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Wedding Rant
10 days to go until my wedding and... I have already had enough! I want it to be over already!
People have an idea of what a wedding is supposed to be. They have an idea of who is supposed to be invited. They have an idea of what you're supposed to wear. They have an idea about every aspect of it, and if you don't stick to the socially accepted conventions, people retaliate. And will try everything in their power to change your ways. It's driving me crazy!
No invitation card? How dare you? No wedding clothes? You can't be serious? No party? What on earth are you thinking? No honeymoon? Ridiculous!
Shut up! And let me plan my wedding the way I want it to be. (For as far as that's possible...)
I'm already forced to have a ceremony I don't want or need. Where's the option to sign a piece of paper and leave!? I don't need your stupid speech! I don't want to exchange rings! I don't want to kiss in front of other people! I don't want to fake a smile and pretend I'm having fun when I'm not!
Fun fact, Social Anxiety and Weddings don't go well together!
Yes, I want to get married! No, I don't want a wedding! Why is it so hard to understand!?
Anyway...
Since we only have a simple ceremony at the city hall, we are allowed to bring just 14 guests. Which is just fine with us, we wanted to keep it small anyway. The initial guest count left us at 15 people though. (That's a list of only parents, siblings, and their partners. Can't really cut anyone out.) But, before even checking if all our potential guests were available, my fiancée had already arranged an exception to allow a 15th guest... Since then, we've learned that two people who were originally included in the count won't be there, so we are at only 13 guests. Fine, no problem.
And then it began... the quest of other people (that means, my fiancée a.o.) to fill up the open slots! More specifically, since we can, let's invite your grandmother too. Don't get me wrong, she is great. I love her. But... she was not on the original guest list. And I never considered inviting additional guests if someone could not make it.
Add the fact that any mention of the wedding already leaves me drained and nauseous! And the potential extra planning and arrangement that could arise from inviting my grandmother...
My autistic brain cannot handle it! There is not enough computing power left to deviate from the original plan and invite additional people. Doesn't matter if my fiancée would completely take care of the matter, my brain cannot handle it!
And I know it doesn't make sense! I can't give any good reason why I don't want to invite my grandmother, so people keep asking, keep pushing, keep driving me more and more insane!
Should I just give in? Give the go-ahead and pray I need not think about it anymore? Just accept I'll have an additional guest? It's still lower than the original count...
I just feel like, if my grandmother is there, the fake smile I'll have the wear that day must be even deeper. The wedding will instantly become even more exhausting.
Not sure why I feel that way...
I'm not going to enjoy the wedding, I have made my peace with that (I think). I will most likely try to forget the day as soon as I can. Because I will feel absolutely miserable throughout it! (And people will hate me for it.)
Every time I put it like that, it feels like I'm forced into a marriage I do not want. But that's not the case. I do love my fiancée dearly and I would love to call him my husband. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. I just don't want a wedding!
Everyone around me seems to be much more excited about the wedding than I am... Which is really making me feel even worse for dreading the day. For feeling I will hate every moment of it.
The rational part of my brain tells me I am overreacting and the day won't be as bad as I think, but... that still doesn't change my stress hormone levels are rising with the day and I'll be feeling like shit until it's all over and my brain is either convinced it was indeed overreacting or I confirmed it was indeed as bad or worse than I thought.
So, for now, the first order of business is to sort out my dress. The one I ordered is not exactly as I hoped it would be. A bit more see-through than expected, so I'll have to find something to wear under it. And the skirt doesn't have as much volume as I'd like, so I'll have to add some tule/organza to the existing underskirt or create a separate underskirt to fix that.
Then I must decide what to do with my hair. Get the clips I need. After that, I have to decide on the design of my homemade wedding cake and get the ingredients.
Only after that, I may have some CPU left to decide on inviting an additional person!!
Until then, everyone, leave me alone!
#Did you make it to the end?#Expect more ranting as the day approaches#Or maybe not#I hate weddings!#My wedding#included#I just want to sleep until it is all over
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Ascendance of a Bookworm... First World Problems...!?
My boyfriend caught up with the English Light Novel releases, then tried to read the web novel, but gave up after reading a single chapter. Apparently, the machine translations leave much to be desired. -_-;;
His solution to this problem, asking me to translate the rest of the series for him, because the official translations don't come quick enough.
(To be fair, at the current release schedule, it'll take a few more years for the series to finish, so I do get it.)
Considering I have a bachelor's degree in Japanese, translating the series wouldn't be impossible, but... translating takes a lot of time! (Time I may or may not have.) For now, I've agreed I will consider editing the machine translations for him to become readable.
Though... considering my pride as a translator, I will probably end up doing more than simply editing the machine translations if I actually start on it. ^^;;
(btw. I'm personally caught up with the Japanese Light Novels. Impatiently waiting for the next one to release!)
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Let's get Healthy! Weekly Report 2!
Week 2
Reporting late, but...
And as expected, as soon as my cast-sitting duty was over, I immediately stopped getting up around 9:30-10:00. Instead opting to sleep as long as I wanted in hopes of getting rid of the fatigue haunting my body. Conclusion: extra sleep did not work. I'm still extremely tired all day long! So far the attempt to fix my sleep schedule... (I'll try again in the future.)
I also immediately dropped the morning walks, because... not much of the morning remained once I finally got up.
Evening walk nearly fell through too, but thanks to the good weather I somehow managed to force myself outside almost every day.
DAY 8: 28 June 2022
Wake up time: 09:48
Total no. steps: 16.509
Morning walk: 5.27km
Evening walk: 4.95km
DAY 9: 29 June 2022
Wake up time: 09:41
Total no. steps: 16.707
Morning walk: 5.13km
Evening walk: 4.90km
DAY 10: 30 June 2022
Wake up time: 09:51
Total no. steps: 17.424
Morning walk: 5.15km
Evening walk: 4.70km
DAY 11: 1 July 2022
Wake up time: 09:24
Total no. steps: 10.273
Morning walk: 5.19km
DAY 12: 2 July 2022
Wake up time: 11:03
Total no. steps: 20.987
Afternoon walk: 14.43km
DAY 13: 3 July 2022
Wake up time: 10:34
Total no. steps: 4647
DAY 14: 4 July 2022
Wake up time: 10:37
Total no. steps: 10.469
Evening walk: 5.16km
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Ascendance of a Bookworm Light Novel Part 3 Volume 5, ゲット!!
Ordered in March, released in May, delivered only in July!
... after fucking up the initial delivery that was scheduled for the very end of June! Because for whatever reason my order was judged "undeliverable". So they had to send a replacement...
Amazon, get your act together! Don't you dare make me wait this long again!
#ascendance of a bookworm#Well at least they delivered#They cancelled the order of P3V4 after two months of waiting.#Let's pray P4V1 will actually be delivered at all!
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Grocery shopping while feeling ill led to the questionable choice of buying 21 books...
Detective novels written by Agatha Christie...
At €1 per book, there isn't much lost...
#I may decide to get more#Didn't buy all the books available#Just felt that maybe I should read some first before getting more#As if buying 21 books isn't a ridiculous number... xD
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Let's get Healthy! Weekly Report 1!
Lately, I've been feeling incredibly sluggish all day long. Getting up around noon, barely exercising. So, considering I'm currently looking after the cats of a friend and thus have to get up at a more reasonable time and walk (or cycle) to her house to provide said cats with breakfast and dinner, it seemed like the perfect time to get started on improving myself!
Week 1
The first week was hell! Felt like a zombie all week! Getting up became harder as the days went by and feeling sluggish all day long. If not for the cats having to be fed, I probably would have given up on getting up between 9:30-10:00 already. But, at the very least the walks are quite nice. I could get used to that.
DAY 1: 21 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:28
Total no. steps: 15.415
Morning walk: 5,05km
Evening walk: 4,59km
DAY 2: 22 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:38
Total no. steps: 15.873
Morning walk: 5,11km
Evening walk: 4,60km
DAY 3: 23 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:36
Total no. steps: 18.174
Morning walk: 5,54km
Evening walk: 4,70km
DAY 4: 24 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:48
Total no. steps: 15.218
Morning walk: 4,94km
Evening walk: 4,72km
DAY 5: 25 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:43
Total no. steps: 15.481
Morning walk: 4,68km
Evening walk: 4,49km
DAY 6: 26 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:41
Total no. steps: 41.425
Morning walk: 5,02km
Afternoon walk: 17,06km
Evening walk: 4,73km
DAY 7: 27 June 2022
Wake-up time: 09:42
Total no. steps: 15.001
Morning walk: 5,14km
Evening walk: 4,82km
#Weekly Report#Let's see how long I'll keep this up!#Might just go back to my sluggish self once cat-sitting duties are complete
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Feeling pretty crappy now.
Not sure if it's because I forgot to take iron supplements for a couple days or fatigue from the dinner with the (future) in laws last evening.
Or maybe that VR session that left me super nauseous for a while this afternoon. (Tried a new game. Won't be playing that one again.)
Or maybe all of the above?
So, we'll have pizza for dinner, 'cause I don't feel like cooking anymore.
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After two years I finally set up the ThinQ abilities of our LG washing machine, because I was bored...
Why did no one tell me it would notify me (on my phone) when it's done!? O.O!!
For a person who too often forgets she ran the washing machine that's super usefull!
My life changed for the better. \^o^/
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Every night I feel like kicking my boyfriend awake, because he breathes too loudly.
I don't.
Usually I'll move to the guestroom and sleep with my cat. I love it.
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Today I had a panic attack, because I touched a bad texture while doing the dishes.
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Whenever I clean my kitchen, I tell myself I will be more diligent in cleaning up after myself.
Yet every week the kitchen counter is hidden under a pile of trash and dirty dishes.
Will I ever learn?
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