roadwalkinghome

[roadwalkinghome]

I Played It Cool When I Was Scared Of Letting Go (Solo)

-The house was quiet -- maybe too quiet. It made me nervous to think about what could be going on as I crept out of the kitchen to spy Ray sprawled out and passed out on the couch. It was a god damned good thing she was getting some sleep, because that woman had been through hell and back again in the last couple of days. She was kind of sort of my hero, though I hadn’t told her that yet. I didn’t know how to tell her that squeezing another human being out of her vagina and me watching her power through it like she was some kind of superhero made me feel like about the lamest guy on the face of the planet.

This must have been how like everyone that ever dated someone in a comic book ever felt, except this was real fucking life.  Two days ago I was just some schlub who happened to be lucky enough to married to a woman who was willing to put up with him, and I was also a schlub who was running around fucking it up left and right. Then I got a call to get my ass home from work ASAP because my wife was in labor, and every goddamned thing about my life changed before I even realized what the hell was going on.

Today was the first day I’d had any chance to sit back and reflect about how stupid I was being before the baby came. Althea Elyse… She’d picked out that name, but I hadn’t known what it was going to mean. Yeah, I had that theoretical idea of what it meant to be a dad and have a baby on the way, but I hadn’t known what it was going really actually be like once the baby got here, or all the bullshit I’d been putting Ray through during all of this. I wouldn’t have blamed her if she’d slapped me and told me to get out. Instead, she’d put up with all of my bullshit and given me way too many chances to get my shit together. Who knew it was going to take an entire shift in my worldview for me to realize how childish I’d been.

I was kind of in awe even just watching her sleep, but the sound that came from the bassinet next to the couch caught my attention away from her. The baby was waking up, though I knew Ray was nowhere near ready to wake up and take over mommy duty. Instead, I moved in and scooped the small bundle of blankets out of the cradle and pulled her close to my chest before walking her into the kitchen. She was supposed to eat every two hours, and in between, she slept. The doctor told us all of that before we left the hospital, and how things were going to change as she grew up, but for now, she was a sleeping, eating and diaper ruining machine. I wouldn’t have changed a moment of it either.

There was something nice about letting Babe sleep while I took care of things. She’d done a lot of fucking hard work getting this bundle of smells into the world, and I could see how she was exhausted. It wasn’t like I’d made it any easier for her during all of that time. Now, maybe I could make some of that right. There was going to be a hell of a lot more to it than just stopping calling her best friend Satan’s Mistress or resenting her for “stealing” my best friend. That was childish as shit. I’d known it then, too, but putting it in perspective now that I was someone’s dad made it seem all that much more stupid.

Babe had been a hell of a lot more mature than I could have even realized during all of that time. She’d put up with a hell of a lot, and I needed to make it all right. I knew Sin and Kade had moved in together weeks ago. That was common knowledge. They’d even had a sort of half housewarming half hey come see the place now that we live together sort of party that we’d shown up at. I just realized now how I badly I was fucking all of this up. I owed every last one of them an apology.

It was a Friday night. Usually, that would have meant my ass was planted in the couch with a video game controller in one hand and a beer in the other one. Instead, I had Althea tucked in one arm and a bottle in the other hand. It was kind of a welcome trade, even though I hadn't realized it was going to be. Maybe it was kind of scary being responsible for a entire second person’s life, but maybe it could put everything into perspective too.

I had a brilliant idea, but I had to wait until Althea had drained her bottle and drifted back off to sleep in the crook of my arm before I could reach for my phone on the table in front of me. One quick text message was all it was going to take, and then keep my fingers crossed that my wife wasn’t going to murder me. I had plans, and none of it was going to involve her lifting a single finger, so at least she could rest, and I figured I could still outrun her until she got over giving birth, so I had that in my favor.

I couldn’t decide if I should text Sin or Kadin, so I did the grown up thing and texted them both an invitation to come over to our house this weekend and come meet the baby. They were going to be her godparents after all. May as well get the process of getting to know her started since she was going to be living with them when Babe finally got tired enough of me to finally murder me. Now, it was just going to be a waiting game and a matter of keeping a couple of fingers crossed that none of this was going to backfire in my face and that I wasn’t going to screw it up as badly as I had the rest of this.

The main hope I had was the tiny, red-faced little ball of human curled up in my arms. I could get my shit together for this one. She deserved that much. She deserved a dad who wasn’t a screw up and who kept her mom happy. Babe deserved it, too. Now, I just had twice as much reason to be an adult as I’d ever had before in my life. I just needed to keep my head on straight and get over my own ass. Maybe today was going to be the first day of all of that instead of my same old bullshit.-

#IPlayedItCoolWhenIWasScaredOfLettingGo

[roadwalkinghome]

Scared of Taking Risks (SL with @IsntThatMuchFun)

Sin: *There was so much to do this morning. And second guessing the decisions that had been made last night were not supposed to be on that list. I was not sure how today was going to go. I wasn’t sure how Shaun was going to handle any of this. And it was something I hadn’t talked to Kadin about. But I was tired of the game we were playing.

This was no longer about just me versus Shaun. I needed to prove to him that we could be a team. We needed to figure out our issues before the baby came. There was no way that I wasn’t going to have a decent relationship with his or her father. There wasn’t anyone in the world that meant more to me than the baby.

Yes, I loved both Ray and Kadin. But the baby was the one person that was truly innocent in all of this. And there was no way I was going to put a child through a war with their father. It wasn’t fair to them. To a degree, that was the same with Kadin and Ray. But the truth was that Ray had let this happen. Kadin was powerless to stop it. But in the same respects, He tolerated Shaun just as much. But now there was more at stake. I just didn’t want that anymore.

But I needed to not worry. There was a lot going on today. I really did need to focus on the day. I needed everything to be on point. And once I was at Kadin’s studio, I felt myself start to tremble a bit. He wasn’t here, but I had a key. He wanted me to be able to get in and out if I wanted to get ready here. And sometimes that was easier.

Coming here to get dressed up as Leia was a hell of a lot easier than driving here in the slave suit. I had started doing some work on her outfit from Hoth, but it wasn’t quite ready. There was going to be time to premiere it, but I wasn’t sure how I wanted to do this.

But as I got settled in the dressing space, I heard the door to the studio open and close. I wasn’t sure who was all here, though. I knew Kadin was getting a ride in with Shaun, but I wasn’t sure how Callie was getting here. And I didn’t want to press myself into a confrontation with Shaun and Kadin from the word go.

But I couldn’t avoid it as Kadin poked his head in and pressed his lips against mine. I rolled my eyes as I saw the look on Shaun’s face. I wasn’t in my full costume. I still had jeans on, but the top was the bikini top I wore under the styrofoam pieces I had built. But I pointed to the chair in the corner that I had cleaned off.* Kadin needs to set up for the shoot. You’re my guest. Take a seat in that chair and we’ll talk. Got it, Shaun?

Shaun: -I hadn’t known what to expect when Sin had texted me basically demanding my presence here. She was with Ray at the time, and Kadin was off with one of the models he worked with. It was just me and Nate at the house alone for the day. At least I hadn’t been alone. I never knew what to do with myself on those days. I just wandered around the house or watched TV. It wasn’t really even fun playing video games alone when it was just me screaming at the screen on my own. Even if Ray was just there to yell back at me or Nate was there to just keep me company, it was something. It didn’t help that my mind had been all over the place the past few weeks. I didn’t know what the hell I thought I was doing, but I knew it was wrong and I was still doing it anyway. I guess that made me a grade-A asshole, but at least it was something I was good at.

I didn’t even try to say no to Sin, though. It might have just been a text, but I could hear the tone of voice in it as I read it. Saying no wasn’t an option. That meant that I was driving Kadin into the studio so he didn’t have to catch a cab, and before I even opened my mouth I was relegated to a chair in the corner of the studio. Alright then… Why not? I’d been acting like a spoiled child. Might as well have a time out to go with it. I had to fight the urge to make a smart assed comment, because I knew the purpose behind all of this. We needed to air shit out and figure out what the hell was going on before we fucked up everything we had going. For some reason, my brain was hell bent on self-sabotage at the moment, and I had to get myself straight before I really fucked up.-

Morning, Sunshine.

-I tried to smile as I settled into the chair, leaving the greeting at that and nothing more. I wasn’t going to call her Satan’s mistress . That would have just done the whole damned thing in on the spot.-

So, let’s talk. We can start with the fact that I know I’m an asshole. And I’m trying to make it better, but I’m shit at it. I just might need to be slapped back into my senses sometimes.

-She terrified the shit out of me. Telling her that I knew I was an asshole was even more terrifying. This whole thing was probably one of the scariest things I’d ever done outside of asking Ray to marry me, and that was only because I was pretty sure she was just going to kick me in the balls and walk off.-

Sin: *I shook my head as Shaun came in and sat down. I knew what it felt like to him. But I needed to clear the air about why he was in the chair. But I also needed to be productive. I had gotten lucky with applying my lipstick as Shaun got settled. But I couldn’t turn my attention from the task at hand. But I did need to talk to him about what was going on.*

This isn’t time out, Shaun. I’m not punishing you for being Kadin’s best friend. And I sure as hell can’t punish you for being Ray’s husband. If I didn’t come between you before you got married, there is no way in hell I am going to get in the middle of the two of you now that you’re expecting a child.

*I kept working on my makeup before turning to the wig I had placed on the mannequin head next to my station. I didn’t have the length to bring the single braid to where it needed to be. I had taken the time last night to make sure that it was combed out properly before coming in this morning. I liked to make sure the braid was fresh for an appearance. It made it seem cleaner.*

I’m also surprised you opten for Sunshine and not Satan’s Mistress. Gotta admit, I’m a little bit proud of you, Shaun. You’re taking this just as seriously as I need you to. The reason I wanted you here was so that we could figure out what we were doing. I also want you to see that I’m not trying to take anything from Kadin. I don’t want to ruin his friendships, and I don’t want to ruin his career. I just need to know that you’re open to it, too.

Shaun: -I just shrugged a little as she compliment me for calling her Sunshine and not Satan’s Mistress. The nickname was an old habit, but it was one I was trying to break. It wasn’t fair to her, even when I thought it was hilarious, and calling her that was only going to get her on edge. It would have been the opposite of everything we were trying to do here.

I didn’t want to ruin anyone’s friendships or relationships either, and for the first time in all of this situation, it hit me that I held all of Sin’s world in my hands as much as she held mine. I could mess up her relationship with Kadin, and I could put a strain on hers with Ray. In fact, I’d already been doing that without even really trying. I probably owed her an apology, even if it wasn’t something I liked to think about.-

I’ve been thinking, probably more than I should about all of this, and I just want everyone happy, including myself. And I’m gonna be fucking honest, I haven’t been happy, and I know I’ve made everyone else miserable too. So if sitting here and watching the two of you work together is what it takes to get my shit together, then so be it. I want him happy. I want Ray happy. End of. If this is what really makes then happy, then I’m happy.

-I was ready to give this a shot. I needed this to work because I was going to wind up losing my wife and my best friend if I didn’t get my shit together soon.-

Sin: *I had to admit that this was a little too easy. I hadn’t been expecting Shaun to come around so quickly. But there was more to my invitation for him to join me, Callie, and Kadin today. It wasn’t just about a ceasefire. I didn’t just want a ceasefire. I wanted more than that. As I slipped into the last of my costume, I felt a rush of air leave my lungs. I had to be honest with Shaun. I needed him to know what I was thinking.*

I don’t just want things to be better for Kadin and Ray. I think things could be good with us if we tried. And in all honesty, Shaun. I don’t mind being Satan’s Mistress. As long as it’s not the same connotations it has been. I’m not trying to change you. I’m not trying to change your personality. I just want you to be happy. I want the four of us to have a relationship. I don’t want to have to tiptoe around you. Because with all the progress we will have made, it would be about ten steps back. And that is the last thing we need.

*I didn’t give him a chance to respond before I was walking out of the dressing room. In the time that I had been in there with Shaun, Callie had shown up. And I couldn’t help the laugh that fell from my lips. She was absolutely perfect as Han. I didn’t stop myself from giving her a quick hug before introducing myself to her. I wanted this to go smoothly.* In case Kadin didn’t explain it, I invited his best friend to the shoot. I promise, it’s nothing more than the two of us trying to fix a fucked up situation.

*I could see the relief in Callie’s eyes as I told her that Shaun was here as my guest. I didn’t want there to be any pressure. I wanted her to understand that I was trying to fix my mistakes. But I also needed Shaun to see this. My voice echoed into the empty room as I called for Kadin’s best friend.* SHAUN LYNCH! Get your ass out here so you can see what I do in my spare time!

Shaun: -I groaned a little as I heard Sin call for me from the next room. Half of me was not looking forward to sitting around while Sin and another model posed around, letting Kadin take pictures of the two of them. I had to admit it sounded a little boring. Maybe I was in for a surprise, but I didn’t think so.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and went out to the other room, looking around while Kadin set things up. The two girls were standing over in one end, chatting while he fussed around with the camera and backdrop. I wasn’t going to interrupt him while he was working, and Sin was the one who had invited me here.-

You rang? -I put on a fake limp and an accent, trying to lighten things up by being funny. It was one of the things I was good at. At least they laughed. It lightened the way I was feeling by a lot. I hadn’t met the other girl before, but I’d listened when Kadin was talking enough to know it was Callie, one of his favorite models. He’d set this shoot up himself, after he’d had a good idea about the two of them working together. I had to admit, they looked good together. It wasn’t going to be too much of a stretch to have them posing together in a shoot.-

Sin: Callie, meet Shaun. Bane of my existence 99% of the time. But we’re changing things. Shaun, Callie’s moving to LA. Think you could talk to Ray about helping her find a place to stay? The sooner the better, right?

*Callie’s head bobbed in a nod before Kadin walked over. I could see the look on his face. He was a little wary of me and Shaun being so close. But we weren’t biting each other’s heads off. He had the serious look on his face which meant one thing. Kadin wasn’t my boyfriend at the moment. He was the photographer taking my picture.

Wrapping an arm around Callie’s hip, we moved to a spot in front of the backdrop. Kadin knew what he wanted, but he wanted it to be organic. Han and Leia were a couple. And he wanted us to portray that to the best of our ability.*

Shaun: -I settled into a chair at the corner of the space the girls were using to pose in and just waited while I filed asking Ray about finding Callie a place to stay in the back of my mind. I wasn’t going to see her until later tonight anyway, and I had some time to ask her about Kadin’s friend. For now, I was just satisfied with watching what was going on.

I’d never seen Kadin work before. I knew what he did. He took pictures all the time around the house and pretty much everywhere we went, but that was just casual. This was something else entirely. I could see the way his face melted into something that looked different from my friend. He could be silly on most days. The two of us could get god damned ridiculous together. This was perfectly serious.

I had no idea what kind of equipment he had over there, or what he was planning to do. I was just going to sit back and watch him work. The girls went into their own mode. They had a job to do too, and it was directly tied to Kadin’s. They played the part, while he was catching the moment on film. It was pretty damned fascinating, and a lot more impressive than anything I ever did.-

Sin: *It wasn’t that I was unfocused. Kadin had had to pull my attention back to him a few times, and I knew he was starting to get frustrated. But I could see what was going on in Shaun’s head. He was kind of fascinated by what was happening. It was not something I was expecting to see, but I was glad it was happening.

I wanted Shaun to understand what was going on here. I wanted him to understand that the relationship we both had with Kadin was something that made him who it was. And it wasn’t a relationship I was going to change. Giving Kadin a knowing glance, he nodded his head before letting me walk over to Shaun. It was going to be for the good of everyone if Kadin got some shots of just Callie. It gave me a minute to take a breath. It let me address things going on with me and Shaun.

My voice was almost unsure. It was something we weren’t used to. Shaun and I were both big personalities. Part of me thought that this was the reason why we didn’t get along so well. While we were both different, we were still very much the same.* I’m not trying to hurt him, Shaun. Even if you think that, I’m not. He’s the one person I refuse to hurt. Even if it means destroying me in the process. He’s your best friend. Nothing could ever change that. I would never change that.

Shaun: -Sin walked over to me while Kadin worked on doing his thing. I had to admit I was curious about everything that was involved here. Maybe it was the geek in me, but I’d seen his work before. He was my best friend after all. I just didn’t know how he found the right angles and lighting to turn what looked like a regular enough situation into the things that turned up on the final print.

Sin got my full attention when she walked over to me, though. She had a point. The two of them worked well together. She was good at what she did. So was he. Together they made a good team. That much was clear.-

Yeah, and you’re Ray’s best friend. And I’ve done a damn fine job of fucking that up. So I owe you an apology. I think we need a truce.

-pushing up from my seat, I held my hand out to Sin with a half expectant grin- So what do you say?

Sin: *The only thing I could do was shake Shaun’s hand. There was still a lot that we needed to work on, but for the time being, this was going to be it. There was enough of an understanding together that we could work on things. It wasn’t going to be as hostile as it once was. For that, I was thankful.*

I’m not going to hold you to unreasonable standards, Shaun. We’re both going to slip up. Mistakes are going to happen, and old habits die hard. The point that we need to make, especially to Ray and Kadin is that we’re trying more than we have before. That is what matters.

*It felt like a heartbeat before Kadin was calling me back to the pictures. I knew that things with Shaun were changing. Things were getting better. And that was what we had needed. It was going to make things easier on everyone around us. It was going to make both Kadin and Ray happy.

But I also knew that this was the best thing for me and Shaun. There was a reason that both Ray and Kadin loved him as much as they did. And I figured there would be a reason to get to know him for that reason alone. I needed to try to understand why they loved him so much. It was something that was going to strengthen the two of us. We could make this work. There was no doubt in my mind.*

#ScaredOfTakingRisks

[roadwalkinghome]

Pack It Up Inside A Box (SL with @FlameInsideEyes)

Rayelle: ^I didn’t get mad at Shaun often. In fact, I was used to his personality. I was well aware of the fact that he was an asshole. I knew there were few people that he would protect. And as far as I knew, it was just me and Kadin. But what I never saw coming in a million years was the fact that he would blatantly disrespect my best friend.

I was well aware of the situation. For some reason or another, Shaun was afraid of Sin. I didn’t know the reason why, I just knew that he was. It couldn’t have been because he was afraid she was going to take his best friend away. He had been afraid of her since before Kadin was in the picture.

But to allow his fear of her to go this far? I was beyond pissed at him. This wasn’t just something I could yell and scream at him about. If I did that, I knew it wasn’t going to sink in. He would get pissed and start yelling back. I knew how my husband operated. And even then, I wasn’t that kind of angry. It was so much worse. It was that silent rage. The kind of rage when no one could predict how it was going to erupt. And for now, the only way to keep him in check was to remain calm. It would put the fear of God into him. It was an anger he couldn’t predict. It was an anger I needed to use to my advantage this time.

As we walked up the walkway to the house, I didn’t say a word. I didn’t walk with an attitude. I just went up to the door and unlocked it before walking in. I already knew what I was going to do tonight after Shaun went to bed. There was no way he was keeping his systems. I was going to be that wife. I didn’t care that I didn’t pay for them. I wasn’t going to allow him to throw a tantrum just because his best friend got a girlfriend he didn’t approve of.

Kadin’s life wasn’t Shaun’s to live. And Kadin deserved what he was getting with Sin. I knew the girl that Sin was. I knew that if she had feelings for him, she was going to give him her full attention. And Kadin was the same way. It was why I had been trying to fix them up from the moment we decided they were going to be godparents to the baby.

The baby. That was another thing I was terrified of. I knew Shaun was scared out of his fucking mind with the idea of being a father. It wasn’t something we had planned. It was something that had just happened. And there were days I wasn’t sure he wanted this to happen. It seemed like the only thing that excited him about this pregnancy was the fact that his dick worked. I wasn’t sure what else he was excited for.

I was the complete opposite of him. I wanted this baby. I didn’t care about hiding the fact that I was pregnant. We still had 7 months before we were officially parents, but in my heart, I was already a mother. I didn’t care if it was a boy or a girl. I just wanted a healthy child. I was one of those people. But it was the truth. It scared me that Shaun didn’t seem nearly as excited. But again, it added to the fuel of my anger. I didn’t know what else to say to him, though. I didn’t know how to break through to him. And that was something that frustrated me to no end.^

Shaun: -It wasn’t often that I felt like a complete asshole, even when I knew I behaved like one half the time. But tonight I did. I knew Ray was pissed at me, even before I spent a silent car ride on the way home from the restaurant with her. I deserved it, but I wasn’t going to be able to stop the way all of this made me feel. Everything was coming at me a thousand miles an hour and all I was doing was just taking one thing after another as it hit me.

I hadn’t even been able to wrap my head around becoming a dad yet. It just happened. It wasn’t something we were planning, and it had just fallen into our laps. I knew Ray was happy. I wasn’t blind or stupid. I was happy, even if I hadn’t figured out how to show her yet, but I was also scared stupid. I had no idea if I was going to be able to pull this off. I was pretty sure I was going to fuck all of this up, in fact. And the one thing I’d had on my side was the fact that I had a best friend who I thought was going to do anything to help me out.

And then that rug got pulled out from under me too. He was gone, absolutely gone on Sin. I felt like my support system was slowly melting away. Kadin had dated girls in the time I’d known him, but not seriously. They came and went, and were just a blip on the radar. He was going to be there through all of that. But there was no god damned way I was going to get as much of his attention with her around. Kadin having a girlfriend would have felt like a threat no matter who it was.

And then to top it all off, it was Sin, of all fucking people, which meant the two people I loved most in all the god damned world were tied to her. Three, if you counted the fact that she was the baby’s godmother and going to have as much to do with things around here as anyone else. She was Ray’s best friend. She was the person who got to hear about all the terrible and annoying shit I could get up to. And now she was going to get it from two fronts. She was the one person I thought held enough sway with my wife to talk her into walking away from me. Now, she was going to be the person who could talk my best friend into walking away from me, and she was going to have twice the ammunition to do it with.

But how do you tell your wife all of that? How do you admit to being worried to lose everything that matters to you in the world, and now to have an extra layer of something to lose on top of all of that with the baby. I didn’t know how to handle all of this, so my default was to behave like a spoiled kid and pout about it all. That made it all worse. Way worse. I knew she was beyond pissed.

I could take my wife yelling at me. I could handle her throwing half the pillows in the house and even a couple of shoes at my head. I couldn’t handle the silence. I didn’t know what to do, but I knew I was in for it when it finally hit, and that I probably deserved every second of it.-

Ray: ^Shaun was staying quiet. That meant that he realized what he had done wrong. He wasn’t explaining it, but he knew he had fucked up. And part of me knew what was wrong. I just needed to keep as calm as possible.^ She hasn’t stolen me away from you yet. And you don’t even know what the two of us talk about when you’re not there. So I don’t understand why you think she’s going to convince me to leave you.

^I could only shake my head as I felt the tears starting to prick at my eyes. Hormones were a thing, and I always had to think about why I was upset before I let myself give into the feeling. This was a legit reason, though. But I knew I couldn’t hold onto it too long. It wasn’t good for the Baby. Which, if I was being honest was another reason Shaun was terrified.^ What you don’t know is that Sin likes you. Yes, she’ll give you a hard time. But you give her the hardest time. Sin was my best friend before you were in the picture. And what you need to remember is that she just wants to see me happy. And you, Shaun, make me happy. People don’t have to see or understand why. They don’t get to see the guy behind the Jersey Trash persona you put on. And just because Sin’s seeing Kadin does not mean she’s going to talk him into ditching you, too.

^Shaking my head as a tear slipped down my cheek, I sighed softly. I couldn’t stay mad at him. It was one of the reasons we worked well together. Underneath the bravado and masks we constantly wore, we both understood each other.^ The Baby isn’t even going to force me or Kadin away from you. I can’t raise this baby on my own, and I don’t want to. Do you think I would have suggested Sin be the godmother if she wanted you out of the picture?

Shaun: -I could see the tear fall down Ray’s cheek as I checked myself. I didn’t know Sin liked me. I didn’t even know she tolerated me. And honestly, I didn’t even know how Ray tolerated me most days. All I could do was walk over to her, close the distance between us in a couple of steps and run my thumbs over her cheeks- I don’t win awards for being the smartest dick on the planet, Babe. I’m always mouthy, but rarely smart. And I don’t know what the fuck I’d do without you, or the baby, even if being a dad terrifies the shit out of me. It’s not that I don’t want this. Cause I fucking want everything with you, but I don’t know if I’m going to fuck it up or not.

-shaking my head as I pull my hands away. I had no idea if she even wanted me to touch her, but I wasn’t going to be able to deal with her crying. I never had been.- We both know I’m a fuck up, and the only two people I know who are able to put up with it are you and Kadin. So I get a little nervous when my regular shit gets shaken up, ok? I’m a moron. Don’t think I don’t know it.

-I shrugged a little and slid my hands into my pockets- You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. You can’t blame me when I feel like someone is going to point out that you could do way better.

-I tried to laugh, but it wasn’t coming. That was as close as I was going to be able to get to express the fact that I had feelings and was scared stupid out loud. I just hoped it was enough.-

Ray: ^The only thing I could do was pull on Shaun’s arm. I needed to feel him. Touch him. I had to let him know that I was his. I understood his fear. But in the same respect, he was keeping Sin at arms length. He wasn’t giving her the chance to deal with him. He just found a reason to tear her down at every turn.

And that what was the most painful to me. I loved both Sin and Shaun. More than they probably both realized. But there was really only so much I could do with this relationship of theirs. Not when they both decided the thing they wanted to do most was to attack each other.^

You haven’t given Sin the chance to put up with your shit. You have done nothing but try to tear her apart since the moment the two of you met. It fucking hurts, Shaun. Because you’re letting your fear of her get in the way of our relationship. And you’re right. I could probably do better. But so could you. The point is that I am exactly where I want to be. Even when you’re being an asshole.

Shaun: -Ray tugging on my arm meant she wanted me closer, and it was only natural to slide my arm around her and pull her into me while she laid into me. She wasn’t wrong, even when I hated to admit it. I guessed I hadn’t given Sin a chance, but I didn’t know if it was too late for the two of us to try. It was easy to fall into that usual give and take that we had where we tore each other to shreds until one or both of us walked away feeling like the loser.

It was probably my fault that we’d turned all of this into a game where the two of us were on opposing sides. The question was how to turn it into one where we were playing together.- I know it’s important to you. And you do an amazing job of tolerating my sorry ass. You’re exactly where I want to be, all the time. As for me doing better… -laughing softly as I tug her in closer- you’ve clearly never met the handful of girls who let me date them before I met you, much less the ones who let me get into their pants.

-Leaning in to press a kiss to my wife’s temple as I thought about what to say next. I needed to try to do this for her, because as much as I would never admit it out loud, there wasn’t anything I wouldn’t do for that woman, even if it meant trying to make friends with the person I found scariest on the face of the planet. Never mind the fact that it meant I was going to make my best friend happy. Between the two of them, I wasn’t going to be able to keep up the whole Satan’s Mistress thing without making Kadin Satan and Ray best friend of the demon herself. It wasn’t fair to any of them- Listen, if you want me to try,  I’ll try to be good. I’ll give her a shot to hate me for real because I’m a total weirdo instead of just a loud asshole. I don’t know how she’s going to take it, because I’m pretty sure she’s going to think I poisoned her drink if I start to act nicer, but I’m willing to give it a shot. I promise.

Ray: ^I let out a sigh as I felt myself relax against Shaun’s chest. Trying was one thing. I knew he could try. But it wasn’t the trying I was looking for. I needed him to actively make his relationship with Sin better. They were too much alike, though. I knew it was going to be a problem. It was just something I didn’t know how to handle.^ You’re allowed to joke the way you have been, Asshole. The problem is that you take it a step too far. You insult her in a way you have never done with me.

I understand that she’s this huge scary monster to you. She holds the keys to everyone around you leaving. At least, she is in your eyes. It’s not necessarily true. You’re the only one that can make me or Kadin walk away from you. And if you and Sin don’t fix all of this, someone is going to get hurt.

^I wasn’t sure what else to say to him. Not about this topic. The only thing I could do was give it time. Both him and Sin needed to make an actual effort into making this relationship better. Half of the battle was won, though. Having this conversation with Shaun was a start. It made things a little easier.

The thing I was thankful for was that he was absolutely taking this seriously. Although, me being so mad at him helped. I didn’t like getting mad at him. I didn’t like feeling like I had to get mad for him to take me seriously. And even worse when I had to use the calm anger to get him to understand how serious it was.^I’ll call Sin in a few days. I’ll talk with her about giving you a chance. I want this to work out. The last thing I want is for the two of you to be at each other’s throats. It won’t be good for our kid. Please don’t let it come to that.

Shaun: -I knew she was right, and I lived in fear of her getting tired of getting mad at me and walking out. I wasn't going to give this a chance to get to that point. I planned on getting a jump on this conversation before she ever had to. But I wasn't going to tell her that.

Ray and this kid were my world and whatever I needed to do to keep it that way was going to happen. I pulled my wife into my chest and stole a kiss off her lips. I was the luckiest fucker on the face of the Earth. I didn’t let her know that enough- I’m not. I promise you. I don’t know what I did to deserve you, Babe.

-She always hated when I did that. Ray liked to tell me I didn’t get to decide what I deserved, but I happened to disagree with her. I was just a selfish enough bastard to not care. I was going to keep her and if it took making up with Sin to do it then it was a nothing price to pay. Who knew? Maybe she and I would turn out to be better friends than I suspected. I could only hope that she would give me the chance-

#PackItUpInsideABox

[roadwalkinghome]

If You Had A Doubt (SL with @FlameInsideEyes @IsntThatMuchFun @JustCantExplain)

Sin: *I still wasn’t sure about this. When I had told Ray that I’d be willing to have dinner with her, Shaun, and Butt Buddy, I didn’t think it would be this.

I had instructions to dress nicely. Which only meant one thing with Rayelle Lynch. This was a set up. Since the night she had told me she was pregnant, I had told her a bit more about Kadin. But I was still hesitant about saying his name. That was still something I wanted to keep for me. That little bit of a secret that I could keep for myself.

I had texted him earlier and asked what his plans were for tonight. I wanted to see him again. And I was free for the next few days. I wanted to spend time with him. But when he said he was hanging out with friends, I let the idea go. I wasn’t going to be that girl. I wasn’t going to pull him away from the people he kept close.

I wasn’t stupid. Not by any means. I knew he was in the states alone. And he had a few friends that watched out for him. They were his family. There was no way I was going to come between them. That was an absolute deal breaker for me. I couldn’t come between them. I wouldn’t let him do that, either. There was no way.

But as I stood outside of the restaurant, I couldn’t help but pull out my phone and send him a text. I just wanted him to know that I was thinking about him. I knew the truth. I was falling hard and fast for a guy I had only seen in person one time. But I had a million and one ideas to get him to see me. If it meant hiring him to do a shoot, I was absolutely prepared to do it.

I was startled by a throat being cleared behind me. Stashing my phone in my bag, I turned with narrowed eyes to my best friend and her husband. Ray looked good for being pregnant. But the truth was that I didn’t like Shaun reading over my shoulder.* Mind your business, Asshole.

Shaun:  -I could only broaden the shit eating grin that had already spread across my face. I loved giving Sin a hard time. It was half of what I lived for. I had no clue what she'd been doing on her phone, but I could fucking guess by the way she reacted to me surprising her. Babe had told me she'd met someone at ComicCon, but I hadn't heard a lot about him. Babe didn't even know his name. And I knew she had half a hope of setting Kadin up with Sin tonight, but I had no idea how that was going to work. Kadin was a marshmallow and Sin was Satan’s mistress. - So we're here. Get off your phone with your new fuck buddy and let's go get a table.

-I threw my arm around my wife and pulled her into my side with a laugh as I led them both into the booth that the hostess had ready for the four of us.

Kadin wasn't here yet, but he'd texted me he was on the way a bit ago. I expected him any minute but I was having too much fun teasing Sin to really worry about it or even bring him up to her- So? How's things, you demented Barbie doll?

Ray: ^I knew where this was going to go. I was already fed up with it. It was a problem when I get Shaun and Sin together. To him, she was the Devil’s Mistress. She always had been. And whenever I asked why, I never got a straight answer from him. It was a game he liked playing. He loved pushing her buttons. He wanted a reaction from her. And she always gave it to him. One way or another.

I was irritated with Kadin, though. If he had been here, none of this would have happened. But I couldn’t be too terribly mad, though. His passion was something I was never going to take away from him. And even watching him talk about it was endearing. It was part of the reason I had wanted Kadin and Sin to get together. They both had that spark of passion. They would fascinate each other. There was no doubt in my mind.

As we were seated, I turned to my husband and flicked his ear. This was not the place for him to start in on what he was doing. This was not the time for him to pick a fight. I needed Sin to be in a good mood. I wanted to pull her attention away from the guy that she met at the Con. I wanted her to be happy, and I knew Kadin could do it. She just needed to get to know him. And if Shaun started in on her, I was going to hurt him. He was going to make this worse, and I couldn’t handle worse.^ I swear to God, Man Husband. Do not act like a child. I will take the power strips from the entertainment center. And you won’t get them back until I can start drinking again.

Kadin: -I was running late, but I’d been working today and things had run over. I texted Shaun and Ray to let them know I was on the way, and then I’d gotten a message from Sin. We’d been texting back and forth. She’d wanted to get together today, but of course something was up where I couldn’t go. I couldn’t back out on this dinner with these two. This was important. I needed to meet the baby’s godmother before it was actually born.

I was planning on taking this seriously, even if I knew that Ray was treating this like a double date. She and I were going to be a big part of this kid’s life, even if we weren’t in the relationship that Rayelle somehow seemed to want us in. I was pretty lost on Sin, even if I hadn’t admitted it to anyone, and I wasn’t going to entertain the notion of dating someone else as long as she was around.

Apparently, they’d already gotten a table without me, and I was the last person in our group walking into the restaurant. That was going to be awkward at best. The hostess pointed me at the table in the far corner where I could see Ray and Shaun facing me, and the back of the head of the person I was supposed to be meeting. I recognized her from this far off and behind. I think I’d have recognized her anywhere. Of course, the girl I was supposed to be meeting tonight was Sin.

I paused a few moments to pull my phone out of my pocket and drop her a text- So, Why in the hell are you sitting at a table with those two? You can do way better. -grinning as I popped my phone back into my pocket and waited for her to turn around and notice me standing just behind the table.-

Sin: *The chime of my phone went off just as I heard Shaun start calling for his boy. But I could only stare at the text for a second before whipping my head around to see the man I had been talking to for months standing just behind me. I wasn’t entirely sure what I was expecting, but this hadn’t exactly been it.

I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t ever put the pieces together about Shaun and Kadin. I should have expected Ray to practically adopt Kadin, especially since he didn’t have anyone here with him. She was going to take care of him. To his face, she may have only shown a side of tolerance, but I knew the truth. She loved him. And I could understand her reasoning in wanting to set us up. Especially now that I knew who she was looking to set me up with.

I couldn’t stop myself as I stood from the table and threw myself into Kadin’s arms. I wasn’t sure what we were going to tell the other two, but I needed to be there. I needed to know that he was actually standing in front of me. I needed to feel that this wasn’t a joke. My lips were against his almost instantly as I whispered softly against the scruff.* Please tell me you’re Shaun’s Best Butt Buddy. Please tell me you’re the baby’s godfather.

Kadin: -I could only laugh softly against her lips as she begged me to tell her I was who she was waiting here for. My arms slipping around her waist, not caring what the other two at the table were thinking while she greeted me. I could imagine Shaun being mortified since I was right here basically making out with the girl who terrified him more than anyone else.

It made sense that Ray would love her. She lived her life out loud, and so did Ray. Maybe the two of them did it differently, but the same intensity was there. It was the thing I liked about Ray and Shaun and one of the many things I found endearing about Sin- Butt Buddy, eh? I see Elle’s been talking about me. I’m going to call that a term of endearment.

-Moving to rest my forehead on hers as I grinned down at her- So? What if I’m not the baby’s godfather? I’d hate to interrupt your date. -stealing another kiss as I whispered into her lips- Yes, I’m the baby’s godfather.

Shaun: -I was just kind of sitting there slack jawed as the grin that had been painted on my face when I saw Kadin walking across the room melted into a shocked expression when Sin launched herself into his arms and planted a kiss on his stupid lips. I knew he’d been seeing someone for awhile, but I had no god damned clue it was her.  Apparently Babe hadn’t either, but judging from the shit eating grin on her face she was loving every damned second of this.

I could only sit there and open and close my mouth like a god damned fish out of water as I watched them chat until I got my brain back to functioning and I shot up from my seat.- You have got to be fucking kidding me.

-I looked from them to my wife and back again- You mean to tell me that you’re just going to stand there kissing all over my wife’s best friend like surprise… we knew each other all along? Color me fucking confused here.

Ray: ^I could only smile. This was going much better than I had intended. I never hid my intentions from Sin. I wouldn’t have been able to, anyway. It was a problem that came with being friends for so long. We knew each other too well. But I was surprised that Kadin had been the photographer that had shot Sin. It wasn’t his typical style, but he was good at showing all aspects of things.

As the two of them sat next to each other, I couldn’t help but pinch Shaun again. Any other day, I’d be cool with his mouth. Out in public was a different story.^ Do not get us kicked out before we’ve had food.

^Turning my attention back to the couple in front of me, I narrowed my eyes playfully. The grin she gave me was the same one I had when Kadin had walked up.^ Butt Buddy is the gentleman that didn’t treat you like meat? I’m impressed, Kade. I’d have hunted you down if you tried to get up her skirt in the Leia getup. And there aren’t many people I’d go hunting for.

Kadin: -I could only laugh as the two of them. Shaun had the reaction I’d have predicted in this situation, and of course half the restaurant was looking at him in that moment. He wouldn’t have cared if his wife hadn’t said anything. It was something he was used to by now considering how he usually behaved.

And the grin on Elle’s face was nice to see. My feelings about tonight had been trepidatious at best before I walked into the room, and now they were melting quickly into something far more pleasant. Shaun was quickly sitting down, mumbling something under his breath about Satan and going back to studying the menu while I moved around to let Sin get back into her place inside the booth before joining her on the same side.-

I’d like to think I had some sort of schooling before I got to America, Elle. They did at least teach me not to go after a girl’s knickers on the first date. -laughing and sliding an arm around the girl next to me as I tugged her closer and shot out a foot to gently kick Shaun under the table.-

Sin: *The only thing I could do was curl deeper into Kadin. I was thrilled that he was the guy I was meeting. And I knew Ray was happy. The wild card was Shaun. And I wasn’t sure what his reaction was. He had this scowl on his face, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I was dating Kadin or if there was something deeper going on. But I was already tired of the attitude he was throwing off.

I felt Kadin kick Shaun before I could open my mouth. But the words still tumbled from my lips as I threw my menu on the table.* You know, Shaun. I’d be glad if I were you. At least the godparents of your child get along. I mean, it could be worse. We could be at each other’s throat. I mean, unless that scowl is because you’re pissed you lost Boy to The Demented Barbie Doll. Or The Devil’s Mistress. Whichever you plan on calling me today.

*I didn’t wait for a response before I picked my menu back up and focused on the words written on the paper. Shaun and I had this kind of relationship. I should have been expecting the snark to come from him. But at the same time, this was Kadin we were talking about. I figured he’d have been happy that his Boy had someone that made him happy. Part of me was hoping he’d overlook the idea that it was me Kadin was with. But I should have known better.

Shielding myself from the group around me, I felt a single tear slide down my cheeks as I thought about the aura Shaun was putting off, and it finally clicked into place. No one was ever going to be good enough for Kadin. Not in Shaun’s eyes. And even if I was Ray’s best friend, I still wasn’t good enough. And that was going to be a hard pill to swallow.*

Shaun: -I could tell everyone around the table was pissed off at me. It was something I was used to, but not from exactly all of these people. Ray was eternally pissed at me for not being a fan of her best friend. But Kadin’s kick under the table told me I needed to get my shit together. Sin was probably the most terrifying thing on the face of the earth, but Kadin could have done a lot worse.

And Sin was sitting across the table from me already tearing up. Ray was going to fucking murder me for this, and Kade wasn’t going to let me forget it. I knew I was the asshole at the table, and being an asshole was something I was good at.

I grumbled under my breath and bit my lip. Ray and Sin were best friends. She always had been, and always was going to. It wasn’t just that this was something I was going to accept. It was going to have to learn to love it. Because this was for the long haul. They were going to be my fucking kid’s godparents for fuck sake. -

Listen, I know I’m gonna be an asshole. I’m genetically programmed for it. And if you’re the Devil’s Mistress, I guess that just makes Kadin the Devil. -I braced myself for the coming arm punch I knew Ray was going to sling my way, and wasn’t disatisfied when it actually hit.-

Ouch, Babe. God… -I whined a little as I rubbed my arm- I mean. It could be worse. I know I can actually tolerate Sin. -I tried to smile over at her. I did feel like a jerk for making her cry. It hadn’t been my intention at all, but it was my fault.- I mean… What I’m saying is… Fuck it. If you two are happy then I’m fucking happy.

Ray: ^The punch was necessary. And there was going to be more than just a talk when we got home. I was not thrilled with the fact that Shaun had made Sin tear up. I knew it was a tough spot for her. I hated putting her in the position of dealing with Shaun. But there was only so much I could. Especially now that both her and Kadin had agreed to being the godparents.

I just wanted to ignore what Shaun had done. I didn’t want to focus on that. I wanted everything to be okay. I wanted Sin and Kadin to just enjoy the dinner. I also knew that this was the first time they had seen each other since ComicCon. So I wanted it to be better than it was starting out.^ Look, Shaun’s an asshole. Let’s just have a good dinner. And then the two of you can go spend some time together while I deal with the asshole that is my husband. Does that work for you two?

Kadin: -I could only shoot Shaun a glare across the table as he tried unsuccessfully to make up for being a complete jerk. It wasn’t enough, but I wasn’t going to let the focus of the dinner shift to him. He and I could have a talk about that later.

I tightened my arm around Sin and tugged her into my side firmly, leaning in to press a kiss to her temple. I hadn’t been able to see her in far longer than I liked to admit, and I didn’t intend to sit over there and let Shaun ruin it for either of us- So, now that we’ve agreed that Shaun is an asshole, and this is probably the most serendipitous thing that’s happened to any of us… Where’s the menu?

Sin: *I was thankful that everyone was diverting the conversation from what had happened. I knew Shaun felt bad. But at this point, I didn’t care. I didn’t care that he hated me. I didn’t care that he wasn’t completely on board with this. I was just happy Kadin was here.

I could only cuddle deeper into his side as he pulled me against him. This was exactly what I wanted. And really, it was what I needed. I needed to be around him again. Pushing my menu towards the man next to me, I arched a brow at my best friend.* Your idea was to set the two of us up. How do you feel knowing that this is the guy that took my pictures at ComicCon?

*I felt the smile creep across my face as I thought about that time. The moment I got a feel for the man sitting next to me. He was adorable in his own way, but there was still so much going on. We had been stupidly busy, and the time had just gotten away from us. It wasn’t something that I liked.* I didn’t want any pressure from you, Ray. I hope you know that. That was the only reason I kept who he was to myself. I wasn’t sure I was ready for you to turn into a bulldog about it.

Ray: ^I could only nod my head at Sin’s words. I knew why she had done it. All of this was new, and I knew Kadin’s schedule was more than daunting if you weren’t used to it. And then Sin’s schedule wasn’t great. Not when it was con season. She was gone every weekend for some reason or another. I wanted to make things easier for her.

There was a way that I could do it, too. And it was going to happen sooner or later. Because once the baby came, there was no way Kadin was going to want to be at our place on Friday nights. My words were soft as I gave Kadin a small smile.^ Friday nights, when the both of you are in town, are just for the two of you. Shaun will survive one night without you. The two of you need to spend some time together. No one else around. I want this relationship to work. I want the two of you to be happy. Even if it’s something my husband is dead set against.

Shaun: -I knew I was being a jerk, solely based on the tone of my wife’s voice when she talked about me. And I knew I was going to hear about this for the rest of the night when we got home. I probably deserved it, but I couldn’t help it. I was going to be a grump until I got my mind wrapped around the fact that my best friend was obviously in love with the person I found most intimidating on the face of the Earth.

But that was something I was going to have to deal with. It was pretty clear the two of them were in each other’s lives for better or worse here. Ray was going to be slapping the hell out of me for the rest of our lives at this rate.

I could only grumble under my breath a little before I sat up. She was giving my Friday’s away, even though I knew once the baby came, my night’s weren’t going to be my own anyway. I would willingly give up any of that for Ray and the baby. They were my world. I just had to wrap my head around the fact that maybe that was the case for Kadin and Sin too. It was going to be an adjustment. But everything about growing up was an adjustment, and as much of a manchild as I could be, I knew how to adjust.-

So… -drumming my fingers on the table as I glanced across at the pair across the table from my wife and I- I guess I’m gonna get to be flower girl at you two’s wedding in a year or two. That should be fun. -reaching out to take a swig of the beer in front of me as I leaned back in the booth with a long sigh before I broke out into a soft laugh-

Sin: *I still didn’t know what the hell was going on with Shaun. It could have been that he was terrified of what was going on. He was becoming a father and losing his Boy in the blink of an eye, and I guess part of that was on me. With a sigh, I set my hands on the table and cleared my throat. I didn’t know how much needed to be said, but I didn’t want Shaun to feel left out anymore. I couldn’t have him feeling left out.*

I’m not here to take your Boy away from you completely. Just as I would never take you and Ray away from Kadin, I will not take Kadin away from the two of you. And I know everything is changing for you, and it’s not something you’re used to. But the truth is that convention season is picking up. I’m going to be gone more often than not for a while. You’ll still have Kadin. I’m not going to demand he come with me. I’m not going to hire him for photoshoots on Friday nights just so you can’t have him. He’s your Boy, Asshole. I’m not going to take him away from you. Not when you’re still adjusting to Ray being pregnant.

*Turning my head to Kadin, I gave him a small smile as well. He had to know that that speech was just as much for him as it was for Shaun. I knew the truth. The two of them were brothers. There was no other way to describe it. They were both nervous of the changes that were coming. But I wasn’t going to just rip their worlds apart. I was going to do everything I could think to do to make that adjustment just a little bit easier.*

I care enough about the two of you that I won’t just come in like a wrecking ball. I know that the two of you are family to each other. Especially since Kadin has no one in the states. I’m not going to destroy what the two of you have. But I’m not going to risk what I could have with Kadin to just step back, either.

Kadin: -I wasn’t certain how any of this was going to work out with Shaun being in the mood this development seemed to put him in.  But it was something of a relief to see at least a tenuous peace between the two of them. I’d heard more complaints about Sin from his mouth than I could keep track of, but in all that time he’d never mentioned her name. This was something the four of us were going to have to work on, mostly the three of us working on Shaun until he came around to everything. But I didn’t intend to let any of it get in the way of Sin and I and whatever this was going to turn out to be.

These two were my family in America, for all intents and purposes. There was nothing that was going to change that, but I wanted to bring someone else into the mix. I just got lucky that someone else was already halfway part of my life without me even realizing it.  The fact that we were both going to be godparents to the baby of the two people I spent the most time with was sheer luck.

I leaned in to press a kiss to Sin’s cheek again, adjusting quite happily to the feeling of her curled into my side. We had to find a way to make this happen more often, or at least as often as possible. I knew our lives were busy, both of us really. Between photoshoots and conventions there was very little free time, but I was willing give as much of it as I could manage. Leaning in to whisper against the shell of her ear- You know we’re going to have to spend a lot more time together now right? Since you know my friends and all.

-straightening up as I shoot a grin across the table at Elle- We’re going to all get on famously as long as no one kills anyone else.

Ray:: ^I could only give Kade a knowing look as he said no one got killed. He knew this wasn’t going to be the end of it. There was going to be a whole discussion when I got home with Shaun. Normally, I was level headed with him. I knew how to handle him. But things were different this time around. This wasn’t about his paranoia with Sin. This was about his best friend being happy. And he wasn’t accepting it.

But for the rest of dinner, Shaun did keep his mouth closed. He played the good little husband. He tried to accept the idea of Sin in his life as a bigger influence. But the truth was that he couldn’t figure out how to accept it. There were comments that were made every so often that would make the light in Sin’s eyes dim a little. She was trying to make things better for him. He wasn’t entirely letting her do it.

As soon as we were done, I told the waiter to put everything on one bill. My husband was going to be paying in more ways than one tonight. I even knew how to make him more afraid. Was I pissed at him? Extremely. There was nothing that I wanted to do more than yell at him. I wanted him to feel everything that was going through my body. But that wouldn’t get the right reaction from him. The only thing I could give him was complete calm.^

#IfYouHadADoubt

[roadwalkinghome]

Evergreen (SL with @JustCantExplain)

Shaun: -Friday night was for games. I mean every single night could be for games, any night actually. I got lucky that my wife was the kind of woman who was going to sit across my lap with a controller in her hands and smack me across the back of the head every time I was beating her at a video game instead of stand in the kitchen and complain about how all I ever did was play games. Fuck that, I was lucky to have a wife. Period. End Of.

There weren’t too many geeky guys who could claim to have married a girl like mine, much less to be able to be married to their best friend. Even my mom was gobsmacked the first time I brought her home to meet the parents. My dad had clapped me across the back and told me not to let this one go. There wasn’t any chance that was happening. I’d given her my grandmother’s ring and done the whole damn thing the right way, even if we did take a bunch of stupid pictures that made my mother roll her eyes and smack me in the back of the head at the wedding reception.

I was always a lucky fuck, and always gonna be a lucky fuck. My best friend, Kadin knew it. He was over here every Friday wondering out loud how a fuck up like me got a cool ass wife. Mostly to bust my chops, but he wasn’t wrong. He was over here now, like every other Friday night, with a beer clenched between his knees and an XBox controller in both hands nearly falling out of his chair every time something jumped out of a dark part of the game to surprise him.

He’d played this game a dozen times before. There wasn’t anything in here he didn’t know to expect, but it got him every time. I was just waiting on him to drench himself in beer and look like he’d pissed his pants like last week.

Ray wasn’t home for once. She’d gone out with a friend for the night, and left me to entertain Kadin on my own, which meant we were eating pizza and beer until we passed out on the couch with the XBox still running. I hoped she knew better than to expect anything else. Unless she came home to drag me off to bed or I threw my controller out a window. It had happened before.

Instead, it was my turn to spill beer all over myself when I stood up, forgetting it was perched between my knees as it soaked into my socks. It didn’t really matter that much because I was screaming at the screen anyway- What the FUUUCCKK? -as my character fell off some ledge I’d walked on about a zillion times without falling off. I was always good for that, and the drunker I got, the worse it was going to get. At the moment, I was six beers in and counting.-

Kadin: -Shaun jumping up out of his chair with a strangled yell, shocked me into dropping my controller on the floor and let out a not so gentle yelp. I should have been used to this by now. This was our weekly routine, and it wasn’t weird at all for him to wind up throwing something at the television by the end of the night and the end of a case of beer. He was a good guy, even if he had a penchant for yelling at the screen, and I was pretty sure he was scared enough of Rayelle not to throw anything that was going to cause permanent damage.

Well, maybe not scared. Scared was the wrong word. Respectful was better, if you could call a foul mouthed Jersey Boy respectful. He loved her. That much was certain, and she loved him too. It was the kind of thing that on the wrong people would have been nauseating, but somehow they managed to make it work.  They were complete opposites in some respects and exactly alike in others, and I really loved being friends with both of them.

When I wasn’t out somewhere working, I was usually bugging one of them or playing games on their couch. I was probably the world’s most annoying friend, at least for Rayelle, but we were all a big part of each other’s lives, especially since I didn’t have any family here in the States. Once I moved here, I was on my own, and I’d been lucky to find as good a friend as Shaun with a wife who put up with me.

I got myself righted in the chair I was nearly falling out of and picked my controller up off the floor, checking to make sure I hadn’t broken it or accidentally turned it off in the process of dropping it. It took me another moment to figure out where I’d left off on the screen and to come to terms with the fact that Shaun was absolutely kicking my ass.- Damn it, Shaun…

-trying my hardest to recover from the setback of him screaming like some kind of barbarian at the television screen was really more than I was capable of at the moment. He was going to win, all I could do was stave it off for as long as possible.-

Shaun: -When Kadin dropped his controller I knew he was done for. It was all just a matter of time now. That was half the fun of yelling when he was around. Not that I didn’t yell at basically everything even when he wasn’t. Ray had taken to just yelling right back at me when I screamed terms of endearment at her from across the house.

I was loud. It was part of the life I’d grown up into. Two older brothers in a crowded house in Jersey didn’t make for a quiet life. You had to yell to get heard, and I learned to yell better than any of them. Having Kadin around was almost as good as having a younger brother to rib and shred the way my older brothers had done to me. It was my turn to pass it all down to him, and there was no way I was going to pass up an opportunity to rub it all in the way they’d always done to me.- Suck it up, Kadin. You’re just mad that I’m better at this than you. Honestly, I’m surprised you made it this far instead of being absolutely useless as usual. -laughing as I shook my head. He was going to take it for what it was meant as. I wouldn’t have talked to him like that unless I liked him, unless I knew he was going to laugh it off as the teasing it was supposed to be.-

Kadin: -I could only roll my eyes and laugh when he started in. I knew he was only like that with friends. Calling me useless was practically a pet name. But he wasn’t wrong. I was done for. We both knew it. I just wasn’t giving up until I had no other option. Of course, “no other option” was quickly approaching. One last move and it was over, Shaun jumping up out of his seat and roaring something almost unintelligible about kicking my ass as I laid the controller on the coffee table and stood up to grab the empty beer bottles in front of us and head back into the kitchen-

I need a drink, and you need medication. -I threw the sentence over my shoulder before I disappeared from the game room into the neighboring kitchen, dropping the bottles into the trash and turning to the fridge.

I was a little surprised when Shaun followed me into the room, and leaned back against the kitchen island with the beer I handed him, twisting open the top and taking a long swig. I could tell there was something he wanted to say to me when his face took on that serious expression he saved for telling me things about taxes or kitchen appliance purchases.- Go ahead and spit it out, Shaun. I know there’s something you want to tell me.

Shaun: -Kadin wasn’t wrong. There was something I wanted to tell him, and I’d had enough beers to make it happen.  Ray had wanted to tell him together, but I wanted to do it myself. And she was out with her best friend telling her the exact same news.  I’d wanted to spit it out since he walked in the door.

Hell, she’d had to stop me from calling him when I found out at first. “You are not calling your best butt buddy before I tell our parents, Man Child.” Ever since then I’d been fighting not to just blurt it out. But now, it was happening. I quickly drained the rest of my beer and shot him a grin as I tossed the bottle- So… Babe is having my baby. -wagging my eyebrows as I gestured at the fly of my jeans- At least I’m pretty sure it’s my baby. My dick actually works. And she let me use it.

-I grabbed another beer out of the fridge and cracked it open while I waited for Kadin to process what I’d just said. He had this dumbfounded look on his face. It made him look more like a cartoon character than an actual human being. I took a long draught and remembered there was more to it in mid-swallow. I almost choked on my beer and had to struggle for a moment to speak. My eyes were watering as I pounded my chest and knocked my glasses off onto the floor. Bending over to pick them up, I scrubbed the lenses across the bottom of my shirt, squinting to study his expression- By the way, you’re going to be the godfather. -I couldn’t help but strengthen the Jersey in my accent as I said Godfather with a wink at my friend before I slid my glasses back onto my nose-

Kadin: -I’d been wanting to talk to him since I got here, tell him how the convention went, and about my date with Jaysin. But all that kind of went out my head when he broke the news that he and Rayelle were going to have a baby. That wasn’t the news I was ready for when he’d walked into the kitchen and grabbed a beer with that stupidly serious smirk on his face. There would be time to talk to him about the girl who’d captured my attention the moment I saw her another time.

We’d been texting back and forth for a while since we last saw each other, but hadn’t found a chance to get back together. She was travelling around heading to other cons; I was working on and off at odd hours. She was out with friends; I was supposed to go hang out with Shaun. Things just hadn’t worked out in order for us to get back together here in Los Angeles. It was such a huge city, I wasn’t surprised we’d never run into each other and hadn’t seen each other around since our date.

Tonight was time to pay attention to my friend. My story would wait. I had to clear my throat so I didn’t choke on the mouthful of beer I had when he made his announcement. I hadn’t ever been asked to be anyone’s godparent before. I was a little flabbergasted, but above all I was honored. I knew I thought of Shaun as family, but I was never certain if he thought of me in the same way. Not that he didn’t make me feel welcome, but he had his brothers and his family back where he’d come from, only a country in between them instead of half a planet. I’d have expected him to pick one of them, but here he was asking me.- I… I mean… If you’re sure…

-I was stammering, unsure of how to respond. I should have just said thank you. Told him how much of an honor it was. I hoped he knew because I wasn’t sure if I was going to be able to express it.- I’d love to…

-That was the best I was going to be able to do.-

Shaun: -I could only laugh and clap Kadin across the shoulder. He was even more dumbfounded than I’d been when Ray walked through the game room door and tossed a positive pregnancy test in my lap. I’d dropped my controller and cursed before I realized what the hell was going on. My first instinct then had been to grab her and squish her face up into a stupid pout. That was as good as a kiss as far as the two of us were concerned.

I sure as hell hadn’t been able to talk to her. Words were lost. Which was really fucking saying something for me. I always had something to say. Too much to say depending on who you asked. I was still fucking shocked as hell I was married, much less about to be a dad. She’d started out as my friend, but we’d become a whole hell of a lot more than that before either of us realized what was going on. To have the ability to start a family with the person I considered my best friend was more than I thought was ever going to be possible for an asshole like me.

Kadin, on the other hand, almost choked on his beer. I could tell by the look on his face he didn’t know what to say. He never did. I didn’t expect anything different. It was one of the things I liked about him, but I needed him to know I considered him like one of my brothers, maybe even closer since Kadin hadn’t been one of the people pounding me into a pulp for ninety percent of my childhood.

The laugh that escaped my throat was genuine and more than a little driven by the beers I’d downed during the evening. - Calm down there, man. I wouldn’t be asking if I wasn’t sure. It’s not like I asked the guy who cuts the grass to adopt my kid. You’re my best friend.

Kadin: -I shook my head and joined in the laugh that came from him as he spoke. I knew him well enough to know he meant what he said. I had no idea what was coming, but I planned to be a part of this family for quite awhile. A kid on the way just meant I was that much more cemented into things. I was looking forward to being the weird uncle who brought over inappropriate shit on holidays.

I took another swig of my beer shaking my head- Yeah, I know. You’re too lame to have any cool friends. And congratulations on finally getting to have sex. It’s about time. -I couldn’t help the cheeky grin that spread across my face as I ribbed him. I was going to enjoy giving him a hard time about this for a long time to come. -

Shaun: Yeah, yeah man. Just wait til Babe hears you saying that and kicks your ass. She’s got all those raging pregnancy hormones, and you’re going to go in for her last slice of pizza and draw back a nub. I’m not going to save you either. That’s my baby mama. I have to have her back or she will smother me with a pillow while I sleep. -grinning wide- I’m pretty sure she’s going to do that anyway one of these days if I don’t quit snoring. Now come on back to the game room and let me get back to kicking your ass. -I didn’t even pause before I headed back into the other room to resume what we’d been up to for the rest of the night. He was in for the ass kicking of a lifetime after that little joke in the kitchen about me finally getting laid. It was all out of love though. He needed to know I was going to murder him on game night for as long as he would let me.-

#Evergreen