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[rkxayah]

i’m leaving

(this will be incredibly messy, because that’s how my feelings are right now and i can’t bear to read this again and correct things so... excuse the rawness)

before you read any of this, just know that it’s not a whim. it’s the result of months of reflection, of thinking i’d get out of this slump, that this was temporary. but the more time passes and the worse it gets. writing for my muses each week is a torture, which is painful considering it’s a hobby, but also painful because i dearly love both jinyoung and xayah. jinyoung is a bit less difficult to let go off, but xayah... it really hurts me to drop her. because leaving rookies means i’m letting her go. i love her the most and yet she’s the one i struggled to write for in the past few months, i dare say since at least the beginning of this year.

of course i waited, because i always thought it would change. i told myself maybe if i changed things, if i found new plots, if i got more active, if i dropped threads, if i took a hiatus, if i spent more debut points in the idol shop so she’d get activities. and i was lucky, because she got a lot. but i’ve reached a point where even that doesn’t help. i have below zero motivation to write for her. in fact despite being one of my favorite muses, she’s always been the hardest to write for. she’s just so... different. but in a roleplay like this, if a muse doesn’t fit the mold it’s harder to navigate being a trainee and an idol. ultimately, it’s what killed her. debuting in a concept she didn’t like, never being able to go out. and as much as i looooove luxe myself, plotting with the same four people every month gets repetitive for someone as sociable as xayah. she thrives in new interactions but realistically, she never gets to hang out with anyone.

so i’m at a crossroads, and i’ve decided to leave. i didn’t want to do it in the middle of promotions, but i reached a point where i can’t even find the energy to write even just to get points. i used to never miss a single chance at gaining points, so it’s really a sign. i’ve loved rookies a lot, and the people in it. i met wonderful people here that i’ll keep in contact with long after rookies. and for me, that’s the most important. i hate leaving like this with the feeling of letting people down, but when you think about it, it’s just roleplay.

i don’t want to... get too deeply into negative things. i think everyone has dealt with enough these past weeks. but fact is, an atmosphere like this impacts everyone. it impacted me too, made me rethink if that’s really how i want to spend my free time: seeing people tear each other apart, complain, cry... it’s toxic, and literally none of us deserve this. the admods don’t deserve to spend the little time they have holding strike trials and being hurt over it. it just... shouldn’t be like this. and i think we’re all responsible to some degree, for letting things get so bad.  and that’s all i’m gonna say, because i know no one (or at least most of us) don’t have any bad intentions. but we let ourselves get affected too much by things that... don’t matter. and i was guilty of it too. i got annoyed by things ic, i complained, i let myself get frustrated. but for what purpose? i still don’t know. they’re characters. but we invest so much time into rookies, and for so long, because in a rp as big everything takes time. of course admods couldn’t keep up with demand. we all have lives. but it gets tiring for everyone too.

i’m sure i make no sense, but either way, that’s just how it came out. i don’t resent anyone and i hope no one resents me. i’m just doing what’s best for me, and listening to myself. of course it’s sad to let xayah go, to let this rp go, and to let luxe go. but now i know i’m ready, and i won’t regret it. i’ve enjoyed most of my time here, but for a few months i haven’t really. i held it in thinking it’d change, but it hasn’t and i’m tired of forcing myself every week, or be barely active. i deserve better and i feel like everyone i rp with also deserve better.

i’ll still be on tlist, i won’t vanish. you’re of course free to unfollow me if rookie was your only attachment to me. i won’t be mad or disappointed. haven’t thought deeply about how xayah will leave ic, but she’ll move out of korea and disappear for a few months, after news of her departure are shared with luxe.

so long rookies <33

[rkxayah]

rkella‌:

“If I ever write it. With how much we have doing at any give time, do you think there will be an opportunity to write a script?” It’s very common to see idols turning into actors or maybe even some writing or hosting variety shows. Has there been one that produced a movie right from its script? She wasn’t going to lie about this, but if an opportunity came to maybe try something like that out, it wouldn’t hurt to try her hand at it. 

“The burger is good here. Just be open that it might not taste the same as a traditional one made from cows, but they had seasoning to make them full of flavor.” It also has motivated her to be more conscious about what exactly went into these meals and how she might be able to improve on it to cater to her tastes. She wanted to be open about this but her stomach might not be able to handle it. While Dabin mentioned fried foods and making it hard, a hard glare fell onto the younger. “Please, I know you like fried foods, but suffering through distaste is different from suffering from stomach pains later in the day. Please, please don’t choose anywhere that is slicked with grease. For all our sakes.” That was understandable, wasn’t it? Going through schedules or plans with a stomachache would be such a bad time. 

But on came the next topic. “I’ve been in musicals before I was in Royal,” she responded, taking a napkin, spreading it out and folding it on its lines not creased into. “I was going to major in theater and I appeared in my university’s productions. But I guess i want to aim higher to bigger productions in ones that would be held at bigger venues that holds several hundred people.” Her fingers might be busy, but her attention was mostly on the company in front of her. “You probably had a wish of what you wanted to get out of this before joining Roya–ah, no, you were in KT at first.”

“if the opportunity never comes we can just make a very cheap version for a vlive,” dabin jokes around. she’s never thought of acting before, finding it hard to fake emotions or put herself in someone else’s skin. she’d rather just be herself, but she can see what draws people in so much. getting to experience lives you wouldn’t otherwise, or be someone you’d never be in real life. dabin would probably be good only in comedy films, or if the character is very close to her personality.

she does her best not to roll her eyes when seolhyun makes her now infamous anti-grease speech. dabin for one knows that not all types of grease are bad. sure, fast food isn’t exactly where you want to go for a healthy, sustaining meal. “even mcdonald’s has salads, right?” it’s funnier to mess with seolhyun a bit. “but i said don’t worry. the restaurants i go to often have a wide variety of dishes.” she understands why some people go vegan. while she respects that, she’s just not there yet, if she ever will be.

“oh really? you have?” they’re talking about musicals now, something that doesn’t appeal to dabin at all but again, it’s a no judgement day. “you’ll probably get offers at one point. or the company might let you audition too.” even junsu started from nothing, right? once seolhyun proves herself then maybe producers will catch word of it and want her on their stage productions. “i did, yeah.” she chuckles at the mention of kt. her time there feels like a lifetime ago now. “i wanted to play soccer professionally.” she could have, if she didn’t stop playing competitively once in uni. she just loved performing more. 

a little convincing.

[rkxayah]

rkyena‌:

[...]

“i don’t know. maybe we’re living in the next century,” she says, the last word coming out as a shaky laugh. seoyoung wants to believe that things will get better soon. that in their lifetime, they can live as they please without hiding. but there’s such a long way to go. right now, they’re powerless to do anything about it. “it’s kind of understandable, though… i’m an only child. he doesn’t want the family line to end, of course.” seoyoung never asked to carry that burden, but it’s hers all the same.

she sighs again and feels some of the stiffness dissolve from her shoulders. “i know. i can’t believe how lucky i am that all of you accept me.” coming out to the members was one of the hardest things she’d ever done, and she probably wouldn’t have done it without the aid of alcohol. even knowing that they were good people, the risk of ruining her relationship with any of them was terrifying. 

she jumps a bit when dabin hits the counter, and reaches out a hand. “hey… don’t wake up the manager.” remembering the ice cream, seoyoung grabs the sweaty container. “i should probably put this away…”

she feels like she got slightly better at this. feeling sympathetic towards friends, helping them through tougher times. she might not give the best advice but she does want to grow as a person and do better. only seoyoung could tell if she’s doing a good job right now but dabin doesn’t feel as helpless and detached as she sometimes did in the past. 

“who cares about the family line? it’s not your burden to take! screw this.” dabin doesn’t want kids. she was blessed with a larger family with siblings who do want them. at least grace who already does, and she knows mark and joey probably also do. but she’ll be damned if she lets anyone pressure her into having kids later on. her body, her decision. 

she calms down at bit at seoyoung’s words. she doesn’t want to overreact and make this about her when really, it’s about how the older feels right now. dabin takes deep breaths, leaning against the counter. “leave it, i need the sugar.” she grabs a spoon and dives it into the container. “you know, liking girls doesn’t make you any different. you’re still the same yena we love.”

bittersweet.

[rkxayah]

haknyeonrk‌:

[...]

it’s when he’s bugging the manager for more help and reassurance does he hear the door opening and he’s greeted by xayah. “sunbaenim!” he says, shocked that she’d visited him instead of the other way around. “i was just about to go to your waiting room!” he says; and he really was, right after he was done pestering his manager about more questions. “it’s really great to see you again too! thank you for treating us so well at music bank!” he beams, smiling.

“a-ah yeah,” he says, and he’s unable to hide just how nervous he is as he awkwardly scratches his cheek. “i’m actually kind of nervous without the other members around…” he replies honestly, “but i hope we can make great memories today and have a lot of fun! i was really excited when i heard that you’d be on the show too today!”

meeting other idols in a public setting like this is still a bit awkward. if they met at seocho ( a shame she can't go anymore to see her other non royal friends ) they'd have no problem speaking casually but here they have no choice but to do it. you never know who might appear, who's watching, if there's a camera somewhere you haven't spotted yet. not that dabin would do anything to cause a full blown scandal but she definitely would be less.. polished, if that's the right way to put it. but they've had so many lessons on how to properly behave, how to tone down their personalities so that they're still public friendly while being interesting that it's in the back of her mind even when they're in private.

"i hope i wasn't too bad, i'm kinda new at this!" she's never hosted a show before. the closest she's been are during their vlives, or when she tries to take over during weekly idol. she has no idea why music bank thought she'd be a good fit. the actor they paired her with is so... classy. though she guesses that luxe's image suits that criteria. her, though? "hey, don't be!" she reassures him with a smile. "i know it feels weird but you'll get the hang of it super fast. it's my first radio show, actually! i didn't go the first time around." she guested on hello counselor with celine instead. "so we're in this together!"

—* maknae on top

[rkxayah]

yienrk‌:

[ sms ] whenever my phone goes off, i know it has to be you. hahahaha [ sms ] okay whenever you want before the end of september, sis. it’s a plan. i’m also free ;) [ sms ] anyway, i think after what… 22 years of fronting and rejecting your overbearing love here; thanks for coming to our lives. my everyday would be boring without you. i fucking LOVE you too, and thanks for making me embarrassed with old ass baby pics every year

( ✉ :: tuan #3 ) what can i say, i crave the clout ( ✉ :: tuan #3 ) ok chill i never asked for that love confession!!!!!! ( ✉ :: tuan #3 ) just kidding, it’s.... well, thanks. it means a lot and makes never seeing you a little more bearable.  ( ✉ :: tuan #3 ) OK i’ll text you the details soon but get ready to surf! sorta... not as fun as the real thing but until we can take a vacation that’ll have to do. ( ✉ :: tuan #3 ) is convex coming back soon! bc whenever u come on music bank i’ll be waiting :))))))))

[rkxayah]

—* maknae on top

date: september 28th location: idol radio studio featuring: @haknyeonrk & two npc idols

it’s rare enough to have individual schedules, and even more to interact with idols from other groups, especially of the opposite gender. dabin is excited getting to the studio and meeting the other youngest members she’ll get to meet that day. she knows a couple through promotions but they never get much chance to talk. music shows are busy and hectic and most keep to their own group to avoid being scolded by managers or getting in trouble. dabin doesn’t exactly follow that unwritten rule but tries not to frustrate the staff more than she already does.

she meets junju last, sneaking in to greet him (with her manager of course, not looking for rumors to spread) and introduce herself. she technically wouldn’t have to do so, her seniority ranking granting her the privilege of just letting him come to her first, but she’s too sociable to do that. their managers get to talking together, leaving the idols ‘alone’ for a bit. “it’s great to meet you again!” she remembers him from music bank of course, as well as the rest of his group but she never got to talk to them much off camera. they’re a pretty new group so they didn’t stand in front at the end either. “is it your first solo schedule?” she remembers how exciting it was. the feeling that she’s not just a member of luxe, but a person able to stand on her own too. 

[rkxayah]

❤️ 💬 •••

xayahluxe  it wouldn’t be a real @ymt95 ( @yienrk ) birthday if i didn’t post my annual embarrassing picture! happy birthday to the best big brother in the world. granted, he’s the only one i have but i wouldn’t have it any other way. to all of you out there who think he’s talented: you’re right, but you’ve only seen the tip of the iceberg. he’s someone who will change the face of music, i just know it. i don’t tell him often but i love him and i’ll always believe in him!

18 hours ago

[rkxayah]

Tracker

Hello friends! I am officially back from hiatus, though i hurt my neck badly yesterday so it’s hard to hold it up enough to be comfortable sitting down (rest in pieces) BUT OTHERWISE I’M HERE. i mentioned i would drop most thread on my three muses so instead of a “dropping” tracker it’s rather a “keeping” tracker. which means if our thread isn’t on this list i am sadly dropping it ;; really sorry about this, xayah will be the one i drop the least threads on because most are luxe threads to begin with.

If you’d like to write something else, plot something else, please message me! I’ll gladly write the starter.

KEEPING: (if you wish to drop it don’t feel bad! just message me)

go crazy with @rkcheri

girl talk with @rkxzoe

keeping up with the tuans with @yienrk

a little convincing with @rkella

dance dance with @rkyena

tongue tied with @yccjungrk

bittersweet with @rkyena

[rkxayah]

* // [ NEWS ] MUSIC BANK WELCOMES NEW MCS

Yesterday, August 16th, the new MCs of the music show MUSIC BANK were introduced to the public for the first time. While there were many rumors surrounding who they might be, these were only confirmed on the last episode of the show. To appear every Friday on KBS, the hosts are none other than LUXE’s XAYAH and actor YOON TAEOH.

The two were received very warmly by fans online and people are looking forward to what they might do together with their known entertaining personalities. Xayah is the youngest member of Luxe, ROYAL ENTERTAINMENT’s latest girl group that just commemorated their first year together the month before. Taeoh has been growing in fame as his second lead roles are left behind and his first work as the male lead quickly became popular.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ? SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS HERE ! // *

[rkxayah]

💎 LUXE VLIVE

↪ celebrating their 1st anniversary     content includes: q&a, peppero game, limbo, whisper challenge, reaction to their royal survival auditions (+ mini performances of them), break for snacks

confused part switch ver.: xayah (belting these high notes) as cheri cheri (accidentally spoiling miniskirt) as zoe zoe (seducing the nation) as ella ella (being a cutie) as yena yena (getting that swag) as xayah

“oh my goddess! hello, we’re luxe!” 

they all chant at once, bowing and waving at the camera. they’ve waited until quite a few hundred people have already tuned in, and for the first couple minutes they most greet fans and talk, explaining that they’re here for a longer vlive this time. it’s their first anniversary and they’ve prepared quite a few things! they will mostly be games, to make it entertaining to both the viewers and themselves. they don’t really get to just relax and talk to fans very often so this is a perfect opportunity to do so. 

they answer questions, but mostly talk about their feelings about their anniversary, express gratitude for all the love and support they received, both through successes and hardships. xayah is even more hyper and talkative than usual but she does her best not to cut anyone as they’re speaking, mainly just looking excitedly at the comments and waving at the camera from time to time. “thank you guys so much for staying with us all this time! and here’s to an incredible second year!” she says once her turn comes. besides their upcoming comeback, she doesn’t know what this year will have in store for them but hopefully it’s more about breaking barriers than being held back by bad news again.

the focus soon switches to games. they have prepared a few of them. the whisper challenge proves to be absolutely hilarious, not to mention chaotic (but not nearly as much as the confused part switch version will be). ella proves to be pretty good at this game, guessing the words and expressions easily which annoys xayah. “yah, you’re supposed to make it funny!” she calls out, and the others laugh at their bickering. it’s always like that with the two of them, but ever since they apologized to each other for fighting, it’s mostly harmless and of good fun. sure, they still can’t stand the other sometimes, but they’ve learned that these differences they have is what makes luxe... luxe. on the other hand of the spectrum, xayah fails miserably. it might have something to do with her level of korean, but she’s just incapable of reading lips in general. she screams incomprehensible and stupid things that have everyone broke into laughter. and let’s say the rest of the group isn’t that good either.

the peppero game proves to be quite something, too. yena acts as the referee, dividing the rest into two pairs. on one side, cheri and zoe and on the other, ella and xayah. there’s a fire in the maknae’s eyes as she looks at her rival. she wants to win no matter the cost. if it means pecking ella’s lips on live broadcast, she will. there’s a definite resolve in the dancer’s stare as well. they bite on each end of the stick, and soon enough they teeth are almost touching. they end up briefly pecking lips, and ella snatches the remaining pieces. it sends the comment section in a frenzy.

the limbo is a nice way to expose the girls who lack in the flexibility department. zoe and ella are definitely top notch due to their dance background, whereas xayah puts up a good fight too. she’s an athlete after all, and while it doesn’t always guarantee flexibility, she manages to scrape by.

after a brief intermission during which they eat snack, hydrate and chat among themselves and fans, it’s time for a surprise from the staff. had xayah expected anything, it would’ve been a delicious cake, but instead they’re met with playful smiles. they’re up to something, but what? “we thought we would have you go down memory lane and watch your royal survival auditions!” they announce, leaving the girls dumbfounded. “you’re kidding!” xayah responds, jumping to her feet and pointing an accusatory finger at them. she barely kept any memory of that... vaguely remembers dancing and rapping. after watching cheri’s audition, in which xayah can’t help but wonder why in hell their leader was put into the minor team after it, they suggest that they perform a snippet of it live, just to see how much they’ve improved over the past... two years, almost. zoe’s dancing was insanely good, and maybe it’s because their choreographies so far haven’t been very impressive in their complexity, but it’s the first time she realizes just how good zoe is. it’s even better now than it was back then, though she only does a small part of it. seolhyun’s audition was also dancing. the girl looks as good as ever, and when she mentions that she’s the only one among them who had never been in the minor team, xayah looks at her. “we know you were so jisub-nim’s pick, unnie~” she comments innocently, nudging at the other’s side.

yena, being loyal to her brand, had performed a very cute song which is so contrasting to what royal has her do now. she does say that it’s a chance she did full moon later on or the company would have not thought her capable of doing a sexy concept. “it seemed like he was only satisfied when i danced hip hop though, so why did he choose me?” she wonders out loud. but the answer is obvious: she definitely had the type of unique sexiness he was looking for. they each have their goddess concept, their own vibe. xayah finally sees her own audition. it was kard’s hola hola, and she performed part of the chorus and two rap verses. she danced along too, and so jisub did praise her boldness in choosing to show off more than one skill, as well as her stage presence. he thought she would be popular with the audience, and she was indeed. royal was always her top choice, even after going to kt, and he remembered that. it goes to say that sometimes it’s better to take an opportunity that differs from your original plan, because it can lead to exactly what you wished for in the end. if you keep waiting for it to fall from the sky...

they go into a deeper discussion about royal survival, how it went down for them, what they liked most, and how they do miss the other girls that were with them. times were different then. they had no idea what lay ahead, that six of them would debut less than a year later. and poor zoe who was sent home first couldn’t have fathomed being selected afterwards.

to conclude the vlive, they announce they’ll be performing confused. the song was indeed a bit left out when every night’s popularity picked up and pushed it aside. but it won’t be just a regular version. they’ll each be picking out a member’s name whose lines they will inherit, and perform it live to the best of their ability. cheri ends up getting zoe, xayah gets cheri, yena gets xayah, ella gets yena and zoe gets ella. it already doesn’t sound too good, but xayah assures everyone that she’s definitely main vocal material now. it convinces absolutely nobody, and especially not cheri who’s had to sit through xayah’s cover of her solo song, butchering high notes to the best of her ability.

it’s just as chaotic as fans expected it to be. cheri forgets dance moves every time she’s in the center, and accidentally spoils their upcoming choreography, but fans will only figure it out later on when the mv drops. yena takes her rapper persona very, very seriously. and xayah, well, she... sings to her heart’s content, taking revenge from all the singing lines royal has been denying her since debut. the reason is obvious. of course she’s not a main vocal, and not as good as yena or ella either, but when within her range she sounds decent, and at the very least stable while dancing. it’s not good, but it’s not bad either. still, she makes it memorable by belting out high notes with no shame at all, exaggerating her facial expressions as if she’s really into the zone.

who said they had to keep their goddess image off stage?

[rkxayah]

royal.luxe HAPPY 1 YEAR WITH LUXE #luxe #yena #ella #cheri #xayah #zoe #happy_luxe_day #luxe_1st_anniversary

[rkxayah]

royal.luxe HAPPY 1 YEAR WITH LUXE #luxe #yena #ella #cheri #xayah #zoe #happy_luxe_day #luxe_1st_anniversary

(ooc: drawn by @rorecross on twitter! please click here to view in hd!)

[rkxayah]

💎 SBS Summer Concert in Incheon ↪ performing luv me & every night with luxe     loving you by sistar with cheri, blue & minji     main stages outfit | special stage outfit

it’s been a while since they stood on a big stage like this, and even then, the whole thing was organized by samsung which made it more... familiar. today’s stage will be occupied by most of the active, popular groups that currently exist, not to mention from other companies not affiliated with the big five. they usually only see them during promotion months and it’s a refreshing to see other faces than royal ones. even seeing convex feels strange. dabin can’t recall standing on the same stage as them like they will at the very end for greetings. she will for sure take a little bit of that time to go bother yien.

practice for every night was fairly easy. the song is recent and dabin feels like she could dance to it in her sleep. luv me however, seems like a lifetime ago already. it’s almost funny how dawon and jiwon’s departure left such a big hole in their hearts, but months later it’s as if nayoung was always here. time really does heal, but whenever they perform songs from their first mini-album she spares a special thought for sona. they haven’t talked in a while. she’s thriving in the united states, far from them, and she seems happy. good for her, dabin tries to convince herself. she’ll alright without her now, but not yet willing to even consider getting together with someone else.

she’s given up on love even if the company insists on making her rap about it every day.

the group performances go well. so close to their first anniversary, dabin feels like they're finally in their element. they own the stage, they know when to look into the camera, when to interact with the crowd. the synergy with nayoung is now stronger than ever. the beginnings were uncertain at best, but luxe wouldn't be luxe without her now. they were new enough to lose dawon and jiwon without affecting the group too much, but if someone were to quit as their popularity is so close to skyrocketing... it would be disastrous.

the coolest part of this whole concert is definitely the loving u stage with the girls from eclipse. it's been so long since they actually shared a stage at the same time. it brings dabin right back to her trainee days at kt, where they used to think they would all debut together. it's just as exciting for mijoo too to perform with her friends. she's definitely not a fan of the song, and the rap is cheesy as heck but she makes it work nonetheless, trying to channel even the tiniest bit of cuteness hidden inside of her. but for the most part she remains... true to her cooler image. practices are a lot more fun than the actual day of the concert. the girls mess around just as much as they work, and they're scolded a few times because of it.

she wishes that work could be like this all the time. interacting with other idols, doing special things. time and time again the companies prove that the merger was for nothing more than money. they're supposed to be part of the same bigger family now but it rarely feels that way, especially with the only new boy group from the big five. they fear scandals, that's for sure, and netizens can come up with the dumbest theories the second a male and female idol breathe in the same room.

at least she has yien to be friendly with, and a ton of girls.

[rkxayah]

                   [ ♦ ] ROYAL ENT @royalent • Jul 30

                  190730 #럭스 의                   데뷔 1주년을 축하합니다                   #HAPPY_LUXE_DAY                   #LUXE_1st_Anniversary

[rkxayah]

rkyena‌:

{ tw: homophobia }

she sees the concern on dabin’s face, and seoyoung prepares herself to tell the story again. she  just explained it to saerom over the phone– as many words as she could get out, anyway. the more she says it, the more real it feels, like she’s writing it in stone.

“he’s not alright, because of me.” the words cause the wound to sting again, but she seems to be out of tears for the moment. they’re all soaked into the seat of that taxi. seoyoung speaks with a quiet, broken laugh. “i didn’t know he felt that way about gay people. i didn’t think it would be so bad.”

she pushes the ice cream and spoon toward dabin, having lost interest in it entirely. it’s so unfair that she can’t even take comfort in her usual vices. seoyoung grips the counter and stares down at the blank surface. she can only imagine the feelings that are going through the younger girl as she hears the news. the dark cloud over her head is raining on everyone. “he said ‘this industry’ was corrupting me and i should come home. he wanted to put me in some kind of program.”

seoyoung looks up at dabin and feels her limbs going weak. in a twisted way, her father is right about one thing: she never met anyone lgbt before she came to seoul. and if she hadn’t, she would still be in the dark about her own feelings. but it’s not wrong; her father is wrong, and she never knew he could be so wrong; that’s what hurts. “i just ran away, but he kept trying to call me, so… i blocked his number.” that’s all she has the strength to say. she wants to walk toward dabin and be wrapped up in her arms, but she can’t seem to move.

dabin wishes she were the kind of person that easily finds the words to comfort a friend. she's never been the best at that, and most of the people who've known her a long time know it. it doesn't make her bad person, and it doesn't mean she doesn't have any compassion. in fact, she's probably the least judgmental friend someone could have. she'll make fun of you, that's for sure, and will call you out if needed. but it's always out of love, and she always knows when to... keep it serious. but that's always why her mind just blocks as soon as things get a little too deep. she's afraid of ruining things even more by cracking a dumb, inappropriate joke.

she can feel seoyoung's distress and it breaks her heart when the older explains what happened with her father. dabin can't imagine treating your child this way after they basically ripped their heart out of their chest to show their true self, one they've kept hidden for the exact reason that's now happening. she never felt the need to come out to her family, and she knows she is incredibly lucky. but she remembers a time when her older sister was terrified at the idea of telling their parents that she is a lesbian. it was the first time dabin was ever confronted to the stigma around homosexuality. but the open-mindedness of their parents and the love and support they showed vanished all of the fears she could've felt herself had she ever been put in that situation.

her first instinct is to reach her arms out to seoyoung and pull her into a tight hug. "i'm so sorry..." no, she's not sorry. she's enraged. enraged that her friend has to go through such bullshit. no child just ever feel like their parent's love has boundaries. it should be unconditional when it comes to their orientation. "does he even live in this century? i can't believe he said that to you! that's unacceptable." she pulls away to slam a frustrated fist against the counter. "look, i know society sucks, but you know you have us, right?"

bittersweet.

[rkxayah]

that girl’s a killer from a gang,        shot me down with a love and it go bboom bboom 

[rkxayah]

rkella‌:

‘Impossible Burger,’ a movie about a chef trying to find the best ingredients to make the best burger there is to man? Or maybe… the movie could take on a darker turn and people are trying to find out what the burger is made of, only to find out that the main ingredient is something that shakes them to the core.” Truthfully, this active imagination she sometimes had was the reason she first wanted to be in theater. Talking to the right people encouraged these even further and could lead to dreams being realized, stories thrown around once inspiring some kind of full length movie. Though if she really thought about it, it could be a stretch at the stage she was at now. 

“But yes, I think it also has to do with the seasoning to make it taste good. From what I read of it, there was something in meat that had to be artificially made through plants, and that something is what caused the burger’s juices to drip out the way they do. It tastes like an actual burger, from what people say. It wouldn’t be bad to try it out.” This restaurant had its own burger, made with beans and other things to get the texture right. She wasn’t in the mood to eat such a dish right now and went with one of their sandwiches with fried tofu. “For the record, I would eat a burger, not something from fast food, but a more handmade and gourmet one.” 

Now that she had her order, Seolhyun put down her menu and waited until the other had also made a decision. “We’ll be eating here, and then we’ll head to the venue to watch a musical, Excalibur. It has a musical actress I like, and one of the main cast members is also Junsu from Sphere Entertainment. I’m really looking forward to it.”

maybe she underestimates seolhyun in general. dabin used to find her a bit... boring, but the truth is they’re simply different, and she treated these differences as a bad thing for the longest time. in that aspect she did behave like a child, not willing to see past what she considers to be right. it’s just her perception after all, and maybe if they both make an effort to understand each other they’ll find more points in common than they thought. but in order for that to happen, they need to hang out like today. it won’t magically happen by standing in the same room day after day. “well, if you ever hand over that script somewhere i better get some credit!” she teases.

she listens to seolhyun’s long explanation, nodding a bit distractedly as she looks at the menu. figuring out what to eat is tricky in a place like this. for someone who usually wants to order every single item available, she’s struggling for a different reason today. everything... scares her a bit. “after all that talk about burgers, i think i’ll have the burger!” she exclaims, putting down her menu as well. “and don’t be too scared, i know a lot of good restaurants that aren’t just fried food. but i’ll decide later whether i’ll go hard on you or not~” she winks playfully.

the idea of going to a musical almost has her yawn already. live shows tend to bore her to death unless they’re concerts where she can get up and dance along. but, as they promised, she’ll go there with preconceived idea and really try to open up her mind and have a good time. “ah, yes, junsu!” she’s never seen him in person but remembers someone showing her videos of his singing. “so you’d want to do a musical one day?” dabin asks curiously.  

a little convincing.