rmzmvr

[rmzmvr]

I'm not making it far the living time that I have knowing my life choices, that's why I constantly thinking about love, respect and partying, that's what I truly want but I know that it this shit world I'm never gonna get it.

Soon enough I'm probably gonna end it, maybe 2024 is my year to do it let's see

Bye <3

[rmzmvr]

Bro.... I relapsed so long ago but I don't give a flying fuck

Alcohol and drugs are literally such OGs, never left my side unlike some <3

[rmzmvr]

And now

I want to kill myself

[rmzmvr]

I'm so close to breaking up its not even a joke anymore

I never broken up with anyone but my limits are being reached and I'm beyond exhausted with being tolerant. I'm expected to be understanding but it really puts you at your widths end when no one wants to understand you....

[rmzmvr]

I really don't know what to do or say

I'm done telling you why I'm mad or upset, I'm done telling you what to do especially when you acknowledge it

Like I feel like a token that you have just to say that your in a relationship and it feels so shitty on my end

I wanna feel wanted

I hate having to give back people their energies but that's what im doing. You wanna have me to the side as someone you decide to care about whenever you feel like? That's fine, I just won't even try making conversation with you, and once you notice and try to say something, it'll be top late cause you'll have already lost me

[rmzmvr]

I'm really like losing it and I don't regret, he don't care lol

[rmzmvr]

Just might drink myself to death, I really don't want to be alive anymore

[rmzmvr]

I'm not gonna lie, I was excited

But when I tell you for 2 weeks about something but then the day I see you, you tell me last minute changes.... after I told you to keep your day free cause I had something planned..... it really is aggravating

I really don't wanna be mad but right now, im turned off, I was excited because I told you I had something planned and I was ready to spend my time with you, but the inconsistency is a huge turn off

When you say you miss me and your excited to see me, I get butterflies because I feel the same way but when shit changes on the fly and you don't care, that's when I stop caring

I really don't wanna return to my "I don't have expectations for anything" mentality but i just might. I felt the safest and the most secure there than I do now.....

It just hurts because I grew up always expecting a certain behavior then I get the complete opposite and then I got hurt, whether it was physically or emotionally. And I thought I felt safe enough to break away from that and start to trust again but again, my anxiety..... the voices in my head..... my gut feeling....... I knew deep down inside I was gonna get hurt and thats exactly what just happened

I really don't know how to feel right now :/

[rmzmvr]

Idk how much longer I can keep crying.....

[rmzmvr]

Such a support system I have.....

I'm sobbing and leaves me hanging :)

[rmzmvr]

I really shouldn't ne crying like this

[rmzmvr]

If I keep telling you that certain behaviors keep triggering me and you do absolutely nothing to change it

Even if I explicitly told you that im spiraling because of it..... like cmon, at that point just leave me

[rmzmvr]

I'm constantly on the brink of suicide because that when people start thinking and caring and loving you

Cause now that im alive people want to play games and ignore what I try to express.....

Like i really wish 2020 me would've actually died so I wouldn't be in this much pain

[rmzmvr]

The amount contradiction that is going around makes me wanna fucking kill myself

Those pills should've just taken the times I slipped away..... I wanna slip away and never come back

Maybe then will at least one person give a fuck about me

[rmzmvr]

You know....

When you start laughing when you are mad.... thats how you know someone is done

I'm done

[rmzmvr]

I wanna get shown off, flaunted, being randomly told cute shit

I really can't be the only one doing that

Like you wanna know the real reason I'm mad its because I don't feel appreciated, I do everything in my power to make sure you feel reassured but I get nothing, not a post, not a random I love you, not a random cute thing, I don't even get a "how are you" in the morning anymore.....

and I've been making this argument for so long that at this point I don't think its even worth arguing over.....

[rmzmvr]

Trying so hard not to loose my shit right now.

At this point, im not bout to argue anymore cause I look stupid everytime.