roseyakat-blog

[roseyakat-blog]

just landed in Jax another month of long distance! even after 3 years my heart pounds like CRAZY when I see him again! he always looks different, im so nervous!! here for four days. and back to Chicago. I'm so ready to be back in my world, where I belong with him. and my Ronnie. and my Ralphie. talk about surviving long distance oh my !! stomache is so weak

[roseyakat-blog]

just landed in Jax another month of long distance! even after 3 years my heart pounds like CRAZY when I see him again! he always looks different, im so nervous!! here for four days. and back to Chicago. I'm so ready to be back in my world, where I belong with him. and my Ronnie. and my Ralphie. talk about surviving long distance oh my !! stomache is so weak

[roseyakat-blog]

intro to self

Hey Self. Hey tumblr. This blog is truly and really dedicated to my life. Its going to be my journal and hardrive.

Its truly insane, i haven’t seen or touched ANY social media in about 3 years. Im not kidding, seriously nothing.

so these trends. these jokes. these interests. it all seems from another planet, another world

i really am out of touch. who the hell is melanie martinez? what does Rose’ all day mean? wtf and where am i ? 

thats how my brain is seeing the world. Music ? wow i cant even comprehend these artists. I have not had cable nor social media.

i really dont think many of you can understand how different that makes the world in ones eyes.

i tried interacting with a group  of mid 20′s. i felt fake and soul less. and then i looked over and saw my jose. on the same brain level feeling the same as me, unreadable. unreal. surrounded by repeat personalities trying so hard to interact in such a fake drunk vision.  there was not a whisper of genuine around. 

i cant even consume alcohol. I see it as pouring poison down my throat to blur receptors in my brain, cloud judgement and awareness in the fakest fog. Thank god i have joseph.

i had nothing in common as they chugged beers and pretend they cared about dogs and sang “ive got a pocket full of sunshine”

I have seen too much, and been too low. i’ve seen the ugliest of the ugly. . i cant relate. nor can i relate when i come back “home” to this traditional arabic sophistication 

ANYWAYS

The point here being. I need an interaction with the world somehow. I cant always be a ghost  I understand the importance of social media in this age. But i STILL cannot fully stomach it. Plus, me and jose break and lose our phones every 3-4 months. and with it goes a bunch of memories and trips we can never get back because we dont do shit like upload to fb. we dont have facebook. they are gone forever. and i AM SO SICK OF LOSING MEMORIES

So this is our fast paced memory book. our journal. our blog. Its mine. But he is always in everything that sparks any happiness in me 

I vow to never post any of this try-hard bull crap. im not into it. 

Im not going to post sad emotional pain that i dont have. i did have more than i could bear. Im free now. So i wont ask for pity parties like all these blogs do.

it doesnt define me.   i lived in the streets alone and scared every night. Yet i am emotionally fine, stable. even pleased.  So no, no pity party posts, slit my wrists and Lana Del rey. Not in my mature version.

I vow to not post fandom b.s. Sorry, you’re all cool, but i’m comfortable with being alone. My soul is not looking to connect with a group of people. Its at peace. 

 I vow  to not take prepared sefies, re-take photos for the point of being the prettiest i can be. I cant stomache it. sometimes i’m pretty.. sometimes i look scary and unfeminine. 

No ass shots. No baiting. No begging for attention or trying to prove how unique and cool i am.

I am not here for followers or fame. 

I am raw. I will be raw. 

& sometimes raw. is average.

This is just my fast paced confused gypsy life