rowan-hastings-blog

[rowan-hastings-blog]

📞Issy ➡ RowRow

Issy: "It okay, I think. He ran into Cass at the carnival and I guess he was about to wolf out so he brought her back our place to lock her up. He called me, said she was locked up and when I got there he was trying to stop her from getting away. She was... wolfed out. She attacked him. Minor injuries, he was healing pretty well when they got him on the ambulance. Cassie is... I think she's okay. We got her contained." Issy was pacing at this point. "Last time I saw her she was with Cat." She answered. "Dash should be at the hospital now though. I'm sure they'll let him out by the end of the night."

Rowan: "What a mess.. I'm glad you guys got it under control though. Of course Dash was being heroic and brave, thats not new. Healing or not, I've got to get over there. Did you talk to her? Let her know its not her fault?" He asked, wanting to make sure of that, taking a beat as he considered everything. "Issy are you okay? That can't have been.. easy for you. I'll call Cat and fetch Val, then go there. I just have to tell Joslyn first." He sighed a little, shaking his head softly even though she couldn't see it. "Why can't we ever have a quiet celebration of something? Every time we try.."

[rowan-hastings-blog]

📞Issy ➡ RowRow

Issy: Hearing him answer, she let out an audible sigh of relief and she prepared to give him the news but paused at his words. "I've actually been with Delilah most of the day, but not the point." She paused for a moment, that was not why she was calling him and she knew she was just putting off a difficult conversation. "Dash is on his way to the hospital right now. There was an accident with Cassie. He's gonna be alright. Darcy is with Fallon right now so she's alright but I just thought you should know."

Rowan: Hearing her sigh, he couldn't help but frown, wondering what was going on, or if his intuition was totally off. "Lucky her I guess.. okay?" He waited, sure now that he had not been off, there was something wrong. Hospital! Holy hell. "Thats.. What happened? How bad is it? Is Cassie okay? But.. then who has Valarie?" He kept flinging questions her way, starting to pace back and fourth, eying the street for cabs, if he oughtn't just run over there.

[rowan-hastings-blog]

📞Issy ➡ RowRow

Issy: Cassie had attacked Dash. They'd stopped her from seriously hurting anyone but three people were still going to the hospital because of it. Picking up her phone she called Rowan, unsure how she was going to explain to him what had happened to his brother because of Cassie. Listening to the phone ring she waited anxiously for him to answer.

Rowan: He was leaning against one of the tables by the Block Party, waiting for Joslyn to return with their third round of drinks, when his phone rang.

Rowan: Hi Is! Whats up? Thought you'd be all caught up with Jamie by now.

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

“Ah, so it’s kinda like a morning after gesture too then.” Though teasing, she remembered that she’d been the one not there in the morning, even though Joslyn had silenced herself with reassurances that she’d at least left a heartfelt note. Licking her lips, the Original dropped the subject. “What’re you doing again?” She asked quickly, hoping Rowan wouldn’t linger too long on the memory again. His question about her inebriated state caused an actual laugh, almost a cackle, to rise out of her. “Yeah, yeah I am. I’m a whooole lot of things drunk.” Intentionally, she didn’t answer, bating his curiosity with an amused, mischievous smirk.

She could feel his eyes studying her, causing Joslyn in turn to take her precious time looking through the basket, giving nothing away with how she felt about it. Touched? Yes, absolutely. Awkward? A bit, but only because she didn’t know what it meant, having this picnic, to her mainly. “Is it? I wasn’t aware….oh, so that’s why Margaret made absolute sure that I was going to be in town and that I was going to grace the residents with my presence and be a Girl Scout today.” It was a grumble, though Maggie hadn’t been as overbearing as she could’ve been, her worries elsewhere. But she had stressed that Joslyn at least behave. Bribed, is more like it. Joslyn demanding something in return. Blackmail, actually.

Eager to take her mind off her siblings, his nudge jolting her out of it, Joslyn focused back on Rowan, adjusting her body to face him, much like on her bed that day. “Yeah? Tell me more. What is dating you like?” She hoped the subject would remain light and airy, her heart not able to take much more of the confusing plethora of feelings and self-doubt and worry.

Morning after? Ro felt his eyes widen a little, knowing she was teasing but unsure what to make of it. Had he gone too big? But if he had, then he would suspect that she would be carrying another tune, or rather make some other type of comment. “That Joslyn code meaning you like it?” He half teased, still trying to suss that out, hopeful that this breakfast would be one where they could keep a light and good tone. In the past they had found themselves having some very intense, very real conversations, which he in no way regretted, but aiming for fun and light might be good for them too. “I’m babysitting Valarie. Taking her to the kid zone where they have a lot of fun stuff for the little ones. Gives Dash the opportunity to have a little breathing room, and I get to spend time with Val. She’s the cutest baby girl.” He smiled, thinking of that little girl, one of the two that had brought him such light ever since he moved in with his brother. He was so fortunate to have a family, one that kept him going. “Guess I’ll have to find out sometime.” He raised his brows a little towards her, small grin slipping on. She was a piece of work, but in mostly good ways.

There weren’t that many obvious paths for them to take. This could either go forward or it could stop, either way he was sure of what he wanted. Though he wasn’t so sure of what she might want. He was hoping that with time, she might figure that out, that he might be able to show her that she could love again. Nodding a bit he found himself curious, as always with her. “Does it bother you a lot? Representing your family like that?” he asked tone a bit soft. He couldn’t really grasp the extent of what it meant, being a founder. Belonging to a founding family. His was very normal and casual in comparison.

Tilting his head a little, leaning sideways, his palm against the blanket holding his weight up, he kept his gaze on her, alert and warm. His confidence threatening to waver as she challenged him a little, asking him to elaborate. In truth Rowan hadn’t dated enough to have a firm grasp on what it was like for someone to date him. He only knew that he had never treated any girl badly. That he had been raised to treat every person he met with kindness and an open mind, with respect. “Dating me is a lot like this. You get dates with decent food, my full attention, hopefully some laughs. I’m actually not a bad cook so me making you meals is definitely part of the package. So is riding and making out in a police cruiser if thats of any interest.” He knew some of these things might be very.. mundane and lame and maybe not that exciting? But in his mind, anything done with her was exciting and exhilarating and a journey in itself.

About that basket | Joslyn&Rowan

[rowan-hastings-blog]

“I do not understand. I can’t come?” He asked the four year old, playfully but gently tugging one of her braids. “No. No grown ups allowed!!” she exclaimed, giving him one of her cute, yet mischief-y smiles. He sighed, though gave her a nod. “Alright then. Uncle Rowan will watch you play and be really really sad he can’t join. So you tell me when I can, alright?” He only got a playful laugh and a nod before she was racing off with two friends, from daycare he suspected, saying hello to one of the girls moms, though his eyes didn’t leave Darcy. Rowan couldn’t help but feel a bit paranoid when she was playing by herself and telling him he couldn’t be close. He understood that she needed space, wanted to play with her friends without too much, or if any at all, adult supervision, but he worried all the same. Worried that something would happen the second he turned his back and he would have to explain an injury, even the smallest one, to his brother, and then spend the rest of the month feeling increasingly guilty about it. Hearing his name called, he cast a glance in that direction, eying Cat where she sat on the ground. With an easy smile he headed over, sitting down beside her, having a decent view towards where Darcy was playing. “Hey stranger.” he half teased, giving her shoulder a small nudge with his own. “Its okay I guess. One day at a time.” He shrugged a bit, not entirely sure if there was a correct answer to that questions. Some days, he felt almost as if back to normal. But those were usually the days where he met no resistance, where all was good, or Joslyn was replying to his text, or like today, where all was fun and easy. Other days on the other hand.. When he burt the toast, and spilled coffee and his case load looked luminous and heavy. “She’s over there on the bungee jump castle.” he nodded towards it. “How are you doing Cat?” 

@rowan-hastings

A designated kid zone at the Carnival was the smartest idea that she had seen yet. She was able to sit and watch the twins play with other kids, and even if they hadn’t entirely grasped the concept of playing with others, they were babbling happily. The older kids, like most children, loved the babies and she felt comfortable enough keeping one eye on them while she paid attention to the other parents around her. It had been a while, too long, since she had last talked to Rowan and she called his name, patting the ground next to her in invitation. She knew from taking to Dash that things hadn’t exactly improved, and she wanted to make sure that if there were things he needed to get off of his chest he was talking to someone. She knew what loss could do to a person, and she would never want to see Rowan end up like she had after her parents had died, when she had kept everything in and let it corrupt her, turning her into a bitter shell of herself. “I haven’t seen you in a while, how’s everything going? Where’s Darc?”

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

“Trying to get on my good side this early in the morning? Smartest move you’ve ever made, Rowan.” The Original teased with a nudge as she sat beside him, brushing aside the compliment, but relishing it it all the same. “Oh? The daring question of to get drunk or not to get drunk today, mm?” Joslyn grabbed the basket, placing it on top of her crossed legs. “Do I get to see what’s inside?” Without a yes or no, she had already opened it, taking out the contents one by one and announcing them out loud as she went, and yes, noticing the heart shaped milk chocolates. Everything was splayed out and Joslyn put the basket to the side, hands falling onto her legs with an audible smack. “So. What’s the occasion? Or are you trying to show me what dating you is like? Reeling me in?” It was like night and day, her personality around him right now. The other day, she hadn’t dared herself to easily talk about the possibility of dating him, had even avoided him all together. But figuring that if she remembered what they’d been like when they’d first kissed, maybe it wouldn’t be so terrifying. Baby steps. Joslyn actually in a good mood, pleasantly surprised at how this meeting had turned out, expectations not high due to past ‘dates’ with others. 

“Well ahm I figured since I won’t be able to spend the entire day with you, we’d get off to a good start with breakfast.” He half explained, sending her one of those goofy guy smiles of his. This day was one he had needed to plan, finding that he suddenly had not only his family to set aside time for, but her as well. “Are you as feisty drunk as you are sober? Because in that case, for my own safety, I better opt for not.” Ro wiggled his eyebrows a little at her, though sobering up a bit as she reached for the basket. “Uhm yes of course. Go ahead.” He allotted, though it would hardly have mattered, her impatience seemed to be way ahead. Watching with a curious and somewhat nervous gaze he did not say anything as she named the items one by one. Was it too much? Too little? He absolutely could not tell just by studying her face, as always she proved herself to continue to be quite the enigma. Another riddle he was still learning how to solve, lacking the key answers to. A touch of innocence upon his face, Rowan casually lifted his shoulders into a shrug. “Its founder’s day. Don’t you know miss founder?” He teased at first, though solemnly adding: “Maybe I am. If you can’t tell yet dating me can be pretty great.” He nudged her shoulder with his, small grin playing on his lips. Now he was not a bundle of confidence, but some of those words he did want to believe in. Maybe if he did then she would too one day.  

About that basket | Joslyn&Rowan

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

“At 8AM!?” Joslyn groaned out loud, staring at the text with sleepy eyes, keen ears having made the first vibration from her phone sound like a chainsaw right beside her. ‘Love’, the word again lighting up in her mind like a neon bar sign, Joslyn shaking it away. Thankfully the male had let the topic drop, but not without stressing to her that she was worthy of it, and instead asked her out to the event. Alone, she allowed an excited smile to make itself present, the text exchange having charged up an Original who loved her beauty rest with anticipation. Hopping into the shower, another repetition of their conversation the other day running through her mind, the brunette agreeing to not run, for real this time, and make an effort to allow herself to be present in these moments with Rowan. 

Strutting out, confidence radiating off of her thanks to her new outfit and maybe that Rowan was putting her in a good mood these days, Joslyn scanned the park, not pausing for one second, relishing in staring eyes. When she spotted him, that same smile from earlier wanted to form again, but she fought it down, settling for a smirk instead as she waltzed up to him. “This seat taken?” Now she let herself pause and take in the scene–Rowan on a picnic blanket. “Did you steal eggs and a keg?”

Unlike most Rowan was an early riser. He had been ever since childhood, far too curious and restless to stay asleep for long. Over the years, as his bad habits had been created and more and more time was spent awake instead of sleeping, he was quite used to the early rise or the long days on few hours of sleep. Now he understood, to a degree, from her texts that Joslyn was not. Curious that seeing as there were great debates in vampire lore on wether or not vampires did indeed sleep. Maybe he could be assured that she did. Moving the basket twice, Rowan found himself needing everything to be perfect today. He feared he had messed up the last time they hung out, being brutally honest and creating more of a challenge for Joselyn to stay put and feel as if he was not someone to run from. But hopefully some of that could be remedied with this picnic. Or, his backup plan to put his faith in would be that with time she would grow accustomed to the idea of being loved again. That all she might need, was a little time to accept it all. A guy could hope, right? 

He was readjusting the blanket for the fourth time when that cute steady voice sounded. It was not all that uncommon for her to take him a bit by surprise. “Actually yes, its reserved for the prettiest brunette I know. Have you seen her around?” He said, a playful tone at the ready, giving her a loop sided smile. “Ahm.. no, not exactly.. but I did bring both alcoholic and non-alcoholic beverages. Figured it couldn’t hurt.” He said, nodding to the basket where he had both a bottle of orange jucie, champagne and a couple of beers. Along with the ham and cheese and peanut butter jelly sandwiches, heart shaped milk chocolates and four medium sized chocolate cupcakes. Had it been lunch or dinner, he would certainly have bought burgers but since it was a breakfast meal, he had stayed fairly reasonable, or so he hoped. 

About that basket | Joslyn&Rowan

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About that basket | Joslyn&Rowan

For once, he was well prepared. Getting up before the crack of dawn, Rowan had the entire morning well planned out. Seeing as he had told Dash her would be responsible for Darcy during a decent portion of the afternoon, he was making sure that he and Joslyn would have some time set aside this morning and in the late afternoon, if all were to work out as planned that was. So he had decided to make a basket for her, crossing all his fingers and toes in the hopes that she would like the things he had picked out for them to eat and drink. Truth be told, fine foods was not his strong suite. A short texting series had set the place, the park, and time, eight sharp, for their meet. Setting the basket down at what he thought was a good spot, he laid out the blanket, adjusting it several times, his nerves showing, glance wide and searching as he waited for Jos to show. 

@joslynxblackwell

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↳  INSTAGRAM: @delilahno. uploaded a new photo

ready for a sunny day. us kids, big and small are gonna have a blast! Happy founder’s day everyone :) #hollowgrovefoundersday #outfit #uskids

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isabellecresswell:

Issy was working on a few spells for the basement when she heard the doorbell. Hurrying to the door she pulled it open knowing it was Rowan. On the other side she found him with a very large box and instantly she blurted out. “Is it a puppy?!” She asked in excitement only to be told it was washing machine. Her face scrunched up in confusion. “A washing machine? But I already have a washing machine?” When she’d bought the place Jamie and Gideon had been enormously helpful and they’d made sure that the Cresswell girls were more then taken care of in regards to having everything they needed. “How exactly did you think I was making my clothes pink if I didn’t already have a washing machine, Row?” She asked curiously as she tried to figure out why there was a washing machine on her doorstep right now. While it was incredibly nice of him to do such a thing she had to wonder if he was paying any attention at all when he was talking to her. 

Rowan had a tendency to go a little overboard when he was excited. Granted he had been a little distracted lately, in between unanswered calls and texts. He was on some kind of journey that was unfamiliar and all too new, though he wondered if his best friend couldn’t help him untangle some of the mess created in his head. He raised his brows, biting back a laugh at her question. Though before he could respond, he was hit over the head with a slow dreading realization. Oh no. Had he really.. yes he had. Grimacing Ro sat the machine down, not blocking the door anymore. “Right.. should have gone with the puppy. Its.. sorry, I’ll return it on my way home.” He said, scratching the back of his head in mild embarrassment. “Guess my brain sort of figured your dry cleaner was the problem.” he half mumbled. “Am I still allowed entrance? Or do I have to run over to Furever Pawsitive?” He asked, raising his gaze to meet Issy’s, going for humor to cover just how badly he had just screwed up. 

Back at it | Rowan&Issy

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

Out of the corner of her eye she watched his thumb stroke the skin of the back of her hand, feeling tingles practically spread all over the area. Rowan got her there–she had been the one to convince him to start wanting things, to go after what he’d wanted. Joslyn had mainly meant her, for him to take her as he’d wanted. And he had, in the most gentle and meaningful way possible. “How do I know that?” She asked, her too now finding the courage to push questions. How did she know that his feelings wouldn’t change? That she wouldn’t do something so horrid that he’d run instead? However many years they had together, how did he know?

“Wait–what?” Brown hues locked on his. There was a word that kept jumping out more than the rest of Rowan’s words. “Sorry, pause. Did you just say love?” Was that how he knew? Skeptical expression causing brows to crease together and head to tilt. “Cause…you don’t mean it in that way right? I mean you…you want me. Like you want to be with me, wanna date me, sure, but you don’t–” Joslyn faltered with the rest of her sentence, terrified of asking the question that was there in the air. 

Did he mean that he loved her? Or that there was a chance? Surely he meant that she should eventually open her heart to love, not that he did right now. There wasn’t a chance that Rowan did. She knew she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve any of this and had said so. Yet he’d argued it when she’d brought it up that night. A quick intake of breath, Joslyn needed a drink now. “Or you know–maybe don’t even say anything. You don’t need to say it. If there’s anything to say…which I’m sure there isn’t. Right?”  

The cold pressure of her hand in his did not create chills. It was like how the winter wind would surround you, blow across your face, and as it stung, it would leave you clearheaded, leave you feeling very much awake and present in your own body. It was the good kind of cold. He was using her own words against her, which might not be all that fair, but he had taken those words to heart, chosen to believe in them and act on them. Maybe it was still a bit surprising to her, that out of all of the things he could ave done following that encouragement, he had chosen to go after her. To stated that he did want her, but in a greater sense than most men might. Yes in that moment, when their lips had almost touched, and she had ben urging him to act, he had wanted to sleep with her. But both during and afterwards, he had wanted so much more than that. Was he crazy to? Wanting a relationship with one of the oldest women in the world. Someone who would easily outlive him. Maybe. But Rowan wasn’t thinking three hundred years into the future. He was thinking of right here, right now. “Because I dare say I’m not like most guys you’ve been with. That might be a bold assumption but.. When I give away my heart I actually do mean it. Its not a choice made on a whim or lacking thought. I told you before Jos, I’m not a runner.”

Brows were raised, partly in question, partly in confusion. Had he said something wrong? Rowan titled his head a little, waiting for her to make i clear. Oh. Right.. It was his turn to look away as he grappled with just how honest and forthcoming he ought to be. Of course he hadn’t meant for it to sound like he was already madly in love with her. Given the short amount of time they had actually spent getting to know each other, and the fact that he was fairly certain the entire concept of love would send her running. Biting his lip a little, he didn’t know what at all to say. Truth was that he was falling hard and fast. Which was confusing and scary and not at all familiar to him. He had experienced crushes. Cared for girls before, had one girlfriend for a short period of time, but never actually been in love. So maybe he didn’t know exactly that this was how love felt like. He could certainly hide behind that for a while. But strangely Rowan didn’t want to hide. What was the point of burying your head in the sand and pretending?

“Would that be so bad?” he finally asked, tone more subdued than before, words light and fleeting, showing the mix of knowledge and fear. “Me falling in love with you.” He raised his eyes back up to hers, teeth gnawing on his lip, neves at least shining trough. The silence felt deafening, lay thick and had Ro swallowing hard, once, twice. He was no good at silences like these, they compelled him to fill the void, to make up for the reasons behind them. “Its okay if you don’t feel anything similarly I.. its not been that long and its far too soon I get that I.. Please don’t freak out I’m just trying to be as honest with you as I can and.. maybe you’re right maybe I shouldn’t have said anything but I just..”

[rowan-hastings-blog]

@joslynxblackwell

            I could give you my 𝒅𝒆𝒗𝒐𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏             until the        ——  ᴇɴᴅ of time                                                             and you will  NEVER  be  f o r g o t t e n                                                                             with ME by your side

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

That same sense back then, this feeling of awkwardness and unfamiliarity made Joslyn shift slightly in her seat. Awkward with her loss of words, unfamiliar with the situation. When she was human, courting had been simple, and she had married within the span of a week, just as her other siblings had. But Joslyn had known him, they’d practically grown up together, the same as the rest of the villagers. Now, things were different. Courting was different. It didn’t have to end in marriage. Before Joslyn could realize, the world had changed around her after her broken heart had healed, though she couldn’t muster the courage to fill that emptiness. The love of her life had been her first kill. 

From then on, it was easier to not feel, despite pushing her siblings to do so instead. Love who they wanted, feel what they wanted. It was easier to project it onto them instead of feel it herself. She was almost stunned when Rowan called her out, wondering just how much of herself she’d revealed to him. Okay, she’d revealed a lot. Both bare skin and thoughts. A chip in the walls. Joslyn had told him to expect this, but that she’d try, she’d promised. Which was why she sat here, not running. Joslyn owed him that much, an explanation, and it was time to stop running from herself too. 

I want you. “S-stop saying that…” Now it was a plea, almost a whimper, still barely audible. The way it made her feel just brought back that night, making her dead heart lurch in her chest, stomach doing flip flops. But she liked it, at the same time. Joslyn wanted to hear him say that over and over again, she selfishly craved it. The warmth from Rowan’s hand flooded through her, and it was as though Joslyn could feel every part of him again. Her free hand reached up to rub her brow, his question stirring a wry chuckle that fell away and didn’t surface. It sounded so simple. But it was much more complicated than that, wasn’t it? “I–I don’t…I don’t know. This is just so…” He wanted her. She needed to admit that she wanted him too but she just couldn’t. The second she did, everything would change. Was she prepared for that?”

For once their roles were reversed. She was the awkward one while he was the calm and centered one. He knew what he wanted, and she couldn’t put her own wants and needs into words. Rowan did recall her telling him she had killed her husband after turning. Which was so long ago but given a lot of what she had said, that loss of love might be something she still carried with her. Which only made him more powerless. He couldn’t compel her to give him a chance if her fear of heartbreak was a part of humanity she held on to. He couldn’t make her see that love was worth the risk if she didn’t believe that. And he certainly couldn’t make her trust him with her heart. Those were all choices she had to make for herself. 

“Why?” He asked, voice soft as he rubbed his thumb gently against the top of her hand, still trying to grasp what it was about his words and his intentions that created fear in her. “Its true. Besides you were the one to convince me I had to start wanting things in life for myself not for others. And I want you. Thats not going to change.” Maybe reassurance and a dash of endurance might be what was needed? Rowan could only keep guessing at this point, taking a stab here and there at different approaches. Clearly being confronted like this was upsetting to her. The thought had his stomach curl with tension, realizing that he was adding unintended hurt by voicing his desires, perhaps a bit selfishly. He didn’t want to be another guy added to her endless list of easy conquests, another face to be forgotten. While giving his heart out, offering it to her like this with a sore lack of wariness, did frighten him, he was far more scared of the alternative. Of going on pretending as if he held no love in his heart for her at all. 

“You know you can keep avoiding me, avoiding feelings and possibilities that we might have had and keep shutting love out. I might not have the most experience with relationships or dating, but I do know what a broken heart feels like. What loss of love feels like.” He reasoned, eyes still resting on her all too pretty face. “I can’t ask you to take the risk that comes with oping your heart up to love, and I might not be the guy that you’re willing to do that for. But I might be. If you do decide to trust me, I will do my best not to let you down. Ultimately, the choice is yours Jos.” 

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

Joslyn held back her quip when he only gave a slight shake of his head, strongly sensing that Rowan was not in the mood for her games, her usual antics. Well-deserved on her part. “I don’t know–just…not here.” A glance around them, the cafe emptier than it could’ve been, perhaps because it was during working hours. But Rowan was right, she would most likely run off if she got the chance. He had her right here, catching her off-guard. There was no where to go. Tongue flicked over her lips as Rowan continued, Joslyn shifted forward, cupping her hands around the tinier frame of her emptying espresso. That guilt replaced any anger or annoyance she had initially pushed forward. He had been the one to come to her, not the other way around. It wasn’t as though she’d broadcasted her feelings onto him and he’d run–but it was him. 

…the beginning of something. Of more. A lump formed in her throat at the words, foreign feeling in the pit of her stomach people had come to deem as ‘butterflies’. “It did.” Heart speaking before she could reign it back. Voice barely a whisper, persuasion and sincerity evident. Hesitation halted the flow of words she’d normally use, at a loss with them, a jumbled mess in her brain. “But…what more could you possibly want?” Helpless, again, just like a week ago with him. Joslyn didn’t know what she could give him–it couldn’t be immortality or eternity, that was impossible. “I can’t give you any thing more. I–” A heavy sigh deeming on the edge of frustration toward herself. Joslyn had to look away, his eyes forced her to tell too much, forced her too think too much and feel something. 

Never before had he been put in this kind of position. Not once. Which only served to add to all that he was already feeling and the confusion that was a constant companion these days. Lord knew he had far too little experience with love that was not platonic. Romance in general had never been Rowans forte. When he was younger, he had watched as his best friend, his brother, most of his friends, found high school girlfriends or boyfriends, hook ups or the occasional lover. Though he had had some hook ups here and there, he had been far to busy with his studies and his hobbies to be an avid romancer. On top of that he was painfully awkward with girls. Seemed to say the wrong thing, become too flustered and forget how to speak altogether, make lame jokes. And maybe at times he had been like that with Joslyn. But for the most part, for the first time in what felt like ages, he had grown in confidence and surety. She had made him feel as if he could just be himself. Without any antics or overcompensated tries at charm. But what did that matter if she had no interest in being with him? It was all for naught then.. “You’ll run.. and while I don’t understand why, and I am sorry that this is hard for you, we do need to have this conversation.” He said in return, his voice a tad softer than before. 

Hope shone in his eyes, wild and burning like flames coming alive as a fire was lighted. Ro was tempted to push, though unsure just how far he could before he would risk scaring her off completely. So talk of feelings were challenging for her. He had already gathered as much, it was not a new revelation to be had. “Yeah?” he murmured in return, eying those hands around the coffee cup, tempted to reach for them. Brows furrowed at her question. Here he was thinking he had all but spelled that out for her that night, admitting he wanted her, admitting he liked her, was curious to get to know her. Could it really be that hook ups and one night stands were all she had had in the all but countless years she had walked this earth? “I...I thought that was clear I.. Joslyn I want you. Not just the sex, though I’m not complaining but I want to get to know you.” Sensing her unease he reached out, carefully untangling her left hand so that he could hold it in his own. “You can’t date me?” He prompted, unsure wether to be utterly befuddled by how big of an issue this appeared to be or find it all somewhat amusing, not to mention charming.

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

“I’ll have another espresso.” Joslyn said to the woman as she set down Rowan’s cup, her too not acknowledging. Somehow another presence there made her feel less interrogated, relieved some of the tension, though Rowan’s focus was locked on hers. “Maybe I do.” Suggestive, insinuating an innuendo that failed to form, sensing the question was rhetorical in the first place. Why was she like this? Maggie had always questioned it, that snarky side, the sarcastic wit that became sharp as knives when the emotions threatened to touch her heart when a meaningful conversation surfaced. She and Maggie too had fought recently, and again Joslyn had used her defensive mechanisms before they were yelling at one another. A button easily pressed, anger the first emotion she resorted to rather than actually feeling. 

But there it was. The question she’d been expecting. Right off the bat too, just like how he usually was. Not one to beat around the bush but get straight to the point. “Can we…not do this here?” She murmured, voice barely audible, gaze now on her empty espresso cup, Rowan’s keen hearing easily able to pick it up. Maybe it was her plea, her begging him to not have her go through this again, another moment of questioning herself, letting down those walls. It had been hard enough doing so the first time, but it had also been thrilling in an unexpected way. Their night together meant more to her than she’d realized, or refused to acknowledge. Confusion, fear, like an empty void that longed to be filled but was too stubborn to let it be love to fill it. 

Pressing his lips together in a thin line Rowan only shook his head a little, a small response, though also show of his barley contained frustration, one that came in waves, battling with the insecurities as they spiked and retreated, the same pattern repeated over and over. He’d endured this for the past week, though only in his mind, without the chance to speak of his thoughts or voice his emotions to anyone. He hadn’t wanted to indulge anyone, seeing as he had just admitted to some that he thought he might be about to fall in love with this enigma of a girl sitting in front of him. 

As blunt as the words might sound, Rowan felt his own hands shake where they rested upon the table. He was half expecting her to just.. get it over with. To say the words he thought she might say. When she did not he blinked, momentarily puzzled, though her words poked and prodded and he could no longer contain himself. “Where else would we be doing this Joslyn? Or when for that matter.. you keep running off. Avoiding me as if I’m the last damn person on this planet you’d like to see. I was the one that came to you! I opened up to you and I trusted you, and that meant a whole lot to me. What we had that night that..” He sighed some but continued. “..to me that was the beginning of something. Of more. But when you act like this you leave me wondering if it meant anything to you..” Swallowing hard, he decided he might as well ask the million dollar question. “Did it?”    

[rowan-hastings-blog]

joslynxblackwell:

Okay, yes, she should’ve answered the texts. Yes, she should’ve answered his calls. At least she’d left him on ‘read’ and that way he’d known she wasn’t dead, right? Cringing at the thoughts, Joslyn felt that guilt, ten-fold thanks to her stupid heightened emotions, but the fear outweighed it, causing her to ignore. Absence made the heart grow fonder? Something like that? If anything, Joslyn had been hoping Rowan would eventually hate her and ignore in return, which had been her hope when the attempted contact ceased, to prove to her that he was just like the rest of them. 

Naturally, Joslyn could’ve just used her vampire speed to make a quick exit, but the firmness in Rowan’s tone kept her in place. Mainly out of anger, which was always quick to rise to the surface the second someone attempted to command her, even if it was unintentional. Anger, her defensive shield, well-aware that this whole situation was her fault. “Yes sir.” She retorted back, sliding into her seat across from him, now wishing that she was a witch with the ability to turn any liquid into alcohol. The espresso definitely wouldn’t be strong enough for this moment.

Drumming her fingers lightly on the table, Joslyn’s eyes wandered the cafe, resisting Rowan’s, until she was unable to deny the pull any longer. Breath caught in her throat, but she willed herself to keep her gaze locked with his. Again, like a week ago, the rest of the world seemed to silence and die down to a dull roar. Only Rowan there now in her sight. That intimacy, the memory caused the pit of her stomach to coil tightly, Joslyn reaching for the cup of espresso like a flotation device and taking a sip. “Are we in cop mode today? Am I under investigation?” Her tone was teasing, coy, but expression remained neutral. 

Currently, he couldn’t settle on one emotion. Seeing her again, really seeing her, brought back up a lot. How safe he’d found himself feeling with her, yet that also came with a side of confusion and just a trickle of doubt now. Rowan couldn’t decide if he was the fool here, holding on to a night that she seemed hellbent on forgetting, a night where he had laid all his vulnerabilities bare, out for her to see, hear of and know. Did this avoidance truly mean that she hadn’t meant or would stand by a single thing she had said or done then? Did she regret it all? He was full of questions, hurt that this was how the situation were being handled, confused and unsure as he couldn’t decipher her intentions. 

For a small minute, he didn’t care that he had said something to set her off. That he had acted in a manner that was very unlike him. His frustrations made him bolder than usual, took charge and precedence before gentler emotions. Hearing her tone he bit back a sigh. In no way did he want to hurt her, though she was very good at the cool act, leaving him to only guess at which were true, and which were a front. 

Sinking down on the chair opposite her, barley acknowledging Thalia where she came over with a mug for him, eyes still locked on Joslyn’s face as he quietly pondered where to start, taking back control, decidedly about think before he spoke. Once their gazes met, just as before, the rest of the world just fell away, branded irrelevant and void of interest in the face of her. While Rowan was sacred, scared of what that meant, especially now as she had created some distance between them, he did not wish it away. All he felt for her. “Do you need to be?” It was more of a rhetorical question. She wouldn’t have a reason to if she believed she had done nothing wrong. Wringing his hands in his lap doubt struck again as the door to the sea of endless insecurities opened back up. “So... what did I do wrong?” He asked in a low tone, eyes searching hers for answers. Had he been that terrible to sleep with? Was there something he had said between then and now that had sent her running? Or had she simply realized that she was way out of his league and decided to end whatever this might be between them before it could truly begin? 

[rowan-hastings-blog]

Being back at work was every bit as consuming as he remembered it to be. And exciting, and thrilling and not at all boring. Actually there had not been much of neither sleep nor rest since he was reinstated. Though the days prior, and every small break he did find himself taking, his mind was on her. His work could overshadow anything, which to be fair he was all to aware of and he used it to exactly that purpose at times, but not at first. Not before he begun to realize that what he had thought was Joslyn being busy, was Joslyn avoiding him. Like the damn plague. Multiple times he had caught sight of her, or thought he had, around town, but the second he thought he saw her, she would be gone again, swift as the wind. At first he had thought it a little amusing, wondering if she was toying with him as he had experienced before. But then around the fifth time, and the sixth missed phone call, around the eight unanswered text message, it had dawned on him that she really was quite serious about this. About not seeing him. At all..

What on earth was a guy to think? As four days turned into six and six had now turned into seven, Rowan couldn’t help but come to the conclusion that either she was letting him down in the nicest way she could think of, or he was insane and none of that night at her house had meant anything to her. He couldn’t quite find it in himself to whole heartedly believe that. They’d had a real connection that night. She’d quite literally pulled him out of what had been nearly a four month depression, reminded him he had a life worth living, worth fighting for. And he just knew that he had reached her as well. On some level that was all new and unfamiliar to her.

Parking the police cruiser next to the cafe he headed up the steps, quick on his feet, ready for some real caffeine and knowing that several of his co-workers were waiting for him to return with theirs. Though as he waled inside the door, his eyes fell on a familiar shade of brown hair, eyes digging in to the back of her head once he realized that it was indeed Joslyn standing there. Staring back at her, he gathered himself quickly. It was now or never. If he let her slink off then he would probably have to chase her on all fours next if he wanted an actual conversation. “Sit down and have coffee with me? Yeah I think you should.” He responded, a little firmly. Holding out a hand he gestured for her to take a damn seat. “Thalia, can I get a black coffee? Here keep the tip.” He raised his voice to be heard, leaving a five dollar bill at the counter, more tossing it, eyes hardly leaving the original.

Avoiding her home (her room more so) like the plague, Joslyn had been spending more forced time in Riley’s room, persuading the blonde to spend time with her at Purgatory to live their glory days, relieve the past. Anything to cease her mind to wandering back to that night with Rowan. Her room was filled with the scent of him, and the memories seemed to jump out at her everywhere she looked. 

An aching hangover, Joslyn was heading toward the cafe for a strong cup of espresso, black, like her heart. Yes, the Blackwell household had a perfectly decent espresso maker, but Joslyn still couldn’t linger in there without her thoughts drifting back to Rowan. Annoyance had shifted into a dull numbness, feeling not quite right with herself and her actions of avoidance, a natural creature of habit. 

The door’s bells chimed, signaling her entrance as Joslyn walked into, barely even making an effort to scan the area for any familiar faces. By now she’d grown accustomed to Rowan’s scent, that familiar wariness of anticipation always attempting to quicken her dead heart wherever she went. Ordering her espresso, she was debating on immediately ordering another when the door chimed, breeze wafting to her nose and causing her to freeze internally. Rowan. 

Mind blank, familiar numbness, dead heart lacking to quickened pulse, Joslyn turned slowly to face him. “Rowan.” Was all she could muster out, usual sarcasm and banter faltering. Like a miracle, her name was called, espresso ready, Joslyn reaching for the cup without glancing at it, already ready to run again. “Uh–I should…” She gestured with the cup, indicating to an empty table, indicating that she should get back to her business. 

@rowan-hastings