ronityler-blog - Tumblr blog

[ronityler-blog]

Help.

I feel scared, tired, and like life is weighing me down.

The second I get motivation to be better and do better, I try for a solid couple days and then it all hits me how awful I am. I flake on others. I don’t stick to anything. I avoid confrontation at all costs. I am a kiss ass trying to please everyone I meet and make them like me. I feel hurt inside and unlike every other situation I have been in, I cannot blame my unhappiness on anyone but myself. And I have thought about it over and over and came up with ideas on how to fix it or how to do something else to fill that void and lift my spirits. Sometimes I just want to wallow in my self pity. Be the person who stays home and does nothing all day. Sleep until my body begs me to wake up so I can be awake but sleep at the same time by watching tv. Something mind numbing. And I have a fire inside me to do better. I am conflicted. I am conflicted in changing the world but also want to give up without actually taking my own life. My stomach is constantly wretched and my throat has a ball to make me hide from the confrontation about my fuck ups. And these words must make no fucking sense and I am just rambling on but thats the best way to describe whats going through my head and my body and my soul. I just want to push everyone away because they dont deserve to deal with this but i want to squeeze my boyfriend endlessly and never let him go because i know losing him would be an ultimate mistake. I feel like i am boring and stupid and a waste. And changing up my appearance here and there is doing nothing but making me realize i hate myself and i desperately want to change but im not willing to put in the effort. I’m not willing to get better. Because if i was i wouldnt be sitting here doing nothing. I would be trying harder at work. I would be paying attention in this class right now. I would do my homework and go to the gym and do yoga and be more spiritual and eat healthier. I know all of the tactics to having a better mindset but yet i dont do it. Im lazy. I have medicine but after a while i forget to take it. Or i dont take it. My whole work probably thinks i am a psychopath with crazy anxiety and i probably wont stay at this job much longer because i am a liability. He wants to do stuff on our lazy day and i want to stay in bed and ignore the world because somedays im too lazy to be happy. Too lazy to try and fix my mental health. I dont care about myself anymore.

[ronityler-blog]

Rules of a Party

1. Don’t kiss your friend.

2. Don’t spill your drink.

3. Don’t kiss your friend.

4. Cover your drink.

5. Don’t kiss your friend.

6. Dance and have fun.

Crap, I broke rule number 1.

Don’t drunk makeout./ It can fuck with their head/ Unless of course/ It fucks with you instead

Now you’re sober/ and start to recall it/ I did this, I did that/ oh shit...

The rules of the party/ are in place for your own good/ though that liquid courage/ does what I never could.

So you take advantage/ and lose your goddamn mind/ leaving common sense/ and logic behind.

tall w/brown hair/ piercing blue eyes/ on paper you’re everything/ i look for in a guy.

but something stops me short/ yeah, it stops me every time/ and truthfully/ i have no idea why

you’re my friend/ and ive only seen you in one way.

do i like him/ or do i like the attenetion

i don’t do the feels/ i’d rather be stuck in my head/ i’m guarded and i dont want you in/ i dont want to deal with a relationship.

[ronityler-blog]

Hope.

And I have to have hope/ yeah, i have to have faith/ that everything/ will turn out one day.

[ronityler-blog]

Wasting Time

I’m wasting time/ I’m losing my mind./ Racking my brain/ for the next gain.

I search for a new chord./ Damn, I can’t play this well./ Just gonna play along./ I’m in songwriter hell.

They say you gotta start from the bottom./ You gotta pay your dues./ I’ll probably rework this./ If I get the chance to.

It’s not that I don’t have problems/ because trust me I do./ None of them fit to a/ perfect rhyme.

Oh wait/ That didn’t rhyme./ Oh, well.

[ronityler-blog]

Pisces Sun, Cancer Moon, Aries Ascendant.

When the Sun is found in Pisces, a sense of self come from being “in the world”, and yet not “of the world”. Pisceans tend to be motivated by the desire to connect to realities greater than the ‘here and now”. They need to live the truth that there is more to life than meets the eye. Whilst this may seem an abstract statement, Pisceans tend to inhabit dimensions of reality that transcend the every day. Pisces, as the final and perhaps least understood sign of the Zodiac, represents many mysteries. It governs those facets of experience that go beyond the purely physical. Piscean individuals are often highly imaginative, sensitive and impressionable people. They sometimes struggle with a fundamental duality in their nature. It could be said that one half of them is attempting to chart a realistic course through life whilst the other half is seeking ways to escape it.

With the Moon in the sign of Cancer, you are likely to have an innate need to nurture, support and protect others. Cancer is a Water sign, and so, pertains to the emotional, psychological and spiritual dimensions of life. Your empathy for others is likely to be strong, and you will have an intuitive ability to sense what others need. Cancer is also a Cardinal sign, and so is concerned with taking action somehow. You are likely to feel a sense of responsibility that will impel you to take action where others wellbeing is concerned. Cancer is a sign of emotional support; of deep connection to family, home, and togetherness. Therefore, you are likely to be strongly drawn to these kinds of experiences. A sense of emotional wellbeing comes from the family and home connections that you create in your life. When the Moon is in Cancer, it is strongly placed. The Moon rules Cancer, so is in its’ own sign. This will amplify the lunar qualities of emotion, empathy and intuition. You are likely to be strongly driven by emotion, influenced by your own ever-changing moods, as well as the moods of those around you. As the Moon is cyclic in nature, waxing and waning as it makes its way around the Earth, you too are likely to be a cyclical being. You are more influenced by your own inner cycles and instincts than logic or routine. You can use this sensitivity to great advantage if you learn to recognize your internal rhythms. Then you will know what you need in each moment, and will naturally follow your own inner path. Moon in Cancer people often do best when they can keep to their own schedules. The ebb and flow of emotion will affect their vitality, and so the kinds of activity that suit them from day to day.

With Aries rising, there is a strong need to approach life in a straight forward and direct manner. In this sense, qualities of courage, strength and self assertion need to be developed in order to meet the challenges that life will present.

To live the full potential of this Ascendant, one needs become decisive, and take action. How able you feel to go out and do this will depend upon other factors in the chart. It is highly likely that you will experience some difficulties earlier in life, either overshooting the mark by being too vigourous in your approach, or feeling afraid to go it alone. This will ease in time, as you gain greater awareness around using what is basically a very primal, powerful and assertive energy.

The task for an Aries rising individual is to find the creative potency within, so that the self as an initiator can be developed and explored. In this sense, the Aries rising individual needs to experience themselves as a potent catalytic force in whatever environment they are found. Accordingly, you may continually experience the need to rise up and confront challenges, to act as an initiator, or catalyst, in order to get things started, or keep them moving along. There are strong tendencies to be on one’s own, and to become very self-sufficient. According to Howard Sasportas, “Life is best viewed as an adventure, quest and challenge” when this sign is rising.

[ronityler-blog]

#PetPeeves

[ronityler-blog]

Come On, Come Over

i see you smiling in my direction/ wanna make a love connection/ but you seem to not have the balls/to talk to me

come on, come over/ ask me for my name/ come on, come over/ please stop playin games/ i don’t think it’s cute/ I don’t do hard to get/ if you make no effort/ then baby I’m all set.

Always the one to make the first move.

What is it with you guys/ takes forever just to say hi.

no, i don’t want to meet you on tinder.

[ronityler-blog]

Come On, Come Over

Putting myself on the line.

i see you smiling in my direction/ wanna make a love connection/ but you seem to not have the balls/to talk to me

come on, come over/ ask me for my name/ come on, come over/ please stop playin games/ i don’t think it’s cute/ I don’t do hard to get/ if you make no effort/ then baby I’m all set.

Always the one to make the first move.

What is it with you guys/ takes forever just to say hi.

no, i don’t want to meet you on tinder.