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I love this!! I want this lace!!!

Little Black Lace

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This is very powerful.

Dominance and Depression

When getting out of bed, cleaning the house, and paying the bills are unbearable chores, being responsible for another human being’s welfare can feel like a crushing burden. A Dominant who lives with depression may at times feel weak, irresponsible, no match for the task of even showing up to the job, nevermind exerting the effort and strength required to be the submissive’s rock and shelter. Depression creates unique challenges for the relationship, and will test the strength and patience of both Dominant and submissive. Only by working together can the couple maintain their bond and fulfill their roles.

Here are a few observations and bits of wisdom I’ve gleaned from capable sources, as well as from my own time in the trenches.

Your mental health is your responsibility. Yes, your partner should support you in every way possible and make all efforts to help you through the rough patches. But no one can cure you. No one can save you. No one can carry the burden for you. Take your meds. Talk to your therapist. Keep your appointments. And when you feel like doing nothing but lying in bed and hiding from the world, remember that you are a Dominant, you are strong, you are your own light. Throw off those covers and leap out of bed.

Tell your submissive what you need. This is often exceedingly difficult, because you may not have a clue what you need. But make every effort to keep those lines of communication open. During your lowest times, your submissive may feel lost and unsure without your usual guidance and strength. Assure them that you love them still, that this depression is in no way a reflection on them, and give them tasks that will allow them to do what most drives them: pleasing you

Submissives, this is your opportunity to step up and show your quality. Pleasing your Dominant is your purpose and goal in this relationship. Keep to your daily rituals and rules as much as possible. Remind your owner that you belong to them, that you love them with all your heart, and that they are not alone in the darkness. Do those things that usually please them, without waiting to be told. And above all, be available, and be patient. They will come back to you. You just have to turn on the light for them to find their way home.

Depression can sap all of your strength and motivation. It can make you doubt everyone and everything. Be kind and gentle with yourself. You’re not suffering from depression; you are living with it. You are not a victim; you are a survivor. When the darkness settles around you like an impenetrable fog, remember the steel you’re made of and the be empowered by the worship of the one who loves you above all others. Get up. Wake up. Arise, O lions, and shake off the delusion that you are sheep.

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Mantra for today- “I revel in my own power. I am magic. I deserve everything I want.”

ARTIST- Maureen Wingrove (Diglee) 🖤

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Accurate

Sometimes I wanna be a good kitten and just sit by your feet or on your lap while you do your work and receive head pats occasionally while you call me a good girl, but other times I wanna be a brat so that you’ll pin me down and fuck me into submission, but it all depends on my mood🥰💞

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😩😩😩

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Not Fooled

I adore Tumblr. It’s a way to connect effortlessly with people who share a part of my life so few know about. I’ve been able to learn and explore things that would otherwise have been difficult to come across. But Tumblr has done it’s fair share of harm too. It’s easy to get lost in the glamorous images and sexy stories posted, and before long the grass looks a whole lot greener on the neighbor’s side of the fence.

It’s a constant effort to remind myself that these are snapshots of people’s lives, not complete images. And they’re photo-shopped, carefully chosen, edited ones at that. I have to be vigilant to be sure I’m not fooled into believing everything I see. I need to constantly remind myself that what I see isn’t necessarily a reflection of what exists.

Not every woman practicing BDSM is a size 0.

D/s couples disagree. Sometimes they fight.

The people in those pictures suffer from depression, PTSD, and anxiety.

Not every sub is female, and not every Dom is male.

Sometimes shit happens. (Quite literally, if you enjoy anal play.) Sometimes a position hurts, heads bang together, legs give out, or you end up roaring with laughter and not release.

Bondage doesn’t just happen. There’s preparation, and safety precautions, and chaffing. Those don’t show in pictures.

Not every sub can deepthroat a 9 inch cock.

For that matter not every man has a 9 inch cock. (Shocking, I know.)

People have bad days. Doms cry. Subs forget and act out.

Whether or not you enjoy anal, or humiliation, or bruising isn’t what defines you…on either side of the slash.

There’s nothing wrong with being a Top, or a bottom, and not wanting that dynamic to leave the bedroom.

And, on that note, Dominance and submission are not about kinky sex. You can fuck in the dark in the missionary position, or not at all for that matter, and still be in a power exchange relationship.

So I try to step back. I look at the photo of the woman, with the perfect hair and flat stomach, kneeling before a man with a pristine suit and a three thousand dollar watch on his wrist, and try to remind myself that the reality is better. The messy tearful days, the laughter over a queef at the wrong moment, the note left behind on a busy morning, and the run in a stocking on a soft chubby thigh… those things are perfect too.

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Beautiful ❤️

I was so scared to take these photos with this phenomenal photographer. I wore no make up, no fancy lingerie (I made the panties myself) I was completely bare & honest both physically & mentally. These photos are a tool with which I can see beauty in myself & realize that no opinions of me matter. What matters is that I choose to be in love with myself & marvel at the beauty I find in me. Thank you Andrew ;)

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I like this so much. Hubby and I started with a whole list of rules and we are smacking ourselves for it now. 🤦

What's your suggestions for a first time daddy dom with making rules for my little?

October 31, 2019

Start small. One rule for health. One rule for goals. One rule for pure kinky fun. Let those run for a little while. When you are bored with three rules, or find times where the call for a new rule jumps out at you during your dynamic, add more rules. Let it build organically like that. You will end up with better rules than you would if you tried to block them all out at the start of the dynamic before you know all the things about your new sub. Good Luck

JD

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This.

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Surprises

My relationship with J is *covert* in our real lives for obvious reasons. I mean…we watch crime dramas. The villains in the piece are more than occasionally kink practitioners. We aren’t villains. In fact, we’re like goody-goody dorks. No smoking, no drugs, hardly any drinking (I don’t drink at all), we dress plainly, no tats or anything (I don’t even have my ears pierced). We often joke that if we just told someone the unadulterated truth, we wouldn’t be believed, and we’d probably be laughed at, like it was a giant lie for comedic effect. ‘Sure…you’re gonna tie her up and spank her…Bahahahahaha!…Hilarious, J!’

Well, once we did run into someone from our real lives on Date Night. And we didn’t lie when we were asked what our plans were. Technically. 

A good friend of mine from high school and college’s parents were behind us in the take-out line at the restaurant Sir chose. The conversation went like this…

J <quietly, to me>: Look. F’s parents. F’s Mom <loudly, upon seeing us>: How are you?!?! Me: Good! How are you? FM: We’re just fine and dandy! Where’s the Little Man? Me: Gramma’s. It’s Date Night. FM: Oooooh. ‘Date Night!’ That’s exciting! What are you guys up to tonight? <Waits with anticipation for which movie we’re going to see…she knows we’re getting take out and looks a bit confused about why we aren’t dining ‘in.’> Me: Um…well, I don’t really know. FM: You don’t know? <very confused now> Me: Date Nights are kinda up to J. He always surprises me. J: <incredibly huge smirk on his face> FM: Oh, how *sweet!* You two…adorable! <We get our food and leave; F’s parents are still waiting inside as we get into the car to go home.> J: Boy, if she had any idea…<giant smirk still there> Me: Bet she wouldn’t think you’re sweet and adorable. ;)

J IS sweet and adorable though.  F’s Mom just would no longer think so because on Date Nights he ties me up and spanks me (among other things). And she maybe wouldn’t think so even if I’d phrased my answer to her question differently.  ‘J always picks the restaurant because he’s in charge,’ would have gotten, ‘WHAT?!?!?!’  But I still think J is sweet and adorable. In fact…I mean…he’s my fantasy man only he’s real. He’s not ‘the bad guy.’ He’s the hero.  It’s both funny and sad that everyone in my life sees him as a hero because we closet the D/s, but we know, if we were honest about it, even though NOTHING about J’s personality or capability or treatment of me would change, others’ perceptions of him would.  And their perceptions of me would change too. I��d go from ‘happy, lucky wife in love’ to ‘brainwashed victim.’ Which is particularly amusing, because people in my real life nearly always describe me with some form of ‘smart’ and some form of ‘intimidating.’ 

I guess this piece is meant to maybe give folks a bit of a chuckle, but also to warn against preconception. You never know what religion, nationality, sexuality,  culture, or personal choices and experiences of a person you’re standing in the take-out line with are. Even if you ‘know’ them.  It could surprise you to learn who’s family is Guatemalan or Jewish or which people in your life are sexual assault survivors or have tattoos you can’t see.  Or who’s living D/s at home.  

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My D/s Isn’t Perfect

My dash is full of beautiful women kneeling peacefully, perfectly composed men holding a drink, and proclamations of the things “true” Doms/Daddies/Masters do.

“True” Doms never lose their cool, get sick, feel cranky, need time off, cry, or ever disappoint their subs… 

But mine he does. 

“True” subs are never defiant, disagreeable, grouchy, bratty, defensive, pouty, or misbehaved.

But I am.

Real D/s has depth. It has problems. It has bad days. We don’t publicize the days it feels impossible, where one or both of us is tired/cranky/hungry/stressed out, and definitely not when BOTH of us feel that way.

Sometimes I can’t find my surrender; I feel defensive, sensitive, self-righteous, and victimized. You don’t see how I sometimes struggle to kneel in front of him, swallowing my pride and biting my tongue. Or the times I check out, switch off, tune out, just get through my tasks and purposely not feel a thing.

My Master has done all of the things that the internet says he’s not supposed to. But for me, by showing me his vulnerability and allowing me to love him through the messiness, that’s what makes him REALLY a true man.

This is the dynamic I’ve always dreamed of and fantasized about and I consider myself lucky to live it 24/7 in real life with a partner that I adore. I truly believe we make one another better in this dynamic, living out our chosen roles.

But it’s far from perfect. And I actually think we’re both better for the struggles. I’ve found an incredible amount of growth, transformed my life, and found deeper levels of intimacy, connection, desire, and communication than I could have ever imagined in the trials we’ve had together.

It’s not what you see on Tumblr, but it’s real.

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Eight Things To Do If You Accidentally Commit A Consent Violation Because You're A Fucking Idiot

a consent violation happens anytime one partner states a boundary or asks to stop, and the other partner doesn't uphold it.

it can also happen when a partner introduces an activity without getting consent first.

when this happens with malicious intention it's obviously assault, but some consent violations happen by accident: for example, when a boundary is forgotten or misinterpreted, or when a safeword goes unheard or misinterpreted.

if you're the top, dom, rigger or giver of an accidental consent violation with a trusted partner:

Step One: embrace that this is 100% your fault.

a bottom may try to blame themselves. they might feel they could have reminded you of something, been clearer, or called a safeword.

these lines of reasoning are all bullshit, and if you accept such outs (or worse, try to argue them yourself) then you're weak.

the only thing that matters is what tangible changes YOU can commit to in order to ensure that you never make that sort of mistake again--and then, showing over time that you can keep those commitments.

2. expect (and probably, initiate) multiple rounds of conversation about the incident.

it's not uncommon for a bottom who's initially dismissive about something you screwed up to find later that they're struggling to trust you and/or themselves.

so after a kink-accident or misunderstanding, don't be surprised if an initially dismissive conversation is followed shortly afterwards by one or more much harder conversations.

it might even help to initiate 2nd and 3rd conversations about it yourself;

and ideally, all of those discussions should be part of an ongoing conversation about the play you guys have and how you each feel about it.

3. if being told about your mistake makes you feel sad or depressed, the odds are pretty good that you should shut the fuck up immediately.

your sense of guilt is not only useless, but it's ultimately self-centered. punishing yourself does not fix anything, and doing so openly can cause your partner to feel bad about telling you the truth.

at all costs, avoid a situation where a person you hurt is compelled to switch to a caretaker role to comfort you about your fuckup.  whether you intend it or not, that's inherently manipulative.

if you feel compelled to "punish" yourself, do so in private by making a point to think about the harm you've caused, actively feeling the associated emotions, and then eventually letting them pass. repeat as necessary.

4. recognize that as a top, dom or rigger, negative feedback is one of the greatest gifts anyone can give you.

it takes a strong partner to call out the broccoli stuck in your teeth. someone who doesn't care would've just let you walk around like that.

so be grateful, and if possible, do your best to help your partner feel good about the concern they've brought to you.

5. don't stop until you get to the core of what happened.

even if the bottom insists that they weren't harmed in any way by your mistake, the fact that it happened means you've fallen into bad habits which need to be dealt with--otherwise, your next mistake (even a "small" one) could result in someone being hurt very badly.

if you didn't hear someone, you need to ask why you weren't listening more closely. if you misunderstood someone, you need to ask why you didn't clarify with your partner. if you forgot something, you need to ask how you developed bad habits with communication.

if intoxicating substances were present at the time of your fuckup, you should be prepared to ask yourself tough questions about your relationship with those chemicals (and yes, that includes marijuana). 

the answers to these questions are sometimes complicated, and dealing with such problems is often something that happens over time.

6. keep working to establish better habits and continue the conversation.

actively seek feedback from your partners. it helps to sometimes ask specifically about what sort of ways you can improve.

7. understand that even if it was an accident, if people are hurt then they are not obligated to forgive you.

8. additional, unknown things that I can't include here because i don't know everything and my own learning process is ongoing.

-RG

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a b l a z e  by mRk - UK based erotica photographer. Please support my work by only reblogging on Tumblr & not posting your own copy. ©thekeytoroom237

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Please reblog if you’re a BDSM/kink blog that does NOT support or allow minors.

Everyone who reblogs will be added to the Safe Space Support List! :)

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*swoon*

All