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Ambiguity

Just tell them what you want.

-Ryan Cairney

Supervisors/managers often ask their employees to work within an area of ambiguity. Often, these same mangers then review the work of their employees and find fault with the final product. Employees are then left wondering where they went wrong. Ambiguity, as it’s core, does not work in many situations. We have all had leaders like this…they don’t know what they want until they have seen the work and then they are certain that they don’t want what you have done. It’s almost as if they need to see some draft or idea before they understand their own objective. 

Imagine I told you that I wanted a report on employee turnover. You might ask me what data should be included in the report. I tell you that I trust you and that you’ll know exactly what to include. You spend hours putting a report together including, what you feel, are the important metrics. You bring the report to me, beaming with pride. I briefly glance at the report and then say something like “well, this is fine, but I would love to see is…” How might that make you feel? Deflated, defected, dismissed…lots of D words to choose from. 

Why put employees through this? If you, as a manager, are unsure of what you need from an employee on a given task or project, why not state that outright? Why not work with the employee to develop the content/data/ideas together? Why give the employee the impression they have autonomy and freedom when in actuality, they do not? Few things in life are certain, but I can promise you that if you treat your employees this way, employee morale will drop. We so often tell our employees one thing and then do another or act in a different way. This is both bad and easy to fix. 

If you are an employee, asking questions when you face uncertainty is a great way to ensure you don’t waste your time or the boss’s. If you feel that you don’t have all the answers, make that known. “Hey boss, I’m working on the turnover report, and here is the data that I’m including. Does this all fit within your expectations?” Don’t wait until you have worked tirelessly on the project. Briefly check in throughout to ensure that you and your boss are on the same page. This gives your boss several chances to include their thoughts, ideas, and suggestions. This will undoubtedly make your life easier as you can incorporate these things as you go instead of going back and reworking the entire thing, or worse, starting from scratch. Sometimes the boss doesn’t know what they want until they have seen what they don’t want. While this is highly frustrating, it is avoidable. Save your sanity and your precious work time by asking questions when you are unclear, checking in throughout the project, and don’t be afraid to explain why you made the decision(s) you did on the project. We can often sway others or bring them around to our way of thinking by simply explaining the “why.” 

In closing this post, remember that as either an employee or manager, ambiguity just makes things harder. If you as a manager truly do not know what you want, then explain that to your employee. But then you must be prepared to accept the work that they have done, as you have given no guidance. At minimum, express to them that you appreciate the work they have done and acknowledge that they have been working blind. This way, if substantive changes are required, if softens the blow. If you are an employee, follow my advice and “kill them with questions.” You will know if you’re asking too many questions or if you are being a pest. Until that point, use your metaphorical butterfly net and catch all the answers you can. In other words…employees and managers, share information when you can, explain your thought processes, and provide context. In a world where it is easier and easier to not communicate effectively, let us be the people who buck this troubling trend. 

I’d love to hear from you! Comments, suggestions, outright disagreement are all welcome. Follow me and Molly on Twitter (@rmexperience) to continue the conversation. You can also email us at RMExperienceFeedback@gmail.com. We post new content weekly, so come back often! 

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Professional Development

Give the people what they want

-Ryan Cairney

In the professional environment, we often talk about the need for more professional development resources. But immediately following the agreement that more resources are needed, the discussion turns to the inherent cost of the resources. Managers and leaders then inform the employees that “there just isn’t room in the budget for that.” Either that or everyone’s favorite; “we have higher priorities.” Higher priorities than employee development? Is it really any wonder that employees burn out at the rate they do? 

I have always been of the opinion that how well your team works together is critical in the success of that team. It’s so important that each team member knows a little bit (or a lot) about the people they work with on a daily basis. Too often we find that employees don’t know anything about their colleagues. I’m not talking about their favorite restaurant or how many third cousins they have. I’m talking about knowing the working styles and preferences of those around them. 

Let’s talk a little about personality assessments. Personality assessments are fun. They give us information about ourselves. It’s also really exciting when we finish the litany of tests and scoring and then exclaim “that’s just like me!” But how does this really help us? Have you ever really learned anything about yourself from a personality assessment? What do these assessments give us that we don’t already know about ourselves. Further, how does this help our colleagues? Think about the Myers Briggs Type Indicator. Many of us have taken that assessment. Can you tell me your four-digit identifier? Even if you can, are you able to articulate what that means and how your colleagues can use that information to work with you? I’m guessing not. Think about how hard it is to remember your own four digit identifier and imagine trying to keep track of that number for each of your colleagues. 

The information found in the MBTI is valuable, though. I would argue that if there were an easier way to remember the information for both you and your colleagues, you would have a tool at your disposal that could quite literally change the way your team works and interacts. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if such a thing existed. 

You probably see where this is going...

A few years ago, I was introduced to True Colors International. It’s a wonderful organization and they have great resources designed to the solve the very problem I laid out above. My workplace believes strongly in True Colors, and there is a good reason why. Several reasons, actually. The True Colors Keys to Personal Success workshop is revolutionary in the way it gets employees to interact and learn. The assessment component is there, but my favorite thing about True Colors is that it is so easy to remember what your colleagues color spectrum means and how you can use that information to create a great environment in your workspace. 

True Colors was developed in 1978 and is based on the science that brought us the MBTI, going all the way back to Hippocrates. There is a ton of data behind the True Colors program, data that they are all to happy to share. In 2018, I became a certified facilitator for two True Colors programs; the Keys to Personal Success Workshop (what folks refer to as the “main” True Colors workshop) and their Conflict Navigation workshop. Both workshops are really well designed and participants walk away with a solid understanding how True Colors can benefit them every day. It really does a masterful job of changing the way we see other people. My favorite part of True Colors is that I, with one look at someone’s spectrum, can identify some key things I can do in order to have the best interaction possible. Further, they will also know a great deal about me by looking at my spectrum. 

I spend a fair amount of time promoting True Colors. Not only because I’m a facilitator and would love your business (subtle plug for the True Colors workshops here...contact me for more information or to schedule a workshop!), but because I truly believe that programs like True Colors are worth every penny of investment. Money is tight in almost every organization and it is important to spend those pennies wisely to maximize the return on investment. True Colors, and the countless other amazing professional development workshops are vital to building, maintaining, and enhancing your team. 

Professional development is often viewed as an extra. Something that would be nice but that we don’t really need. Take a few minutes to think about your team. Assess, either by asking them or examining what you know via meetings, performance evaluations, job duties, etc., what skills they have and what skills you would like them to have. Professional development fills all of that space in between. 

Isn’t that worth the investment? 

If you are interested in learning more about the True Colors Keys to Personal Success workshop and how it can help your team, reach out to me on Twitter or via email (see below). I can provide pricing, workshop goals, and a workshop framework.

I’d love to hear from you! Comments, suggestions, outright disagreement are all welcome. Follow me and Molly on Twitter (@rmexperience) to continue the conversation. You can also email us at RMExperienceFeedback@gmail.com. We post new content weekly, so come back often! 

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Successful Difficult Conversations

5 steps to ensure you get what you want

-Ryan Cairney

In my last post, I wrote about going with your default setting for communication, even when engaging in a difficult conversation. I argued that remaining true to your preferred or default communication style would help reduce some of the already existing stress that you encounter when having this type of conversation. In this post, I’m going to provide you with 5 things you can do to ensure your difficult conversations go as smoothly as possible and yield results for you as a manager or colleague. 

As a training professional for a state government agency, difficult conversations is one of the topics I encounter the most. Managers have concerns about engaging in this type of conversation with their employees. There are many reasons for this, including union contracts, the threat of a grievance, and the very nature of government work. It can be a tight rope to walk...unless you work consistently and in conjunction with the human resources staff. If you find yourself in need of having a difficult conversation and you work in a more structured environment, a visit to the HR office is never a bad idea. Walk through the issue(s) you are encountering with your employee and talk about your strategy. HR can help you clarify your thoughts, ensure you are staying “within bounds,” and help you find success with your employee. HR should not be doing the leg work for you. Think of HR as “advise and consent” rather than “getting it done.” HR often plays the spoiler to managers who want to discipline employees, but it’s often the manager who should bear the blame...more on that in a different post.

Before I get into the 5 steps, it’s important to understand why difficult conversations are necessary. If you are considering a difficult conversation, there is clearly an issue. Many managers will avoid engaging in the difficult conversation for fear of upsetting the employee. We do this with our colleagues, friends, and family as well. We want people to be happy and telling them something upsetting flies in the face of that. It’s far easier and more comfortable to tell someone that everything is great than it is to tell them something needs improving upon. However, failure to act and initiate the conversation will only lead to additional issues and it will certainly lead to the issue at hand not getting any better. When there is an issue, there are only three possible outcomes and only one of the three is any good (this should sound familiar if you read our first blog post). See if you can pick out the good option:

Things will get better

Things will get worse

Things will stay the same

Which option did you select as the best possible choice?

So there you have it, you must act. Failure to act means that you are almost certainly assuring that the problem will continue or get worse. Rarely does inaction do much to solve an issue. Some issues may seem to resolve themselves over time, but in reality, the issue is never actually resolved. It’s simply lying dormant, waiting on the next triggering event.

Step 1: Identify and Acknowledge the Issue

It is important to know what the actual problem is. Often, we treat symptoms of problems and not the problem itself. Imagine your knee hurts. You take some ibuprofen and the pain goes away. The next day your knee hurts again. You take more ibuprofen and the pain goes away. A month later, this is still your routine. The pain is going away each day, but yet it returns. You are treating a symptom and not the problem. Until you determine the true problem, your knee pain will return each day. 

When identifying the problem, it is also crucial that you determine how the problem is affecting the workplace. Is it affecting performance, morale, customer service, etc.? It’s important to be specific here. When addressing the problem with others, if you are unable to clearly state the problem and how it is adversely affecting the workplace, it will be much more difficult to get consensus during the difficult conversation.

The final part of Step 1 is deciding what your desired outcome is. Are you seeking an increase in output? A change in attitude? Compliance with rules and policies? Again, a failure to be clear and specific will lead to you not getting the results you want. Remember that the only reason to have a difficult conversation is that you are not getting what you want currently. If you fail to clearly state what you want, the employee will not be set up for success. 

Step 2: Mental Preparation

Managers who go into difficult conversations without being thoughtful are doomed to fail. The reality of the human condition is that we are flawed and biased creatures. These flaws and biases are not invisible and to the contrary, are often VERY visible to those we are communicating with. Taking the time to be thoughtful will pay off. 

Understanding your own biases is a key step in understanding. Harvard University offers the Implicit Association Test that gives users insight to their own inherent biases. Fair warning, the results can be eye-opening. This information is important as knowing where your biases are will help you minimize them. We cannot eliminate bias, but we can certainly take steps to be actively aware of our biases in order to minimize their impact on how we work and communicate with others. 

It is also important to consider what is happening in both your world and the employee’s world. Imagine you need to have a conversation with an employee, but they were in a car accident on the way to work. Are they going to be in the best frame of mind to hear what you are saying? Probably not. Did you just give the employee a glowing performance review? How will they react if after getting this great review, you haul them into your office to discuss a performance problem? Think about the background, world, and optics of the conversation. Remember, the goal is to get what you want. As my father would say (and please don’t tell him I’m using his material - teenage Ryan would never forgive me), set yourself up for success. It is not a matter of who is right and who is wrong, but rather a question of success. You want something from this person, so do what you need to do in order to get it while doing what you can to maintain or improve the good relationship. “Do it my way because I’m the boss” will likely work in the short-term, but be prepared for future issues. 

Lastly, it’s important to do a quick review of your emotional triggers. What are the things the employee could say or do that would throw you off your game? Do they blame others, fail to take responsibility, become agitated, etc. Take a few minutes to go through each of these scenarios and be thoughtful about how you will respond. This will help you remain calm and focused during the conversation.

Step 3: Schedule the Difficult Conversation

This is one of the most overlooked steps in the process. Managers stop by the employee’s workspace or send an email. Email is probably the worst way to engage in a difficult conversation with an employee. There are several reasons for this:

You give up control of the message 

Email doesn’t allow for context or tone

Email is impersonal

There is no chance for an actual conversation

You lose the ability to create a comfortable environment

You lose the ability to read the reactions of the person you are communicating with

This is not an exhaustive list, but you get the idea. Email is great for a follow-up to the conversation and for restating what was said in the room. But it should absolutely not be the first step in the process. 

It’s also important to consider the type of employee you have. If an employee does not react well to potentially bad news, a bit of prep work might be prudent. Talk to the employee and let them know you are putting some time on their calendar for a discussion. This will give them time to mentally prepare themselves. If you have an employee who is more comfortable with direct communication, this step may not be necessary. Ideally, you know your employees and their style. Use that knowledge to your advantage. Again...set yourself (and the employee) up for success. Refrain from scheduling a difficult conversation for 4pm on a Friday. Refrain from sending the meeting notice during the same time. Consider the employee’s feelings and try to see the situation from their point of view. They will certainly appreciate your efforts here, even if they go unseen. 

When scheduling the meeting, think about how and when it will take place. Is a crowded area where others can see and hear the best choice? Do you have a private meeting space? Would an off-site meeting be best? What time of day are you and the employee at your best? If the employee is not a morning person, perhaps consider scheduling the meeting in the afternoon. Again, use the information and resources you have to help you and the employee find success.

Step 4: The Meeting

Before we get into this step, let’s do a quick review. Have you:

Identified the core issue along with how it is adversely affecting the workplace?

Taken the time to understand your biases, flaws, and triggers? 

Scheduled a time to talk?

Now that we have those items settled, it’s time to actually have the conversation. Take a moment to breathe and collect yourself before the meeting. Clear your head of distractions and focus solely on the conversation you are about to have. Begin the conversation by welcoming the employee to the space and thanking them for their time. Employees often feel undervalued in terms of time, so start off right by acknowledging that this conversation is possibly an interruption into work that you yourself have assigned them. 

Begin the conversation by clearly stating the issue at hand and how it is affecting the workplace. Do not mince words here, be clear and concise. A warm or kind tone is advisable, but “beating around the bush” will only make the conversation more challenging and might lead to both parties becoming frustrated. Even worse, failure to be clear might lead to the employee misunderstanding the problem altogether. 

After you have laid everything out, give the employee chance to respond. Take notes while they speak. Let them know you are taking notes so that the items discussed will be maintained. Let them know you want to be able to focus on the conversation and not trying to memorize everything said. Finally, inform them that you want to make sure what they said is accurately recorded. Not as a “gotcha,” but rather a formal and factual account of the conversation. This is as much for their benefit as yours. Once they have finished speaking, say something like “ok, I want to recap what you said to make sure I understand where you are coming from.” Then, using your notes, recap what the employee said. Ask them if you have it right. This gives them the chance to correct any misstatements or misunderstandings. This two-way communication creates an open environment where both parties will feel heard, and more importantly, understood. 

At the conclusion of the conversation, do another recap. Discuss the action steps that the employee will take. This will be the action plan that the employee can follow. Managers must give employees a roadmap to success. Give the employee specific things they can do to achieve the results you want. Inform the employee that you will send a follow up via email along with the action plan. Asking for agreement on the action plan is a nice step, but it’s not always possible depending on the temperature in the room. Acceptance though, is required. As long as the employee accepts that the steps in the action plan are good for all parties, you have had a successful difficult conversation.

During some difficult conversations, you may need to either pause or stop the conversation completely. If this happens, it’s important to state what is going on. Let the employee know that temperatures are rising and you feel it would be best to pause and schedule another time to talk. Acknowledge what is happening. Pretending that no one is upset only serves to invalidate how either your or the employee are feeling. Some examples of situations where the conversation needs to be stopped:

Either you or the employee are becoming overly emotional

You feel unsafe

The conversation is becoming argumentative

Either you or the employee are repeating statements frequently

Step 5: The Follow-Up

Following up after the conversation allows you to recap everything that you discussed during the conversation. Emotions will undoubtedly be part of most difficult conversations, and that’s ok. Following up in a written format allows the emotion to be removed from the factual parts of the discussion. This is where you are able to restate what was said and review the action plan. It also gives you an opportunity to let the employee know what the next steps are. Are you following up in two weeks? A month? Let the employee know when to expect the next part of the conversation and what your expectations are for them in between. 

After the follow up, do a self-assessment. Did you do a good job? Did you say everything you wanted to say? Did the employee react well (or as well as can be expected)? Is the employee open to the steps in the action plan? Do you think the conversation was successful and will lead to an improvement in your work area? Review these notes before your next difficult conversation with this or any person.

In conclusion, following the steps above will help create an atmosphere of trust and collaboration between you and your employee. These steps are not exclusive for managers, try them at home or with a colleague. You’ll find that by setting yourself up for success, you’ll have a much easier time getting what you want. 

Successful Difficult Conversations is one of the many workshop offerings from RM Experience. To learn more or to schedule a workshop, please contact us via Twitter or email (see below). 

I’d love to hear from you! Comments, suggestions, outright disagreement are all welcome. Follow me and Molly on Twitter (@rmexperience) to continue the conversation. You can also email us at RMExperienceFeedback@gmail.com. We post new content weekly, so come back often! 

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Default Settings

Going with your gut and staying in your comfort zone

-Ryan Cairney

Think about the last time you were engaged in a difficult conversation. How did it go? What did you do before, during, and after the conversation? How did the other participant react? Did you walk away thinking to yourself “boy, that could have gone better?”

Difficult conversations are a necessary part of both our personal and professional existence, yet there is a tremendous amount of fear and anxiety surrounding them. This is especially true in the work place. We often want to avoid hurt feelings, misunderstandings, or upset employees. We don’t want to be the “bad guy.” 

Good leaders know how to use difficult conversations as a way to increase performance, create awareness of issues early, and establish an environment of fair play. Avoidance only leads to a work environment where jealousy, anger, and resentment exist. As I often tell my adult learners, when there is an issue at work, it is a guarantee that SOMETHING will happen. The good news is that there are only three outcomes:

1. Things will get better. 2. Things will get worse.  3. Things will stay the same. 

That’s it...those are the only three outcomes. 

Before going further, we must establish some basic facts. First, everyone will have to engage in a difficult conversations at some point. Second, the better prepared you are, the better the conversation is likely to go. Finally; avoidance is not a viable solution. Like so many topics in the world of adult learning, difficult conversations is one where you can find hundreds if not thousands of “best ways.” There is a simple reason for this...there is no single right way to engage in this type of conversation. 

So often, the “best way” involves you coming out of your comfort zone and adopting a new way of communicating. Think about this...difficult conversations are hard enough, why add a whole new layer of complexity? Additionally, in the moment, you will likely fumble between these communication “settings,” creating a confusing and possibly hostile tone in the moment. 

I would argue that you are far better off sticking to your “default settings.” Your default settings are what you know, how you communicate, and what people are used to. We as humans like patterns. My ability to recognize how you communicate gives me the comfort to read how you are interacting with me. For example, if I know that you are sarcastic, I can expect that as part of normal communication. I don’t have to be sarcastic or even like sarcasm. I know it’s there, so I can expect and anticipate it. When we abruptly change our expected communication patterns, we are adding to an already stressful situation. While your typical brand of sarcasm may need to be muted for the sake of the conversation, you might find that sprinkling a little here and there (not directed at the conversant, of course) will help keep the tension at a lower level. 

By sticking to your default settings, you have removed an entire element of stress in the difficult conversation. Removing this element allows you to focus more sharply on the things that matter; the content, the timing, and the setting. I will break down my steps to a successful difficult conversation in a future blog post. For now, just remember to trust your default settings. They are what make you the person you are…and after all…it’s gotten you this far. 

I’d love to hear from you! Comments, suggestions, outright disagreement are all welcome. Follow me and Molly on Twitter (@rmexperience) to continue the conversation. You can also email us at RMExperienceFeedback@gmail.com. We post new content weekly, so come back often!