romeowriting

[romeowriting]

Love and deepspace Zayne x Male reader / self insert. (A few moments there's male pronoms but not a lot.)

Need comfort and I'm lonely sooooooooo yeah has been in my head for a while to calm down mostly during panic attacks.

English isn't my first language, I'm transgender, I haven't played this game for a long time.

Tw: Faint, panic attack, Mention of sickness... Zayne takes care of y/n after a panic attack that made him faint.

You're maybe a hunter, maybe you're able to fight big creatures without any issues.

But when it comes to going outside and being around people. It's another thing.

You are more than just unwell, you can't go outside without headphones or something to calm you down when everything is getting overwhelming.

And it doesn't help when half of the time, you get to go to the hospital.

Even if you have a friend over there, it doesn't mean you are insensitive when it comes to those white and lifeless walls, or that smell that lingers in your clothes of air freshener and discomfort from traumatic memories.

But proud of yourself (and mostly because you decided to go without being fully awake). You were able to get out of the bus and arrived in front of the hospital like a pro.

Walking towards the big garden, you check your phone. Your appointment with doctor Zayne was a bit delayed. You know he was often called for emergency so you didn't mind. Now you have some time to kill. With that you went to take a small breakfast at the cafeteria, the stress made it impossible to eat that early in the morning and you started feeling dizzy.

You repeat yourself the tea and the little croissant that you want and by the time you passed, you stuttered but was able to get them.

Finally, after a long 45 minutes from where you looked either at the beautiful garden where kids were running and some were taking in this sweet fresh air. While trying to eat without your brain getting anxious over nothing, you finished your food.

Finally, a cold nurse asked you to sit down in the waiting room, saying you'll still have time to wait.

Sadly, your brain and heart start doing shit.

Like always, your anxiety took over your rational brain and by the time you noticed the symptoms, it was too late. You were having a panic attack.

Hopefully no one was in the waiting room. Not even a nurse. So before you could faint, you get off the chair and sit on the floor. Curling up while hesitating to take off or not your headphones.

Your ears started to buzz, so you took them off, putting them out of the way in case you fell unconscious, your heart rate went too far and before you could think of it.

You blackout.

You woke up like always with difficulty. Feeling like dying or suffering from this painful feeling. The time you took to understand you just passed out. You could hear the deep but calming voice of your friend Zayne. Calling you out.

“Y/n… Y/n can you head me? Tell me if you hear me. Make a sign.”

He kept asking you questions, until you were fully awake or at least enough to move your hand. Tapping soundless on the cold concrete. Your body is totally paralyzed. He sighted while you tried to talk even with a big migraine.

“I…I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry…”

Like always, the first thing you feel like saying isn't “I'm not feeling good” or “I'm awake” But how sorry you are to bother the others.

He didn't answer that right away, you noticed while being unconscious, he put you in the safety position and now.”I'm going to lift your legs while you gain consciousness ok ? Tell me. Can you hear me clearly?”

You nodded, not a very smart move when you have a bit of a migraine and you had the consequences the seconds after. Groaning at the overwhelming feeling of a headache and of sickness. He cooed.”chuu… you don't have the strength to talk y/n ?” You softly said under your breath. “I don't know…”

After all, you didn't know what to do now. You were here for a basic check up after a mission. So it was supposed to be normal. Why does this happen everytime you know you can't handle it? Why… “Why is it happening to me ? Why can't they know what it is …?”

He stayed silent. Zayne was a very good doctor, you know he was one of the best. But he was as lost as you.

Maybe it was neurological ? Maybe it was a heart condition? No doctors could say. Even when like here. You fainted in a medical place. They don't seem to know the reason behind those episodes.

“It's fine Y/n, listen to my voice now. Ok ?” Said the doctor, trying to make you think of something else. While holding your legs up to let the blood go down, he looked at you so you murmured a small yes. He started to instruct. “Breathe in…. and breathe out… good. Breathe in… breathe out. Good job y/n.”You saw a soft smile on his face. He wouldn't admit that it happened.

After taking your conscious back and your heart at a normal rate. He put your legs down and let you choose to be held or to walk. With the few strength you had. You hold at his shoulders and with his help. Walked to his office. You didn't remember the moment he had you laid down on the couch, a cold patch on your head, your legs a little bit lifted up by the couch handle and your head on your favorite and comfortable pillows, your shirt a bit above your torso feeling like it had always been made for that. The faint scars on each side of your torso were like ornaments on your strong body.

He started taking your pulsations and heart rate. He knew you dislike silence as you hate noises. So he put soft but noticeable relaxing music in the background. He knew your taste, it was those video game’s osts you often put in your home to not hear the outside world.

“Zayne, I'm sorry for bothering you with that…” you said abruptly, he glared at you, but… you noticed his eyes were full of worries, of sadness and mostly:

“Don't say sorry for something you can't control. Y/n you did great by sitting out of your chair the moment you started feeling it. You did great by letting yourself in a place you were familiar with. Darling…” he put a hand on you forehand and let it softly caress your face. “I'm proud of you for doing everything you did until my arrival. I'm the one who should be sorry for letting you wait.”

You couldn't help it but started feeling guilty. After all, it wasn't his fault too if he had a more urgent patient. You are not the only patient. You…”you are overthinking again y/n. Don't think about it right now. The most important thing now is to take care of you. Right ?” Zayne tenderly assured you. Cutting your thoughts out of you.

You tried to suppress a cry but failed, letting all the overwhelming feelings crawling on you, out.

The gentle, protective form of Zayne sat down on the place you made him on the couch so he could pull you in an embrace. He started murmuring soft praises. Knowing you loved them.

“Good boy… you did great chuut. Look at you. There's nothing to fear. It's only you and me. No one's going to judge you.”

He softly put a kiss on your head. His coffee scent starts to make you feel at ease. He lets you snuggle against his neck while he shields you from the world.

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Thank you for reading. I made this so I can't let out my thoughts. Sorry if it's a bit ooc for Zayne. I haven't been able to play the game since around 5 months because of my phone but I wanted to do something.