rinanastyahhjournal

[rinanastyahhjournal]

I tried to be positive. being grateful and all that, but I still feel like shit today. didnt have energy to do anything, I think it's time for me to have strict waking up and working out moment again. like once I open my eyes, time to work out, cuz I need that energy for the rest of the day for sure,

[rinanastyahhjournal]

So, we’ve only known each other for two weeks, and here I am already giving you this letter—super cringey, I know, I know, but hear me out. I just wanted to write this to let you know all the things I want to say, because sometimes I joke around too much and forget what I actually mean to say. Since you’re leaving soon, this felt like the best way to get it all out.

Let’s start: the last two weeks of knowing you have been so much fun—the most fun I’ve had in a while. Just talking and hanging out with you has been amazing. I love your vibe, how easy you are to talk to, and how you make me feel like I can be completely honest about anything. I also love how honest you are—it’s such a rare quality in a man these days, and honestly, it’s the thing I find most attractive about you.

Like I said before, I wish things were different. I wish we had more time, and I could show you around more. But you know what? I’m just grateful for what we did have. I’m so glad we met. <3

Maybe this will just be a holiday fling for you—something you’ll forget in time. But for me, I’ll always cherish the little time we spent together. They’ve been some of the cutest moments I’ve had in Japan so far. And hey, if we’re both still single in three or five years, hit me up. We could start fresh with a proper first date. I’d love that. You could come to Tokyo, or I could go to Cali—I’d love to see it there with you. <3

By then, I’ll have all the qualities you’re looking for in a partner. I’ll be hotter (Duh), have a more stable life (hopefully), be fully self-reliant (six years in Japan by myself does that to you), and maybe—just maybe—have better comedic timing (fingers crossed for that one).

FYI, the last time I wrote a letter like this, I was 18. So, consider yourself very dear to me. No matter what happens, I’m just grateful the universe brought us together, even for this short time. And by the way, this isn’t the last of me— so don’t get emotional yet. You’ll definitely hear from me again. blows kiss

Muah, [Your Name]

[rinanastyahhjournal]

So we've only known each others for 2 weeks, and I'm already giving you this letter —super cringey, I know I know but hear me out. I just wanted to write this letter to you to let you know all the things I want to say to you because sometimes I joke around and always forgetting what I want to say at all. Since you’re leaving soon, this felt like the best way to get it all out. so let's start, I just wanted to say that the last 2 weeks of meeting you was really fun, most fun I've had in a while. and just talking and hanging out with you, I love your vibe and you're very easy to talk to and I feel like I can be honest about anything. I also love the fact that you yourself are very honest, and that's the part I find the most attractive in a man in this age anw. rare quality to find. Like I said before, I wish things were different. I wish we had more time, and I could show you around more. But you know what? I’m just grateful for what we did have. I’m glad we met. <3 Maybe this will be just a holiday fling for you - something you’ll forget in time, but to me, I will cherish the little time that we had spent together, it was some of the cutest moments I've had in Japan so far. Also, If we are both still single in 3 years or 5 years,you can always hit me up. we can always start over from a first date, I would love to do it with you again anytime. you can come to tokyo, or I can go to cali. If it happens, I would love to see it there with you. <3 By then, I will have all the quality you're looking for in a partner, I will be hotter (duh), having a more stable life(hopefully), very self reliant (of course, I've been in japan for 6 years by myself), and maybe having better comedic timing (let's pray that happens) fyi, the last letter I wrote was when I was 18, so consider yourself very dear to me. No matter what happens, I’m just grateful the universe brought us together, even for this short time. also, this is not the last of me, do not get emotional yet, you'll hear from me. *blow kiss emoji Muah

[rinanastyahhjournal]

241120

So this is the 2nd day that I try to journal. Coming from yesterday, I think I have felt a bit more calm, but my fucking heart still misses that damn dude, I know I'll forget about him as soon as work starts, well hopefully anw. It's either that or I'll pretend that he's dead. Lol. Or it never happened. I can just erase the memory like that, maybe. So yeah. Also I've been trying to work on manifesting my next goal for next year, that I want to be able to achieve so I think I will start doing a collage of everything I want and put it in one photo and learn how to manifest it. I can't live without a goal anymore. I want to at least have something to look up to at the end of the day. I feel like living without a goal just made me easily attached to things or people who are not really meant for me.

[rinanastyahhjournal]

24/11/20

I think the biggest mistake for me this time meeting steven was that meeting him and just getting attached so easily, and then feeling very sad knowing we can't be together is also making me realize how I have been so lonely living in japan. I have been so lonely in japan after all my friends who came to japan with me left and also my kouhai will also leave soon, it's been so scary the thoughts of me having to find new people, and making more friends again. I think I've been crying for the past week and I think I've also been feeling so frustrated about it. I've been feeling all the time I have avaiable just stuck to distractions and trying not to have many thoughts. but once I have space to think, all the emotions just came flooding to me and I just have to fucking cry. I think from now on there will be just me, and I just need to learn to love myself the way I want to be loved by a guy, the way that I want to be treated by a guy, and just trying to be more true and less hating on myself. I have been putting on an image of a baddie, I just need to feel and act like one too because life as hard as it is, we dont have to hate ourselves on top of that too. I was crying and the emotions were a lot so I just had to write this. now, I've felt so much better about everything and I should head to bed.

[rinanastyahhjournal]

What did I learn in 2024

[rinanastyahhjournal]

240916

I said I would write my journal everyday but I didn't really do it. But yeah today I have something that I really want to tap in and just write about. It's two more weeks before I start my full-time job and right now I feel more relaxed. I feel more calm down than I do not have to look for jobs or feel uncertain about my future. I mean I still feel uncertain in some ways, but not, but at least I know now that I do not have to think too much of what I have to do or where I would end up because I know I will end up in Japan either way. And I'm coming from having more times. I actually started wanting to see people again after breaking up. And for the last week I met a boy, he was a really nice boy and for the week that I spent with him it was so much fun. We met multiple times and I mean the sex was nice after not seeing or meeting anyone for like months. Hate was really sweet. We you know hell hands and we cuddled since the first night and it's been so long since I got to cuddle someone and then again you know we went out. We hang out and you know even though he comes from a rich family. I know he's a drug addict and he was homeless and stuff but still he came from a rich family. I don't have much to offer. I just got him like a cup noodles. He was really excited for it. It was so much fun to just hang out with him and just being careless. The boy is just so immature so yeah the week went by so fast and now that he have to go back and I just don't think I'll ever meet him again. And I just hate the fact that living here and I made so many foreigners and tourists to come to visit Japan like this. It's really painful and it's so bad on emotionally I think because spending time with any of them so much fun and I just wanted to last forever but you know like all good things it needs to come to an end and also my next job. I will be working in a hotel and I will be meeting different guests and stuff. Even though I connect with any of them I cannot really you know expect them to stay in Japan for long. You know I need to get used to feeling like this so it's like a way of training and I just need to find something that can ground me here right now in my current life in Japan. I'm glad I got to meet him. He just showed me like I can just live life. More fun I guess.

[rinanastyahhjournal]

20240904

Hey so I finally got myself down to write it. hey good morning, I love you so much, and I just want to say I'm really thankful for my current life right now. Life has been amazing lately and I just do not feel much weight on my heart at all, well at least for now. Eventhough I just had a breakup, I feel like it's the best for me. not that I did not miss the company or I did not love him, but I feel like this breakup was needed to be done so I can build my new life here in japan. Matter of facts, I still miss him a lot, but right now I just don't feel like we're on the same page in life. and it's best that we split. and also yay, I got a job. It's not much but still, a job is something that can actually keep me here. At first I thought any job would do but actually this job is actually something I really wanted to do. just meeting up with people and introducing them to tokyo and sharing my japan knowledge with them. that is kind of the best job for me. I do not feel regret or ashamed to leave the goddamn architecture field at all. I just feel like it's very stressful and really is not for me. the pay tho, is not even good in architecture field. I'm so glad I got this job. and so next month in october, it's gonna be my birthday and also my first day at work, which I'll start in the first of october. it's exciting but also scary, like idk what to expect, but like everything in lifee that I've done so far, I gotta fake my confidence till I make it. besides, I want to be rich and retire early, so I also need to plan my finance, I need to get my needs straight, and learn how to manage my own finance. and today is going to be a blessed and lovely day. <3

[rinanastyahhjournal]

20240904

when I wake up, I will start to write again, daily. as part of my journey for self betterment and healing. I want to learn to love myself again. I want to radiate again. <3

[rinanastyahhjournal]

2924/07/19

It's technically 20th but it's 4 am and I haven't slept so I'll count it as the 19th. It's been a long while since I last wrote down a journal. I was actually nervous to even start writing today, like I didn't even want to start. But, hey, here we are again, good ol me. So ? how do we do this again? I'll just start off easy today. My gratitute and what I want to do for tomorrow maybe? I'm actually grateful that I got to work at hachioji today, and also i got to change my battery. The phone works way better and I just feel like I got a brand new phone. and grateful for myself for showing up for myself, and not giving up yet, eventhough deep down I know so much that I want to give up on job seeking already. like what I really want is a stable job where I can get a stable money, and save up money for a stable home, and just do my habits. like that sounds so perfect. I am so done with moving around so much, with not having a place where I really call my own, where everything is just temporary. but if I give up now, the chance of me of finding any of those stable stuff will be even lower anyways. I have to keep on trying my best, I know I can do it, I've always done it anyways. For tomorrow, I'm expecting just to show up, and enjoy the day as it unravels. I'll try to make a time blocking so at least I'll know what to do tomorrow but the rest, I'll just enjoy it, and remember, one thing at a time. I love you! you're doing amazing!