roncosby7 - Tumblr blog

roncosby7 · 5 years ago

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February 25th, 2021

I write blogs on Tumblr. You may or may not know this, but it is a thing I do and I receive very much deserved respect from it. I have friends because of this, high statuses because of this, lovers because of this. So many gifts have been gifted to me because of these blogs. Gifts that I cherish and embrace everyday, just as the gifts to do to me. Every morning I wake up and a new light has entered my eyes. The planet can now spin. Birds can now fly. Society can now start functioning as a whole for Grady Henderson has risen and he writes Tumblr blogs. I got 2 hours of sleep, but I feel great about this. Because I spent all night up writing another masterful blog that will be seen by all of my millions of followers on this morning. All of them will read it and be amazed by the satisfying structure, the poetic wording, the genius sense of philosophy and human perception. They will learn so much about life, others, themselves and philosophically dance with their own minds as their pupils dilate and tears fall down their faces. This happens every morning, and all of my followers do it at the same time. Every single one. They collectively exhale a breath of warm air as they experience pure euphoria and I feel it flow past me. This peaceful gust of wind that passes through me when I open my bedroom window and watch the day begin. I don’t need break feast, for my stomach is full of ideas. I do drink coffee, though. Because I am a writer. I exit my house and watch the sunlight reflect off of my black clothes, simply because it is too nervous to let me be absorbed by it. The wind stands still, the grass turns away, all animals stop what they’re doing to honor me. I have caused pure natural peace, because I write Tumblr blogs. The sun reflects off of me so much that I am now I a walking oval of light. I walk down the street this way. My light shines through neighborhoods and people recognize me. They say “Good morning Grady! Today’s blog was dazzlingly profound!” and I respond by nodding my head and taking a sip of coffee, visibly insecure. With a secret. I’m hiding something. Behind all of this light and these black clothes, there is a hidden diamond that will never be shown to anyone. With that thought in mind, I levitate to school and feel the ground vibrate beneath me. I watch 2 deer bound toward the horizon as I commence forth. “That will be us one day”, I profoundly whisper to myself

People exit their homes and congratulate me for saying something as profound as “That will be us one day”. How will the human brain ever be able to comprehend all the intricate meanings in the phrase “That will be us one day”? What a fucking genius. The light fades away as I step down from my levitation, for I have just arrived at school. All of the students greet me with thunderous applause. Each member of the school staff walks up to me and shakes my hand individually, sharing their thoughts and feelings about my latest blog and how it affected them as people. A kid runs up to me in tears and gives me a large hug, telling me that I saved his life. Then a group of well respected young women push him out of the way to consult and comfort me for being a life saver. I am not attracted to these well respected woman for what they look like for I am not a monster, I am attracted to them for the people that they are, which are people I respect. (they are beautiful, though). I all of a sudden have a bunch of brilliant thoughts rush through my head, as I always do, and I blurt out amongst the crowd. “What if we all wore yellow sunglasses?” and everyone in the school simultaneously gasps and grasps for air for they have just been hit with the intelligence of gods! This man’s understanding of the human race is unmeasurable! Multiple upon multiple tears are shed and everyone starts chanting my name, in tears. It sounds pathetic yet beautiful. Everyone ought to get to class so they all pick me up and carry me their triumphantly. I humbly reject their gratification in a sophisticated way.

When I get to class I say “All this for merely existing?” and everyone laughs loudly while also understanding the sheer amount of thought that went into that phrase. Everyone understands me. They understand who I am and what all of my intentions are, and they respect me because of it. They don’t disrespect me or resent me for being different, instead they PRAISE me for it. They PRAISE me as if I have just slayed a demon in the center of a massive Colosseum. Except the demon is uniformity!

Because I write Tumblr blogs

Yes. I am a human being that types things on to Tumblr and posts them for the world to see. This is something I do. And therefore I sit in Spanish class and do nothing. For the school system understands that Grady Henderson will not grow up to be in a position where he must talk to people that can’t speak the same language as him! Grady Henderson won’t have time for this, he’ll have stories to write! And so I sit in the back of the classroom and work on my next project of writing and gaze at the turned heads of all the normal students in front of me. Every now and then the students will turn around to look at me, just to be reminded of how brilliant and sophisticated humans can be. Just so they can put a bit more light into their dark, uneventful lives. Heh. what a bunch of Garfields. If I said that out loud 3 people in this classroom would likely have a brain seizure. I do not say it out loud, though, because I think I’ve caused enough completely worth it catastrophes in this school this morning. The multitude of tears that built up after “What if we all wore yellow sunglasses?” has made the school hallway slipperier than something that is extremely slippery. Students are slipping and falling and sliding all over the place. One struggles to walk more than 2 steps without nearly collapsing, simply because of the extremely large amount of tears that were shed. Look at all of these teenagers. Falling and wailing around in the effects of their own emotions. I write that down in my notepad, which I keep in my pocket because I’m a writer

As I’m walking to my next class, I don’t slip at all, for I am a perfect human being and this is true. I hear a feminine voice yelling my name behind me. I turn my head and see one of the well respected women from earlier sliding towards me at a very fast speed. I could’ve easily let her run into the wall, but I do not, for I respect this woman. for who she is, not because of what she looks like. (although she is beautiful). I catch her. She desperately stares into my eyes and asks “Grady Henderson! Grady Henderson! Did you stay up until 5 AM last night?” I answer honestly “Yes, I believe I did” she says “God. That is so fucking cool. Nobody else in the universe stays up that late, I can tell you that for sure! How do you manage to be this special of a human being?” I say “I’m actually very insecure about the lazy and ignorant decisions I make and therefore am deeply disappointed in myself most of the time” she says “God. That’s so fucking cool. The fact that you’re able to admit that about yourself? I honestly don’t think you should feel that way, but what do I know? Jesus, you’re amazing. Hey, you’re going out with friends tonight to throw cheese at people’s cars to metaphorically spit in the face of uniformity, correct?” I nod. she says “Well I was wondering if maybe I could tag along. At some point. With you.” I tell her I’ll think about it and then compare this situation to a Garfield strip. She faints from the overwhelming brilliance and lands in my arms. She wakes up shortly after and realizes the situation. “Oh! I must’ve been too amazed by your interpretation of Garfield! Anyway, I have to get to class. Oh shit, I can’t believe I don’t have this in the first place but what’s your Snap?” I tell her “I don’t use social media. I don’t have an undying need for attention like every student in this building”. She faints again and this time I don’t catch her, because I have to get to class. I’m really sorry about this and I hope she can forgive me.

As the day moves on, all students get called to the gym for an assembly. As I’m walking down there in the circle that the slipping crowd has formed for me, a kid accidentally bumps into me before being tackled, beaten into a pulp, getting the words “You deserve this” carved on his stomach with a knife, becoming drenched in gasoline, and being burned alive. It takes every student about 40 minutes to get to the gym because of all the chaotic slipping and falling that’s happening due to the tears but when everyone gets there, the principal walks to the center of the gym seemingly very anxious. What will he say? Something about the small drug cartel that has formed in this school? No. Fuck that. You must’ve forgotten about the fact that I write Tumblr blogs. The principal yells “Fuck it! Fuck you guys! School’s out for the rest of the day! Grady Henderson writes blogs on Tumblr!”

Everyone starts wildly cheering and screaming. Fireworks are lit in this high school gym. They rented a band. A band starts playing intense and celebrational rock music. Confetti is fucking everywhere, people are slipping all over the god damn place, and as soon as a chant of my name begins I head out. Because I don’t need attention. I don’t need to be loved, it’s just an accessory. I need to levitate home and write another Tumblr blog. I do this. I get home and greet the silence. I make more coffee and light candles. I look deep into the crevices of my soul to find the most mind bogglingly genius themes and ideas. I gather these ideas and express them through my fingers. Every time I type a letter into this laptop, a dog gets cured of cancer. People are rallying outside my house to not only thank me for the day off school but thank me for existing. Also to beg for another blog. I humbly reject all of this praise and close my blinds. Sometimes I have to turn on the sprinklers to get then to fuck off. I did that during winter once and this man stayed. In fact, he froze. Jesus. the lengths people will go to praise me. It gets fucking annoying. Don’t they understand that by constantly informing me of their obsession with my writing, they’re interrupting my writing? Holy fuck, these people. The entirety of this day consists of me writing while intermittently meditating or taking a sip of coffee. My thoughts evaporate from my brain and into the atmosphere, forming into an eagle made of pure light and energy. It flies around my house, leaving trails of light behind it. Of course it lands after a while but never truly stops. For the eagle will always fly, and so will I. God, I’m such a fucking genius. The eagle just fell into the ocean, what the fuck? The eagle was supposed to fly forever, why did that happen. Well shit. Now I don’t have a reason to write, which is good because now it is nighttime. And at nighttime, Grady Henderson must explore the natural ground of his town to discover things about everything. Tonight, he will do it with other people. He will throw cheese in the face of uniformity, something that he does a lot. He will not watch people dance, that’s fucking cringe. Fuck you. What do you know about me? You’re gonna think that I’m gonna go to a school dance and experience THAT when I can experience ACTUAL fun? You must be insane. I will not abide by the expectations given to me by my culture. I will throw cheese on people’s cars. They will see the cheese on their cars and faint, knowing that they have been defeated. Defeated by the long arm of Grady Henderson, who writes Tumblr blogs. Did you know that? Did you know that I write Tumblr blogs? You didn’t. You didn’t and now you do and you have nothing but respect to give me for it. Many people respect me for thi-

I suddenly get a phone call. It’s a voice that sounds all to familiar that sternly says “Grady, I think you’re stalling to prevent something.” What the fuck does this person know about me? Holy shit. How disrespectful that I get these phone calls from people. People that assume things, Mother of Christ. I am the equivalent of the Mother of Christ, for I birth a savior while remaining innocent. This savior of course being Tumblr blogs. Yes, these Tumblr blogs have saved many people. These blogs have made people realize that they should not kill other people and themselves, that everyone must be alive. These blogs keep people alive. These blogs are the savior of all humanity-

I get a phone call again, it is the same voice. “Grady, just get in the car. You can’t prevent it, just let it happen.” I say Fuck you to this person and hang up. Who does this person think they are? calling me and telling me things that aren’t true? I could sue this person for lying.

I get in my friend’s car.

A light immediately shines in the boring lives of everyone in this car. A smile is put on everyone’s faces for Grady Henderson is here and he writes Tumblr blogs. We laugh and tell personal stories. We laugh until the interior of the car nearly implodes. We laugh until we cannot breathe, mostly because of my stories though, because my stories are fucking hilarious. And the second I bring up Garfield, laughter shoots up like rockets amongst the stars. We throw cheese. We throw so much cheese. It slaps on buildings, it slaps on sidewalks, it slaps onto cars, it slaps onto people. There is so much solidified dairy sporadically spewed amongst this town that you can almost call it littering. You take one little look at any area of this town and you can point out nearly 100 pieces of cheese. People will wake up the next morning and not know what the fuck is going on. We revolutionized cheese warfare against uniformity! Correct! There is cheese fucking all over the place! If God’s sperm was yellow and he decided to cum all over his creation (like a narcissist) I guarantee it would look like this. Look at God’s yellow cum plastered all over this fucking place. It’s beautiful. Our town combined with this sperm is concepting a godlike being of creation and pride, and his name is Grady Henderson.

I get another phone call and chuck my phone out the window

Look at this field. This field is a metaphor for all the people that will one day plant fields. They’re all the same, they’re all bland. Me, on the other hand, I am not! I am colorful! I am unique! For I am a writer and I write Tumblr blogs and this is why I’m here, isn’t it? Because I write Tumblr blogs? Yes. This is true. This is rightfully and justifiably true. I wonder why we’re in between fields. I notice we’re driving down a pitch black country road.

“We are are driving down this road right now”, says Friend A. the only Identity this man has is Friends A. “We don’t have to”, says Jonas. You guessed it, he’s kind of a cunt, but he sells us cocaine. “What the fuck are you talking about?”, says Friends A. “We don’t have to go forward. We could go back and throw cheese forever. enough to make earth shine like the sun.”, I gotta say, I’m kinda leaning towards Jonas, here. But- “What the fuck would be the point of that? Think about all the other times that we’ve done that. Where do we end up? We end up right here, don’t we? We end up right here driving down this dark road. It wasn’t different the second time and it wasn’t different the time after and the time after and the time after, it’s not gonna be different this time.”, says Friend A. I’m starting to see this guy’s point of view but I really don’t want to. Friend B(2) chimes in “What the fuck are you guys talking about?” “Shut the fuck up!” says Jonas. “Fuck you! You only exist as a replacement for someone we thought we could save but can’t and never will be able to!” “See what I mean?”, says Friend A “You know what I’m saying is true, you just don’t wanna see the despair of her forehead agai-” “Alright.” Jonas says “I think we should let Grady Henderson decide what we should do” “That’s fair”, agrees Friend A “He writes Tumblr blogs and therefore we should always listen to him”

They stop. They’re waiting for me to respond. My mind is blank. For once in the history of the universe, there is nothing going on in the brain of Grady Henderson. They want me to say something, but I don’t think I will. Instead I just look out the window all all these stalks of corn. I watch each and every one of them pass by. I realize they’re not the same. They form sort of an inconsistent wave. Over and over and over is just corn stalks rise and falling and rising and falling. There’s no progression, they never learn anything. Every single one of those cornstalks is a led in their own story and every single one of them is repetitive and boring. I watch this for minutes They really want me to respond, I really want to think of a response but I simply cannot. I am too fixated on the cornstalks. All of a sudden, I do want to say something. I receive a surge of energy, I want to yell at the top of my lungs but I don’t because I’m respectful. Instead I just say “Let’s sleep on it” and we pass another car the second after I say that. Friend A slams on his brakes and says “That’s them!”. Jonas starts saying the word no over and over again. This doesn’t matter, because the reason we stopped is because we noticed the car that passed us. That car is full of well respected females. We must get out of our car and interact with these respected females because we are teenage males. It’s what we do! We have to do it! We simply have to! There is nothing in existence stopping us from talking to these well respected women. This is not for their physical attraction, though. It might be for my good friends but for me, of course, it is because of the people that they are. (Although you know they are extremely, dazzlingly, extraordinarily, astonishingly breathtakingly beautiful)

We get out of our car, they get out of theirs. They all say hi in various ways, dependent on how confident all of them are. They start talking to us. Not flirting with us. Talking with us. Jonas, for some reason, turns his back and nearly falls to the floor to vomit. The well respected women are all not phased by this because they’re all focused on me and how much of a genius I am. Expect for one. Yes. I notice one well respected women does not care about my genius at all, because she doesn’t seem to care at all after I tell her I’m working on my next blog. She tells me “You next blog? What is that? Why should I care?” Everyone looks at her, shocked. As do I. This doesn’t make sense. How can a human not know what my blog is? Why must a human ask if they should care about what my blog is? What the fuck is happening? I then notice that this is the same well respected woman that spoke to me today. The same woman that I let fall on the floor head first. This must be why she has a giant bruise on her forehead! This also must be why she is suffering terrible memory loss because she has obviously forgotten about my blog!

“Have you not heard of my blog?” I ask “We were talking about it earlier today.” She says “I’m gonna be honest with you, I’ve never seen you before in my life”. Oh my god. I can’t let nature get away with this. I can’t let her get away with this! I need this to be stopped! Everyone needs to love me! I can’t live without everyone PRAISING me! She needs to love me! I need to refresh her memory, that’s what I need to do. I need to make her realize how much of a genius I am, to maker her remember. This is what I do. I ask her “You wanna go for a ride?” (this is creepy, why are you so creepy. You’re not creepy! You’re a genius! You write Tumblr blogs for fuck sake!) She accepts because she has to and I lead her to my car. Some of the other well respected women emotionlessly ask me where I’m going. I tell them I’m going to space. As I step on the gas, I hear Jonas collapse on the floor, for I believe he was using this car as a way to hold himself up. I step on the breaks after Friend A screams my name. He tells me “Please end up happy this time. Please.”

His eyes are red. I wink at him and drive out into the unknown.

I’m driving like a bullet straight into the darkness, with a well respected women in the passenger seat beside me. She asks me what we’re doing or where we’re going about 7 times but the only response I have is “We’re going to space”. I start to think that maybe she’s not the villain, I am. But I’m not, because I’m a genius. Jesus CHRIST! What is happening to me? I’m seemingly forgetting how intelligent I am! Well, I’m gonna remind myself. And I’m gonna remind her. We drive further and further into the abyss that is the Nebraskan country roads. Deeper and deeper into this dark tunnel. I don’t exactly know where I’m going, except I do! I’m going right here right now! I stop the car. For a moment I experience pure inner and atmospheric peace. When I look over at the well respected women and my heart sinks. I stare at all of her beauty. Her imperfect hair rests upon her head like a feather resting upon the land, flowing and waving naturally through the wind. Below it are 2 eyes that when looked at could bring a feeling of peace that could end any war. And it’s pretty fucking hard to focus on that with that giant bruise on her head. She lays on top of the car with me. I play every song on my main playlist. Our hearts move to the music, our hands interlock. Our eyes are completely engulfed by the universe above us. This is what I show her. I show her my symphonies, my perspective, my passion, my views, my craft, I show her everything. Therefore I unveil this mask she has been wearing all her life and introduce her to a sunrise. I show her her purpose. the one reason she was put on this earth, and that is to honor Grady Henderson. I show her the beginning, the middle, and the end. Not only of the playlist, not only of this moment, but of the universe. All of existence is defined by this moment and she understands every bit of that. She looks at me, eyes and all, and asks “What’s your Tumblr username?”

She understands. She respects. She remembers. As we drive home, the streetlights of this town become more visible. Forget that beautiful, wretched land. We are here. I look at her and barely recognize the bruise. She looks at me and barely recognizes the person she saw step out of that car. I drop her off at her house. She thanks me, and says she looks forward to reading my blogs. She has no idea what she’s getting into. I have brought light and meaning into yet another soul today. I go home and finish writing tomorrow’s blog

I write about how fucking pathetic I am. I write about how arrogant and narcissistic and disrespectful I am. I write paragraphs and paragraphs about how much I feel like Jon Arbuckle every day. I write about how alone I feel. I write about how unsatisfied I feel. I write about my repulsive face and my repulsive legs. I write about how the only reason I wanted her to like was because I’m an attention seeking piece of shit that only saw value in her because of her physical appearance. I write about how creepy I am for being so descriptive about her. I write about the friends that I hurt and abandoned and how I don’t even know if they made it home or not. Because I don’t care about anyone else, I only care about Grady Henderson. I write about this lazy, pathetic, repulsive person named Grady Henderson. I post it at 5 AM and go to sleep.

I wake up 2 hours later. I look out my window and watch another Friday morning begin. I once again feel the gust of wind of all my followers expressing their emotions about my latest blog through exhalation. I feel disgusted. And yet, I still rise above nature’s ground and levitate to school. Because I have to.

My name is Grady Henderson, and I write Tumblr blogs. I don’t receive any respect because of this and rightfully so.

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