyed (humorous).

[rickmoya]

i'm a dude he's a dude she's a dude cause we're all trying to be inclusive and respectful despite linguistic norms

So the "don't call trans women dude" discourse is back on my dash, and I just read something that might explain why it's such a frustrating argument for everyone involved.

TLDR: There's gender-cultural differences that explain why people are arguing about this- and a reason it hurts trans women more than you might think if you were raised on the other side of the cultural divide.

I'll admit, I used to be very much on team "I won't call you 'dude' if it feels like misgendering, but also I don't really grok why it feels like I'm misgendering you, especially if I'm not addressing you directly." But then I read an academic paper that really unpicked how people used the word 'dude' (it's Kiesling (2004) if you're curious) and I realized that the way I was taught to use the word was different from the way most trans women were taught.

... So the thing about the word 'dude' that's really interesting is that it's used differently a) by people of different genders and b) across gender lines. This study is, obviously, 20 years old, but a lot of the conclusions hold up. The gist is, there's ~5 different ways that people use the word "dude":

marking discourse structure- AKA separating thoughts. You can use the word 'dude' to signal that you're changing the subject or going on a different train of thought.

exclamation. You can use the word "dude" the way you'd use another interjection like "oh my god" or "god damn".

confrontational stance mitigation. When you're getting in an argument with someone, you can address them as 'dude' to de-escalate. If you're both the same gender, it's homosocial bonding. If you're different genders, it's an attempt to weaken the gender-related power dynamic.

marking affiliation and connection. Kiesling calls this 'cool solidarity'- the idea is, "I'm a dude, you're a dude. We're just guys being dudes." This is often a greeting or a form of address (aka directly calling someone dude).

signaling agreement. "Dude, you are soooo right", kind of deal.

Now, here's the important part.

When [cis] men use the word 'dude', they are overwhelmingly using it as a form of address to mark affiliation and connection- "hey, we're all bros here, dude"- to mitigate a confrontational stance, or to signal agreement.

When [cis] women use the word 'dude', they're often commiserating about something bad (and marking affiliation/connection), mitigating a confrontational stance, or giving someone a direct order. (Anecdotally, I'd guess cis women also use it as an exclamation - this is how I most often use it.)

Cis men use the word 'dude' to say 'we're all guys here'. It is a direct form of male bonding. If a cis man uses the word 'dude' in your presence, he is generally calling you one of the guys.

Cis women use the word 'dude' to say 'we're on the same level as you; we're peers'- especially to de-escalate an argument with a cis man. Between women, it's an expression of ~cool solidarity~; when a woman's addressing a man, it's a way to say 'I'm as good as you, knock it off'.

So you've got this cultural difference, depending on how you were raised and where you spent time in your formative years. If you were assigned female at birth, you're probably used to thinking of the word 'dude' as something that isn't a direct form of address- and, if you're addressing it to someone you see as a girl, you're probably thinking of it as 'cool solidarity'! You're not trying to tell the person you're talking to that they're a man- you're trying to convey that they're a cool person that you relate to as a peer.

Meanwhile, if you were assigned male at birth and spent your teens surrounded by cis guys, you're used to thinking of 'dude' as an expression of "we're all guys here", and specifically as homosocial male bonding. Someone using the word 'dude' extensively in your presence, even if they're not calling you 'dude' directly, feels like they're trying to put you in the Man Box, regardless of how they mean it.*

So what you get is this horrible, neverending argument, where everyone's lightly triggered and no one's happy.

The takeaway here: Obviously, don't call people things they don't want to be called, regardless of gender! But no one in this argument is coming to it in bad faith.

If you were raised as a cis woman and you're using the word the way a cis woman is, it is a gender-neutral term for you (with some subconscious gendered connotations you might not have realized). But if you were raised as a cis man and you're using the word the way a cis man uses it, the word dude is inherently gendered.

Don't pick this fight; it's as pointless as a French person and an American person arguing whether cheek kisses are an acceptable greeting. To one person, they might be. To another person, they aren't. Accept that your worldview is different, move on, and again, don't call people things they don't want to be called.

*(There is, of course, also the secret third thing, where someone who is trying to misgender a trans woman uses the word 'dude' to a trans woman the way they'd use it to a man. This absolutely happens. But I think the other dynamic is the reason we keep having this argument.)

[rickmoya]

It's not jazz unless it comes from New Orleans. Otherwise it's just sparkling blues.

— Adam Neely

[rickmoya]

when I enter grades for that student who kept attending/logging in but never submitted any work

[rickmoya]

don't get this printed on sticker paper and slap it on teslas

[rickmoya]

“I asked him to sign my accommodations form from the Disability Services Office, and he spat on the ground and rubbed the dirt in my eyes. I can see now, but it was still rude.”

[rickmoya]

We are all told to ignore bullies. It’s something they teach you, and they can teach you anything. It doesn’t mean you learn it. It doesn’t mean you believe it. One should never ignore bullies. One should stop them.

— Lemony Snicket, All the Wrong Questions