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New Game Prep

Every GM ever: My next campaign is going to be filled with intricately crafted plotlines, three-dimensional NPCs that evoke an emotional response from my players, and a grand narrative sweep that is engaging & immersive. It'll be epic!

Every PC ever: My next character is going to be Farty McFartface, the dogfaced butt-sniffer. It'll be hilarious!

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Me, the Shadowrun GM looking for night club images to use in my campaign: Ugh, what is it about advanced technology that says we have to dangle women from cages in all of the clubs of the future?

Player: Honestly, considering what usually happens in cyberpunk night clubs, it’s probably the safest place to put them.

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Finished this painting of how I imagine my character in the excellent Shadowrun:Dragonfall. Cheers!

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Shadowrun: Hong Kong Female Ork Portraits

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Shadowrun All-Stars: East meets West

I love the HBS Shadowrun games so much I couldn’t resist drawing a little crossover.

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In a grim world of capitalist excess where corporations rule unchallenged and our collective humanity is slowly stripped away in the pursuit of ever more wealth for a tiny all-powerful elite, take your mind off things by playing a cyberpunk RPG with your friends.

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“I didn’t realize that was illegal.”

— About something that was definitely, 100%, most obviously illegal

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Dungeons & Dragons is just a really complicated game of “Fuck, Marry, Kill.”

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A dream.

Follow @ups-dogs for more posts like this :)

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Look, supernatural fans, Sam and Dean are cool, but they don’t hold a candle to Harry Dresden. Have the Winchesters ever kicked the ass of an eldritch abomination that scares archangels? Are they friends with Odin and Hades? Have they killed an entire species of vampire in one fell swoop? Can the devour Gods? And, Finally…. HAVE THEY EVER RIDDEN A SUPER-ZOMBIE T-REX INTO BATTLE?!?!?! I rest my case.

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Logan and Molly Weasley can make a team of “NOT MY DAUGHTER, YOU BITCH!!!”

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Which “Dresden Files” Characters should you fight?

Harry Dresden: You can try. You’ll fail and he’ll be throwing snark at you the whole time, but he’ll see how weak you are compared to him and let you off easy. 

Karrin Murphy: Ha! What are you crazy? She will kick your ass ten ways to Sunday, and roll her eyes the whole time. 

Mouse: How could you? He is a gigantic ball of fluff, and it would be much funner to rub his belly and get doggy kisses. Also, he’s a gigantic magical dog that can destroy you, but he’s too sweet for that.

Mister: He’s a big, cute kitty! You’re heartless if you try. 

Michael Carpenter: He’s old and needs a cane, but he has angels guarding his ass, so good luck. Also, after you lose he will forgive you and try to help you become a better person.

Charity Carpenter: You will end up beaten, bloodied and comatose. Do not try to fight Charity Carpenter. 

Thomas Raith: Do not fight Thomas Raith you will lose. Have sex with him instead, and you will win. 

Toot-Toot the fairy: He is too small and quick for you to hit him, and he has an army of other fairies armed with boxcutters to cut you up. Do not fight Toot Toot. 

John Marcone: He’s the head of a criminal organization even if you do win he’ll just have some of his boys fuck you up later. Do not fight John Marcone.

Butters: Probably the only person in this line-up you’ll have any chance of beating. Go ahead and fight him. You’ll win, but Polka Will Never Die!, and he does have some powerful friends that might find you and fuck you up. 

Bob the skull: If you make sunlight hit him he will die immediately, so it will be pretty easy, but why do that when you can use him to learn about magic and talk about boobs?

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The Dresden files: The villains perspective

I’ve been imagining the dresden files from the villains perspective and it is so hilarious. Like I figure there’s some guy at the top who has ties with the black council and the fomor and the beings from the outer gates, and I bet Harry Dresden is the biggest pain the ass to this dude.

I mean you have all of your evil plans to bring chaos to this world and they are all getting burned down left and right by some socially awkward, punk wizard.

And this nerdy thorn in your side just keeps growing and growing and growing. Sure at first he’s just stopping some shitty warlock, or a few werewolves, but then he really starts to fuck with your bigger plans. 

I mean you’ve been trying to find the word of Kemmler for decades now and you finally have a good lead on it, and you need its power to break through the white council’s barriers and destroy them, so you have Mavra try to find it for you and you learn that she hired this freaking wizard to do it! And at first you’re mad, but then you figure, that the big barrier that keeps out all non-necromatic energy will keep everyone out of your hair. I mean, the white council is never going to summon zombies, or ghosts its against their precious little rules. 

So all’s good right? Wrong! 

‘Cause in comes this fucker on a Mother fucking zombie T-rex! He found a loophole in the laws and now that loophole is eating all of your precious necromancers! 

And since the direct approach didn’t work you figure that having the white council eat itself from the inside is your only option. So you frame one of the highest ranking council members for the murder of a member of the senior council hoping that the chaos will cripple them. But in comes “oh king fucklord of ruin my evil day-vil” and sets your plans back again. 

AND THEN HE EXTERMINATES AN ENTIRE RACE OF VAMPIRES THAT WERE JUST TRYING TO LIVE THEIR LIVES AS THE BEAUTIFUL BLOOD SUCKERS THEY WERE! GAH! 

Then he dies.

And you think you’ve finally caught a break. That you will never have to deal with this fucker again.

But here’s the real kicker: he has friends. He was inspirational and now his little legion of lesions are in your way, but they’re not nearly as powerful as he was, so you figure they’ll be dead and gone in due time.

Boo! He comes back as a ghost! And sure he can’t do a whole lot against you, but you just got the whole necromancy machine up and running again, and here he comes to hex it away again! He turns his friends in the direction of your operation, he gets an army of evil ghosts and leads the charge against your evil ghosts and wins, like he does every. Freaking. Time.

Now he’s finally been laid to rest you haven’t seen or heard of him in a year, he’s gone. He’s out of your life, and you don’t have to worry about him bungling your plans ever again. 

Then he’s back.

As the winter knight.

As Mab’s puppet. 

Of all your enemies. Of all the people who have ever gotten in your way. Of every big, magical creature that could have brought him back it had to be Mab. One of The most powerful, the most horrifying, the most intelligent beings that has ever existed and now she’s here. And she has a new toy. 

I mean that guy was already burning all of your plans to the ground now he’s going to freeze them too! Bullshit. Bull. Fucking. Shit.

Then he becomes friends with Hades and now you’re just fucking crying. You’re hysterical. 

“Why won’t he just die?!” you scream with tears running down your evil, evil face. “Why does he have to get in my way. Why can’t he ruin some other evil person’s life, like Dick Cheyney, or Donald Trump or someone!” 

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Harry…

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askmab JUST DREW THIS FOR ME!!! SQUEEEEEE!!!!

Harry Dresden as a Gryffindor casting his Mouse patronus!!!!

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What I wouldn’t give for a good Dresden Files/Harry Potter fanfic though.

I mean Dresden charges in like a bloody freight train.

Hogwarts wouldn’t know what hit it.

Hopefully it would still be standing at the end of the fic.

But seriously, Dresden would make one kick ass DADA teacher.

I think he and the treo would get on quite well.

“Oh cool, you faught a basalisk with a sword to protect your best friends little sister? That’s awesome! And shit, I’ve heard about what happened in your first year. I suck at chess! And I really suck at exams. And you know a warewolf? Cool! Me too. Let me tell you abotu the time I started a war with vampires dressed only in a pair of underpants.”

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sugar we’re going to azkaban