rose5393

[rose5393]

Yesterday was a bit of a mess Lucas one year of no self harm turned out so wrong we almost lost him then my friend got high and I had to make sure she didn't do anything stupid but atleast I got some work done for my role-play server for the Dream SMP hoping to try and get more work done tonight

[rose5393]

Been eating the past 2weeks and I'm proud of my self I am finally moving past my past the nightmares are slowly going down from almost every night to once to almost not once a week 🤗

[rose5393]

Me and my friend Lucas are gonna hangout tomorrow night I'm so excited because know we can get to know each other and maybe someday be close friends like we once were

[rose5393]

I ate dinner but the best part of today was how Rick stayed w me in call for hours talking despite him having class tbh he didn't have to do it but I'm glad he was here to hangout w me today and other thing that made me happy Skyler is talking to Lucas even though he hurt her and he is being patient with her and me so I'm happy to have him as my friend because he is willing to wait no matter the amount of time to be my friend again and I'm glad because that gives me time to try and change so I don't even lose him as a friend 🙂😊

[rose5393]

Also not in the mood to eat today had a rough night w my mom and dad yelling again 😒 😔 😢 had barly got any sleep 💤 😴 😕 maybe tomorrow I may feel like eating

[rose5393]

I ain't planning on posting them but ima try and use them for my video and show people how Vylad really thinks of his community

[rose5393]

I fucking hate how everyone doesn't always have consequences for there actions I'm just sick and tired of fighting I'm trying my hardest to Mange everything and to handle everything but not everything is easy for everyone I was never thought how to control my emotions and how to act and stuff like that so no wonder this pissed me off so much because its from some of the biggest people that are in said community

I really wanna stop this but I really don't know how to . . . . . Not every solution is crystal clear . . . .

[rose5393]

No Nightmares for about 5days know kinda surprised thats a new record

[rose5393]

First Time Eating in a few days ;-;

[rose5393]

You never wanna bother to give me a chance and even if you did you allways though I was lieng so thanks Mom and Dad For Everything and for Praticly Nothing

[rose5393]

My mom found the packages I was going to send out as gift to my friends and started lecturing me about it how I'm keeping things hidden but this is something I didn't think you would be interested in you never seemed interested whenever I talked about video games and worst of all she talked about how she didn't trust me because I never bothered to build a relationship with them witch is not true I always went out even when I really hated it I still tried my best to have fun and whenever we went out as a Family I always wanted to be happy and try and have fun but never had I thought that maybe it was my fault? Because I when I was little I lied a bit and that was because I was scared but as I grew older I started to tell them the truth more ofc they didn't belive me at first they trusted me again but one day when I dropped my bike to hard on the ground I told them what happend and they didn't belive me they thought someone ran it over witch was not true so I never full learned to trust my parents because they never believed me thats a fact because they allways say how I was the one who was messing up and making mistakes and how I shouldn't be making this many mistakes and the reasoning why I never asked for help is because you never thought me how and even if I wanted to ask a peer I had no one to talk to because of the bullying so thanks for teaching me everything But you never learned to trust me never will you ever do so nor you nor my brother because all you ever think is I'm hiding something or im lieing in one way or another

[rose5393]

Some nights I Can't sleep like its hard for me to fall asleep at all so I have to wait a decent amount of time before falling asleep some nights I'm really tired and fall asleep instantly and when thoes days come then I get nightmares about my 2 BFF sometimes about my mom sometimes I have them about my parents fighting it really depends on the kind of day I had if I had a bad and upsetting day I get really bad nightmares but if I had a decent day then its not to bad but its still painful to rewatch

[rose5393]

Life is like puzzle you need to find were you fit in and thats ok but what makes this world so cruel is that fact that some peeps think there better then everyone els and that's what really makes me sad to see 👀 😢 😔

[rose5393]

I was also bullied threw out my middle and high school year for being in the IEP program just because I had difficulty learning . . .

[rose5393]

Born into a European family is nice when your the 2ns child, I was hit twice by my mom with a belt and she does not remeber,I was put in and IEP(Independent Education Program) Because I had a hard time learning then I lost my BFF after that happend I struggled to make any social interactions then the nightmares began after that I lost my 2nd BFF to bullying . . . After finally graduating with the reset of my class I put back into the program because I had trouble learning French and math then meet my first real friend in high school after that I joined discord later that same year I lost my grandfather then the Lucas situation happened then recently in 2019 I lost my grandmother and after graduation with my class for a 2nd time I struggled in college to try and get into the program I need to so I can be teacher . . .

[rose5393]

You think 🤔 that sometimes that someone thinks they know you but they have no clue on what's happening behind the scenes

[rose5393]

I really hate trying to talk to someone because I feel like I'm just a big bother and then that's probably why I suck at social interactions because I no one ever teached me how to deal with emotions and how to talk to people