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sam, reading bilbo’s book: “well now, i’m sure he had a very nice voice, but that’s hardly a reason to go on an adventure with someone you just met”

sam: turns page to an illustration of thorin, with his dark hair and blue eyes

sam: “understandable, good for you mister bilbo”

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Gandalf: So I’ve developed an elaborate plan to save middle earth from darkness

Elrond: does it-

Gandalf: it involves hobbits again yeah

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posted this tale on my side blog but i think it needs to be shared here too. i'm just imagining my prescription sitting so sad and lost and lonely at a distant gas station somewhere just trying to get home to me

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i love when villains team up with heroes against a bigger threat ESPECIALLY when it isnt even remotely a moral/change of heart thing its just like. well all i want to do is steal things and kill people but this asshole wants to flatten the entire planet and, like, i live on the planet and don't want to be flattened. so. no shit i'm gonna help stop him. i'm still going back to crime after this btw.

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i love when villains team up with heroes against a bigger threat ESPECIALLY when it isnt even remotely a moral/change of heart thing its just like. well all i want to do is steal things and kill people but this asshole wants to flatten the entire planet and, like, i live on the planet and don't want to be flattened. so. no shit i'm gonna help stop him. i'm still going back to crime after this btw.

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Things that have 100% happened in the dc universe

Damian very frustrated with both his parents climbing through dicks window: Grayson who is your most recent paramour

Jason who got hurt in haven so he snuck in and is eating Dicks ice cream: huh?

Damian: you’re not Grayson

Jason: and thank god for it, why do you wanna know who dicks “paramour” is

Damian: I don’t have to explain myself to you

Dick leaving the kitchen holding a second tub of ice cream: oh hey dami, what’s up

Damian: which one of your redheads is your lover this month?

Jason: *chocking on his ice cream*

Dick pinching the bridge of his nose: Damian we’ve talked about this, they’re not MY redheads, I also don’t exclusively date redheads.

Damian: …so which one is it?

Jason: he clocked you there

Dick: shut up Jason and eat your ice cream

Dick: why do you wanna know Dames

Damian: research

Dick: I’m seeing Kori right now

Damian: ah the alien, she is strong

Dick a little dreamily: yeah… yeah she is

Damian: she will make a fine mother

Jason: *putting his ice cream down* what

Dick: what?!?

Damian: do you think if you were to court her with the intent to marry she would adopt the family habit of picking up strays.

Dick: damian i am so so so confused right now please explain

Jason: please so I can go back to my ice cream without it being a choking hazard

Damian: I am making but a simple inquiry Richard

Dick: we both know you don’t talk like that anymore, spill

Damian: …mother is being… bothersome

Dick: fork found in kitchen, Talia found making mine and Bruce’s life hell.

Damian: let me rephrase, I am finding mother bothersome

Dick: oh?

Jason: OH?

Damian rambling a bit: yes and since you were a far superior Batman, and I am the son of the bat and of course there was the many discussions of adoption before we knew that father would return

Jason: THERE WAS DISCUSSIONS OF WHAT NOW DICKHEAD

Dick: not the time Jay

Jason: nuh uh definitely the time Dicolas, you were gonna adopt the pipsqueak??

Dick: yeah jay, Bruce was dead I was raising him? What would you rather I kept him as ward for a decade and messed him up??

Jason: your issues with Bruce are showing

Damian: when are they not-

Dick: Hey!

Jason: HA! Even the kid clocked you

Damian: AS I was saying, as I am finding mother bothersome and I always find father bothersome. I have simply decided I must find people who are a better for the position

Dick: of your parents?

Damian: yes exactly

Jason: I feel like I’m on lifetime rn

Dick: and you want me to? What? Call Kori and ask her if she wants to join me in adopting her on again off again boyfriend’s brother. Who mind you is the biological son of Batman whose contingency for her going rogue is literally to get her hooked on what is essentially space coke and ruin her life.

Jason: Bruce has SPACE COCAINE???

Damian: nonsense Richard

Dick: okay so then what-

Damian: i cut out the middle man and sent her a message approximately 5 minutes ago

Dick: kid we’ve talked about this.. boundaries

Jason: fuck this weird ass family dynamic, you’re telling me Bruce Wayne has god damn space coke

Dick: he’s Batman jase, he has literally everything

Jason:…. Do you think space coke works on Superman

Dick: I’m not answering that

Jason: BECAUSE YOU KNOW, DID BRUCE GIVE CLARK SPACE COKE

Dick: I will answer any and all questions, if you get me out of this conversation with Damian

Damian: there is no need, your partner has agreed to the adoption on the grounds that you two are to be wed.

Dick: what-

Damian: she says to be at the courthouse tomorrow at 1pm

Dick: huh-

Damian leaving out of the window he came through: see you tomorrow Richard

Dick: WAIT. What? Which court house? Which country??? I’m pretty sure Kori’s in Japan? Hey wait damian? Get BAck HERe what?

Jason slowly reaching for his ice cream again: so space cocaine?

Dick: I was an only child for 18 years? Couldn’t Bruce let me keep my damn streak

Jason: hey! I was also dead for 3 years before bruce adopted tim, technically you’ve been an only child for 21 years of your life

Dick: shut up

Jason: tell me about the space coke Richard

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Approximately 50% of marriages end in divorce and only around 8% of trans people detransition (with 62% of detransitioners subsequently transitioning again) so I think we should stop infantilizing trans people and hammering them over and over with “What if you regret this?” comments and start turning that scrutiny towards people who are engaged as they are statistically much more likely to regret their decision and suffer for it.

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I've never been one to complain about rainbow capitalism anyway and in 2025 I am firmly "I will take whatever I can get" but I wish that conversation ever focused on whether companies putting pride themed logos on their social media accounts have homophobic or transphobic policies behind the scenes. Subaru was notable in the 90s because when their market research showed their cars were popular with lesbians and they decided to start actively advertising to them, they backed that up with policies for their LGBTQ employees, notably extending benefits to same-sex partners when gay couples couldn't legally get married, which was a big deal at the time. If a company is doing rainbow capitalism in public but have a history of employees complaining about discrimination we should talk about that but that's never what the generic complaints about rainbow capitalism are.

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If i dont [experience pathologically concerning sex act] within the next [arbitrary time period] im going to [federal agency watchphrase]

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It's been a decade and a half since I watched yugioh, did kaiba know his rival was a ghost possessing a kid or was he just like that

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[video by mr.tomtotoro. no caption]

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[video by mr.tomtotoro. no caption]

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In the 1700s, blood transfusion was used to treat psychosis. Oddly, sometimes it worked.

So a question for my followers: Give your best guess as to why this could have worked without looking it up.

I will answer tomorrow.

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I'm still thinking about how perfect Nathan Fillion's Guy Gardner was. Like...yes! He and James Gunn get it! Guy Gardner is rude and belligerent and crass but also he's got this rough compassion that shines through his actions sometimes and you have to deal with the fact that sometimes the person doing the right thing isn't gonna be someone you like.

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they should quit their job