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[rjohnlupin-blog1]

@siriusiii

Remus is clicking through the shots on his camera from the show. He’s a pretty decent photographer when he wants to be. He managed to capture a few perfect moments - the moment the lead singer jumped into the crowd, the bassist climbing the speakers for a solo, the synchronized jump just before the chorus dropped on the third song - however, he finds that most of his pictures are of their guitarist. Long hair, leather jacket, combat boots - Remus found him the most fun to watch. Embarrassed, he starts rapid fire deleting the excessive extras when he feels a tap on his shoulder.

Of course, it’s the guitarist. He’s smiling as bright as the flash on Remus’ camera. The other band members are about a foot behind him, looking tired but happy.

“Hello,” he says, and extends his hand for the guitarist to shake. “You guys were awesome. I’ve never seen the crowd so into a set before.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

“She thinks you’re sensible?” Sirius asks with a scoff, his brows high - though he’s only joking. If any of them are sensible, it’s certainly Remus John Lupin, and anyone with any sense is well aware of that. It’s why Dumbledore made him a Prefect. He should be Head Boy, too, and Sirius won’t be surprised when he’s given the badge. If he’s honest, Remus is the reason his head is still attached to his body. “Mm… denial. Yes, it’s such a strange thing, isn’t it?” His eyes have gone all hazy as he looks at Remus - almost like he’s aware of the state of denial the two of them are in, too. He snaps out of it rather quickly, flashing a smile to make up for the expression he was only just bearing.

“Thank Merlin. I’d probably lose my hat if you didn’t forgive me.” He says and they’re not close enough as Moony smiles up at him in that way only Moony can. His heart stumbles in his chest and Sirius leans closer - almost like he can’t bear the thought of not touching Remus now. This room is intoxicating.

“This is fun.” He says, almost sleepily and he looks like he’s in a dream. “You’re fun…” His head is resting lazily against the back of the sofa, the fire in the corner dancing in his grey eyes as he looks so intensely at Remus, his breath ghosting across the other boy’s cheek. “I’m glad we came here.”

“Well, she’s not wrong. Especially when in comparison to the rest of you,” Remus counters. He has saved his friends from the worst possible outcome several times with his sensibility - sure, they might’ve gotten detention, but no one died. And with the rest of the marauders, that was certainly something to be proud of after six years. “Look at that. None of you have died, and nobody’s even lost a limb. I think I’m filling the sensible role quite nicely.”

Remus catches Sirius’ eye just for long enough to wonder about what he meant when he said that thing about denial. Remus was very good at both being in denial and denying himself things. It was practically his forte. Sirius, on the other hand, seemed to always take what he wanted without a second thought. “I suppose it is strange.” 

“I’ve forgiven you for worse,” Remus says, because it’s true. He thinks he’d probably forgive Sirius anything, not that Sirius needs to know that. While he’s talking Sirius has moved even closer, and Remus is certain he’ll hear the rapid strumming of his stupid heart. “I’m glad you made me come here. It certainly does beat being in detention.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

“Don’t act like you don’t play favorites, too, Remus Lupin.” Sirius answers with a cocky little half-smile and an unreadable gleam in his eyes. “I think favorites are subjective. I love the whole lot of you, but sometimes you one-up each other - not that this is a competition or anything. ‘Coz, if it is, I’m clearly in the lead, but…” He purposefully trails off, laughing at his own stupid joking.

“Any sacrifice I make for you, Moons, is one I want to make. One I think you deserve and one that will, hopefully - potentially - make life easier for you. As with this moon that’s coming up. Absolutely going to make that sacrifice to spend time with you. I can’t let you be alone for that, but…” He holds up his hand because they clearly aren’t going to agree. “Let’s not dive back into that conversation right now.” He leans closer, presses his cheek against Remus’ ( realizing how utterly absurd it must seem and look and feel, but he lost all confidence the moment he thought he should go in for a cheek kiss ), “Don’t thank me.”

“What book were you reading?” He asks, pulling back and trying to act like what he’s just done is completely normal. “What you said implies that I’m your favorite, and you can’t take that away from me, Lupin. That would be cruel.”

“Oh, are we doing a tally now? Then you’re my favorite in terrible puns and narcissim,” Remus jokes. “I’m probably the favorite in ‘turning into a bloodthirsty monster once a month’. Oh, and, ‘comfortable jumpers’.” He’s smirking up at Sirius, waiting to gauge his reaction. 

“I don’t mean, just for me. You’ve had to sacrifice a lot...” He pauses, knowing he should approach the subject delicately. “Because of your family. You could be a proper heir, living lavishly, not having to struggle...but you gave it all up. To do the right thing, to live the right way, even at the expense of losing so much. Not many people would do that, you know. Having to make you sacrifice even more...especially because of me...I. It doesn’t sit right with me.” For a moment he thinks Sirius is going to kiss his cheek, and he’s surprised, and then excited, and then disappointed all in the matter of a few seconds. It’s certainly a weird display of affection, for Sirius to be pressing their cheeks together, but he leans into it anyway, nuzzling against Sirius’ face, offering reassurance. “You deserve to be thanked. Thank you.”

“Count of Monte Cristo,” Remus answers. “It’s about a guy who gets wrongly accused of treason and jailed without a trial. He breaks out and swears revenge on the three friends who betrayed him. It’s very dramatic. Lots of swordfights.” He shrugs, and gives Sirius an innocent look. “I never said anything. You decided the implication on your own. Don’t look at me.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius can’t help the laugh at the joke and he shakes his head. “Then what are you? Howling mad?” He arches a brow and shakes his head. “You’re lucky you’re cute.” If they start arguing now about who’s not good enough for whom, they’re going to end up like that annoying couple everyone hates who kisses at the foot of the dormitory stairs for fifteen minutes saying you let go, no you let go. Sirius would hate to end up like that, so he lets it die knowing how he feels and understanding how Remus will always feel. It’s a pill he has to swallow, even though he thinks the world of Lupin.

“I’m going to have to have a word with all of them. Do you think Lily knew, too? You’d think she’d help us out.” He frowns, thinking, for a moment - then he’s grinning once more. It’s best for him to not think about the war - if only he could see into the future, see what Dumbledore would do to Remus, then he’d make them both run off. The seventies - peace and love. It would’ve been so easy…

“What?” He asks, turning to look at Remus as he prepares the drinks for them. His brow is crinkled and he’s grinning. “I thought it had to have been a touch more important than that… I knew you were lying, but had no way to prove it.” He takes his drink, clinks his glass against Remus’, and downs it quickly. He sets the glass down and moves in closer, grabbing Remus’ hand. “At least you almost had the courage. The best I did was send you all those anonymous, shitty poems in third year. Remember those? They were so bad that James and Pete were convinced it was that weird Ravenclaw girl who used to follow you around in the library, and I just went along with it because - until they mocked them - I had thought they were quite good. So embarrassing.”

“I suppose I am,” Remus says, and laughs. “Oh, please, you loved it. You thinking I’m cute only made you love it more.” He says the phrase aloud - you think I’m cute - and the realization sets in. Sirius really does think he’s cute. It makes him feel impossibly light. 

“They’re all going to be so smug,” Remus says, and shakes his head. “I bet they’ve all got wagers on when we were going to hook up. Let’s not tell them. I don’t want anyone to have the satisfaction. Not yet, at least.” He wants his friends to know, in time, but he also wants to protect this thing he and Sirius have for as long as he can. He’s been fighting for years for this, for a moment for just the two of them, and maybe it’s selfish, but he doesn’t want to let it go yet. 

“I was completely lying,” Remus admits, looking sheepish. “I just. You walked in, and you were you, and I...I couldn’t tell you. To your credit, you weren’t even mad.” He raises his glass in a toast to Sirius’ patience. 

“Those were from you?” Remus says, and laughs. When he’s finished, he leans over and kisses Sirius, and it goes on a bit longer than he intended. “Remember them? I kept them. All of them. Sure, they weren’t amazing or anything, but it meant...it meant someone fancied me, you know? And...they were sweet. I quite like them, actually.” He leans back into his seat. “I know they weren’t from that Ravenclaw girl, by the way. I asked her about it. She looked at me like I was mad. Like I had three heads. I basically ran away in shame. I hadn’t any idea who they were from otherwise. Wish I would’ve known.”

He takes a drink and sets his glass on the table. “I never wrote you poems, but I did write about you, a lot. Took me a while to figure out why. Every other page I basically rambled on about you - your hair, your laugh, your clothes...honestly, it’s embarrassing.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius offers Remus a flash-bulb smile and tilts his head to the side slightly ( looking very much like a puppy who has just heard a new and interesting sound ). “Right. How could I forget that he’s your best mate. We don’t play favorites ‘round here, do we?” There’s a slight hint of something akin to envy in his tone but he knows he’s got no right. He has James, it’d be unfair for him to expect Remus as well ( though, if he’s honest with himself, he expects them all to consider him their best mate - it goes without saying ).

“Not a pitiable life, just a life that leads one - such as myself - to believe that you deserve better.” And now he’s being more honest than he’s possibly ever been, the sincerity is etched onto his face and he purses his lips for a moment - for once, not looking like a joking teenager but an earnest young man. “I don’t feel bad for you. I just want what’s best for you and I think, given the sacrifices you’ve had to make in your short life, those close to you should be willing to make some of their own. And I’m willing to do that.” Because I love you, he doesn’t say but ( again ) it goes without saying.

“Not really. If I’m sleepy or have big plans, I’ll attempt to behave myself but detentions don’t really have the intended effect on me. I can always just ditch out or find a way to have fun. They’re going to have to start getting more creative around here.” He’s all smiles once more before he laughs. “I didn’t mean keep the points you took away, I meant I’d keep that as my punishment - you docking me a couple of points here and there. No detentions, please.” He uses his best smile ( hoping it will work ) and leans his head on the other boy’s shoulder. “You smell like tea. And grass.” It’s a nice smell so he stays close. “Look at that, I am your favorite… big shocker.” But his eyes have lit up now and they’ve given him away, this is the best thing he’s heard in ages.

“Oh, come off it,” Remus says, and gives him a playful shove. “That’s the point of us - all of us - we’re all close. Just because you and James play favorites with each other doesn’t mean we all have to.” The thing about that, though, is that he’s a bullshit liar and he knows it. He loves James and Peter with his whole heart - truly - but there’s something that draws him to Sirius, something he doesn’t quite understand yet. 

Remus is touched to the point of speechlessness at Sirius’ words. It is a battle for him everyday to allow the idea that he is loved into his head, and moments such as this make it impossible to ignore. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it, the praise, or compliments, or how he has people in his life willing to work to make his life better. “You shouldn’t have to make sacrifices,” He says, and he means it sincerely. “You’ve made enough already. Thank you, Sirius, I...just. Thank you.”

Sirius is smiling at him and it tugs in his chest. Now that Sirius’ head is on his shoulder he can smell him too - some of James’ dad’s fancy new shampoo (he’s been testing a few formulas out, Remus likes this one the best - it makes Sirius’ hair all shiny, and soft), leather (somehow, this scent follows him), and rain. “I was reading a book outside earlier,” He explains. “Hey! I never said that. I said, or not. Did you hear me? That could mean anything.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius gives Remus a look, “I don’t think I’ve ever used a line on a woman unless it was to get out of detention or to distract.” He grins again the scratches at his upper arm just to give his twitchy, fidgety hands something to do.

“He really is an arrogant toerag, but I have to at least pretend like he’s not. He’s my brother, you know?” Sirius’ forehead is crinkled now and, for a minute, he’s not smiling. He’s hoping to convey the idea that I can make fun of him but no one else can theory runs true for him and James. “She’ll warm up to him, I think. He’s a great guy with a heart of gold, and a small fortune besides. He’s not half bad looking and he’s sometimes funny. He really likes her. I think they’re a good match.” He shrugs and smiles once more but looks offended when Remus scrambles to the other side of the couch very much affronted.

“Hey, hey, now…” His voice is soft as he reaches over to brush a stray curl off of Moony’s forehead. His thumb grazes down the other boy’s face slowly. “I was only takin’ the piss out of you, Moons. I know you’re fun - loads of it. I just rarely have the opportunity to spend time with you. Don’t be cross. I’m genuinely sorry… didn’t mean it. Honest.” His fingers have wrapped around Lupin’s wrist now and he’s tugging gently to try to pull him closer once more. “Forgive me?”

“Of course,” Remus replies, but he gives Sirius a confused look. He and James make fun of each other all of the time - it’s the sort of thing best friends do. Or, at least, he thinks it is. He never had a single friend in his life before he met the rest of the marauders, and he knows there are not many willing to accept him - truly accept him - as they do. “We talk, you know,” Remus adds, a small smile on his lips. “Lily and I. She thinks I’m sensible. She hasn’t said as much, but I get the feeling she’s more than come around and is just in denial about it now. It’s only a matter of time, especially since she and Severus are no longer...close.”

Remus was only a little offended, truth be told. He’s inherited a flair for the dramatic after spending so much time with Sirius. He would’ve gotten over it pretty easily anyway, but Sirius is talking to him with that voice and his touch is so soft that he has to stop himself from climbing directly into the other boys’ lap. Instead, he allows himself to be pulled back to where he was before. He thinks he would give Sirius anything he wanted if he just had the sense to ask for it.

“I suppose I can forgive you,” he sighs, but his smile betrays him. “Against all odds, I know you think I’m fun.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

At the assumption made by his friend, Sirius barks out a laugh that twists his face into the most genuinely pleased expression. He thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that Remus would think that then has a moment of mental clarity where he realizes it’s on brand for Moony to think less of himself than others do. “You’re barking.” He says, his teeth catching the light and gleaming like crazy. “If anyone’s not good enough, it’s me.” And he’s got a whole trunk full of reasons, but they’re having a good time so he won’t sour the mood by reminding Lupin just how crummy of a person he can be.

“And to think, we had the same misguided thoughts. I was certain we’d all be fucked if you found out how I felt. James and Peter really have some explaining to do to us. Did they find our pining and agony to be entertaining? It’s truly unfair. I did everything I could to help James and I’m sure you were an excellent wingman for Pete.” He’s laughing again, shaking his head. He’s so happy, he thinks he might burst, so he looks out the window again and tries to still his breathing.

Remus’ arms are around his waist, his chin on Sirius’ shoulder and the older ( taller ) boy closes his eyes, tipping his head back just so before putting his hands on top of his friend’s. “Let’s just be like this forever.” He says, but it’s hardly a whisper, his breath leaving a cloud on the window in front of him.

“You’re the barking one, Padfoot,” Remus counters, choosing to deflect rather than discuss the topic farther. Sirius is far too good for him - anyone with bloody eyes could see that - but he doesn’t want to think about that, not now. There will be plenty of other nights to worry. That is, if they both survive the coming war.

“I can’t believe this,” Remus says, and he means all of it. Mostly that Sirius isn’t turning tail and booking it away from him, but also that they were both suffering the same thoughts. “Had to’ve. After all of the good words I put in with Lily, too.” 

Remus tightens his arms around Sirius’ waist, trying to pull him in closer. “I wish we could,” he says, and looks out into the city. How many days did they have left, where they could just be...like this? There were already stirrings, talks of recruitment, a resistance led by Dumbledore. He knew in his gut they would all join, and though he knew it was the right thing to do, a terror for the safety of his friends seized him at the thought. Could he protect the reckless, courageous, beautiful boy in his arms if it came down to it?

There’s a mini bar and it’s on no one’s tab so he steps away from Sirius and fixes them both drinks. He wants to not think about what’s coming and think about what’s happening now. 

“Remember when I made you skive off Astronomy because I had something important to tell you, and asked you to meet me in the Common Room? Then when you got there I asked you to proofread my Potions essay and threatened to dock points from you if you didn’t?” Remus asks, smiling over the rim of the glass. “You let me ramble on about fluxweed for five entire minutes. I was going to tell you then, but I got scared, chickened out.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius’ face is contorted into a confused, almost offended expression as he follows Remus into the crisp air outside the pub. “I’ve literally shown zero interest in anyone in the last half a dozen years - aside from you, and James ( by the way ) is well aware of my feelings - but you’re as obtuse as a Muggle faced with magic.” He laughs and allows himself to be pressed against the door, effectively silenced by Remus’ lips. While he’s usually gearing for an argument ( for the sake of it ) he’s willing to be hushed by this.

It ends too soon but Lupin’s got ideas and Sirius is definitely interested. Moony coming up with mischievous ideas is enough to get Sirius’ blood really pumping and he pulls the other boy with him toward a hotel he had taken note of earlier in their day. It’s called the Savoy and it certainly doesn’t look like the place these two sweaty boys should be, but Sirius wants to get inside of it.

He’s lived a life of luxury and he thinks Remus should get a taste, too, before everything is laid to waste ( besides, there’s always that sinking feeling that they won’t make it through this war, and Sirius wants to make the best with what time they’ve got ).

“No, James’ is a bad idea. Let’s catch the bus.” He pulls Lupin to a spot where a couple of Muggles are hanging out and they act natural until it’s time to board. He’s got enough for the fare and they manage to make their way to Central London and are faced with a beautiful building. Sirius hasn’t let go of Remus’ hand and he squeezes it as he gazes up at the hotel.

“Here will do.” He says and he walks in like he owns the place - oozing charm and confidence, they aren’t even stopped ( they look like typical kids their age for the area, probably assumed to be rebellious children of someone in a suite ). He drags Lupin up to the top floor and they manage to find a room, charm their way in and Sirius casts a protective charm around the room so they won’t be interrupted.

Finally, he lets go of Lupin and walks over to the window to look down on the city. “This, Moony… is the life.”

“Yes, but I thought you just hadn’t met anyone good enough for you yet. And I still don’t think you have, by the way.” He doesn’t say that Sirius deserves someone who isn’t going to put him at risk, because for one bloody night, he really does want to believe the two of them could make it. “I think James and Peter figured it out before either of us. That’s...they should have said something! The whole time I’ve been thinking I’m going to solely disband the marauders because of my stupid feelings.”

Remus’ heart skips a beat when Sirius agrees to his plan. They really were going to do something outlandish and ridiculous, but most importantly, they were going to spend some blasted time together alone. Had they ever? Really been alone? Remus couldn’t remember, all the time at Hogwarts and James and out in places like the pub. Remus has taken muggle buses before, but is surprised and a little impressed that Sirius doesn’t need guidance. 

The hotel is. Well. It’s nicer than anywhere Remus would ever dream of staying, and before they even walk in, he already feels painfully out of place. He tries to shake the thought - he’s with Sirius, they belong anywhere. Sirius’ confidence is enough to not get them questioned, and he thinks he could’ve just faded into the background. 

The room is nice, so nice he feels weird being in it, but he thinks he’ll eventually get used to it. Plus, there’s something he likes about them truly breaking the rules like this. He follows Sirius to the window, wrapping arms around his waist and reaching up to rest his chin on his shoulder. The view is stunning, but even more stunning is the reflection he sees staring back at him in the glass.

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius’ mouth is moving before his mind has the time to think better of the words leaving it. “Dunno.” He answers with a certain measure of sincerity. “Never tried it.” His brows are high - as though he is deep in thought - but he still has the mildest of smiles on his lips. “Was it really that bad? For you to be mocking me in such a manner?” He arches a single brow now but laughs as the line replays in his head - it truly was pitiful but definitely not something beneath the self-proclaimed King of Puns.

Sirius warms under the glow of Remus’ positively radiant grin and he finds himself leaning closer, as if to bask in the rays of it like sunshine. He’s pushing himself up on his elbows and Remus is so close, he can smell the chocolate ( rich and dark ) on his breath and his stomach betrays him with a gentle rumble. He squeezes the other boy’s hand - as if this sort of embrace is the most natural thing in the universe - and shrugs.

“He’s too busy trying to convince Evans he’s not a - what was it? - arrogant toerag.” He snickers, his nose crinkling. “I’m as forgotten as that pile of old socks at the bottom of his trunk.” He shouldn’t say it, but his jealousy is coming through. “Besides, I never knew you could be this much fun on your own, else I’d’ve tried it ages ago.”

“Really? Sounds like you would have. Just testing it out, eh? Well, it’s bad. Very on brand for you, but still bad.” Remus doesn’t know what Sirius is interested in, but he is pretty sure it’s not women - he’s never seen him be remotely interested in one, though he knows Sirius to not be above dropping bad lines for the fun of it. 

Remus and Sirius keep getting closer, and Remus tries not to think about it, but it’s very hard. It’s very hard to have coherent thoughts when he thinks his heart might beat out of his ear drums and he’s worried that Sirius is so close he’ll feel it. He takes a cue from Sirius, who is looking as cool and laid back as usual, and relaxes. 

“Mmm,” Remus says, thoughtfully. “She knows he is an arrogant toerag, though, right? That’s just an unquestionable fact. He’s a great person, one of my best mates, but also - an arrogant toerag. Sort of comes with the package, right?” He’s snickering, too. “I’m sorry you’re forgotten socks,” Remus says, then pauses. “I’d never forget you to run off and chase a woman.” He squeezes Sirius’ hand. Then, immediately regrets his sympathy, and scuttles away from Sirius to the other side of the couch. “Hey! I’m very fun on my own, thank you very much, sorry I’m not James, but I still think I bring an acceptable amount of mischief to the table.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

“Ah, poor Peter.” Sirius replies with a faux expression of sympathy for their friend. “Wonder how many times he’s heard that, that someone would take me over him? I reckon quite often. Who wouldn’t take me over him? Probably even his own mum. I mean, look at me, I’m beautiful, aren’t I?” He’s teasing, but only just as he flashes a brilliant smile and a lightening quick wink at his friend. “You make it sound as though you don’t have a good time with Peter… he can be fun, right?” He’s studying Lupin now, his teeth dragging across his bottom lip. He understands, though, he knows he and James are far more entertaining - though they are quite often too caught up with one another, leaving Peter and Remus to themselves. Things are changing, though.

“I don’t pity you, nor do I want to.” He continues, his face scrunching up in an expression that suggests he’s scoffing at the very idea of being sympathetic toward Moony. But it’s a lie and, as Remus has just been so kind to point out, Sirius is quite skilled in the art of it. His lips curve up into a semi-smile and his eyes are bright yet they belie his true feelings of utmost empathy and compassion for his dear friend. He’s perhaps too overprotective of Remus ( refer to their earlier conversation ) without much regard for his own well-being where the other boy is concerned. “I suppose we’re all right at it.”

“Give me a detention and you’ll really be left to play chess with Peter… my schedule will be full of detentions.” Sirius is now giving Remus a truly unfair smirk, and he knows just what he’s doing - manipulating the situation. “I’ll keep my points, and the fact that I’m most obviously your favorite.” He says it so casually, it’s almost like he’s not only certain he’s Remus’ favorite but that he’s been aware for quite a long time. “Your secret is safe with me.”

Remus rolls his eyes so hard he fears that they may get permanently stuck. Still, he’s chuckling, at the absurdity of Sirius’ statement, and how casually Sirius delivers these bold statements of arrogance. Remus looks confused for half a moment at Sirius’ question. “Of course I have fun with Peter,” He answers. “You realize Peter and I have almost spent as much time together as you and James, yeah? He might be my best mate. He just doesn’t...push me out of my comfort zone the way you do.” He gets that sinking feeling in his gut again, the one that tells him that the only reason Sirius even bothers with him is because James is busy, and tries to shake the thought. 

Remus looks at the face of his friend as he says he doesn’t pity him and has to commend the effort. Sirius is quite good at lying, but Remus spends a lot of time looking at his face and even more time interrogating James and Sirius to figure out what they’ve done now. “It’s okay if you do, Pads, I’ve lived a pretty pitiable life. Just don’t, ugh, feel bad for me.” He hates the underlying condescension that comes from that statement - i feel bad for you - and scoffs. He knows Sirius would never turn his nose up at him, though, and he appreciate that to his core. 

“Isn’t it always? Do you ever have a night off?” Remus raises an eyebrow as he turns his face towards’ Sirius. The smirk - coupled with how confidently Sirius is attempting to manipulate the situation almost disarms him - almost. “You can’t just keep points after I’ve taken them away. I’ll let you slide on the detention...until you’ve forgotten. Til you least expect it. When you think, oh, I’ve got myself a free week - then I will be there to serve you righteous punishment. My favorite or not,” He says, non-committaly. Sirius is probably his favorite, but he figures he ought to say it’s Peter, right? Peter’s been the one to frequently seek him out.   

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius would be content to hold onto Remus and just kiss his face off for the rest of eternity, but he knows there’s no sanity in that, and that they’ll have to break to eat and sleep and whatever else it is normal humans do. But he’s so elated, he can hardly remember to breathe let alone function properly when the only instinct in him is to kiss Moony again and again and again… At least Lupin has his wits about him.

Sirius looks flummoxed by the question. I can’t believe - really? You - really?

“Who else?” He says because he can’t think of any better counter argument. “You’re daft! I’ve loved you since first year, you self-deprecating toad!” He laughs and it feels so good, makes his head lighter and fuzzier than the beers they’ve had and now he’s accutely aware of the sweat trickling down his temples, down his back. He nods, ready to go wherever the other boy wants but fully without an idea of where they can go. They’re in London and there’s no way they’re going to the Black Residence.

“Where? Back to James’?” He asks, but it sounds stupid the second it leaves his lips. They’d never be truly alone at the Potters’. A hostel wasn’t private enough and Sirius had no way of knowing how to get a hotel room. He’s pretty sure his brain is moving faster ( and in a whole other direction ) than Remus’, but he’s seventeen and there aren’t many other places for it to go. “You lead, I’ll follow.” for once.

“I don’t know, I just thought - not me,” Remus says, and his face is starting to hurt from all of the smiling. “I’m daft? Why didn’t you say something? We could’ve sorted this out years ago!” He gives Sirius a playful shove and though he’s poking fun he is genuinely touched - that admission, since first year - and it makes his chest grow tight with fondness. “It’s been a while for me, too, Sirius. I just thought...you wouldn’t want me.” He looks away as he says it, and even though he knows he was wrong now, it’s still hard to admit. 

“Anywhere,” Remus says, and he means it. It’s strange how much brighter the world seems now, how much any place he could think of was made better by knowing Sirius was going to be with him. Sirius wants him to lead and while he’s not very good at it and he hasn’t the faintest idea of where they might go, he takes Sirius by the hand and leads him out the back door of the pub anyway.

The most pressing matter on his mind is to keep kissing him, as much and as often as possible, so as soon as they are both out of the door Remus pushes Sirius back against it and kisses him for a good long while, until someone forces the door open and disrupts them. The air is brisk enough to be refreshing but not cold, and he’s happy that the night is stealing away some of his heat. He wants to kiss Sirius all over London now that he finally can - every back alley, park, rowdy pub, and more. He thinks they don’t really need a destination, not when they’ve got the night air and the darkness and each other - finally.

But - the thought does cross his mind - the two of them could probably swindle a hotel room out of some hapless muggle. They weren’t old enough, and they probably didn’t have enough money, but they had a few things going for them. They were quick-witted, Sirius could charm nearly anyone out of anything, and Remus was very good at looking helpless and pathetic. Oh, and they had magic, too. They were of age now - it wouldn’t be anything to unlock a door and sneak in...

“I’ve an idea,” Remus says, raising an eyebrow. “It isn’t a good one. In fact, it’s pretty poor, and very risky, and definitely illegal. So, you’ll love it. If you really want to be alone...” He tells Sirius their options - attempt to successfully charm their way into a room, or sneak in and steal one for the night. “We could also just go back to James’,” He adds. 

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius grins like an idiot in response to the question. He has been staring an awfully long time, hasn’t he? The glow of the fire reflects off of his teeth and he leans in just a bit closer. “Just admiring the view.” He says, and it’s done so with just the right lack of inflection so Moony’ll be left wondering if it’s sincere or another bout of sarcasm. Sirius has to keep himself safe, that’s his number one priority, and he’d hate for Remus to take the piss out of him for something he’s said while love drunk on a plush sofa in a room that’s begging them to snog each other’s faces off.

“If you made me go back to Slughorn, I’d never forgive you.” And this time he sounds sincere, his brows high and his jaw set. He keeps this expression on his face for all of thirty seconds before he’s grinning again and leaning forward so as to gently knock his head against Remus’. “I am not deflated.” He’s regaining his composure, coming to terms with the fact that this is nothing more than an awkward hangout for Lupin - he can handle that, far better than rejection were he to confess any deep-seated feelings, anyhow. “I’m happy…” He reaches out and grabs Remus’ hand, squeezing it softly before letting go ( did he hold on too long? he’s not sure. ). “There’s honestly nowhere I’d rather be right now.”

Remus rolls his eyes with great exaggeration to fully convey how he feels about Sirius’ sarcasm. “Tell me, does that work on women? Admiring the view,” He scoffs, but he’s smiling all the same. Even if it weren’t sarcasm(and it could’ve been sincere - Sirius gives him compliments all of the time, most of which he brushes off), it was still a laughably awful line. 

Remus swallows and nods and knows that he’s going to be trapped here indefinitely now, the nagging voice at the corner of his mind telling him they ought to go back but the fear of upsetting Sirius outweighing that in spades. They were going to be here until Padfoot wanted to leave. That and...if he were being honest with himself, he would really rather stay here, as well. He cherished the time he spent with each of his friends, together or alone, but there was something about having Sirius’ full attention that he liked. Probably too much. It was not often he caught Sirius without James, though that had been changing recently, as James spent more and more time with Lily. 

Sirius says he’s happy and a grin comes bursting out of Remus on reflex. Knowing that eases and calms him significantly, and when Sirius drops his hand he laces their fingers together again on instinct. “Me too, Pads.” The moment feels a little too tender than what he expected and, resorting to his usual defense mechanism, he tries to deflect it with humor. “I’m telling James you said that, by the way. He’ll be distraught.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

Sirius is a good sport and, so, he smiles and shrugs his shoulders when Remus makes the suggestion that he’ll offer Sirius up to play against Peter. “If you think he’s annoying, you haven’t met me.” He answers with the world’s biggest shit-eating-grin. Peter, poor Peter, can grate on one’s nerves but - in his defense - it’s never intentional. Sirius, however, has spent over a decade finely tuning his calculated annoyance into a veritable weapon (typically, it’s used against his mother, but he has no qualms in employing it against his friends). “One match and I doubt he’ll ever want to play me again.” He crinkles his nose with the magnitude of his smile and stares, once more, up at the ceiling.

“I find it almost hilarious - almost - that anyone can believe you innocent with your wide, amber eyes and your wand hiding behind your back once we’ve been caught. Oh, poor Remus, only guilty by association, it’s too bad he got sucked in with that Potter and Black.” He snickers and is looking at Lupin again. “You’re just as bloody awful as the rest of us, possibly even worse ‘coz sometimes you get way with it. You’re lucky you’re cute.” His fingers rake through his hair and he breathes a little sigh before looking at Moony with a particularly fond twinkle in his grey eyes. “When you do it, it’ll be to prove a point. I know you all too well.”

Sirius’ face contorts into a look of perplexity and he swallows the last of the cake in his mouth before supporting his weight on his elbows. “See? I told you. Proving a point!” He sighs then flops back. “I’ll earn those back and then some in Charms and Transfig tomorrow. Waste of your breath.” He teases with another almost predatory smile.

“Oh, I’d take you over Peter any day,” Remus says, chuckling. “You either are really bad at being annoying or you’re holding back for my sake. Whatever the case, I appreciate it. If you can get him to stop, you have to teach me your ways.” He hadn’t really intended to put Peter on Sirius’ trail, but after hearing this, it presented somewhat of a challenge. It would be rather interesting to see how it played out between them, and who would get discouraged first. He’d have to make a bet with James. 

At Sirius words’ Remus stifles a grin and assumes his “we’ve-just-been-caught” look. His eyes do go wide, his expression apologetic, and he stares down at Sirius with as much feigned innocence as he can muster. With the facial scars, tattered clothes, and permanent look of exhaustion, he thinks he makes it work quite well. Then, he laughs, loud and long. “People want to pity me, Sirius, I just make it easy for them. You use your looks and charm, I use my ability to look like a stray puppy.” He plops down next to Sirius again, clearing a space from the fallen candy he dropped unceremoniously onto Sirius’ bed. “That’s entirely unfair. You two can get away with it, too, sometimes. Not that anyone thinks you’re innocent, you’re just much better at lying.”

“Oh, you think?” Remus says, with a sly grin. “You deserve to have points taken from you, even if it’s not for the reason I gave. Keep it up and I’ll have to add a detention, too.” He bounces his brows. “Dumbledore would be so proud. I think this is exactly how he intended me to use my powers as Prefect.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

The most horrible feeling of dread, panic, and sickness takes over Sirius the second he hears Remus’ laugh. His head is reeling - a mess of gears spinning - as he tries to think up a feasible explanation for why he’s kissed Remus. He’ll never live this down ( and, in his head, he’s thinking how he’ll never be happy because all he’s ever wanted was Remus, and he’s been pining after the other boy the same way James has been for Lily since first year - but maybe he’s being dramatic ), he’ll be the joke for the rest of their time at Hogwarts, he’ll have to move somewhere far away and change his name. He’s starting to sweat.

But then…

Remus is pulling him back down and their lips clash in a much more forceful manner than before. Sirius feels like he’s floating. He’s lightheaded and there’s a smile on his lips as their pushed against Moony’s. Then he’s laughing, too, and he gets it. He understand why Remus laughed. Because this is amazing, and it feels great; it feels right.

He doesn’t even stop to think about it when Remus confesses his feelings because Sirius has been aware of his own ( acutely aware ) since he was twelve. “I love you, too.” He answers and he’s suddenly leaning with his elbow on the bar, his back curved so that their faces are closer and - for once - he can feel the eyes on them and he thinks everyone must be so jealous of him for getting to kiss Remus. And he feels so proud that he leans in and kisses again - making sure he gets a taste of the inside of Moony’s mouth this time.

Remus is smiling against Sirius’ mouth as they kiss, because he can’t stop, the kissing or the grinning, and he breaks off to pepper little kisses all over Sirius’ stupid, beautiful face, like he’s imagined for so long. The happiness, the relief he’s feeling, he could survive for years on that alone.

“Just like that, then, hmm?” He asks, the smile threatening to split his face. “All of that worry, all of that time - and just...here, in a muggle pub, with warm beer and people staring at us from every angle?” This time he feels no bitterness at the eyes on them - Sirius wants him, is choosing him. He smells like cigarettes and sweat and probably tastes like old beer and Sirius still wants to kiss him. Incredible. On the other hand, Sirius looks absolutely radiant, the joy lighting up his features makes him look like the sun. “I love you,” he says, again, because it’s true, and he’s waited so long to say it. “I can’t believe - really?” He gestures to himself. “You - really?”

And he laughs again, and then he’s kissing Sirius again, and it’s blissful and he thinks Sirius is quite good at this, actually, and he’s hoping he can keep up and that Sirius won’t suddenly change his mind. “We should go,” He says, once he pulls away for air. “You promised me we could be alone.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

For a moment, it’s as if this magical room has cast a spell over its two inhabitants. Sirius feels a dizzy ( yet not uncomfortable ) sick from how close the two of them are and he wants to lean in and bridge the gap but there’s so much stopping him.

Yet, it seems laughable. Sirius Black, the boy everyone wants is worried about someone not wanting him. But it isn’t just someone. It’s Remus Lupin, one of his closest friends since year one and someone Sirius considers to be delicate. He doesn’t want to upset the balance of their relationship - of the relationships between the four of them ( because how can he forget Pete and James and how his desires can screw them all over? ). He swallows hard and the movement of his Adam’s apple is almost painfully slow as his eyes dart between Remus’ mouth and his eyes. He’d kill to kiss Lupin now but he can’t muster up the courage.

Ha! A Gryffindor and he’s not so brave, given the circumstances.

His heart is hammering in his chest and his fingers are trembling. He rubs his lips together and nods, his breath comes out labored and he shifts ( like he’s going to stand up but he only ends up closer to Remus; shocking ). “Well, we could get back to detention, if that would make you feel better?” He wants Remus to say ‘no’, wants him to give Sirius some sort of sign that this is what he wants, too, but he’s bracing himself for a return to Slughorn ( as much of a killjoy as it will be. ).

Sirius stares at him for a long while, and Remus is left to wonder why. Is there something on his nose? Does he have a bit of chocolate on his face? He reaches up and tries to nonchalantly touch the space around his mouth to check. He realizes then that there’s something else in Sirius’ expression, and he looks pained, almost. Remus is seized with guilt again, thinking that he’s done something else wrong to upset his friend. He wishes he knew what he could do to make Sirius happy, instead of that sad, strained look. He watches Sirius’ eyes fall to his mouth and reasons that it must, indeed, be chocolate, and wipes mouth on the back of his hand. Sirius gives him a quizzical look.

“What? You were looking at me like I had something on my face. Is it chocolate? Did I get it? Are you going to let me go back to detention with chocolate on my face?” He asks, and as Sirius shifts they’re somehow closer together and he feels his heart hammering. He knows it’s the right thing to do, to go back, before they get caught, but he gets the sense from Sirius’ words that he doesn’t want to. He would rather face an entire month’s worth of detentions than do something that would upset his friend even further, so he smiles instead and says, “No. What’s life without a little risk, eh, Pads?”

He positions himself more comfortably, practically falling into Sirius’ lap at this point, but he doesn’t look like he minds. “Are you going to tell me why you look so absolutely defeated? I skived off detention for you. You should be glowing<.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

“Maybe I’m just quick on my feet, Lupin, can’t you give me a little credit?” Sirius asks, pouting slightly though it’s gone as quickly as it’s come and the smile on his mouth looks like it could melt a polar ice cap. “C’mon, that sounds like loads of fun.” His eyes are gleaming with a particularly nasty brand of mischief and he’s already thinking of ways to set Remus up to have to play Wizards’ Chess with Peter. He’s practically snickering as he commits it to memory - Remus absolutely does not want to play, so Sirius will have to make him ( if only to save him from it in the middle. ).

Sirius rolls his eyes and huffs softly, a half-smirk on his lips as he looks over at Lupin - his hair falling in his eyes, and he doesn’t even bother to shake it away. “That’s the biggest load of centaur dung I’ve heard this century and there are very few who would fall for your false image of innocence, Remus.” He snickers and shakes his head ( finally! ). “James deserved it. And you docked Peter points that one time for saying ‘er’ too many times in one conversation. You’re a proper Prefect, you are.” It’s said with perfectly honed sarcasm that only the closest to him would pick up on. “But you’ve not docked me any… mm…”

Sirius doesn’t even bother trying to look where Remus keeps his stash of goodies - if he really wants any, he knows he can ask or go down to the kitchens or buy the whole of Honeydukes next Hogsmeade trip. His smile is fox-like as he stays completely still save for the move of a hand to swipe a cake from his chest. He removes the wrapper and devours it in two bites, speaking to Remus with a still-full mouth. “You’re the greatest, Loopy.”

“That smile looks awfully suspicious,” Remus says, and his eyes narrow as he examines Sirius’ face. He’s well versed in reading Sirius’ expressions, and this one is not giving him the response he had hoped for when he confided his chess plight. “You look like you are planning a betrayal, right underneath my nose. It stings, Sirius. I bear my soul to you and you immediately decide how you shall use my own weaknesses against me. I’m going to suggest he play with you next, since he has so masterfully defeated me.” He’s smiling as he talks, clearly joking. Still, he’d have to be on the lookout. 

“Are you trying to besmirch my good name, Pads?” He asks, giving him a mischievous grin. “I’ve never done anything wrong in my life. Any questionable activities I have ever participated in are a direct response to your undue influence.” He’s absolutely full of it, but he thinks he makes a pretty good sell. He nods as he remembers when he docked Peter. “Ah, deserved it, that one. Couldn’t string two words together without punctuating them with an er.” It didn’t occur to him that he never took points from Sirius. He probably deserved the punishment more than either of their friends. “Yet, Sirius. I haven’t docked you any yet.”

“I know,” Remus says, as he watches Sirius eat from above. How he survived on nearly junk food alone was a mystery to him. “Five points from Gryffindor,” he adds, raising an eyebrow. “For speaking with your mouth full, and for not even bothering to chew like some sort of barbarian.”

[rjohnlupin-blog1]

siriusiii:

“I’ll pack the cloak.” He answers immediately with a confident (if not, cocky) smile. “And the map - that way I’ll see anyone coming and no one will see me. It’s brilliant, honestly - just like I am.” Sirius teases with a grin before crinkling his nose at the other boy. “You’ll still have Pete.” He suggests with a soft laugh because he knows Remus much prefers his company to any of the others (does he know it or is he really just that confident?).

“We’re bad influences?” Sirius is suddenly scandalized with wide, grey eyes. “You’re the one, Mr. R. J. Lupin, who is suggesting I ditch out on detention just so that you aren’t bored. Who’s the bad influence? Mr. Prefect who never scolds his friends? Just because you’re a goody-goody doesn’t mean James and I are naughty.” He laughs before the sentence even fully leaves his lips and he’s staring up at the ceiling again, his arm over his head. “I’m starved, Lups. You got any snacks?”

“I’m guessing that by how quickly you formulated that plan this will not be your first time skipping out of detention,” Remus says, and cocks and eyebrow. “I should have known. It is a good plan, though. Brilliant.” He adds the last word sarcastically. “Yeah...Pete. Sounds like loads of fun. Who needs you or James when I’ve got Pete?” He asks, but drops the act as soon as the words get out. “Come on, Sirius, you know he’ll just want me to help him with his homework or rope me into the least exciting or challenging games of Wizard’s Chess that I will ever play. I let him beat me last week just so he would stop asking, but now he thinks he’s some sort of master and wants me to play more.” He’s almost begging, don’t leave me alone.

“Of course you are, I’m merely a pawn in your terrible, prank-ridden games,” Lupin says, and feigns more innocence than he really deserves. “I take my title of Prefect very seriously, thank you very much. Just yesterday I docked James five points for eating all of those little sandwiches I like at lunch. That is a fair and responsible use of my power.” 

“Yes, but I’m not showing you where I keep them,” He says, and disappears from Sirius’ four poster and moves to his own. He rummages for a moment and then returns, dropping an array of cauldron cakes, pumpkin pasties, chocolate frogs, and bertie botts on Sirius prone form. In fairness, a lot of it are things that Sirius has bought them. “I hoard them, but I have such a hard time actually eating them.”