rosefaint

[rosefaint]

... it lives inside me like a curse or blessing.

i was on my own with my broken self ; my grief, my terror, my terror that my life was broken, that no one would ever truly see me or know me again.

# 𝐆𝐗𝐓𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐒 - independent, low-activity, extremely headcanon based and canon divergent portrayal of 𝙹𝚄𝙳𝙰𝙸 𝚈𝚄𝙺𝙸, the current vessel of gentle darkness, from 𝚈𝙶𝙾! 𝙶𝚇. multiple verse and timeline will gladly be explored, including his past life and heavy connection to haou / supreme king. dearly cherished by ailli.

[rosefaint]

hehehehehehehe.

[rosefaint]

farewell.

[rosefaint]

𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐃 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍'𝐒 𝐁𝐔𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐍, 𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐕𝐄𝐈𝐋𝐒 𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍'𝐒 𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐒. their blood flowing through her veins like honey nectar masquerading as salvation. her once fatigue ribs resonates eden through her lungs, and the undeniable truth remains that her savior was also your tormentor. her lavender heart once beat as one alongside cherry blossom and ruby ichor. her memories is lace with empathy, and through this connection she understood the gruesome reality of the cursed twins. her chest ache and she is drowning in her kin's woes. she is not shizuka, and yet her reflection lingers alongside her visage. maria averts her trembling gaze and sighs solemnly in response. nimble fingers curls against the crook of her umbrella, and it was clear how small she truly felt against the sharpness of your voice.

❝ i — no, you are correct. ❞ a dainty admission brushes from her mouth, where she understood the reality of their interaction. she is not shizuka, and thus her apology means nothing. regardless of the guilt eating inside her soft spoken heart, this too meant absolutely nothing. ❝ this has nothing to do with me, ❞ yet everything blurs each time she feels the kuruizaki-hime's blood flows down her throat. ❝ but nonetheless, i truly do offer my apology. ❞

𝐈𝐑𝐄  𝐖𝐀𝐒  𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓  `𝐏𝐎𝐍  𝐙𝐄𝐑𝐎'𝐒  𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐖𝐈𝐍𝐊𝐋𝐄  𝐎𝐑𝐁𝐒.  the  audacity  she  had  to  say  such  words  made  his  trigger  finger  twitch.  her  only  saving  𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐞  was  that  they  were  both  among  others  in  the  hallway  of  the  academy  (   that  &  he  had   promised  someone  that  he  wouldn't  cause  a  scene.   )

had  it  not  been  for  that,  bloody  rose  would  have  ended  the  vampire  that  stood  before  him  in  an  instant  sans  hesitation.  however,  it  was  hard  for  him  to  actually  move  once  the  adrenaline  had  washed  away.  what  he  was  left  with  was  a  feeling  of  utter  anxiety, &  it  took  a  lot  for  him  not  to  hunch  over  &  lose  his  lunch.

he  inwardly  cursed  at  himself  &   the  fact  that  he  had  not  yet  fully  overcome  his  phobia.  ❝  spare  me  your  apology  vampire  ──  𝐲𝐨𝐮  𝐰𝐡𝐨  𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐫  𝐚𝐧  𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐲  𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞  𝐭𝐨  𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭  𝐰𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.  be  it  false  or  genuine,  it  won't  bring  back  the  dead.  nor  will  it  make  me  𝐡𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧  once  more.  ❞  his  deep  voice  rang  throughout  the  hallway  before  he  managed  to  take  a  few  steps  away  from  the  other.

[rosefaint]

𝐎𝐁𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐕𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐎𝐍𝐋𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐈𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 𝐎𝐅 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒. a classical tale about a sheltered aristocrat unsure by the cruelties of life. her innocent eyes no doubt a beacon untouched, never once participating the agony known as hardship. your life is but a story to her, similar to roman tragedies and dionysian madness. she finds you peculiar, intrigued by such affectionate outburst. it was contagious / a stupor of drunken proclamation. she has once read that : men who are in love, become blind to everything else. she wonders if that was true in regards to you as well.

❝ she is very lucky to have someone care so much for her dream. ❞ she sighs almost dreamingly, ❝ perhaps if you are successful, maybe you will gain her favor quite greatly. i am truthfully inspired.❞

he   smiles   like   a   𝙻𝙾𝚅𝙴𝚁   caught   in   𝙰𝚁𝙳𝙴𝙽𝚃   𝙱𝙻𝙸𝚂𝚂   ,   yet   his   eyes   ,   transparent   and   distant   ,   do   not   quite   meet   the   mirth   that   hangs   upon   𝙰𝙳𝙾𝚁𝙸𝙽𝙶   𝙻𝙸𝙿𝚂   .      he   is   not   even   here   ,   he   is   somewhere   else   ,   𝐀   𝐏𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐄   𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐓   𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐍𝐎𝐓   𝐁𝐄   𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐃   .

❝   there   is   someone   . . . ,   ❞   he   admits   earnestly   ,   innocently   ,   deceptively   ,   ❝   . . .   a   woman   more   important   to   me   than   anyone   else   .   ❞      ᴸᵃᶜᶦᵉ   .     Lᴀᴄɪᴇ   .     ₗₐ𝒸ᵢₑ   .     𝘓𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘦   .     𝕃𝕒𝕔𝕚𝕖   .     ＬＡＣＩＥ   ! !     ❝   i   must   have   her   dream   fulfilled   ,   you   see   . . .     it   is   something   only   i   can   do   .   ❞

[rosefaint]

* 𝐎𝐍 𝐒𝐄𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 , 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐆𝐇𝐓 .

@rosefaint glomps on him so tight " taku dummy why you leave " :c

𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐈𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄-𝐎𝐔𝐓 , 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐂𝐑𝐀𝐖𝐋𝐄𝐃 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐀 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐄𝐍𝐓'𝐒 𝐂𝐎𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐑.    a lover's smile like a stitched cut corrupt with melancholy, mumbling enforced half-truths.  a stranger’s face askew, wearing the lover’s skin.  a paper-white corpse walking away from its grave and stumbling back into life.  a doll flashing a crack making its timely progress across its porcelain, sitting still, like fangs, brittle.  like the husk of a star, hollowed of its serenity, his blood cold and bland, iron replete with repulsive memory he’d rather entirely censor. the spiders did not stop crawling all over him, white noise buzzed within the limbs.  the shame of it, the shame to have needed and felt at all.  the shame to have eaten from someone else’s pulse, gilded and rotten ichor hitting the brain, a drug etching the imprint into the system, it shot savagely through the veins and to the synapses, hooked for dependence he did not ask for.  the shame continued to eat on his insides, his pretty green orbs hid away murkily behind half-open lids.  he, both, burned his eyes when looking, and desperately, needily wanted to look into the light, be worthy of his silver lining's welcoming visage.  be blinded, be loved again, be warm again, be full again, be eaten again the way he wanted, be anything again but this.  this.  this empty, dead entity that did not even qualify as monster.  starved and deformed imposter, ugly abomination reduced to animal impulse.

light bent and wrapped her arms around the corruption, he could not rob his loved one of her needs much longer.  a year lined with eternity did not, by itself, repair its broken stuffing.  a year withdrawn from love was a cruelty only comprehensible when experienced, his madness edged closer the tighter his love pressed against him.  “ m— “  the remaining impact of your embrace interrupted him speaking your name in a prayer ;  praying harder as he sucked in air stinging like pure peppermint leaf, stabbing the gullet  “ maria  —  maria ! “  i’m sorry… i’msorry i’msorry i’msorryi’msorry i’m sorry i’m sorry !!  “ i hold you, i’m here … ”  his arms surrendered their affections to the form of your upper body, your arms, all around him, squeezed till he hurt and he liked that he did.  he deserved that he did.  hold me till i break, he thought but dared not utter.  it'd be not fair to ask for this much.  it was due punishment to have his nose buried against the crook of your neck without a bite digging in, mouth mouthing, its gape ghosting more prayer, hushing itself quieter  “ i missed you— “  ‘ where have you been, where have you been ?! ‘  “ ... i can't say “  he crumbled to a whimper, half-pleading for the leash on his neck to end him there.  ‘ but i looked everywhere for you ! ‘  

hold me tighter till i break, then he thought but dared not ask for it.

however, what he asked had been “ you did ? ”  there was the sudden, indescribable hope leaking its bioluminescent rivers from the stitched cut.  the leash pulled but it did not matter.  the stabbed gullet spread agony upon the throat but it did not matter.  the mouth against your neck grimaced its sadness into the lover’s face but it did not matter.  all that mattered was you. you. you.  your skin, your hair, your nails, your yells, your laughter, your heart-beat pounding against him, your presence seeping between the cracks, perfectly in all their splendor, perfect in their imperfection.  his prayers were answered.  there was rapture, there was salvation, there was a redemption he clung to.  there was a god, there was heaven, and the starved demon witnessed it nuzzled and nestled and cradled within his arms. and then, there was penitence. " if only i could turn back time. "

[rosefaint]

Rainer Maria Rilke, from a letter featured in The Dark Interval: Letters on Death

[rosefaint]

im not up to date with memories, but milf maria taking in this kid --- i want more of that.

[rosefaint]

𝐒𝐇𝐄 𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐁𝐎𝐑𝐒 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐋𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍. the look of shame latching onto the pearly complexion of delicate frame. she feels a knot nestle within the depths of her throat, lounging alongside this cadaver of maiden ribs. she nods understandably, her feminine physique too fragile elaborate upon. ❝ it is was not my sin to bear, ❞ she recognizes softly, despite the murmuring of her chest. it tenses up, tightens, and in truth she has lost herself within the spiritual pool of ancestral succor. ❝ nevertheless i did cause everyone quite a bit of inconvenience... so i apologize for that truly. i hope for a chance to start over with everyone. ❞

'..I know what you had done was not your own doing, you don't need to explain yourself to me.'

[rosefaint]

Clarice Lispector, from An Apprenticeship or, The Book of Delights written in 1969

[rosefaint]

𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐂𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

because canon is dumb and my girl deserves so much better.

01. despite canon claiming that the kurenai family is only a very distant relative to the hio clan, my portrayal chooses to omit that line. the hio and kurenai family, per my interpretation, is closely related to the point where maria truly does possess physical features similar to shizuka. however, because the kurenai family chooses to stand away from politics, they are not as prominently known to the newer generation of aristocratic vampires. older aristocrats and politicians are aware of their existence, but dismisses them largely due to their eccentric and private lifestyle.

02. realistically there was no way for maria to be "gifted" at learning weapons. she was born ill and by the time she was able to actually do something, shizuka had already taken over her frail body. maria was raised reading books and being homeschool all of her life---- and thus any physical strain should be considered impossible until shizuka's blood started to heal her. therefore, no, maria is not gifted in learning how to fight. she is ( depending on timeline ) a beginner. yes, it was likely she did gain an interest in fighting with a sword based on her interaction with both shizuka and ichiru, but neither of them bothered to teach her. she learned it on her own, through hard work and determination.

03. the sequel for some strange reason insist on making maria more "rebellious" and "political". however, based on what we knew about maria during school phase : she was extremely feminine and shy. her interest was never about politics, but rather home economics and making sweets. she wanted to make friends and find some semblance of normal --- especially since she was isolated for a good portion of her life. therefore, it is rather tricky and difficult for me to believe she simply decided to be a resistance leader just because of someone who canonly didn't really pay much attention to her. it is pitiful. therefore, i am more content of portraying a maria who is confident with herself and interest. i want her to focus on being her own person, rather than try to become "the woman her one-sided crush like".

04. also maria does not "magically get healed" by the time the sequel happens lmao. shizuka died before she was able to completely heal maria---- that is a fact. maria was able to gain strength during the night time, but the moment day hits, she reverts back to her frail self. therefore : shizuka only partially healed maria. there is absolutely no explanation to why she suddenly lost her illness, and i refuse to abide by convenience of it all. maria continues to have her illness throughout her adulthood.

[rosefaint]

KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER . > [ REPOST , DO NOT REBLOG ]

name :  ailli

pronouns : she / her

preference of communication :  tumblr ims or discord ; i prefer discord since tumblr ims is still lame and i am less likely to forget to reply when its discord.

name of muse(s) : so many muses .... but i think i'm mostly known for stewa nox fluwret

platforms you’ve used :  mostly tumblr, i did tried deviant art in the very long distant past and a forum or two.

best experience : creating and plotting out wonderful interactions with friends. i really do enjoy creating a bond outside of character interaction with other muns, and i personally feel that brings more flavor in the interactions. sometimes i do like to indulge in silly character moments, or crack on dash, but that has been a rather long hot while. but honestly, its really the friendship with muns that i feel can curate the rp experience --- especially since now we are all more or less much busier with life. it's just nice to plot things out behind the scenes.

rp pet peeves / dealbreakers :  oh boy, oh boy, i have many pet peeves. but frankly i do not like seeing "witch's hunts" on the dashboard. i firmly believe we are responsible for our own space, and should not force others to "pick and choose", or rather cater their blogs to other people's experiences. it is exhausting playing tippy toes around others and be expected to "keep up" with the latest drama. it is not fun for the dash, and it is very annoying to face backlash when a majority of the people do not actually care or engage in such behavior.

fluff, angst, or smut: born for fluff, ends up triggering angst. listen i love getting emotional over my muses and making them struggle.

plots or memes: i prefer plotting simply because i love having a generic idea where our muses interaction are going. not to mention, life is busy. sometimes we just do not have time to sit down and reply to thread. i, myself is very guilty of that. hence why i just love plotting things behind the scenes and just building interaction even if realistically we might not get the chance to formerly write about it. plus i believe plotting help strengthen ooc dynamics between muns which is just as precious.

best time to write:  ... i work 6 days a week, with overtime.... i do not have a specific time where i can just sit down and write. i am very sporadic as a writer and most days i just don't write at all. i am slow and maybe it takes me months to reply to threads ---- but i am present, and i encourage ooc simply because plotting can advance interactions far quickly then ic responses.

are you like your muse(s):  no.

[rosefaint]

❝ you're very good at the queen's blood, i am really impressed. ❞. //@souljaaboi

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❝ i admit that i was very startled at the beginning, but ... you do not seem like a scary person. ❞. // @krosakis

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❝ thank you kaname-sama.... for allowing me to stay, i will try my best not to cause any more trouble. ❞. // @akuyakv

[rosefaint]

❝ i'm sorry ... i understand that it may not mean anything to you, but i am truly sorry. ❞ // @vancreux

[rosefaint]

❝ i'm not nervous because you are a vampire hunter p-promise. it's just ... well, i am still trying to get used to interacting with others. ❞ // @meteorea